I don't know what's happening anymore...

[Nightshade X]

I suppose I should just come out and say it...

I don't know if I'm doing anything right anymore.

Right now, I feel the happiest I've been in a very long time. I'm able to laugh at random thoughts and genuinely smile at seemingly nothing again. I can feel love and life again after such a long time of not being able to feel anything but numbness inside of me.

...so why do I still feel like I'm still not doing anything right? Especially when I look at how the church is moving around me. Spiritually speaking, there are many things I feel that God has been revealing to me about myself that are so positive. It's like He's reaffirming the promises that He's made to me.

Even still... when I'm in church, I don't really feel much. I don't raise my hands in worship. I barely ever sing, under the excuse that the songs that are sung in church don't reflect the condition of my heart (but excuses are simply excuses anyway).

I'm not entirely sure how to put this into words. If you think you have to ask me questions, you probably do and I welcome it. Please ask.

Please pray.

[Sailor Kenshin]

Will pray. I'm not crazy about singing in church either, but I do it anyway, out of respect to others AND to praise God in that manner. Maybe you can look at it that way?

[Peanut]

I know the feeling. If I may ask, how's your devotional life? Are you praying and reading your Bible every day?

I will be praying.

[Warrior4Christ]

I know how you mean. However, there are some unchanging truths that are still truth no matter the condition of our heart. It doesn't matter what you feel - God is still great and holy and worthy of praise.
You're in my prayers.

[sdzero]

I am not much of a singer myself. In fact, I just let my hands do the praising and clap along with the music.