Wanting God more than anything...

[Momo-P]

Recently my faith has come under attack. It has gotten so bad that I would sacrifice anything and everything for my relationship with God to get better. ANYTHING.

I've read my Bible for today and continue to do so each day, I just got done praying (even though I keep getting these awful feelings of doubt throughout it) and now I'm asking you out of desperation and pain. I know God's time is different, He won't hurry up just because everyone else is praying, but...I'm so scared. I miss feeling so close and safe with Him. I miss have such assurance of my faith. I want it back. I just need Him to help me and make it better. I don't care about anything else...I want to care and be with Him again...but then I think "maybe He'll just let me lose faith" and think it never will get better.

I try and tell myself that, God wouldn't let someone lose faith or refuse to help them if they honestly want Him. The fact I'm typing this...is that proof that I care and He'll help? I dunno, I just...I just want some sort of answer, but I feel so lost and like it won't get better. I try and say "Hey, you accepted Him into your heart and now it can't be taken back, you're saved, it'll eventually get better somehow" but...I just can't seem to fully believe it. I'd give everything right now for Him. I just want Him. I don't care that today's been a pretty awesome day and I've gotten so much that I've wanted. The only thing I want is God.

I just wish I knew if it was going to get better...

[Tsukuyomi]

I'll still pray for you ^__^

May I ask how all of these doubts started in the first place ^^? There may be an answer there

Just keep hanging in there You're doing a great job by not just "letting go" that easily ^__^

Feel more then free to PM me if you'd rather talk that way, ok ^__^?

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Every Christian experiences a 'wilderness' stage in the walk with God at some time in their life. Just hang in there mate, keep believing in Him no matter what. That takes real faith.

[agasfas]

I am sure the Lord is happy that you are continuing to seek Him. Much like yourself, in the past what helped me was to seek Christian fellowship. Continue to press forward and seek the Lord. If you continue to do that I am sure the Lord will give you that comfort.

I will keep you in my prayers.

[DignifiedSoul]

Wow.I felt the same way earlier this summer.I don't know why though.When I was still in school I felt so intimate with God.But when school ended for me I felt that I was dragged away from God.Again I don't know why.I began to grow insecure.I started crying every night.I was ashamed of the thought of being far away from God.So I asked God to draw me close to Him this summer.And that's exactly what happened.It's not that I felt that my faith was under attack.I felt that I was far away from Him for some reason.But don't worry.I'll pray hard for you tonight Momo-P.In Jeremiah 29:13 it says,"When you look for me with all your heart,you will find me."You say that you're willing to sacrifice anything to get close to God again.So that means you seek Him with all your heart.God won't leave nor forsake you.He certainly won't forget you.God bless you Momo-P!

[KeybladeWarrior]

Well I will try to pray for you as well.

I wouldn't worry too much. It isn't good for your mental health. If you become distant then you become distant. But it seems you are willing to give it your all to get back on the path you were once on. I hope everything turns out okay for you.

[sdzero]

God never abandons you, the lord your God is with you where ever you go. Do not lose your peace over the false suggestions that scream in your mind. I pray that you get your peace back.

[Blue Wings]

I will pray for you too. God is there, and he loves you. Even when it seems like he's far away, he understands and he'll be there waiting for you.

[F.M Disciple]

I will be praying for you.

[rocklobster]

Momo, just remember this: It's not us that find God, it's really the other way around. Just open your mind to Him and I'm sure he will answer.

[Chrysolite]

I try and tell myself that, God wouldn't let someone lose faith or refuse to help them if they honestly want Him. The fact I'm typing this...is that proof that I care and He'll help? I dunno, I just...I just want some sort of answer, but I feel so lost and like it won't get better. I try and say "Hey, you accepted Him into your heart and now it can't be taken back, you're saved, it'll eventually get better somehow" but...I just can't seem to fully believe it. I'd give everything right now for Him. I just want Him. I don't care that today's been a pretty awesome day and I've gotten so much that I've wanted. The only thing I want is God.

Reading this, it seems like you're doing everything right, and it doesn't sound like there's an external struggle going on in your life (sorry if I'm wrong), so it sounds to me like this is an emotional attack. The Devil likes to attack our emotions because he knows that if he can get us to focus hard enough on our emotions we will start to doubt and even lose sight of the solid truths that God gives us in the Bible. My advice is try to focus less on your emotional state and just keep reminding yourself of the truth that you already know. And I'll pray for you as well! Don't be too sure that our prayers won't help. "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:20

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Momo, how are you doing mate? Can you give us an update?

[Momo-P]

Things are going...ok-ish Warrior. I know at first that may sound not so great, however, compared to some of the really unsettling feelings I had awhile ago, I'm definitely learning to enjoy what I do have. In terms of doubts and worries? I think I do wanna say it's getting better.

Although the devil probably wants to keep harrassing me, I've just been trying to remind myself that SO many other Christians have had these thoughts and feelings before. Some even much worse before they got closer to God again. I know recently one dumb thought that was put into my head was "what if God's really not holy? What if He's just lying about it all?" yanno, one of those atheist remarks that falls in line with "if He's holy, why do bad things happen?" and the like. However, even though at first this really bothered me, I've been trying to remind myself that such an accusation is insane and dumb. If that were true, the world wouldn't be the way it is now and there would be so many differences, errors and problems with God it wouldn't be funny. Plus I think you're extremely hardcore studiers of scripture would kind of notice things like that.

*Sweatdrops* So...ya. On one side of things, I'm trying to remind myself that even though the answers may not come to me right away, that doesn't mean anything. God's given the answers to many people already, so why waste my time refiguring and/or stressing out over something that everyone's already disproven? God's Word is true and so if He, if it wasn't, it wouldn't be so hard for non-believers to try and combat it. Similarly, you also wouldn't have such intelligent and wise people who do follow it. So in short, I guess where I stand right now is just trying to remind myself of those facts. That way I can just get all that stuff out of my head and get closer to the Lord again. ^^;

On the bright side though, I have gotten myself out of some bad habits I was backsliding into and probably weren't helping things. So there's some stuff to rejoice about? ^^; XD

[Sebastian Michaelis]

Its all in the his timing, God will make things right just hold on and wait ^^ I will keep you all in my prayers :3

[DignifiedSoul]

[quote="Momo-P (post: 1345578)"]Things are going...ok-ish Warrior. I know at first that may sound not so great, however, compared to some of the really unsettling feelings I had awhile ago, I'm definitely learning to enjoy what I do have. In terms of doubts and worries? I think I do wanna say it's getting better.

Although the devil probably wants to keep harrassing me, I've just been trying to remind myself that SO many other Christians have had these thoughts and feelings before. Some even much worse before they got closer to God again. I know recently one dumb thought that was put into my head was "what if God's really not holy? What if He's just lying about it all?" yanno, one of those atheist remarks that falls in line with "if He's holy, why do bad things happen?" and the like. However, even though at first this really bothered me, I've been trying to remind myself that such an accusation is insane and dumb. If that were true, the world wouldn't be the way it is now and there would be so many differences, errors and problems with God it wouldn't be funny. Plus I think you're extremely hardcore studiers of scripture would kind of notice things like that.

*Sweatdrops* So...ya. On one side of things, I'm trying to remind myself that even though the answers may not come to me right away, that doesn't mean anything. God's given the answers to many people already, so why waste my time refiguring and/or stressing out over something that everyone's already disproven? God's Word is true and so if He, if it wasn't, it wouldn't be so hard for non-believers to try and combat it. Similarly, you also wouldn't have such intelligent and wise people who do follow it. So in short, I guess where I stand right now is just trying to remind myself of those facts. That way I can just get all that stuff out of my head and get closer to the Lord again. ^^]

Yay!!!I'm so glad to hear that everything's okay! XD lol!Hehe...don't mind me.I'm just really happy for you.

[Momo-P]

Okay guys, another update...

Recently things seemed to get better. Not perfectly, but I was feeling much better than I was prior to that. Unfortunately, the attacks haven't stopped and it's really starting to drive me nuts. It's like I'll feel like it's really getting better and then something enters my mind or makes me feel wrong. I keep praying to God and remind myself that Jesus said if we ask, God will give it to us (and considering I'm sure God wants us to love Him and always be with Him, I'd assume He'd definitely give this to me)...sadly I think it's just an issue of patience and God's timing now.

But then a thought that's entered my mind before came upon me and really started troubling me. I'm currently reading Samuel and am in the section where Saul is becoming more afraid and jealous of David. It just...scares me. God use to be with Saul, but left him. I know why He did, Saul was given extremely clear and easy instructions, yet couldn't even follow through with them, that's pretty bad. However...to leave someone after one mistake? Also Saul did try and get Samuel to stay with him, but he refused and went to David. It just kind of scares me because it's like...what if God will do that to me? Even when I cry out and beg God to always love me and be with me, what if He says "no" and just forces me away? There's also the evil spirit that confuses me as well. I'd like to think it's not as much as God sending a spirit onto him as much as it is allowing one to bother him (as God sending evil spirits kind of...doesn't make much sense...), but again...what if that happens to me?

It's like, when those sudden doubts and feelings of non belief come upon me (or I find it hard to believe), it's like...is that God letting something bother me so I stop? I don't hate God, but I'm just extremely fearful of Him right now...I just want Him to make it better and would assume "hey, that way He has another person to follow and love Him, everyone wins!" but...what if He just doesn't want me? What if He can get better things by forcing me away? Being God, He should be able to get what He wants without sacrificing a soul to satan, but...I dunno. Maybe He stopped loving me? Maybe I'm an insult to His name so it's better to just force me away? In that case though, it's like...why just me? With how many people insist to be Christians and then do absolutely HORRIBLE things, I'd think He'd be more concerned with forcing them away then me, but...I dunno. I just feel so depressed...

[rocklobster]

MOmo-P, God does want you. That's why he made you.

[K. Ayato]

It wasn't simply God abandoning Saul and preferring David, as you've led yourself to believe. Yes, Saul messed up. But it was more than once. First, Saul himself offered a burnt offering, which was something only the priests (or in this case Samuel, probably) could do. All Saul would be able to do would be to present the animal(s) for sacrifice. Samuel rebuked him then. Then there's the passage you read, where he clearly disobeyed God's orders to eliminate the Amalekites. It wasn't because he was unable to do it, but because (as he later points out when it's too late) he "feared the people". In both cases, it was pride. Samuel even reminds Saul of the time he was humble.

I'll keep praying for you. But I strongly urge you to slow down and really take in the context of what you're reading in the Bible. It seems to be that every time you're citing something from the Bible in your posts, you've not taken the time to really understand the context of the chapter, even the entire book if need be, or even the historical context. Instead, you find one part that leaps out at you, and your fears make you twist it around to fit your situation. I know it's gonna be hard, but it has to stop.

[Chrysolite]

If there's a genuine desire to seek and follow God in your heart, He will never give up on you. I think that all the examples in the Bible of people who God gave up on, were people who had already completely closed their hearts to God. He never abandoned someone who was seeking Him, but he sees our hearts, and if there's nothing in us that He can redeem, He sometimes gives up, as I believe was the case with Saul. As for the spirit in Saul that you mentioned, I won't pretend to completely understand that one, but I think that was a necessary part of his plan to get an evil man off the throne and pass the kingship onto someone who would serve him. Remember, David messed up quite a bit as well, but he always repented and God always forgave him. Saul, on the other hand, was never repentant for what he did and God can't forgive what we aren't sorry for. It's been a while since I read Samuel, so sorry if my details aren't perfectly straight. Anyone with a fresher memory can correct me if I got anything wrong, but this is the impression I got when reading it.

Anyway, keep things like this in mind when you read the Bible. Not all of it is as black-and-white as it seems. Usually what we read in the Bible is simply what happened without all the details of why. That's where faith and discernment come in. God never lies, so when things in the Bible seem to conflict, that's when we have to look deeper than the printed word and figure out the reasons for what's happening in the context of the situation.

Don't let the Devil prey on your fears! He wants you to think these things so you'll doubt God's love for you. Twisting the truth is much more effective than simply lying, so that's what he does. Don't listen to him! God always, always wants to be close to His children! He doesn't force us to come, but He will NEVER force us away if we want to be with Him. Revelation 3:20 (the keyword in this verse is 'anyone').

I hope this helps! I'll keep praying for you! <3

[freerock1]

I agree with much of what the others here have said, and would add a couple things.

First, remember that the incident with Saul occurred under the Old Testament law. Now that we're living under grace, by the blood of Jesus, things are different as far as how God relates to us.

Besides the theological difference, though, remember God has promised that He will never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Also, Jesus Himself said in John 6:37, "...whoever comes to me I will never drive away."

Be encouraged, my sister.