Felix (post: 1333216) wrote:Once again, great stuff! I really like the first one, and the emphasis on certain words, although as a whole I can't quite figure out what the meaning of it is. But then sometimes that's the point of poetry I guess, huh? I'm sure it has meaning to you. I like it, in any case!
I also love the second one. It's rather dark and disturbing, but I like poems like that, and you pulled this off exceptionally well. I especially love the lines "to drink fright from your skull / to hear horror cracking between your teeth." Good stuff, but who the heck is N.M.?
The third one might be my favorite. I don't have a lot to comment about it, but I really love it. The opening lines themselves are just awesome.
Can't wait to read more!
(For me at least) the meaning of the first one is primarily in the last two lines, and you can find a bit of it in the first line.
As to N.M. in the second one...haha. I can't spoil that bit! It's the main point of the entire poem. You'll have to think that one out yourself.
Ok, continuing going back in time with my work, here's 3 more. The first two are two of my favorite pieces that I've ever written, and the last is one that I doubt will make sense to anyone but me, because it's about what it's about in the least, nor is it symbolic or metaphoric of anything.
Slept With Faust (I like this better with the proper spacing, but oh well. I believe if you hit "quote" you'll be able to see the spacing.)
Oh! How horrid to see you here again.
How horrid to hear you like this--
How horrid to feel us like this--
I've slept with Faust so many times but he's always a different person.
Always different, but so strikingly similar, and oh his deals--his deals!
The cards are always face down and I face them in fear
Fear that their faces are more terrible than my own
Fear that their faces are tastless and unknown
Fear--faultless fear--of all I know and everything I don't
He'll be here too, soon. He'll be here too soon.
Come to keep our end of the deal up in the air so we'll never know where it lands
Taste that? That's pleasure when it rots.
Happens every time.
You always say it won't, but you always know it will--
and still you come back for more.
Every. Single. Time.
Why don't you just die?
Can you not just die?
Go away and die, die, die.
I wear these sheets because they make me feel like a ghost
Like a fraction,
Like a host,
Like I can just pretend,
of what I was
of my total self
to someone else's party
like the party's really mine.
Mine. All mine.
At least until he arrives.
It's ninety past nine and the century finally comes.
The season of the century ends,
I was so sick of this cold weather--it always made me creep inside
But this turn of events makes it all feel a bit too warm where I'm headed.
I slept with Faust too many times and he was always a different person.
Always different, but so strikingly similar, and oh his deals--my deals!
His card landed face up and the face was mine. He was mine and we were one.
How horrid to feel us like this--
How horrid to hear you like this--
Oh! How horrid to see that I am here.
---
Playing With Turtles
Special thanks, credits' roll
Over dead once more, no more, again
Right off the top, higher than thought
Shoom! They go like they were shot
Projectiles of bedtime
Bullets of beddy-bye sleepy-time
Where'd they go? I don't know
But I say we light up life and follow
Down and up up up! Whee! a trampoline
Of dreams I never had and always wanted
Bright and shiny, so many brights and shinies
All mines, and theirs, and ours and mines
Step step, boom boom! Why don't you come too?
Too much time dancing, digging, playing with turtles
Just roll over fall down and hurtle hurtle HURTLE!
Not by yourself you silly goose
Kick the goats, lambs get you loose
Of gravity when you give up go down and roll
Over away to the pole like Nick and a jolly old soul
---
To Stop a Thought Train
Apple pie, apple pie with whipped cream
Whipped cream and ice cream on Christmas and Thanksgiving
So sweet so good so nice warm and mmmm...
Taste buds all happy, mind so delighted
Lost to existence, caught in delicious
Whipped cream, crust, ice cream and filling
Whipped cream, crust, ice cream and filling!
What more could I want need desire?
Pile up the pie! Higher higher HIGHER!