Postby Lady Kenshin » Mon Jul 06, 2009 3:59 pm
@Rock:
1. No, but I've seen both movie versions.
2. You just asked for a dissertation. LOL. Please note that the following applies mostly to Anime!Envy.
I have Asperger's. Therefore, I obsess. Usually over a certain character. Sometimes for years. I'm sure you understand that in some capacity, Rock.
In any case, I have long loved and identified with villainous characters in much greater quantities than I have heroic ones, a fact which has concerned and baffled my parents, frightened my friends, and generally struck the public as odd. It has, however, never bothered me very much, as I think the distinction has much to do with the fact that villainous characters are oddballs, hate or disregard society, and are rarely happy. Please note that this has nothing to do with any innate desire of mine to go out on a mass murdering rampage in the manner that many of these characters, particularly my darling Envy, do.
This has been a fairly common occurrence ever since my early teens. I once had this affinity for the Nazgul in Lord of the Rings, and then again for Harley Quinn from the Batman universe, and now, obviously, for Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist.
Hmm… in order to explain my affinity for/obsession with Envy, it is a good idea to explain why I like homunculi so much in general…
A homunculus is, as all good students of the first FMA anime know, a failed human transmutation. In other words, it is not what it was intended to be, and for that reason the creator often rejects it. It is considered defective, even though it is a being in its own right. Often, when I was younger especially, I have felt like a failure, like something was wrong with me, and for this reason, homunculi have appealed to me more than any other fantasy race I have ever encountered in my readings/viewings. To someone whose very mind has inhibited her from easily pursuing meaningful relationships with peers, this was a windfall. There have been many times I felt barely human, and these characters made my day by feeling much the same: so close to right but missing that last important component.
Now... why did I latch onto Envy instead of Wrath or Sloth or Lust or some other such? That’s actually pretty easy. I’m obviously not JUST like him, but we share several defining... um... personality traits.
The first reason is that Envy’s response to rejection closely parallels my own. You see, Envy does not just sit around being depressed that his father does not want him. He gets MAD… very mad. Not only that, he stays mad for a LONG time afterward. For better or worse, that is how I react when I am rejected and treated poorly by people. I do not, of course, plot the person’s death from that date forward, but it takes me a long time to forgive and I never forget. I try, but it's just very hard for me.
Secondly, Envy puts on a front of superiority in order to appear strong and confident. So do I. He brags about his physical superiority to a human. I brag about my intellectual superiority to most people. The main thing, however, is that neither of us really feel that much better about ourselves for very long. It works for the time being, but we feel like crap under all that and it comes crashing down the moment we let our guard down. Why else would we be so insistent on proving our superiority?
The third point, which is related to the second, is that we both feel inferior, as previously mentioned, but not only that, we have a tendency to envy others their seemingly perfect lives. Never mind that everyone has problems. We see the green grass on the other side and that only. Not only that, we grow to resent and even hate those we envy, especially if they slight us somehow. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times that has happened to me.
The fourth point, which is more metaphorical, is that we change our appearances to fit every situation. He does so literally. I do so emotionally. How to better explain this... I can adapt my very mood to the company I am in. In fact, said mood is more often than not false. I am aware that neurotypicals do this as well, but I have always felt it to be extraordinarily false and deceptive. Not only that… my personality has been said to change from mood to mood. My ex-boyfriend, whom I am still friends with, once said that I am like a different person every day. This has to do with the adaptations I make for the sake of others, I think, but it is still odd. Envy also does this, but maybe not for the same reasons.
His sarcastic and macabre sense of humor is also something I relate to, as well as his overreaction to certain insults.
However… this all boils down, I think, to the fact that we are both extraordinarily insecure. I dislike this as I do many other things about myself, but it is true. I admit it freely.
Yay me and my revelations of introspection, and thanks for reading this overly long explanation.
Does that answer your question, Rock? LOL.
@MrHatnClogs:
I want to be happy and make others feel so. However, this often feels impossible...
Yes, as Tifa Lockhart (Because my friend made it for me and I couldn't say no... XD).
I do, however, plan to cosplay Lust from FMA someday... Mostly because I like her and have the shape for it... ^_^