Where anyone can come in and talk about sadness, loneliness, or family problems

[Veru]

Hello, I started this because I suffer from all three issues stated in the title and I wanted to make a thread where anyone can share their requests regarding these subjects. Whether it's family isues, friend trouble, or you really really need answer to a problem about lonliness or sadness, this is the thread to make those requests.

Please stay on topic and be loving to one another.

[ADXC]

Well there already is a General Depression thread. But Im not sure if it includes Family problems.

http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=45211&highlight=General+Depression

Here's the thread if you want to check it out.

[LadyRushia]

Thanks, ACDC, but that thread hasn't been active in well over a year, so we'll just stick with this one. I'll sticky this so it doesn't get lost in the depths of CAA.

[ADXC]

Alright then, I just wanted to make sure that we weren't going to use that thread.


Good job on stickying it because Im afraid it would have fallen to the depths of CAA!

[animechica]

Family problems? Do I have them...
Basically, I always wished me and my parents were on better terms. I wished we could be friends, talk about things, watch TV together, etc. Now when I even think of those concepts it makes me want to be physically ill, but in theory I would have loved it.

Basically, they installed keyloggers on the computers without ever saying "Hey kids, we are able to read EVERYTHING you type." For years, I confided in my friends over IM and email thinking that it was just between me and them. At the beginning of this year, I found out differently. I was very upset about this because I felt it was a severe breach of privacy. It wasn't just recording where I went, it recorded everything I wrote, including passwords. When I confronted my parents about how I felt, I expected them to be understanding. They were not. At all.

Basically, I got treated to a speech that felt like they'd it memorized for years, just waiting for me to say something.
"Do you know how many pedophiles there are online?"
"How could I stand before God if something bad happened to you because I wasn't watching?"
I was sobbing. "You don't know how violated this makes me feel. I feel like I'm going to be SICK. IT'S NOT COOL, OKAY?!"
Then here comes the best part: "I can't believe you! This is a typical teenage reaction!"

A TYPICAL TEENAGE REACTION.
Gee, yes it is, when you invade a teenager's privacy and make them feel violated.

Anyway, my mom started ranting about how I was a horrible person and treated her like dirt (Which is true to an extent, but it's not just her. If I'm in a bad mood, people are going to know... and I'm often depressed, so that might be one reason. Not excusing it, just explaining). IIRC, she said that everything that came out of my mouth was hurtful and mean, so I told her I wouldn't talk anymore. Then my dad came back on the scene and I got treated to some flawed arguments and other crap and pretty much told them, "I'll move out as soon as I can."

Well, my dad freaked out and thought that meant I was going to run away from home apparently, so a couple nights later he came to my room and was like "You're not going to leave, are you?!"

I would like to, but it's not realistic, of course. I have no car or job, and I have to go to college. My boyfriend and I want to get married, but that's not going to happen any time soon because he's basically in the same situation.

Anyway, I kept my promise on not talking anymore, trying to say just what I needed to say and keep it at that. Surprisingly, things got WORSE, my parents seemed to flip on me for the smallest things, and it only furthered my desire to get away.

Now all I honestly want to do is leave.
Because I understand I'm not perfect, and there must be some reason they seem to hate me. They'll say they love me, but in person it's clear they don't really like me. I've become so uncomfortable with them that it's hard to even show emotion around them. I feel like I can't trust them because they violated one of my most important needs, the need for privacy. So, I don't like discussing anything with them, really.

Quite honestly, prayer for the relationship to be healed isn't something I want. I mean, that would be nice, but even thinking about it makes me feel ill. I just want to be able to get out of the house as fast as I can, get out of their lives and cause them less trouble and apparent heartache. Sometimes I wonder what the point of having me even was. All I've done is upset them and cost them thousands of money to take care of me.

That's another thing... I hope to save up enough money to pay them back for all the childcare costs. It might make me feel less guilty about wrecking their lives.

Anyway, I guess just if you guys could pray that I could respect them like God wants me to, and that I could get out of the house fairly quickly, that would be great...

[Tsukuyomi]

@Sapphi: Is there any relatives you can go and stay with for a while? Maybe, some time apart will do both sides some good o_o

"I can't believe you! This is a typical teenage reaction!" Oh lawl, and this is a typical parents reaction XDD

There needs to be common ground for all parties to speak on u_u They need to trust that if there was something going on with you, that you would talk to them about it u_u

I'll be praying that this situation gets resolved..which ever way that may be ^__^

[animechica]

@Sapphi: Is there any relatives you can go and stay with for a while? Maybe, some time apart will do both sides some good o_o

"I can't believe you! This is a typical teenage reaction!" Oh lawl, and this is a typical parents reaction XDD

There needs to be common ground for all parties to speak on u_u They need to trust that if there was something going on with you, that you would talk to them about it u_u

I'll be praying that this situation gets resolved..which ever way that may be ^__^

Thanks =w=
Unfortunately, my family situation is such that two brothers married two sisters, my mother is the sister of the two brothers, and I don't think she's very well-liked or SOMETHING, because there's always been this weird tension. I've noticed it seems to affect us kids too, so I've always felt like they didn't really like me, or at least wouldn't want to tolerate me for long periods of time... *sigh*

But yeah, that was the whole thing, my whole life they've kinda left me to my own devices. I never got a sex talk or anything like that. Because they noticed I had an "interest" in my boyfriend while we were still just friends, instead of asking me about it, they sneaked around to find out about him. I asked my dad why. He said "I didn't know what kind of guy he was!"

I replied "You should've gotten to know him! You never even asked!"
He said "You never said anything to me."

Now, I don't exactly live in one of those fancy homes where the guy comes to the door with flowers and a casserole and asks "May I have the privilege of courting your daughter?" I still can't think of how I would've approached it. "Dad, I like somebody." It's just... weird. It didn't help that when we DID start dating, the poor guy wasn't allowed to come inside the house and had to sit in the foyer like a dog while I went to get things. My mom has this "The house isn't clean enough for visitors!" obsession where she'll literally deny people entry because she can't bear for them to see that we're human. The house isn't even that bad, IMO. I'm not embarrassed unless people are tripping on things and hurting themselves.

So yeah, it's been one thing after another, really.
And you know, I really feel like at least some of this (me not ever really trusting them with stuff) is their fault and not just my weird personality. I remember telling my mom I wanted to adopt teenagers because I just wanted to be friends with my kids and do stuff together. Among other things, my mom said, "Parents can't be friends with their kids. Parents have to be parents."

I understand it when the kids are like... two. Or even ten.
What I don't understand is when the kids are of adult age themselves... it just seems like you're setting them up to rebel because you're both pretty much adults and one feels controlled by the other.

[Tsukuyomi]

"Parents can't be friends with their kids. Parents have to be parents."

Parents first, then friends, but that doesn't mean they can't be friend with their kids o.O It's just like regular friends (in a way). Are you going to trust and open up to someone you aren't friends with? I really doubt it >_>;

Parents are.. I guess the whole "talk" and coming to grounds that their little one is hard to come to terms with, so that sort of thing is difficult to talk about (did that make sense) ^^

[Dr.Faust]

Family problems? Do I have them...
Basically, I always wished me and my parents were on better terms. I wished we could be friends, talk about things, watch TV together, etc. Now when I even think of those concepts it makes me want to be physically ill, but in theory I would have loved it.

Basically, they installed keyloggers on the computers without ever saying "Hey kids, we are able to read EVERYTHING you type." For years, I confided in my friends over IM and email thinking that it was just between me and them. At the beginning of this year, I found out differently. I was very upset about this because I felt it was a severe breach of privacy. It wasn't just recording where I went, it recorded everything I wrote, including passwords. When I confronted my parents about how I felt, I expected them to be understanding. They were not. At all.

Basically, I got treated to a speech that felt like they'd it memorized for years, just waiting for me to say something.
"Do you know how many pedophiles there are online?"
"How could I stand before God if something bad happened to you because I wasn't watching?"
I was sobbing. "You don't know how violated this makes me feel. I feel like I'm going to be SICK. IT'S NOT COOL, OKAY?!"
Then here comes the best part: "I can't believe you! This is a typical teenage reaction!"

A TYPICAL TEENAGE REACTION.
Gee, yes it is, when you invade a teenager's privacy and make them feel violated.

Anyway, my mom started ranting about how I was a horrible person and treated her like dirt (Which is true to an extent, but it's not just her. If I'm in a bad mood, people are going to know... and I'm often depressed, so that might be one reason. Not excusing it, just explaining). IIRC, she said that everything that came out of my mouth was hurtful and mean, so I told her I wouldn't talk anymore. Then my dad came back on the scene and I got treated to some flawed arguments and other crap and pretty much told them, "I'll move out as soon as I can."

Well, my dad freaked out and thought that meant I was going to run away from home apparently, so a couple nights later he came to my room and was like "You're not going to leave, are you?!"

I would like to, but it's not realistic, of course. I have no car or job, and I have to go to college. My boyfriend and I want to get married, but that's not going to happen any time soon because he's basically in the same situation.

Anyway, I kept my promise on not talking anymore, trying to say just what I needed to say and keep it at that. Surprisingly, things got WORSE, my parents seemed to flip on me for the smallest things, and it only furthered my desire to get away.

Now all I honestly want to do is leave.
Because I understand I'm not perfect, and there must be some reason they seem to hate me. They'll say they love me, but in person it's clear they don't really like me. I've become so uncomfortable with them that it's hard to even show emotion around them. I feel like I can't trust them because they violated one of my most important needs, the need for privacy. So, I don't like discussing anything with them, really.

Quite honestly, prayer for the relationship to be healed isn't something I want. I mean, that would be nice, but even thinking about it makes me feel ill. I just want to be able to get out of the house as fast as I can, get out of their lives and cause them less trouble and apparent heartache. Sometimes I wonder what the point of having me even was. All I've done is upset them and cost them thousands of money to take care of me.

That's another thing... I hope to save up enough money to pay them back for all the childcare costs. It might make me feel less guilty about wrecking their lives.

Anyway, I guess just if you guys could pray that I could respect them like God wants me to, and that I could get out of the house fairly quickly, that would be great...

I'll pray.You shouldent fell guilty,to be honest with you I don't see how you could of wrecked your parents lives, God put you on this Earth for a reason right. I also dont see any reason to pay them back, spending mony on and for you just comes with parenting. I'm sorry if i offended you I just have a lot of friends that are going through the same sitution.

[Veru]

The whole controle frek stuf is normal,1 if u even think of runing away think NO u well have no were to go and you will be found and could be put in a alternetive home or put on pills(been there)2family cant be friends they can be friendly my 1st step dad was a buddie we loved each other he was a pilot too but they deveraced then my mentle state whent wrong and its mostly a blur 3 you dont have it that bad sure no privace but have you erned it i meen theres some holes u left out...my freind he fights his dad FIGHTS to protcet himsevf becausse hes abusive last time he fouht , my friends picked him off the street to go to the hospital he had broken bones,cemical burns and they found drugs in his setem (he does them almost every day to exscape dont jude him) keep your head up,dont do anything rash,
earn your respect it cant be geven

[animechica]

The whole controle frek stuf is normal,1 if u even think of runing away think NO u well have no were to go and you will be found and could be put in a alternetive home or put on pills(been there)2family cant be friends they can be friendly my 1st step dad was a buddie we loved each other he was a pilot too but they deveraced then my mentle state whent wrong and its mostly a blur 3 you dont have it that bad sure no privace but have you erned it i meen theres some holes u left out...my freind he fights his dad FIGHTS to protcet himsevf becausse hes abusive last time he fouht , my friends picked him off the street to go to the hospital he had broken bones,cemical burns and they found drugs in his setem (he does them almost every day to exscape dont jude him) keep your head up,dont do anything rash,
earn your respect it cant be geven

I don't want to run away, I want to move out. I'm 18 years old so it's getting to that point anyway. Anyway, that really sucks. And yes, there are plenty of holes I left out, because the post was long enough as it was and if anyone wants to know more, they can ask. When it all comes down to it though, of course I don't have it as bad as a lot of people, but it doesn't mean it doesn't upset me or that it's not a problem in my life...

[LadyRushia]

I'm just going to point out that suffering is relative. It's not fair to tell someone else that they can't feel upset or hurt about their lives because someone else has it worse. This thread isn't to make anyone feel guilty for having seemingly trivial problems. It's for discussing and praying about these problems with other members who've experienced similar things.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

I'm not in the same situation as you, but if I were I'd rebel...
Like, tattoo's, piercings, hard drugs... the whole nine yards ;P
Just kidding!

But ya... that blows =[
I know my parents used to be all weird about stuff like that to me, and when I turned 17 I was just "you know what, I'm ALMOST an adult, so you better stop treating me like a little girl and start treating me how you want to be treated". So they backed off and gave me space. And they did. And now that I am 18, they continue to treat me like an adult. Like, if I'm going to a party, and I know I won't be coming home that night, I tell them where I'm sleeping at and that I'll call them if I need anything, and they don't hold me back.
Like, parents needs to let go of the leash and trust that they taught you to be responsible. Do they have reasons to think you're not? If not you're not getting the respect you deserve.

=[
Chin up though... who KNOWS what can happen.

[animechica]

[quote="xblack_x_rosesx (post: 1322454)"]I'm not in the same situation as you, but if I were I'd rebel...
Like, tattoo's, piercings, hard drugs... the whole nine yards ]

Har har, good thing all three of those COST GOBS OF MONEY AND I'D BE BROKE AND HOMELESS! XD

I don't think that would ever fly with my parents, honestly. If I use the wrong tone I'll get crabbed at for being disrespectful. Not that I shouldn't be corrected when I do something wrong, it's just weird to get called out for speaking in an angry way when I'm angry. o.o So yeah, I think in my case, the only true "adult" treatment I'm going to get will be when I'm working and have a car, or possibly just when I live on my own. It's weird because I honestly don't feel that old, yet I feel smothered by less "adult" things such as a summertime curfew of 10:00 PM. No, I'm not kidding... and my cousins, who live in the same town, are Christians, and go to the same church as us, have no curfew... *sigh*

I don't think they have too much reason as I've never been a bad kid in the stereotypical sense. I've never snuck out IIRC, never tried drugs willingly (gotten a contact high from pot a couple times from being in the same house as the potheads...), never drank, never done much of anything really. I'd say my major strikes are a bad (cynical) attitude and a general lack of patience for people in certain situations. Although, my mom thinks it's irresponsible to come home at 10 minutes past curfew, or have my boyfriend out of the house at 5 minutes past curfew, so who knows.

Thanks though : )

[Reon]

I completely respect the way you can point out things you need to work out "major strikes" as well as the fact you've avoided drugs and drinking.

Props!

[animechica]

I completely respect the way you can point out things you need to work out "major strikes" as well as the fact you've avoided drugs and drinking.

Props!

Well, nobody's perfect, lol. They have to dislike me for SOME reason...
Also, frankly I'm just too lazy and cheap to deal with the consequences and costs of those sorts of habits. XD

[Tsukuyomi]

It sounds like it's time to sit down and have a family meeting. Ask them if it was possible for all three of you to sit down and talk. Not you just sit there while they lecture you, but all three of you sit down, talk, and listen to one another. That seems to be where things go wrong. People are willing to do the talking, but not the listening. Ask them how you have wronged them (if you have). Ask them if there's anything you can do to right whatever might have went wrong. Ask them any other questions you have that may help the situation.

Asking questions is the only way to get answers, so you should ask them ^___^

[Reon]

Well, nobody's perfect, lol. They have to dislike me for SOME reason...
Also, frankly I'm just too lazy and cheap to deal with the consequences and costs of those sorts of habits. XD

If there was a scale, the like would be more than the dislike. Otherwise you'd be out of the house - trust me - I've seen it done to friends the second they turned 18.

I agree with what Tsuku said. Its extremely hard at first, but the more you do those kind of listening conversations on both sides of the table, the more things get patched up. Our family just another one that went through consoling and slowly learned on our own how to communicate with one another after that.

[animechica]

It sounds like it's time to sit down and have a family meeting. Ask them if it was possible for all three of you to sit down and talk. Not you just sit there while they lecture you, but all three of you sit down, talk, and listen to one another. That seems to be where things go wrong. People are willing to do the talking, but not the listening. Ask them how you have wronged them (if you have). Ask them if there's anything you can do to right whatever might have went wrong. Ask them any other questions you have that may help the situation.

Asking questions is the only way to get answers, so you should ask them ^___^

I think that actually sounds great.
But... to be honest, I don't want to.
Partly out of my hatred of confrontation... partly because I don't want to put myself in a vulnerable position to share my feelings. A lot of things that shouldn't be arguments, end up being turned into arguments with my mom. And my parents (my mom especially) don't seem to ever believe they can be wrong. So while it might result in answers for me, and even if they would listen to what I had to say, I don't think it would solve the issues that I have with them really. It's frustrating when you try to get people to understand, and they come back and say "I hear what you're saying, but do you hear what I'M saying?" and continue an argument they wouldn't be making if they truly understood your point of view... Anyway, I don't really want to bring the keylogging thing up again because of what a blowout it was the last time, and I recently set up this computer in my room and they haven't pestered me about having it keylogged even though they did it to my brother when he got one. (Probably because I'm 18 now...)

I don't know. It seems like in theory it would work, but I don't really want to "work it out" because I am admittedly a pathetic, withdrawn person. Also... I'm secretly afraid that even if I do establish a good relationship with them, they'll turn around and "betray" me somehow. I don't know why I think this way, but I feel that way with most adults and ESPECIALLY teachers, so it's not just my parents, really.

It's weird though, because like I said (i think), I never had a bad relationship with my parents. I just wasn't close to them. If you asked me about family problems last year around this time, I don't think I could've really complained. I wonder if it's only like this now because I questioned what they did...

[Tsukuyomi]

I think that actually sounds great.
But... to be honest, I don't want to.
Partly out of my hatred of confrontation... partly because I don't want to put myself in a vulnerable position to share my feelings. A lot of things that shouldn't be arguments, end up being turned into arguments with my mom. And my parents (my mom especially) don't seem to ever believe they can be wrong. So while it might result in answers for me, and even if they would listen to what I had to say, I don't think it would solve the issues that I have with them really.

Maybe not fix it all, but it will certainly help ^__^ It'll help you understand them more and they understand you more ^__^

It's frustrating when you try to get people to understand, and they come back and say "I hear what you're saying, but do you hear what I'M saying?" and continue an argument they wouldn't be making if they truly understood your point of view...

I really hate that too D:< It's like,"Yes I do, but do you hear/get what I'm saying D:<" It's like some people only want to hear their side alone and no one's else u_u

It's weird though, because like I said (i think), I never had a bad relationship with my parents. I just wasn't close to them. If you asked me about family problems last year around this time, I don't think I could've really complained. I wonder if it's only like this now because I questioned what they did...

That makes sense :-? I think you questioned what they did was wrong, because in a lot of ways.. it was >_> They could have at least told you of what they did straight up, but then I guess they had their reasons why they diidn't (No kid is going to make any bad moves if they're being watched)<_>; Still, they should've talked to you about it u_u You felt hurt and betrayed, because they invaded your privacy u_u

Then, we have their side.. I'm not sure if this is how they felt, but it seems like (to me) that they were concerned for you safety.. So, I can see their reason for keylogging.

Asdfkl, I'm torn, but I still think talking things out would have help/could help now.

[animechica]

Well, see, this is the thing, they didn't WANT anyone to do bad stuff... when my brother went to some bad places, before we had separate accounts, the links were printed out and stuck to the fridge and it was a BIG FAT DEAL until they found out who did it. (Like it was that big of a mystery... my brother and my dad are the only males in the house and they were links that would likely only be interesting to men) Anyway, I didn't realize that was the product of a keylogger that recorded everything. I thought it was keyword based because the word "sex" or "naked" was a common denominator in the links.

So, I think they figured they'd just set this program up and wait to see if anything bad happened so they could punish it, which to my mind isn't a good way to deal with the problem. After all, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and to my knowledge none of us ever got any kind of formal statement like "This stuff is sinful and wrong, so don't get into it". Also, I have my doubts as to how much of sinful behavior at this age can be corrected by getting caught and being "punished" as much as corrected by personal repentance and change. That was just the conclusion I came to when I thought about what was going on. They seemed to feel that they had to be able to know everything that was going on or they would be accountable to God because something bad was happening behind their backs.

Unfortunately I think my mom especially has one of those more old-fashioned viewpoints on computers, which could be part of the reasoning. She referred to it as "that thing" and is only computer literate enough to use email. My siblings are WoW addicts (lol) and I only hear my mom say "The computer this" "The computer that" without seeming to address "too much gaming" which is the real issue. Because of this, I think it's easy for her to see the computer as something that's not worth people's time or even dangerous to their well-being. In my opinion, using the internet is a lot like going to public places, such as school. There are choices to be made in what to say and what not to say, or what situations should be avoided. For my parents to stress the importance of monitoring EVERY KEYSTROKE of computer activity seems extreme when you consider their kids are often out of their vision and with other people that, like the internet, have the potential to be dangerous.

I don't even know if anything I've typed up there makes any sense. Obnoxious songs on the radio are distracting me. XD

I mean, I know my parents care about my safety. I'm just surprised that the caring was manifested in a reactive, rather than proactive way.

Also, when I asked why the heck they didn't just say "We're recording what you write" from the beginning, my dad said "Wouldn't you have been just as angry then?!" To me, that says that they figured I would be angry about this. Now, my parents are not stupid, so I'm still trying to figure out how they couldn't see that I wouldn't be as angry if they had told me BEFORE I WROTE ANYTHING CONFIDENTIAL. *sigh*

I know this post is way too long, but I have to say, I talked to my aunt about this awhile back, and she said, "You know, I snoop on my kids. I've looked at my daughter's myspace page before. I'm on her friends list. It's just a safety thing." Personally, I'd do the same thing with my kids. I think that's normal. But you know what? My parents took it a step further. My dad has my PASSWORDS, and he's been IN my myspace account before. One time he even left a comment on my own blog, so for awhile I was freaking out wondering how I commented myself with something that wasn't spam. I tried to explain the difference to him. He tried to tell me that colleges do it too. (Me: They look at your front PAGE, but they don't HACK INTO YOUR ACCOUNT!) I really wonder if he knows the difference? X_X

[Veru]

you sound like a very sweet persone thats in a tight siuation in life it seems like if u really whant to move out u need a plan job and to be able to prove yourself to you parents.by the way you talk to us its like your really mature but uncerten but once your on track you willl suprise yourselve how far you have come but you got to get there first

[Dot]

i'm posting this here because where i had it originally wasn't good enough

hey guys
so, this has been brewing for several years now, but it's finally come to a boil.
my parents are discussing separation, even divorce. i never thought it could happen to me, but the past has proven that to be wishful thinking.
mom and dad have had it with each other. as i said, this was a long time coming.. the abuse and neglect has torn everyone apart.
pray. pray that dad will be willing to change and work through all this. pray that my sister and i will be able to support each other.. we've never been able to do that.
pray that mom will be okay. she's held her head up and supported/raised this family by herself for 27 years.. and she's running out of strength, you know, having just come out of breast cancer surgery and all.

i know we will get through this cause we have God.
still sucks tho.

bye

[Reon]

i know we will get through this cause we have God.

I wish I saw that phrase for more people. I've been trying to hammer it into my own head in every situation. That's how I know you'll be ok no matter what Dot, you know you still have God =') THATS AWESOME! *high fives* - Now regarding the rents, I hope your Dad sees the value in change and you know you have a lot of the CAA community right here if you need talk/vent (and like you said, God ). Are you still living in there house? Is it affecting your normal life outside of the family drastically?

[goldenspines]

After some discussion, most of these issues will be better suited in individual threads since they are very diverse. We apologize for the confusion.
Thank you all for contributing encouraging comments.

*locked*