I just found out four hours ago that my family blames me for my rapes, for my molestations (even though I was only 15...regardless of age i guess)...even though i was brainwashed...all of it.
My entire family, not just one person, blames me. In my uncle's words, "If you had listened to us and quit your job, it never would have happened. Its like when my kids bump their head after I tell them to go to bed the first time. And God works that way too."
So apparently because I sinner against my family i had to be raped 900 times, molested by for 6 years, brainwashed, physically beat, emotionally abuse, psychologically controlled...hey but I guess its my fault.
My hubby is sleeping right now and I want to die. I don't care anymore. I don't want to hurt him but I can't handle this. I feel like i'm goign to vomit every two second....I've stopped caring. That was the last that I could freaking handle.
I want to die
74 posts •
Page 1 of 3 •
I want to die
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
Kelly, they couldn't be more wrong. It's NOT your fault! Really if there's anyone to blame, it's the guy who did all that to you!
And even if your family all think that way, there are a LOT of people out there who love and care about you! Your family is going the completely wrong way with this!
You've come so far, Kelly. Please don't stop now.
I'll be praying for you, sis, cause you're more than worth it! =]
And even if your family all think that way, there are a LOT of people out there who love and care about you! Your family is going the completely wrong way with this!
You've come so far, Kelly. Please don't stop now.
I'll be praying for you, sis, cause you're more than worth it! =]
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 30:6)
Muh DA page.
Muh DA page.
-
MangArtist - Posts: 253
- Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2007 4:42 pm
- Location: Haunting the chat room.... @_@
Kunoichi,
"I need to know that I’m released from all the garbage I’ve been blaming myself for, and the stuff I’ve heaped on my own shoulders for so many years. I need someone to see me for who I truly am; I need someone to just love me -- no strings attached."
"It is never an easy battle and at times, we must fight it everyday."
"I know I'm only 'online' but I love ya and would love to see the full shine of your soul that is being dimmed by the 'muck'. "
" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future' " -Jeremiah 29:11
Don't lose hope for your future -- and don't allow others to make you feel as though you are to blame. Be encouraged; don't let the "muck" diminish the shine of your soul.
-Soni
"I need to know that I’m released from all the garbage I’ve been blaming myself for, and the stuff I’ve heaped on my own shoulders for so many years. I need someone to see me for who I truly am; I need someone to just love me -- no strings attached."
"It is never an easy battle and at times, we must fight it everyday."
"I know I'm only 'online' but I love ya and would love to see the full shine of your soul that is being dimmed by the 'muck'. "
" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future' " -Jeremiah 29:11
Don't lose hope for your future -- and don't allow others to make you feel as though you are to blame. Be encouraged; don't let the "muck" diminish the shine of your soul.
-Soni
-- if white was black and black was white, what of shades of grey?
-
sonichiro - Posts: 281
- Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2004 3:32 pm
- Location: Toronto, Ontario
Kun, listen to what we say and what the LORD (not your family) is telling you. None of what they are telling you is true. I don't know all the details, but I can clearly sense there's an issue of pride going on in their judgments. I don't understand why they would cast blame on you, but you and all of us here know that you're innocent.
We love you, Kun, and so does your hubby. Don't cause him or any of us more pain by taking your life. I understand you feel there's nothing left for you to do, but that's false. There's something you can do. It's not easy, but you can do it. Place your trust and ultimate source of strength and encouragement in the Lord. Break away from your family that seems to be bent on condemning you and surround yourself with Believers who love you and care about you. Make them your family.
*Hugs* I know it's hard to bear, but we're all pulling with you and praying for you.
We love you, Kun, and so does your hubby. Don't cause him or any of us more pain by taking your life. I understand you feel there's nothing left for you to do, but that's false. There's something you can do. It's not easy, but you can do it. Place your trust and ultimate source of strength and encouragement in the Lord. Break away from your family that seems to be bent on condemning you and surround yourself with Believers who love you and care about you. Make them your family.
*Hugs* I know it's hard to bear, but we're all pulling with you and praying for you.
K. Ayato: What happens if you press the small red button?
*Explosion goes off in the movie*
mechana2015: Does that answer your question?
K. Ayato: Perfectly.
Prayer sister of kaji, sticksabuser, Angel37, and Doubleshadow --Love you guys!
*Explosion goes off in the movie*
mechana2015: Does that answer your question?
K. Ayato: Perfectly.
Prayer sister of kaji, sticksabuser, Angel37, and Doubleshadow --Love you guys!
-
K. Ayato - Posts: 3881
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: Southern California
Your family is more than your blood-relatives. Your Christian family, who share the same inheritance of eternal life, most certainly wants you to live. Stay strong for us! For your brothers and sisters in Christ! We are your true family. You still have to live with your blood-relatives, but if they are Christian then I don't know what to say about that. They need to pick up a Bible and learn how to encourage people instead of making them despair. Please, don't despair! Nothing in life is an impassable obstacle with God's guidance!
What follows may seem like an attack on your family, and I understand you probably care for them and feel some compassion. You should. But please consider their selfish motivations and forgive them instead of giving in to despair.
It sounds like to me, by deflecting the guilt to you, he (they) is (are) trying to unburden himself and assuage his own guilt for doing nothing. It is so much easier to blame other people, especially when you feel guilty about something that you could have done more to prevent. There is a reason that the Bible tells us not to blame other people for the things that happen in our lives. It can lead exactly to situations like this. Don't listen to your family when they say these things, just forgive them and live. Living takes real courage, and I pray that you are willing to continue striving for God in life.
I don't know the specifics of your story, but you were young and most likely naive. No 15 year old should be expected to know better. (That's an 8th or 9th grader for crying out loud!) And if somehow quitting that job, as your uncle says, would have helped, then your family should have been there to help you more than just making a suggestion.
In fact, if it makes you feel better, you can tell your entire family what I said. Tell them that if they truly believe that a 15 year old girl is responsible for something that sounds like a terrible tragedy, then they are selfish little bastards who don't even seem like they care about you. And they are most certainly not living out Christ's message of love if they claim to be Christian. No, I'm not trying to judge them, I just want this behavior corrected before they cause more serious emotional harm on my sister.
What follows may seem like an attack on your family, and I understand you probably care for them and feel some compassion. You should. But please consider their selfish motivations and forgive them instead of giving in to despair.
It sounds like to me, by deflecting the guilt to you, he (they) is (are) trying to unburden himself and assuage his own guilt for doing nothing. It is so much easier to blame other people, especially when you feel guilty about something that you could have done more to prevent. There is a reason that the Bible tells us not to blame other people for the things that happen in our lives. It can lead exactly to situations like this. Don't listen to your family when they say these things, just forgive them and live. Living takes real courage, and I pray that you are willing to continue striving for God in life.
I don't know the specifics of your story, but you were young and most likely naive. No 15 year old should be expected to know better. (That's an 8th or 9th grader for crying out loud!) And if somehow quitting that job, as your uncle says, would have helped, then your family should have been there to help you more than just making a suggestion.
In fact, if it makes you feel better, you can tell your entire family what I said. Tell them that if they truly believe that a 15 year old girl is responsible for something that sounds like a terrible tragedy, then they are selfish little bastards who don't even seem like they care about you. And they are most certainly not living out Christ's message of love if they claim to be Christian. No, I'm not trying to judge them, I just want this behavior corrected before they cause more serious emotional harm on my sister.
"It's not easy to act in the name of justice."
"Justice is not the only right in this world"
"Justice is not the only right in this world"
-
Whitefang - Posts: 261
- Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 9:17 pm
- Location: Paradise
You serve an almighty God- "O mighty man" can do nothing if your trust is in Him that loves and created you. What man means for evil, God will use for good. I've been through similar situations with my family, so I know it's not easy- but you just have to keep on moving forward.
-
Shao Feng-Li - Posts: 5187
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Idaho
Thank you all for your very kind responses. I am still fighting depression and vomiting has at least stopped for now.
This came as such a blow for me...he is my uncle, like my dad and he is a very strong Christian (and I mean in following as well). So that was even MORE the shock...to say something like that felt like i was being stabbed in the chest.
I am still fighting for this life....but I still feel i want to die to. I know its easier to die...afterall I fought for 6 years constantly to stay alive...so many times I could just taste death and it wasn't just once that I held a knife to my wrist.
I also found out my mom is claiming me as a dependent making it impossible for me to go to school in the state I live. I think God may have answered a prayer with a school I just found because I may be able to go there. I will know tomorrow. If I can, then I'm jumping on that chance.
I found out though that she may be claiming me because she is choosing my sister over me...and I mean that as no slam to my sis cuz it isn't her fault. I grew up without love (something my therapist is just now going over with me) and I mean no feeling of love, even if hugs were given. I never believed my mom loved me growing up, I now realize that she is just incapable of showing it...it doesn't help me to know this. It hurts beyond measure...to know that i was neglected, that I tried to make my life better and instead was treated like more trash and then further, I'm getting married in Sept and my family doesn't "approve".
I wish I wasn't such a wimp....i don't try to be...but I don't know HOW to stand up for myself...not in the way normal people do. I don't know HOW to...even if you think this sounds so easy...when you have been neglected, abused and then treated like your trash since you were 9 yrs old to 21 yrs old...well its not easy...and I can't even grasp it. I just want to cry.
This came as such a blow for me...he is my uncle, like my dad and he is a very strong Christian (and I mean in following as well). So that was even MORE the shock...to say something like that felt like i was being stabbed in the chest.
I am still fighting for this life....but I still feel i want to die to. I know its easier to die...afterall I fought for 6 years constantly to stay alive...so many times I could just taste death and it wasn't just once that I held a knife to my wrist.
I also found out my mom is claiming me as a dependent making it impossible for me to go to school in the state I live. I think God may have answered a prayer with a school I just found because I may be able to go there. I will know tomorrow. If I can, then I'm jumping on that chance.
I found out though that she may be claiming me because she is choosing my sister over me...and I mean that as no slam to my sis cuz it isn't her fault. I grew up without love (something my therapist is just now going over with me) and I mean no feeling of love, even if hugs were given. I never believed my mom loved me growing up, I now realize that she is just incapable of showing it...it doesn't help me to know this. It hurts beyond measure...to know that i was neglected, that I tried to make my life better and instead was treated like more trash and then further, I'm getting married in Sept and my family doesn't "approve".
I wish I wasn't such a wimp....i don't try to be...but I don't know HOW to stand up for myself...not in the way normal people do. I don't know HOW to...even if you think this sounds so easy...when you have been neglected, abused and then treated like your trash since you were 9 yrs old to 21 yrs old...well its not easy...and I can't even grasp it. I just want to cry.
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
-
Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
Miss Kelly....you are no wimp!!!!
Life is a hard journey...and many of us go through terrible experiences.....I understand your pain.
Also, I tried to kill myself for years....and I can tell you from personal experience......your life isn't worth throwing away....don't give up. Inside you are hurt, confused, and you revolt at yourself.....but remember.....you are an image of God. As you are hurting, He hurts even more....
You have a family, a husband, and many members of the CAA that love you!!!! Please....don't give up. God has already planned out some many wonderful things in your life.....so don't give up just yet. In life, we will be constantly put down and be pushed to our limit. We can either stay down and give up...or reach for God's extended hand. We here love you very much....and you will be in our prayers....
We believe in you.....so don't give up.
Life is a hard journey...and many of us go through terrible experiences.....I understand your pain.
Also, I tried to kill myself for years....and I can tell you from personal experience......your life isn't worth throwing away....don't give up. Inside you are hurt, confused, and you revolt at yourself.....but remember.....you are an image of God. As you are hurting, He hurts even more....
You have a family, a husband, and many members of the CAA that love you!!!! Please....don't give up. God has already planned out some many wonderful things in your life.....so don't give up just yet. In life, we will be constantly put down and be pushed to our limit. We can either stay down and give up...or reach for God's extended hand. We here love you very much....and you will be in our prayers....
We believe in you.....so don't give up.
Jeremiah 29:11-"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
-
Phantom_Sorano - Posts: 909
- Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:19 pm
- Location: Between the past and the future.
To live can be a hard thing...
Sometimes it might seem better to just give up...
But we still live...
Good times... Bad times... we all felt it
But we have to move on
"Who decided that just because of some guy was holding you that you're impure? If a person's heart was of any worth then you'd be pure forever!... You are so amazing... so don't give up... " Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne -Arina Tanemura-
The things that happened in the past has already happened
Nothing can be changed
There's no point in living in the past anymore
I have sinned too a lot... does it matter that the sizes of sin are different?
The price of sin is death no matter what...
But Jesus...
He washed it all clean! So you must believe that! The courage to move on!
He gives me the hope that I will be a better person to be someone more pure
You have to live for him too you know...
Even if you can't find any other reason to live
Just live for his sake
He went and died so you can live
Don't let the chance go
Pray to him he will take away your pain
It just takes a little faith
"I won't betray myself anymore... I can't get rid of uncertainty and my voice will break the more I want to yell... Regret will last a life time... The shadow always behind my back... But if they moon is there... If the soul to light my darkness were to be gentle moonlight... Then I will look up and make words of amber come to life... I will not hurt someone who loves me anymore..." Full Moon wo Sagashite -Arina Tanemura-
In the story that person was tortured too...
His mom would always beat him and be mean...
He decided to kill himself... went on the train track at the last moment and got hit by the train
but after many years he realized that his mom... really loved him and didn't stop him because she loved him. And wanted him to let him go
Don't be like him...
You were always loved you know...
Because God had loved you before you were born
Don't worry if you are lost in the dark
You will surely see the moon
In the bible, God made the moon so that people will find a way in the dark
I see that moon as Jesus... He will surely lead you out of the dark
Have a little faith!
Is all it takes!
-Mitsuki-
Sometimes it might seem better to just give up...
But we still live...
Good times... Bad times... we all felt it
But we have to move on
"Who decided that just because of some guy was holding you that you're impure? If a person's heart was of any worth then you'd be pure forever!... You are so amazing... so don't give up... " Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne -Arina Tanemura-
The things that happened in the past has already happened
Nothing can be changed
There's no point in living in the past anymore
I have sinned too a lot... does it matter that the sizes of sin are different?
The price of sin is death no matter what...
But Jesus...
He washed it all clean! So you must believe that! The courage to move on!
He gives me the hope that I will be a better person to be someone more pure
You have to live for him too you know...
Even if you can't find any other reason to live
Just live for his sake
He went and died so you can live
Don't let the chance go
Pray to him he will take away your pain
It just takes a little faith
"I won't betray myself anymore... I can't get rid of uncertainty and my voice will break the more I want to yell... Regret will last a life time... The shadow always behind my back... But if they moon is there... If the soul to light my darkness were to be gentle moonlight... Then I will look up and make words of amber come to life... I will not hurt someone who loves me anymore..." Full Moon wo Sagashite -Arina Tanemura-
In the story that person was tortured too...
His mom would always beat him and be mean...
He decided to kill himself... went on the train track at the last moment and got hit by the train
but after many years he realized that his mom... really loved him and didn't stop him because she loved him. And wanted him to let him go
Don't be like him...
You were always loved you know...
Because God had loved you before you were born
Don't worry if you are lost in the dark
You will surely see the moon
In the bible, God made the moon so that people will find a way in the dark
I see that moon as Jesus... He will surely lead you out of the dark
Have a little faith!
Is all it takes!
-Mitsuki-
- MitsukiTenshi
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat Sep 27, 2008 8:02 pm
Mr. SmartyPants (post: 1284776) wrote:Do you know for a fact that you're being a burden to your husband? Does he love you?
I'm not really sure where you are getting this...cuz I don't remember writing it..I know my hubby loves me and doesn't view me as a burden..that doesn't always alleviate my guilt knowing this as its part of my abuse...
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
"I wish I wasn't such a wimp....i don't try to be...but I don't know HOW to stand up for myself...not in the way normal people do. I don't know HOW to...even if you think this sounds so easy...when you have been neglected, abused and then treated like your trash since you were 9 yrs old to 21 yrs old...well its not easy...and I can't even grasp it. I just want to cry."
Sis, normal ain't nothin' but a setting on a washing machine. If everyone really were "normal", as they call it, we'd all look, talk, eat, dress, see, act exactly the same...like robots. Everyone is different and experiences different situations and tribulations and live different lives. You are no exception. You are special and unique like everyone else. There isn't another person on this planet like you who can walk the way you do, talk the way you do, think the same way you do. That's how God made you and he loves you just the way you are, right here, right now. He doesn't care what other people think about you and he doesn't want you to, either. You are not a wimp. Anyone who can live through 6+ years of abuse and neglect and still find God is anything BUT a wimp. God still has a plan for you, a purpose for your life, a destiny you can still fulfill. Weather you know it or not, you're a lot like Joseph: you both went through years of being abused, rejected, misunderstood. Joseph eventually came out the better through his trials and tribulations and saved a people from complete destruction. I don't know what God has planned for you, but if he's brought you this far, he must have a plan for you and he's not gonna just drop you here and leave his work half-done. God will not abandon you, so don't you abandon him.
May the Prince of Peace be your guiding light forever and always, Kelly-sama. Peace be with you,
-SN-
Sis, normal ain't nothin' but a setting on a washing machine. If everyone really were "normal", as they call it, we'd all look, talk, eat, dress, see, act exactly the same...like robots. Everyone is different and experiences different situations and tribulations and live different lives. You are no exception. You are special and unique like everyone else. There isn't another person on this planet like you who can walk the way you do, talk the way you do, think the same way you do. That's how God made you and he loves you just the way you are, right here, right now. He doesn't care what other people think about you and he doesn't want you to, either. You are not a wimp. Anyone who can live through 6+ years of abuse and neglect and still find God is anything BUT a wimp. God still has a plan for you, a purpose for your life, a destiny you can still fulfill. Weather you know it or not, you're a lot like Joseph: you both went through years of being abused, rejected, misunderstood. Joseph eventually came out the better through his trials and tribulations and saved a people from complete destruction. I don't know what God has planned for you, but if he's brought you this far, he must have a plan for you and he's not gonna just drop you here and leave his work half-done. God will not abandon you, so don't you abandon him.
May the Prince of Peace be your guiding light forever and always, Kelly-sama. Peace be with you,
-SN-
-
Shilohan ninja - Posts: 307
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:01 pm
- Location: Somewhere between Midgar and Roswell
ty Soran and SN,
i'm not giving up...it doesn't mean i don't want to though. But i want to. i want to stand up to my family and just voice the neglect and abuse I went though. To scream into their heads that it wasn't my fault, even if I didn't escape like I tried.
but they still won't understand...i feel truly shattered. Please pray that God will just reside in my heart and give me peace. To help me to realize that even if I am not loved by my family, that I will still learn to feel love and accept it.
I still want to cry ....and I know that isn't bad. I just want pain to stop..and i know "that's life" and "life's unfair" which by the way are incredibly cold and uncompassionate things to say to someone who is hurting. Its somethign my family says to me all the time....how I wish they would truly understand what they are doing to me...but its not up to me to punish them or get them to see. It's God.
it hurts more..cuz my uncle is a christian...and has always been my mentor on that...and he says that so it is taking everything i have to not believe its true that its my fault. God help me as demons of the past attack again.
i'm not giving up...it doesn't mean i don't want to though. But i want to. i want to stand up to my family and just voice the neglect and abuse I went though. To scream into their heads that it wasn't my fault, even if I didn't escape like I tried.
but they still won't understand...i feel truly shattered. Please pray that God will just reside in my heart and give me peace. To help me to realize that even if I am not loved by my family, that I will still learn to feel love and accept it.
I still want to cry ....and I know that isn't bad. I just want pain to stop..and i know "that's life" and "life's unfair" which by the way are incredibly cold and uncompassionate things to say to someone who is hurting. Its somethign my family says to me all the time....how I wish they would truly understand what they are doing to me...but its not up to me to punish them or get them to see. It's God.
it hurts more..cuz my uncle is a christian...and has always been my mentor on that...and he says that so it is taking everything i have to not believe its true that its my fault. God help me as demons of the past attack again.
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
Look...
What happened in the past already happened
You said that you were brain washed right?
You have changed now...
Don't let the past weigh you down
Everyone's done something they regret but they can't change it
No matter how much you wish for it the past will never change
But there are somethings that you can do because of your past
Help others who's been in the same situation as you
Prevent this from happening to other people
Don't look at your past as a stained wall
Because Jesus washed it all off
You have a blank wall now paint it what you will
~~~~
Hmm... to stand up for yourself
I guess I never really did that either
I just took it all in silently
Since I couldn't speak back...
But they are your family and you should be able to speak to them
If your family said something that really hurt you, you should tell them that
Because they are first and foremost your family
But first...
Are you willing to change?
To break away from your past and start anew
Even if people will always look at your past are you willing to look them in the eye and say "I've changed"?
The journey won't be easy but if you are willing you'll definitely be the person you want to be.
~~~~~
As for your uncle...
Tell him that what he sad was wrong
Is in one of Jesus teachings...
It goes somthing like this
------
One of Jesus's discples: "If my brother has done wrong to me how many times should I forgive him? As many as 7 times?"
Jesus: "As many as 77 times like the way God forgives you for the sins you have committed"
Hmm... or was it another scene... can't remember >.< Got this from the manga bible
Jesus: When someone does you wrong go to that person and tell that person what he did was wrong. If he learns then you got him back
-----
Wish I could remeber the verse... but yeah talk to your uncle
~~~~
I'm glad you are getting a lot of help
(This was the 3rd rewrite of this post. Since I take too long and someone else post)
What happened in the past already happened
You said that you were brain washed right?
You have changed now...
Don't let the past weigh you down
Everyone's done something they regret but they can't change it
No matter how much you wish for it the past will never change
But there are somethings that you can do because of your past
Help others who's been in the same situation as you
Prevent this from happening to other people
Don't look at your past as a stained wall
Because Jesus washed it all off
You have a blank wall now paint it what you will
~~~~
Hmm... to stand up for yourself
I guess I never really did that either
I just took it all in silently
Since I couldn't speak back...
But they are your family and you should be able to speak to them
If your family said something that really hurt you, you should tell them that
Because they are first and foremost your family
But first...
Are you willing to change?
To break away from your past and start anew
Even if people will always look at your past are you willing to look them in the eye and say "I've changed"?
The journey won't be easy but if you are willing you'll definitely be the person you want to be.
~~~~~
As for your uncle...
Tell him that what he sad was wrong
Is in one of Jesus teachings...
It goes somthing like this
------
One of Jesus's discples: "If my brother has done wrong to me how many times should I forgive him? As many as 7 times?"
Jesus: "As many as 77 times like the way God forgives you for the sins you have committed"
Hmm... or was it another scene... can't remember >.< Got this from the manga bible
Jesus: When someone does you wrong go to that person and tell that person what he did was wrong. If he learns then you got him back
-----
Wish I could remeber the verse... but yeah talk to your uncle
~~~~
I'm glad you are getting a lot of help
(This was the 3rd rewrite of this post. Since I take too long and someone else post)
- MitsukiTenshi
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat Sep 27, 2008 8:02 pm
It isn't about forgiveness or love. He loves me, and most likely forgives me for not listening to him. I don't have anything to apologize for in regards to my abuse. It wasn't my fault...period.
My abuse also is only 9 months ago. Its not a long time...and its going to take a while to heal. I finally took an anti anxiety med/pain med (lyrica) in order to "stabilize" me..i need meds as well as healing. But I need meds in order to heal or else I am afraid I will kill myself before I get that far.
I don't want to do that..i love God and even though my family is wrong and screwed up for using me as the scapegoat to whatever guilty feelings they have (which i don't think they do...i think they are pleased in a sense because its a direct "punishment" for not listening to them). How this occurs...I dont' know. i was used as a tool to please people...I'm still in the process of learning that I am human, not trash.
And all the Bible verses in the world aren't going to make that necessarily faster if I have trouble trusting what God says about it. It doesn't mean I believe its not truth..I just have a hard time believing if that makes sense. Its not that I doubt my faith....but in pain, you rarely think good things about yourself.
And if someone says "Just think positive" has no idea what it is to truly suffer. When you in the midst of pain, you cant' think positive. However, i am hoping with God's help, with meds, and with healing I will be able to finally look at myself as human...maybe its why I don't have a hard time contemplating dying...afterall a tool is only as good as its use and since I'm not a "tool' anymore in terms of use..its a hard double thing that i fight.
Please continue to pray for above all peace...and less pain.
Thank you all for everything and just "being there". Knowing that i'm cared about helps adn I'm sorry if i took up the forum. I know there are those who think i'm faking and don't care...oh well, i guess they don't have to. But that hurts to know that is happening on this site too....sigh* I guess that is what human is.
My abuse also is only 9 months ago. Its not a long time...and its going to take a while to heal. I finally took an anti anxiety med/pain med (lyrica) in order to "stabilize" me..i need meds as well as healing. But I need meds in order to heal or else I am afraid I will kill myself before I get that far.
I don't want to do that..i love God and even though my family is wrong and screwed up for using me as the scapegoat to whatever guilty feelings they have (which i don't think they do...i think they are pleased in a sense because its a direct "punishment" for not listening to them). How this occurs...I dont' know. i was used as a tool to please people...I'm still in the process of learning that I am human, not trash.
And all the Bible verses in the world aren't going to make that necessarily faster if I have trouble trusting what God says about it. It doesn't mean I believe its not truth..I just have a hard time believing if that makes sense. Its not that I doubt my faith....but in pain, you rarely think good things about yourself.
And if someone says "Just think positive" has no idea what it is to truly suffer. When you in the midst of pain, you cant' think positive. However, i am hoping with God's help, with meds, and with healing I will be able to finally look at myself as human...maybe its why I don't have a hard time contemplating dying...afterall a tool is only as good as its use and since I'm not a "tool' anymore in terms of use..its a hard double thing that i fight.
Please continue to pray for above all peace...and less pain.
Thank you all for everything and just "being there". Knowing that i'm cared about helps adn I'm sorry if i took up the forum. I know there are those who think i'm faking and don't care...oh well, i guess they don't have to. But that hurts to know that is happening on this site too....sigh* I guess that is what human is.
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
On a second note and I apologize for double psoting...
for those that are thinking this...I am not doing this for attention..and i know that the first response that I will get is "yes you are or you wouldn't be posting".
I can not tell you how close i came to taking the life I have this morning. The only reason I didn't was one, even in his sleep, hubby was holding on to me and two I passed out (literally).
I just want to make this clear....I am crying out for help...not drama. If you think its drama, then please don't post. thankyou
for those that are thinking this...I am not doing this for attention..and i know that the first response that I will get is "yes you are or you wouldn't be posting".
I can not tell you how close i came to taking the life I have this morning. The only reason I didn't was one, even in his sleep, hubby was holding on to me and two I passed out (literally).
I just want to make this clear....I am crying out for help...not drama. If you think its drama, then please don't post. thankyou
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
Kunoichi, I am sending a hug your way. You need it. In fact, here's three more: :hug::hug:
Just remember this, God doesn't think you're worthless. That's why he sent his Son to die for you.
In fact, here's three more: :hug::hug:
Just remember this, God doesn't think you're worthless. That's why he sent his Son to die for you.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I appointed you to be a prophet of all nations."
--Jeremiah 1:5
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook
I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.
click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
--Jeremiah 1:5
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook
I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.
click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
-
rocklobster - Posts: 8903
- Joined: Mon Dec 20, 2004 1:27 pm
- Location: Planet Claire
Death can appear as the easy way out. It is very hard finding people who can truely understand your pain....so don't dismay. The fact that your family is ignorant to your pain and shows little compassion is something they will answer for someday...
Even though you believe in God, there are times when you will have doubts about His word...so don't beat yourself over it too much. Take it slow, and easy.....one day at a time. And remember....you have a GREAT worth in this world.
May God grant your weary soul peace.
Even though you believe in God, there are times when you will have doubts about His word...so don't beat yourself over it too much. Take it slow, and easy.....one day at a time. And remember....you have a GREAT worth in this world.
May God grant your weary soul peace.
Jeremiah 29:11-"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
-
Phantom_Sorano - Posts: 909
- Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:19 pm
- Location: Between the past and the future.
Thank you rock....hugs are hard for me...is it meant with love (brotherly love of course) ....with real love tho..not the obligatory one you have sometimes for another believer?
This is kinda general and not just to you rock...you guys say you love me...do you really mean it? I know this is a stupid question to ask and may sound pathetic..but I want to know...I always find that hard to believe to....I know God loves and can believe that...I have a harder time believing a human could love me besides my hubby.
At least my med is kicking in
This is kinda general and not just to you rock...you guys say you love me...do you really mean it? I know this is a stupid question to ask and may sound pathetic..but I want to know...I always find that hard to believe to....I know God loves and can believe that...I have a harder time believing a human could love me besides my hubby.
At least my med is kicking in
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
Phantom_Sorano (post: 1284846) wrote:Death can appear as the easy way out. It is very hard finding people who can truely understand your pain....so don't dismay. The fact that your family is ignorant to your pain and shows little compassion is something they will answer for someday...
Even though you believe in God, there are times when you will have doubts about His word...so don't beat yourself over it too much. Take it slow, and easy.....one day at a time. And remember....you have a GREAT worth in this world.
May God grant your weary soul peace.
this actually made me cry...i know you don't have "authority" over me...but just giving me the "permission" to have my feelings be "ok"...sigh* everything for me is authority and following rules..except for hubby. he is the only one I don't feel is in charge of me...we are equal..
but i feel i am everyone's servant and want to please everyone (not that this is bad....but it can be when i'm a slave to it).
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
I would have tried the hotline last night instead of posting....but the hotline required a phone and I wasn't able to talk....so yea didn't work...
i'm trying to feel loved and connected and I apologize its online...other than my hubby and 2 friends..i am alone...and have been all my life....sounds pathetic and not pity partying...but i'm hurt and angry and just screaming at the world right now.
i'm trying to feel loved and connected and I apologize its online...other than my hubby and 2 friends..i am alone...and have been all my life....sounds pathetic and not pity partying...but i'm hurt and angry and just screaming at the world right now.
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
Kunoichi (post: 1284847) wrote:you guys say you love me...do you really mean it?
Not a stupid question at all.
Yes, my heart is pouring out for you right now. It's probably impossible to tell over the cold internet, but it is there! God loves me openly without condition, and teaches me how to love; and so I cannot help but to love you in turn.
"27What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. 28Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." I feel this is applicable to many situations.
Know that you are loved. You are wanted not only for your talents which are uniquely tailored for you by God, but also for just existing. God asks for nothing in return. He just wants you to love as He loves.
I'm not really sure what else to say. Just know that I'll be praying for you and your family.
"It's not easy to act in the name of justice."
"Justice is not the only right in this world"
"Justice is not the only right in this world"
-
Whitefang - Posts: 261
- Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 9:17 pm
- Location: Paradise
Wow... My little comment is probably tiny and insignificant but... I know what hard times are like and I hope you get through them.
-
Robin Firedrake - Posts: 569
- Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 5:42 pm
- Location: Greater Llewellynlland
Kunoichi (post: 1284847) wrote:Thank you rock....hugs are hard for me...is it meant with love (brotherly love of course) ....with real love tho..not the obligatory one you have sometimes for another believer?
This is kinda general and not just to you rock...you guys say you love me...do you really mean it? I know this is a stupid question to ask and may sound pathetic..but I want to know...I always find that hard to believe to....I know God loves and can believe that...I have a harder time believing a human could love me besides my hubby.
At least my med is kicking in
When I say " I love you...", then I mean it. I don't write things just to pass time. I mean what I write, for it is what I feel. I care about you, Kelly...in a sisterly way.
And to add to your previous post, I didn't mean to control you or give you "permission"....but it is normal to feel struggle with those feeling stoward God at times.....I know I did.
Things will get better....and this tremendous pain will go away.....I bet my life on it. It will take time, determination, love, and tears.
This is a journey that is hard to do on your own...so let God help. I love you, and I will be praying for you.
Jeremiah 29:11-"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
-
Phantom_Sorano - Posts: 909
- Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:19 pm
- Location: Between the past and the future.
Definitely praying and by the way I never thought that you were craving attention, it is obvious that people go through tough times and we are happy that you let us pray for you about it! May God be with you!
[color="Red"]If GOD brings you to it, He will bring you through it.- unknown.[SIZE="3"][color="Magenta"][color="Red"][/color][/color][/SIZE]:angel:[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
-
12praiseGOD - Posts: 615
- Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: home is where the heart is
I usually mean what I say too. I always strive for honesty
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I appointed you to be a prophet of all nations."
--Jeremiah 1:5
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook
I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.
click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
--Jeremiah 1:5
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook
I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.
click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
-
rocklobster - Posts: 8903
- Joined: Mon Dec 20, 2004 1:27 pm
- Location: Planet Claire
Kunoichi (post: 1284850) wrote:I would have tried the hotline last night instead of posting....but the hotline required a phone and I wasn't able to talk....so yea didn't work...
i'm trying to feel loved and connected and I apologize its online...other than my hubby and 2 friends..i am alone...and have been all my life....sounds pathetic and not pity partying...but i'm hurt and angry and just screaming at the world right now.
Hey is alright! ^.^ we are all here with you
Even if is the internet in a way we are all connected deep in our hearts
Everyone here cares about you and wants you to be happy
And you have every right to be upset
You've been through more then anyone should go through
Is good to let it out
The scars will heal one day you know that right?
You just have to take the right steps and one day you'll be able to look back on this and smile
To be able to smile through all your memories good and bad
- MitsukiTenshi
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat Sep 27, 2008 8:02 pm
I've been gone all day, this was the first time I saw this. When I read the subject of this thread my heart almost stopped.
Kelly. Please don't die. For Gods sake and ours please keep trying.
I was praying just now, asking God to please tell me what to say to you.
He said He loves you.
Kelly. Please don't die. For Gods sake and ours please keep trying.
I was praying just now, asking God to please tell me what to say to you.
He said He loves you.
-
Roz - Posts: 361
- Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 7:08 pm
- Location: In His hands
Do you think your meds could be doing more bad than good.
My good friend suffered from severe depression and major sleep deprivation (he has been diagnosed as a bit schizophrenic) and the meds didn't help him much, they only made this worse and gave him different medical problems. Gradually he's being erm weaned of them and his healing, but it's a long journey.
I'll be praying for you mate, just hang in there.
Hold onto Christ even if you can't hold onto anything else.
God Bless mate
My good friend suffered from severe depression and major sleep deprivation (he has been diagnosed as a bit schizophrenic) and the meds didn't help him much, they only made this worse and gave him different medical problems. Gradually he's being erm weaned of them and his healing, but it's a long journey.
I'll be praying for you mate, just hang in there.
Hold onto Christ even if you can't hold onto anything else.
God Bless mate
-
Warrior 4 Jesus - Posts: 4844
- Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
- Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.
HEY! WE LOVE YOU! SISTER DON'T GO! I know life seems like the darkest night right now but remember THE NIGHT IS DARKEST JUST BEFORE DAWN. So yeah just praying REALLL HARD. LOVE YOU LOTS.
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ,
animewarrior
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ,
animewarrior
Status: Lurker.... but I'll be around.
~ The fainter the heartbeat the stronger the soul~
*They're just an incomplete group of people wishing to be whole; and to that end, they're desperately searching for something.* - Namine (Kingdom Hearts 2)
~ The fainter the heartbeat the stronger the soul~
*They're just an incomplete group of people wishing to be whole; and to that end, they're desperately searching for something.* - Namine (Kingdom Hearts 2)
-
animewarrior - Posts: 517
- Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2006 7:49 pm
- Location: ~Twilight Wonderland~
74 posts •
Page 1 of 3 •
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 85 guests