Painful Memories
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Painful Memories
I feel incredibly blessed to be able to say that even from a young age, I’ve had a very close relationship with God. After much heartache, including enduring multiple instances of sexual abuse as a child as well as having stood in faith for the recovery of my mother while doctors predicted her death; I’m very proud of the young man I’ve become. I consider myself to be a survivor -- something I attribute entirely to the presence of God in my life. I am far from broken. But I think I’m finally ready to admit that I’m hurting; I’ve been hiding behind my smile for far too long. I feel so ashamed of my past that I continually strive to be a better person -- to be a blessing to those I come into contact with. I feel like if I can be a “good personâ€
-- if white was black and black was white, what of shades of grey?
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sonichiro - Posts: 281
- Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2004 3:32 pm
- Location: Toronto, Ontario
Soni,
I was abused..for the last 6 years (you can read it in one of my multiple threads). Those scars are going to be scars hun. And you can relapse. You will never not remember, never not feel the prick from it...but it will diminish.
The thing with abuse...with pain..we feel mismatched. Here we know we have the Love of our Saviour, and we love our Lord and yet have this wrong to contend with, to battle with. Constantly fighting lies that were told us (verbally or by actions). It is never an easy battle and at times, we must fight it everyday.
And what you said in teh end "I need someone to see me for who I truly am; I need someon to just love me- no strings attached." That is key. Because in abuse...it is so much about being conditionally loved..versus unconditionally and though God shows us love unconditional we need that humanely as well.
I know I'm only "online" but I love ya and would love to see the full shine of your soul that is being dimmed by the "muck".
Your sister in the Lord,
Kunoichi
I was abused..for the last 6 years (you can read it in one of my multiple threads). Those scars are going to be scars hun. And you can relapse. You will never not remember, never not feel the prick from it...but it will diminish.
The thing with abuse...with pain..we feel mismatched. Here we know we have the Love of our Saviour, and we love our Lord and yet have this wrong to contend with, to battle with. Constantly fighting lies that were told us (verbally or by actions). It is never an easy battle and at times, we must fight it everyday.
And what you said in teh end "I need someone to see me for who I truly am; I need someon to just love me- no strings attached." That is key. Because in abuse...it is so much about being conditionally loved..versus unconditionally and though God shows us love unconditional we need that humanely as well.
I know I'm only "online" but I love ya and would love to see the full shine of your soul that is being dimmed by the "muck".
Your sister in the Lord,
Kunoichi
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
Definitely praying for ya!
Keep faith and keep strong!
God is with you!
Keep faith and keep strong!
God is with you!
[color="Red"]If GOD brings you to it, He will bring you through it.- unknown.[SIZE="3"][color="Magenta"][color="Red"][/color][/color][/SIZE]:angel:[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
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12praiseGOD - Posts: 615
- Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: home is where the heart is
I am praying for you too.
~Life is the art of drawing without an eraser~
Lady Arianrod, lover of nature and fire.
Hello there! I'm back after a long break! I started watching anime again in 2016. I still check the forum too!
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Lady Arianrod, lover of nature and fire.
Hello there! I'm back after a long break! I started watching anime again in 2016. I still check the forum too!
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
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Lady Arianrod - Posts: 651
- Joined: Mon May 31, 2004 9:11 am
- Location: The Wood Between the Worlds
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