So to fix his anger he went to his bedroom and sat on the floor, breathing in deeply and then out. The fire inside of him boiled down to a simmer and he felt calmer. Zuko sighed and flopped onto his back staring up at the ceiling, his thoughts were plagued by her face. He closed his eyes to her face, only to see it even more vividly behind his lids, the look on her face when he had betrayed her, when he had broken that tiny little bond he had developed between them. The bitter bite of regret dug into his gut; somehow, it bothered him a great deal that he had done such a thing to her. He wondered just what the feeling was that had grown inside of her when he had betrayed her, did it feel anything like what he felt? No, probably much worse… she had trusted him. Zuko slammed his fist on the hard ground. He had everything he had ever wanted, yet he still felt like an empty vessel drifting on a sea of remorse, depression and anger.
Zuko opened his eyes and stared at his arm that was lifted over his face, he lifted his hand so that he could see all his fingers, he gripped his hand into a fist and smacked his forehead with it, he really wasn’t getting anywhere by thinking about his mistakes, he needed to stop looking back and look forward, he was the prince of the fire nation again, somehow that didn’t comfort him and his gut twisted more as he thought about how unsatisfied he was…even if he did have a girlfriend, his heart was still empty and broken. Zuko sat up abruptly as the doors to his bedroom opened.
“I knocked.”
The even voice of his girlfriend said as she stepped into the room, she looked the same as ever, same outfit, and same hair. Zuko forced a smile, “Hey Mai.”
“Why are you on the floor?” she asked arching a black brow, “not that I care, I just think it’s strange.”
Zuko shrugged, “I… was in the mood.” He noted her expression and got up quickly, “but I am out of the mood now.” He smiled at her and she smiled back, walking to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. “You really are something else you know that?” she leaned in to kiss him and for a moment Zuko hesitated. Mai arched a brow, but before she could ask what was wrong, Zuko kissed her gently and rubbed her arms. “Sorry, I’m just tired.” He explained, trying to cover up his mistake. ‘Great, another mistake to add to the pile of mistakes.’ He thought bitterly.
“Hey, what’s up?” Mai asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. Zuko looked at her and shrugged, “nothing.’ He smiled and wrapped an arm around her thin waist, “How about we go get some food?” Mai asked, trying to coax him into doing what she wanted. Zuko nodded, “yeah, I haven’t eaten yet. What do you want?” he walked toward the door with Mai by his side, “I don’t know, but I’ll think of something.” They both left the room and went to the dining hall, Zuko suppressing his inner emotions as they went.
The whole day Zuko had been playing up his emotions, he pretended to be happy around Mai, he pretended to be indifferent around Azula, and around anyone else he pretended he didn’t see them. Doing that for the whole day was a real strain on his body, so when he reached his bedroom, he felt the impacts of it slam into him full force. He instantly fell onto his bed without changing and pulled the sheets over him, covering his body and head. Leaving his mind unguarded to the ever threatening thoughts of Katara that tried to spill out, this time they succeeded, rather heavily too, they threw themselves at Zuko like a ton of bricks, slamming his consciousness and making his dreams flit from one scene to another, the things that happened in the dreams were much different than how they had happened in real life.
Zuko actually got close to Katara, touching her face, running his fingers through her hair, he wasn’t sure how that would really feel, but he could imagine. Zuko felt his sleep-lacking body twitch as he dreamed of the time when Katara had run into his arms, unwillingly when the pirates had been chasing her. He remembered how it felt to hold her arms and pull her close, in the dream he stared a long time into those beautiful blue eyes that pierced through him like ice. There were no words to describe how he felt when he looked into them. He didn’t even like her, at least that’s how it was the last time he had checked, so he was completely lost as to why he was dreaming about her.
He tried to pull away from the dreams, but they tugged him down like an anchor, keeping him enclosed in the things that had taken place. Zuko finally gave in and sank deeper into the dreams.
A scene from when he found her necklace flipped into his dreams, he remembered picking it up, feeling the sweet silk material slip in his fingers, and the beautifully carved pendant, he lifted the necklace to his nose and gave it a gentle sniff, it smelled of wild flowers and the sea, somehow that appealed to him in his dream, a lot more than Mai’s expensive stuffy smelling perfume.
He smiled at the scent; it was definitely something to remember. Then as the rest of the dreams had been, it flipped away and another came to him, only this one was about Katara, Aang and his Uncle. Katara had just been about to heal his scar, or attempt too when Aang had busted into the cave through the wall. Katara had rushed to him and embraced him; Zuko felt something run through his veins, anger. He was angry that Aang had come and done that, his Uncle stopped him from attacking Aang, but it didn’t stop the rage he felt toward the younger boy who seemed to hold Katara’s attention. Zuko saw her glance back at him as she left, as if wanting to run back and drag him with her and because of that one last look Zuko felt his heart flip and throb. Why hadn’t he grabbed her? Why hadn’t he stopped her? Asked her to take him with her? Why… because, he had felt something deep inside of him telling him to stay. Wouldn’t be the first time his gut had been wrong.
When the sun struck his face Zuko opened his eyes, he was lying on his back, and he sighed, closing his eyes, trying to understand what he had experienced last night. Maybe he was just losing his mind, Zuko nodded, yep that was it, he was losing his mind. He stood up and threw the bed together, he looked down realizing he had slept in his day clothes, he sighed annoyed and went to get changed. When Zuko exited his bedroom a servant stood there waiting for orders, he simply told the servant to be ready for when his girlfriend came over. The servant nodded and left.
Sighing with relief Zuko strolled down the hallway, feeling much better about his dreams, or nightmares he had last night, now that he knew he was just losing his mind it would all be okay. Zuko ordered the guards to open the palace doors, and when they did a crowd of fan girls screamed, he ordered them to shut the doors. Zuko sighed, there was no way he would make it out alive if he went out there looking like this, an idea sprang into his head and he quickly returned to the palace, he ignored his sister when she called to him and went to his bedroom.
He pulled out a set of black things, he touched them delicately, “Never thought I’d be using these again.”
“Using what again?”
He knew that tone anywhere, Zuko shut the box and turned sharply on his sister, “what are you doing?” he asked glaring at her. Azula shrugged, “well you ignored me when I called to you so I decided to come in and see what was wrong.”
“Nothings wrong now leave.” Zuko growled pointing at the door. Azula arched a brow, “so touchy today brother, what’s wrong? Palace life not living up to your expectations?” she walked toward him slowly.
“I said leave.” Zuko said, his voice shaking.
“Hm, to listen would mean being obedient, so no.” she smirked.
Zuko’s fists instantly erupted in flames, Azula stopped smirking and stepped back, “alright, calm down, I’m leaving, good grief so sensitive.” She shut the door. Zuko waited ten minutes before opening the trunk and pulling out his outfit, he changed and pulled on the black cloak. He went out the window and snuck out over the palace walls, he grinned, it was fun to have a bit of his adventure back. Zuko walked into the town, no one even recognized their prince as he strolled around in black, and no one seemed to care either.
It was interesting to see the world he had never been allowed to see before, all the merchants, all the people running around and buying. Zuko wondered for a moment, if Katara enjoyed doing this, walking around, seeing all the different people selling different things. Just as quickly as the thought had come he shut it out; he wasn’t going to think about her or his dreams today. Instead he busied himself by looking at the items that the merchants sold, some of them were interesting and others definite rip offs. He smiled at something he saw, a fire flower carved into a necklace. It was definitely done by a master craftsman. As he admired it, the shopkeeper came over.
“What do you think of that hm?” he asked smiling.
“It’s… pretty.”
“Yes, yes it is, and it’s perfect for a girlfriend.” The shop keep smiled almost knowingly at Zuko, making Zuko fidget. “R-really? You think so huh?”
“Sure! It’s wonderful, why any girl would be happy to have something so beautiful.” The man exclaimed.
“Hmm, Okay, I’ll take it.” Zuko dropped the coins into the man’s hand and took the necklace; he would give it to Mai sometime. That would be romantic.
Zuko finally went back to the palace when the sun was starting to set, he had lost himself in the wonder of the town, and had lost track of time. Zuko slipped into the palace and into his bedroom, and just as he breathed a sigh, he heard Mai’s irritated voice.