Feeling self loathe, doubting faith, and self worthlessness and sucidial thought
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Feeling self loathe, doubting faith, and self worthlessness and sucidial thought
Lately when I examining my life I just feel so deep in loathe of my life. And I just hate myself deeply I just want to end my life. I feel so invalidate in my life and that no matter what I do in my life no one recognize my efforts. And lately with the graduate schools plan fell through I feel so worthless. I wonder is my life matter is anyone cares for me. I am in a deep pain sometimes I just crying inside myself. I wonder had I dies if anyone would truly miss me or did I impact someone's life. And if God's love is real. And why God made me this way. And my greatest pain is that my family lately have put a lot of pressure on me to do something with my life that I feel like over stay my welcome at home. And I thought about end my life but I don't think God would welcome me Home either. So I wonder what is my life good for since now I am jobless and directionless right now. and lately I have not been sleep well, and always low in energy and headaches all the time. I just can't take and bear this trials no more. And I feel like what Psalm 88 says which it state that O Lord, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry. For my soul is full of trouble and my life draws near the grave. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like a man without strenght. I am set apart with the dead, like the slain who lie in the grave, whom you remember no more, who are cut off rom your care. You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavily upon me; you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you. o Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you. Do you show your wonders to the dead? Do those who are dead rise up and praise you? Is your love declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Destruction? Are your wonders known in the place of darkness or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion? But I cry to you for help, O Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why, O Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death; I have suffered your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroy me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend. And this is just how I felt at the moment. So if anyone want to prays for me I would be grateful.
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Yahshua - Posts: 1698
- Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:00 am
U have my prayers...I went through something similar to u this past month...maybe not to the degree of suicide, but to the point where I wondered was it all worth it...
To keep a long story short, I was ready to leave home to pursue my dreams, but I couldn't becuase of finances and the place that I wanted to go..well, let's just say communication was not good between us...
So, yeah, I didn't understand and was questioning God alot....
Eventually, he revealed to me something about all what had happened: It is not for me to say if my dreams come true or not. And if they don't, He has for all of us something better. I also realized that what I was looking for was right in front of me, at my home church.
I don't know too much about ur situation, but I'd like to encourage you to find a church or a small group of believers, unless you already are a part of one.
If you are looking for somewhere to belong, to entrust your struggles with, and to help grow, I'd suggest start there.
To keep a long story short, I was ready to leave home to pursue my dreams, but I couldn't becuase of finances and the place that I wanted to go..well, let's just say communication was not good between us...
So, yeah, I didn't understand and was questioning God alot....
Eventually, he revealed to me something about all what had happened: It is not for me to say if my dreams come true or not. And if they don't, He has for all of us something better. I also realized that what I was looking for was right in front of me, at my home church.
I don't know too much about ur situation, but I'd like to encourage you to find a church or a small group of believers, unless you already are a part of one.
If you are looking for somewhere to belong, to entrust your struggles with, and to help grow, I'd suggest start there.
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Danderson - Posts: 1277
- Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 12:42 pm
- Location: The Middle of the USA
[SIZE="1"]I'll pray for you. Depression and doubt are a terrible thing. I know my words seem hollow, and you've probably heard them a thousand times, but God really does care about you. More then care, its fatherly love. I know its hard to believe, especially when we fall into despair and think we're worthless. Really though, we're not. Someone once told me instead of wasting the life I've been given by taking it, why not use it to help others who have it worse then myself?
So keep your head up. I'll be praying. n.~[/SIZE]
So keep your head up. I'll be praying. n.~[/SIZE]
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Song_of_Storms - Posts: 473
- Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 1:46 pm
- Location: Alabama~
hey. I haven't been here lately but I'm praying for you friend. I've talked to a LOT of Christians lately and they say they've been feeling the same.. personally I believe this to be a combination of 1) how much the world is in sin 2) an attack by the enemy ... he loves to onslaught us with our deepest fears and anxieties and not let us breathe. So I just constantly remind myself:
"The LORD is with YOU like a MIGHTY WARRIOR, an EVER-PRESENT HELP in times of trouble and trials" - Psalm 46:1
I hope this helps and I'm praying for you.
-Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ,
animewarrior
"The LORD is with YOU like a MIGHTY WARRIOR, an EVER-PRESENT HELP in times of trouble and trials" - Psalm 46:1
I hope this helps and I'm praying for you.
-Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ,
animewarrior
Status: Lurker.... but I'll be around.
~ The fainter the heartbeat the stronger the soul~
*They're just an incomplete group of people wishing to be whole; and to that end, they're desperately searching for something.* - Namine (Kingdom Hearts 2)
~ The fainter the heartbeat the stronger the soul~
*They're just an incomplete group of people wishing to be whole; and to that end, they're desperately searching for something.* - Namine (Kingdom Hearts 2)
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animewarrior - Posts: 517
- Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2006 7:49 pm
- Location: ~Twilight Wonderland~
You have my prayers 
May I ask what would make you feel other wise? You said you felt worthless (I don't thnk that for a minute). What are some of the things you enjoy doiong?
May I ask what would make you feel other wise? You said you felt worthless (I don't thnk that for a minute). What are some of the things you enjoy doiong?
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Tsukuyomi - Posts: 8222
- Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: I am a figment of your imagination... I live only in your dreams... I haunt you ~(O_O)~
You definitely have my prayers, you are one of the first people I met on CAA and that alone has impacted my life. Just being a part of CAA has helped me become stronger and know that we are not alone in troubled times. You definitely are loved by us as our brother in Christ, so don't go leaving us, got that? (\__/)
God be with you! Things will be okay, (^_^)
don't give up faith!
Your sister in Christ.
God be with you! Things will be okay, (^_^)
don't give up faith!
Your sister in Christ.
[color="Red"]If GOD brings you to it, He will bring you through it.- unknown.[SIZE="3"][color="Magenta"][color="Red"][/color][/color][/SIZE]:angel:[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
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12praiseGOD - Posts: 615
- Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: home is where the heart is
I'm very sorry to hear this Dan, I'll be praying for you man, God has a purpose for you as well and has great things in store for you as well like he does for every other child of his my friend.
God Bless man.
God Bless man.
Some of my favorite scriptures.
Psalm91
A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
Hebrews 4-4
1Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it.
2For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it.
3For we which have believed do enter into rest, as he said, As I have sworn in my wrath, if they shall enter into my rest: although the works were finished from the foundation of the world.
4For he spake in a certain place of the seventh day on this wise, And God did rest the seventh day from all his works.
James 4
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Revelation 22:14
Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.
Psalm91
A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
Hebrews 4-4
1Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it.
2For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it.
3For we which have believed do enter into rest, as he said, As I have sworn in my wrath, if they shall enter into my rest: although the works were finished from the foundation of the world.
4For he spake in a certain place of the seventh day on this wise, And God did rest the seventh day from all his works.
James 4
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Revelation 22:14
Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.
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Gabriel 9.0 - Posts: 736
- Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2007 5:57 pm
- Location: Classified
Awwww Dan Ur in my prayers!
No sucide allowed! Okay?
I know you can make it through it.=]
Oh by the way this is Kayla!!! X3 (gamergirl2)
hee hee dont pull the rope on me 4 being crazy! lol!
No sucide allowed! Okay?
I know you can make it through it.=]
Oh by the way this is Kayla!!! X3 (gamergirl2)
hee hee dont pull the rope on me 4 being crazy! lol!
:3
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rainbowchick_02 - Posts: 18
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 8:30 am
- Location: Illinois
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goldenspines - Posts: 4869
- Joined: Thu Jan 18, 2007 8:42 am
- Location: Up north somewhere.
"I wonder is my life matter is anyone cares for me. I am in a deep pain sometimes I just crying inside myself. I wonder had I dies if anyone would truly miss me or did I impact someone's life." quoted from Yahshua
Daniel, I want you to know that your life does matter because you have enriched my life with your freindship, all your prayers for me and my family, all the chitchats we have either on Yahoo or CAA. Just remember that I consider you a very dear friend and you are the first person I talked to when I joined CAA. I know a certain young lady would miss you. Don't give up hope because I won't let you and when you feel down don't forget I'm here if you need to talk email or pm anytime (little Brother).
With my deepest prayers and many hugs
Daniel, I want you to know that your life does matter because you have enriched my life with your freindship, all your prayers for me and my family, all the chitchats we have either on Yahoo or CAA. Just remember that I consider you a very dear friend and you are the first person I talked to when I joined CAA. I know a certain young lady would miss you. Don't give up hope because I won't let you and when you feel down don't forget I'm here if you need to talk email or pm anytime (little Brother).
With my deepest prayers and many hugs
[SIZE="1"]Believe
What I believe is what I will become. I believe I am special and that there will never be another like me...not ever. I believe I have been blessed with certain talents that will allow me to serve a purpose higher that my own. I believe we are all connected and that despite our differences we are one. I believe in the power or love and its ability to heal all wounds. I believe there are no acts of coincidence only acts of God that work miraculously in my life. I believe that the lessons I learn will be the lessons I teach.
My Family: SP1, Raven, and my other daughter soon to be named in 2 years, PcSavvy (My Sister)
Been Adopted by: Shadowchild,Mega.EXE
My Adoptions: Lunis--who has my unconditional love and support.
Shadowchild: who can win an argument with anyone (Hehe)
My Boys in Arms (The ones I'll try to keep from wandering the path of goofiness & craziness:dizzy: ): Yahshua(:angel: on his shoulder watching over him), Nate (AKA Kaemmerite), Sigmaknight, Cap'nNick, BigSleepJ,Scribs, YeshuaKnight, Linkquest, Mr. Smarty Pants, Cephas VII, Kkun, and AziertheSwordsman
My Girls in Arms (The ones I'll be looking out for from time to time): Sakura15, CrimsonRyu17, PrincessZelda, Himura Kaoru, Iz&Trigun4life, Lunis, Jesusfreak84,Shadowchild
And some new friends: JadenMetal,Mithrandir, ShatterHeartArk, and few others
FKA Celestra[/SIZE]
What I believe is what I will become. I believe I am special and that there will never be another like me...not ever. I believe I have been blessed with certain talents that will allow me to serve a purpose higher that my own. I believe we are all connected and that despite our differences we are one. I believe in the power or love and its ability to heal all wounds. I believe there are no acts of coincidence only acts of God that work miraculously in my life. I believe that the lessons I learn will be the lessons I teach.
My Family: SP1, Raven, and my other daughter soon to be named in 2 years, PcSavvy (My Sister)
Been Adopted by: Shadowchild,Mega.EXE
My Adoptions: Lunis--who has my unconditional love and support.
Shadowchild: who can win an argument with anyone (Hehe)
My Boys in Arms (The ones I'll try to keep from wandering the path of goofiness & craziness:dizzy: ): Yahshua(:angel: on his shoulder watching over him), Nate (AKA Kaemmerite), Sigmaknight, Cap'nNick, BigSleepJ,Scribs, YeshuaKnight, Linkquest, Mr. Smarty Pants, Cephas VII, Kkun, and AziertheSwordsman
My Girls in Arms (The ones I'll be looking out for from time to time): Sakura15, CrimsonRyu17, PrincessZelda, Himura Kaoru, Iz&Trigun4life, Lunis, Jesusfreak84,Shadowchild
And some new friends: JadenMetal,Mithrandir, ShatterHeartArk, and few others
FKA Celestra[/SIZE]
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HitomiYuriko - Posts: 271
- Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2005 12:00 pm
- Location: Somewhere inside your mind haunting you forever
Still praying! Please keep us knowing how you're doing.
love ya in Christ,
God bless you!
praise-chan
love ya in Christ,
God bless you!
praise-chan
[color="Red"]If GOD brings you to it, He will bring you through it.- unknown.[SIZE="3"][color="Magenta"][color="Red"][/color][/color][/SIZE]:angel:[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
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12praiseGOD - Posts: 615
- Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: home is where the heart is
Many attacks from the enemy. That devil is going to try to attack you in every way he can and our minds are the biggest battlefields. There was a point in my life where I too was feeling somewhat of how you feel. I felt worthless, confused, doubtful, etc. I stopped doing alot of things that I loved to do even. And I even felt like if I was mentally unstable. What happened was that I had allowed the devil and his demons to constantly attack me; not intentionally but I did. Even when I was told to rebuke him. I feared almost everything. But the devil is a fool; he's always a fool. Because of these trials and because God loves me and I know He loves you too; I have become stronger. Stronger in faith, stronger in Jesus! He's an on time God. Keep believing in Him, tell Him that you love Him. Watch your life grow in Christ!
I hope that this helps you. I prayed for you, and I want to continue to pray for you. God bless you!
I hope that this helps you. I prayed for you, and I want to continue to pray for you. God bless you!
[SIZE="5"][color="White"]Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! [/color][/SIZE]
[color="DarkOrchid"]@[/color][color="Green"])}~`,~[/color] [color="Yellow"]Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA moderators.[/color]
[color="DarkOrchid"]@[/color][color="Green"])}~`,~[/color] [color="Yellow"]Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA moderators.[/color]
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RandomBurrito - Posts: 296
- Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 9:52 pm
- Location: A Mexican Restaurant
I felt like this for over ten years, and I even tried killing myself.....I think it's an attack of the enemy, and the only thing I can say is that one of th best things that helped as to get into a good church.
Just remember that God loves you, and that you will always have value to him.
Just remember that God loves you, and that you will always have value to him.
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Desert Rose - Posts: 52
- Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:38 pm
- Location: AZ
Oh Dan!!!!
Please don't give up on yourself! In life, we will fall into marshes of Self-Doubt and Loathing....but we don't need to swim in the mess for long. I believe in you....so don't stop believing in yourself.
I love you, my brother! I will be praying....
Please don't give up on yourself! In life, we will fall into marshes of Self-Doubt and Loathing....but we don't need to swim in the mess for long. I believe in you....so don't stop believing in yourself.
I love you, my brother! I will be praying....
Jeremiah 29:11-"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
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Phantom_Sorano - Posts: 909
- Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:19 pm
- Location: Between the past and the future.
You're in my prayers Dan.
"Who is this?" they said to Me
'That the wind and waves obey
Come, let's hang Him on a tree
That His reign should pass away'
But here I am I say to you
Though you turn away, it is My will
To love you for forevermore
Peace be still, peace be still
-Showbread-the Sky(alpha)
'That the wind and waves obey
Come, let's hang Him on a tree
That His reign should pass away'
But here I am I say to you
Though you turn away, it is My will
To love you for forevermore
Peace be still, peace be still
-Showbread-the Sky(alpha)
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Shiningmonk_e - Posts: 209
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 7:23 pm
- Location: Ohio
Dan,
I'm there right there so I know what you are going through and even I will tell you that your not meant to do that. I know you just want the pain to stop..its not that you want to die....but evne though the pain may not stop, God isn't going to leave you thru it.
Kunoichi
I'm there right there so I know what you are going through and even I will tell you that your not meant to do that. I know you just want the pain to stop..its not that you want to die....but evne though the pain may not stop, God isn't going to leave you thru it.
Kunoichi
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
Ah I am stilling going through it and still daily have headaches and low in energy couldn't sleep well. Plus have a rough patch with God ah I feel the same sentiment from The Battlestar Galactica's episode call A disquiet follows my soul where Doctor Gaius Baltar play by the actor James Callis calling into the questions of the nature of God the Father. Where he state that what kind of the Father is God that put his children into trials and temptation. So overall I don't know what is God's end game plan for this current situation I am just so very tired of it.
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Yahshua - Posts: 1698
- Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:00 am
Dan.....I understand where you are right now...but don't give up. Your life has a divine purpose...and a specific plan laid out just for you!
Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has plans for you, and they are good and will give you a hope and great future.
Realize that you are so important in this world.....it might be hard to see for yourself, but I can personally say that you have been an aid to me many times. Thank you. For your kindness and ernest concern.
A few years ago, my best friend commited suicide. To you, it might seem like a way out....but it isn't. It is like setting off an atomic bomb....it has a chain reaction with devistating effects. I won't begin to describe what I went through...but it was bad. "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."-1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Don't throw your life away, Dan. God loved you so much that he sent his son to die for you.....he loves you that much.
I will be praying for you.
Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has plans for you, and they are good and will give you a hope and great future.
Realize that you are so important in this world.....it might be hard to see for yourself, but I can personally say that you have been an aid to me many times. Thank you. For your kindness and ernest concern.
A few years ago, my best friend commited suicide. To you, it might seem like a way out....but it isn't. It is like setting off an atomic bomb....it has a chain reaction with devistating effects. I won't begin to describe what I went through...but it was bad. "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."-1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Don't throw your life away, Dan. God loved you so much that he sent his son to die for you.....he loves you that much.
I will be praying for you.
Jeremiah 29:11-"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their entrances and their exits and one man in his time plays many parts."-Will Shakespeare
@)}~ carry this rose in your sig, as thanks, to all the CAA Moderators
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Phantom_Sorano - Posts: 909
- Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:19 pm
- Location: Between the past and the future.
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