NOTICE- im on my break at work so i didnt really try to punctuate.....
This isnt only for prayer... this is for advice as well...
Okay as my husband and i got into this big fight yesterday morning and he told me he thought a divorce was appropriate... well we got over it and i went to work.
I tried and tried to call him at home cause he wasnt at work that day and i never got ahold of him (turns out he was at his gpas).
I thought he had left and with an entire day of worrying and not being able to concentrate at work and crying on and off... i headed home (i found out he was home cause i went by my dads and he had called) and before i went home i stopped by my grandma's and called him cause we dont have running water so i needed to shower... when i called him... after i had already had an earful about how disrespectful my husband was being to my gma... and he hung up on me and so i started bawling and tried to call back and he did it again and anyways i got home ... bawling still, and he starts yelling about how my grandma had told him that i was leaving him and all this stuff and anyways an hour later (even though i didnt want to cause i was to upset) i confronted my grandma and she almost started crying and she was like "I never said that!!!!!!" well needless to say, my grandma was hurt and my husband and her exchanged words..... well... who do i believe ... my husband or grandma... neither would have reason to lie about it so .... what do i do... it just made me snap last night.... and now i can honestly say that its the last straw.... it just adds to the other stuff in my life thats going on and i really dont care about anything any more... i really dont.... i just want to end it... and im not saying that to get attention... if yall dont respond it wont hurt me any i just really need to know... who to believe .... what to do.... HELP:?:
something ...
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Artist4Jesus89 - Posts: 550
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:00 am
- Location: In a world with evil all around me :(
=[
I’ll pray that things get better for ya.
As for advice… it’s hard to say exactly, it’s an odd situation. I’d first talk to everyone again… like, serious conversation. And pray. Pray pray pray, and pray with your husband too. I imagine it’s hard being married when you’re 18… I mean, I’m 17 and I don’t plan on marrying my boyfriend for several years!, so I give you props for sticking through it.
Just ask for God’s guidance in everything, he’ll come to you, you just need to let him.
But you’re in my prayers ^_^
I’ll pray that things get better for ya.
As for advice… it’s hard to say exactly, it’s an odd situation. I’d first talk to everyone again… like, serious conversation. And pray. Pray pray pray, and pray with your husband too. I imagine it’s hard being married when you’re 18… I mean, I’m 17 and I don’t plan on marrying my boyfriend for several years!, so I give you props for sticking through it.
Just ask for God’s guidance in everything, he’ll come to you, you just need to let him.
But you’re in my prayers ^_^
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xblack_x_rosesx - Posts: 541
- Joined: Fri Jul 28, 2006 12:00 pm
- Location: Alberta, Canada
You should certainly try to straighten things out with your husband. You made a commitment to him and God, and unless adultery was committed in this situation then you have a promise to keep and stay married.
Other then that I have a feeling that your grandmother will love you no matter what and that she would be more then happy to see you patch things up with your husband.
What happened here was probably a case of miscommunication. When in an argument I tend to hear what I want to hear. I even misquote people and get myself in trouble. Your husband maybe got the wrong impression from your grandmother in something she said. Once this all cools down they will have to make amends also, but for now the more important thing is for you and our husband to cool down. After that try to talk to each other. I suggest that no one else be there when you do (unless there is someone impartial) so that no one feels 'ganged up' on.
In the future you might want to seek marriage counseling. Most church pastors do it for free. Seems there are more issues here then just this argument.
All that said, you will be in my prayers---hope this helps.
Other then that I have a feeling that your grandmother will love you no matter what and that she would be more then happy to see you patch things up with your husband.
What happened here was probably a case of miscommunication. When in an argument I tend to hear what I want to hear. I even misquote people and get myself in trouble. Your husband maybe got the wrong impression from your grandmother in something she said. Once this all cools down they will have to make amends also, but for now the more important thing is for you and our husband to cool down. After that try to talk to each other. I suggest that no one else be there when you do (unless there is someone impartial) so that no one feels 'ganged up' on.
In the future you might want to seek marriage counseling. Most church pastors do it for free. Seems there are more issues here then just this argument.
All that said, you will be in my prayers---hope this helps.
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Sheol777 - Posts: 592
- Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:09 pm
- Location: South Jersey
Well, I'm not married. So I don't know if I can offer reliable advice. I'm sorry you're going through so much. Look up David in the Bible. He had his wife, his family, a whole city was captured and for all he knew all the people in that city were being killed, tortured, raped, and so on. And people blamed David for it. But the Bible says David found comfort in the Lord. If all else fails, I say pray and ask God to take that place in your life where he is still a source of comfort even if you're all alone.
Given that your husband is wavering on who he should trust about this, I say stand on your rights as his wife and demand he trust you above everyone else. Again, I don't know your history with your husband, and I'm trusting you haven't done anything to provoke this. I don't want to demonize you or your husband, but given that you two are married, you are both supposed to consider each other's thoughts and convictions just as important as each others. And from that standpoint, the decision ought to be made for your husband, since you know better about the situation.
It's called living with a spirit of 'oneness'. I read a book on this subject where the author detailed his wife's misery in that he would never side with her in disputes between her and her family. And when he finally got on the ball, his wife was so surprised she thought she would faint. Their lives got much better after that, but that's supposed to be normative.
So in summary, if your husband is still undecided, I say you should communicate this to him. And I will certainly be praying for both of you. God bless.
Given that your husband is wavering on who he should trust about this, I say stand on your rights as his wife and demand he trust you above everyone else. Again, I don't know your history with your husband, and I'm trusting you haven't done anything to provoke this. I don't want to demonize you or your husband, but given that you two are married, you are both supposed to consider each other's thoughts and convictions just as important as each others. And from that standpoint, the decision ought to be made for your husband, since you know better about the situation.
It's called living with a spirit of 'oneness'. I read a book on this subject where the author detailed his wife's misery in that he would never side with her in disputes between her and her family. And when he finally got on the ball, his wife was so surprised she thought she would faint. Their lives got much better after that, but that's supposed to be normative.
So in summary, if your husband is still undecided, I say you should communicate this to him. And I will certainly be praying for both of you. God bless.
The greatest Christian manga of all time! http://gameplan.christianmanga.com/
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Prince Asbel - Posts: 588
- Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:26 pm
- Location: West Virginia. No, I am not a country hick.
Ok...i haven't been married long but I will try to give as much advice as I can...but I would take everything I say with a grain of salt since i have never myself been in this experience.
1) I see you are young, so I am assuming that your hubby is young too. If that is the case, him saying that you both should get a divorce raises some flags. If after a fight (albeit no matter how big) he says he wants a divorce, that issue should be addressed. because if he's threatening with divorce it makes it seem as if he isn't committed thru marriage in the "better or worse" category. And there will be worse times, that is for sure!
2.) I'm not sure if he's a christian, if he's not, its going to make him committing to sticking out the fights and the stress and hardship that comes along with any relationship, harder. Afterall, wordly view see's divorce as being "ok" and "acceptable". IMO, if there isn't any abuse, then the marriage should be worked out if possible. If at all possible you do everything (ie. marriage counseling, pastoral counseling) to resolve issues. You have to remember you both are bringing past experiences into marriage. Its inevitable and maybe whatever you were fighting about scared him or triggered a past experience.
3.) as for who to trust. Well that's a hard issue. Actually both people DO have something to gain by lying and at the same time they have NOTHING to gain by lying. I think the matter really is between grandma and hubby , not you. They are saying conflicting things. Merely approach each person individually and express that you don't really care about what the other person did or didn't say. Tell them that you are not leaving and if they don't want to get along, that's fine but you don't have to be dragged and torn in the middle between the two. Your grandmother is not married to your hubby and your hubby is not bound to like your grandmother. Unfortunately, it simply may be that they don't like eachother and really, that's ok. It SHOULD not affect your hubby's relationship with you or your grandmother's relationship with you as it has NOTHING to do with you.
4.) Pray of course. Direction and peace are critical at this time. I know it seems as if nothing will get better and you are doomed for heartache. (Read my own prayer threads...I know alot in this area). But our God uses all hurts and aches and struggles for good one way or another. So regardless the outcome (whether you are divorced or not) God isn't going to leave you or think less of you...because His love overpowers all that. Trust in him.
I hope this helps a little. PM me if you want to talk some more and I pray that it all works out one way or another. Remember, regardless of what happens out of your control (like your hubby wanting a divorce..which in this case seems like its due to his own issues) that you don't have to go down in the muck. You can still and will still be used by God to do what work he has in you.
God Bless
Kunoichi
1) I see you are young, so I am assuming that your hubby is young too. If that is the case, him saying that you both should get a divorce raises some flags. If after a fight (albeit no matter how big) he says he wants a divorce, that issue should be addressed. because if he's threatening with divorce it makes it seem as if he isn't committed thru marriage in the "better or worse" category. And there will be worse times, that is for sure!
2.) I'm not sure if he's a christian, if he's not, its going to make him committing to sticking out the fights and the stress and hardship that comes along with any relationship, harder. Afterall, wordly view see's divorce as being "ok" and "acceptable". IMO, if there isn't any abuse, then the marriage should be worked out if possible. If at all possible you do everything (ie. marriage counseling, pastoral counseling) to resolve issues. You have to remember you both are bringing past experiences into marriage. Its inevitable and maybe whatever you were fighting about scared him or triggered a past experience.
3.) as for who to trust. Well that's a hard issue. Actually both people DO have something to gain by lying and at the same time they have NOTHING to gain by lying. I think the matter really is between grandma and hubby , not you. They are saying conflicting things. Merely approach each person individually and express that you don't really care about what the other person did or didn't say. Tell them that you are not leaving and if they don't want to get along, that's fine but you don't have to be dragged and torn in the middle between the two. Your grandmother is not married to your hubby and your hubby is not bound to like your grandmother. Unfortunately, it simply may be that they don't like eachother and really, that's ok. It SHOULD not affect your hubby's relationship with you or your grandmother's relationship with you as it has NOTHING to do with you.
4.) Pray of course. Direction and peace are critical at this time. I know it seems as if nothing will get better and you are doomed for heartache. (Read my own prayer threads...I know alot in this area). But our God uses all hurts and aches and struggles for good one way or another. So regardless the outcome (whether you are divorced or not) God isn't going to leave you or think less of you...because His love overpowers all that. Trust in him.
I hope this helps a little. PM me if you want to talk some more and I pray that it all works out one way or another. Remember, regardless of what happens out of your control (like your hubby wanting a divorce..which in this case seems like its due to his own issues) that you don't have to go down in the muck. You can still and will still be used by God to do what work he has in you.
God Bless
Kunoichi
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:-
Kunoichi - Posts: 1219
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:18 pm
- Location: Everywhere But Nowhere
Praying for ya!
[color="Red"]If GOD brings you to it, He will bring you through it.- unknown.[SIZE="3"][color="Magenta"][color="Red"][/color][/color][/SIZE]:angel:[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
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12praiseGOD - Posts: 615
- Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: home is where the heart is
That depends upon your grandmother to a certain extent. Is she showing signs of Alzheimer's? My own grandmother has the problem where she'll do rather strange and bizzare things (e.g. eat frozen T.V. dinners WITHOUT microwaving them, just letting them defrost in the fridge...) and then denies it with a passion... You'll watch her destroy something and two seconds later she'll deny it. Is it that my Grandmother is a rotten person and a lier? Hardly, it's just that she literally doesn't have all her marbles together at times (and its not her fault either). If you met her in person, she'd give you the shirt off her own back to help you... which is part of our problems 
. But yes, that's one question I'd ask myself.
If yes, then I wouldn't be angry at your grandmother, she probably doesn't remember doing it and (as they do sometimes) just made it up without even realizing it.
Concerning the fight, I'll keep you in my prayers. Although overall, given your VERY young age (18) this all might be the result of teenage angst carrying over into your marital life as well (Whether you like it or not, if you are somewhat similar in age than you BOTH are going to have to do some growing up together (My own mother says that men are generally about four years less emotionally mature then women. overall... I'd say that's a good guess)). Whatever happens, don't get caught up in ANY fight that turns from verbal/emotional to physical.
In my prayers
Pascal
. But yes, that's one question I'd ask myself.If yes, then I wouldn't be angry at your grandmother, she probably doesn't remember doing it and (as they do sometimes) just made it up without even realizing it.
Concerning the fight, I'll keep you in my prayers. Although overall, given your VERY young age (18) this all might be the result of teenage angst carrying over into your marital life as well (Whether you like it or not, if you are somewhat similar in age than you BOTH are going to have to do some growing up together (My own mother says that men are generally about four years less emotionally mature then women. overall... I'd say that's a good guess)). Whatever happens, don't get caught up in ANY fight that turns from verbal/emotional to physical.
In my prayers
Pascal
FKA Pascal
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Dante - Posts: 1323
- Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2004 8:24 pm
- Location: Where-ever it is, it sure is hot!
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