General Lust Prayer Thread (WARNING: Mature Content)

[Corkyspaniel]

I just wanted to say that I've reached a point in my life that I don't really understand, and I wanted to post it here because it does involve sexual desire. Doubts seem to rule my life sometimes, like all the Truths are replaced with "if"s. And it's awful when sexual desire comes and I don't have enough clarity between right and wrong to know to do. Sometimes, it's all I think about. I just distance myself from God so much that I don't feel the shame that I used to. And, last year, I had a "day- system" like I know many in this thread have. (Day 0, Day 1, etc.) And, I'd always say to my friends "I'm on Day 30, I can't believe it!", but I'd be afraid to tell them what I was talking about. And, I hear that having an accountability parter helps. So, I was wondering if anyone could be that for me? And thank you all for this thread; sorry for the long post.~

[Prince Asbel]

>_< I am having a lot of difficulties at the moment with sexuality in general. Fortunately, I have a girlfriend who I'm planning on marrying, and who is just as sexual as I am, so that will help (hopefully), but I'm still needing all the prayer I can get. Thanks.

You got it.

[quote="Corkyspaniel (post: 1272815)"]I just wanted to say that I've reached a point in my life that I don't really understand, and I wanted to post it here because it does involve sexual desire. Doubts seem to rule my life sometimes, like all the Truths are replaced with "if"s. And it's awful when sexual desire comes and I don't have enough clarity between right and wrong to know to do. Sometimes, it's all I think about. I just distance myself from God so much that I don't feel the shame that I used to. And, last year, I had a "day- system" like I know many in this thread have. (Day 0, Day 1, etc.) And, I'd always say to my friends "I'm on Day 30, I can't believe it!", but I'd be afraid to tell them what I was talking about. And, I hear that having an accountability parter helps. So, I was wondering if anyone could be that for me? And thank you all for this thread]

First, unless you struggle with homosexuality (Not saying you do.), you'll want to seek a girl accountability partner.

Second, if your mind is filled with if's, then perhaps you should study the issue more. Look at the verses talking about sex. See what other Christians have to say about it. Google specific questions about sex from a Christian standpoint. That's the step you need to take, because if your mind is clouded with if's, then discouragement will never leave you.

I pray things begin to improve for you.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

...

-sigh-

So... I slipped up and got intimate with my boyfriend today...

..twice.

It felt differant this time, like, it was passionate and not just about the... erm... feelings. It was soft and romantic and not grophey and all that jazz.
So, for some reason my gut isn't telling me it was wrong, but I keep thinking I should feel it is wrong...

=\
Anyway, because it didn't feel wrong this time, I'm not feeling bad about it, and I don't have a lot of ... motivation not to do it again.
But, I'm going to pray about it.

Thanks

[Prince Asbel]

It's kind of hard to figure out what you mean by intimate here. If there was no... (I'll just be blunt here) sexual feelings, then I think it was perfectly alright. I'm seriously doubting there wasn't any sexual feelings going on at all anyway. I think that you're having a battle in your mind, and it's affecting your conscience. The bible says that if your conscience bothers you to do something, you shouldn't go ahead and do it, because that is a sin.

So you and your boyfriend need to get on that same track and avoid intimacy altogether for the sake of your spiritual health. Take this for what it's worth. I'm sure you were waiting to hear what SOMEONE had to say, so there's what I have to say on the subject. I hope it helps.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Intimate as in... near sex, but no penetration.
To be blunt.

Yea... I'm working on it =\
I think just cutting back a little at a time is what's going to end up working. Because stopping sex cold turkey is... impossible since we're both... very very very sexual individuals. So...
I dunno, I know it doesn't sound like a good idea, but whenever we try cold turkey it just doesn't work.
If we ease off it seems to be working better.

... i dunno...
frig.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

I mean, I know my limitations...
It wasn't lust...

...
gaarrhh.
=\

[Prince Asbel]

Well... I'd still be against it, but I think that's all I'll say on the subject. I pray you and your boyfriend win this battle.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Well... I'd still be against it, but I think that's all I'll say on the subject. I pray you and your boyfriend win this battle.

Thank you.
I'm giving it a lot... lot lot lot of thought.

Seriously, though, thank you.
I feel terrible that someone is praying for me when it's completely my fault and in my hands.
So I really appriciate it ^_^

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Wasn't lust, my butt. Don't justify sin. Ask Jesus for forgiveness and draw on strength from him. I'm not saying it will be easy but saying it isn't lust is just feeding the lie. God forgives but stopping cold turkey would be a good idea. You need accountability partners and soon.
Don't give the excuse that your sexual beings, God made us this way. We all struggle with our desires and to keep them in check. I struggle with lust myself but not having a girlfriend kind of helps. I need to mature in my walk with Christ before entering a relationship. I think you two just need to back off for awhile.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

You need accountability partners and soon.

--

=\
Uhmmm.... I don't know how well that would work. All my friends, and acquaintances, and people I know (even the Christians) all have sex regularily.
And honestly, I would lie about it if it was someone online.

If I'm going to stop, I'll stop by myself. I don't need an acountability partner, that wouldn't work.
I just need time.

[Midori]

Perhaps W4J was a bit strong in his wording, but I do agree with him. It's easy to rationalize your sin as something normal and not wrong. I struggle with that myself near all the time. Let's not lose our heads over someone being passionate about their views.

Incidentally, I'm praying for you, roses, that God will give you the wisdom to find the best thing, whatever that is.

[Sheol777]

[quote="Savrit (post: 1273620)"]I think it needs to be said that you're way out of line.

Nothing posted in this thread is easy to talk about, and your harsh approach to someone struggling with uncertainty and confusion is inappropriate at best. I think the fact that she's trying to ascertain whether or not anything she's doing is sinful a sign of maturity]
I disagree with Savrit, Warrior 4 Jesus said what needed to be said. This is a thread based on struggles with lust and he defined the matter more clearly for her, and in no way did he berate her.

Could it have been worded more tenderly? Yeah maybe, however he brings the right perspective. Heck, even Jesus called people out on lust....even in their mind!

[xblack_x_rosesx]

For what it's worth, I'm not offended, but I really appriciate what you said, Savrit.

I'm not trying to pervert lust, I'm not trying to disguise it and convince myself it's something it isn't- I'm a bloody smart person, I'm not an idiot, and I do find it insulting that it's being thought that I'm trying to make excuses.
I'm accountable for what I did, clearly I understand it or I would. not. be. wasting. my. time. HERE.

I guess my intentions on this weren't as blatantly obvious as they should have been.

I'm just saying I'm confused about what the definition of lust is. I don't understand how a, for example, couple, the night before their wedding, could get intimate with each other and have it be a sin, when the next night, after their legally married, whether before a court or church, have it be perfectly alright.
I've heard pastors say its if you both approach God in your heart and ask to be wed then it's alright, like people who don't have access to churches or courts to do it legally.
I've heard other people tell me that unless it is before God legally it is always a sin.
I've heard so much that I'm confused about the definition of lust, why it is wrong, and where the solution lies.

I shouldn't consider myself a virgin, because of what I've done in the past, but I've been told that because I realize my sin and have been saved by Jesus, I'm a born-again-... erm... virgin. But the fact that I've done what I've done willingly, but twisted it so it could please both God and I is something I can't get past, and something I wish I'd understood sooner. I know I'll end up going down this same road again if I can't get it straight in my head.

Thanks,
Britt

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I'm not saying I'm perfect, I struggle with lust a lot but we also need to have a change of heart. I apologise for my harsh wording but not for what I said. I'm just trying to help.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

I'm not saying I'm perfect, I struggle with lust a lot but we also need to have a change of heart. I apologise for my harsh wording but not for what I said. I'm just trying to help.

I know, I know. I'm just confused... it's hard to know what to think.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I've found this is a very good website dealing with many issues Christians face in regards to family, friends, relationships, sex and more.
Give it a look.

http://www.boundless.org/

[Prince Asbel]

In Warrior 4 Jesus's defense, I'll say that being harsh is not out of line. The Bible is replete with examples of people who, under the inspiration of God, did much harsher things than Warrior 4 Jesus has. Admittedly there is tact to be considered, but if you just subtract the first four words of his post, it shouldn't be considered at all out of line.

I would encourage using less harsh language though, Warrior 4 Jesus. Being harsh is one thing, saying things like "Wasn't lust, my butt." delivers more insults than criticism.

[SnEptUne]

Basically, if you keep exposing yourself to things that turn you on, you will only make it harder. Your will to be pure will become strong if you don't keep feeding your sex drive. Then when you see a picture or hear some sound that may turn you on, if you immediately bounce your eyes away or cover your ears, you won't become aroused against your will. Maybe you could revisit discussing sex and things like that when you're married and you have someone to accomodate your needs. But before then, you will only make it harder for yourself.

It would be is very selfish of me to avoid someone just because that someone "turns me on". The fault is all mine, not that someone's, nor the sound's, nor picture's. Besides, I found a much better solution. See below:

[quote="xblack_x_rosesx (post: 1271759)"]I second that.
I mean, we all get aroused against our will. I mean, I'll just look at my boyfriend and be aroused, and won't want to, or I'll see a really attractive women and get aroused- I don't mean to, but it happens.
I think it's kinda just... pushing those thoughts out of your head and getting control of it. Easier said then done, but... control ><]

Having taken psychology class, I now understand that arrousal is all up to people's interpretation. According to the theory, biology arrousal happens indiscriminate for all novel artifacts, which is why some people fell in love with people who threaten and abused them because they have taken the arrousal from violence as romance... oh my!

But all is not lost (?). If the arrousal is interpretated as negative, the arrousal will heighten our dislike of that person. In one of the experiments, men were subjected to physical exertion (i.e. running) and then shown picture of an ugly woman. Compared to the control group who have not ran, the men with the exercise rated the ugly women significiantly more negatively. oh my!

In the other word, lust requires cognitive connections to manifest. So no more poking out eyes, just don't connect the dots! Amen.

Therefore, I will conclude that a solution to lust is not to avoid social interaction (impossible! unless I am trying to become an old maid/man with 1k cats), but to correct yourself cognitively.

* Just to clarify, I don't "feed sex drive" whatever that is, so you can rest assure about that subject. I am weird!

[Prince Asbel]

Laughs* Well, I do not hole myself up in my own little world and never go outside or look at other people. I hope you didn't get that impression, because that's not what I meant to give.

[Garjzla]

yeah i have been struggling with lust a lot lately...i.e. pornography and i need some prayer...yeah

[Garjzla]

Thank you.
I'm giving it a lot... lot lot lot of thought.

Seriously, though, thank you.
I feel terrible that someone is praying for me when it's completely my fault and in my hands.
So I really appriciate it ^_^

dont feel bad! we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and that is what familiy does we look out for eachother and being appreciative is the best thing you could do and that is what you are doing!


(sorry to double post)

[Prince Asbel]

yeah i have been struggling with lust a lot lately...i.e. pornography and i need some prayer...yeah

Okay.

[MangArtist]

O_o I've been going up and down. -_-

I have a question... What's the difference between admiring the female form and lusting? I'm not arguing that they're both the same, btw! I have a very hard time telling which one I'm doing. =\

[Yojimbo]

Admiring the female form is thinking.

"Hey that girl/guy looks good, they have nice clothes on, they have a pretty face/hair/eyes/nose/feet whatever,"

God made women beautiful and I'm glad He did!

The line is drawn when it gets sexual in any way. When it leads you to thinking about them in an unhealthy way, undressing with the eyes, playing with certain thoughts in your head of a sexual nature. I mean we could go into super detail here but I think we know where that would go.

Also being tempted is not a sin. Christ was tempted and He overcame it, he did not let the temptation breed sin. We can't help it if woman decides to put some skimpy cleavage revealing clothes on and walk into our view We don't have the option of picking her clothes out for her. The key is to not dwell on it, not letting Satan get a foothold.

Push that thought out of your mind immediately. Pray that God would help you overcome that. It takes a lot of discipline and humble reliance on God, and I fail at this way more than I succeed. But that's the beauty of grace ya'll!

"The LORD is near to all who call upon him, . . . He also hears their cry, and saves them" (Psalm 145:18-19)

"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Mt 5:27-28)

[xblack_x_rosesx]

...
I think when you start getting tingly feelings it's lusting ;P

[MangArtist]

Yeah.
My problem is I'll be looking at a picture of a girl(I usually don't look at girls in RL) just for art reference and whatnot, but I get that tingly feeling like Roses was saying. Only once did I look at something without problems, but I can't seem to do it anymore. T_T My body will act up even if I'm just talking to a girl, actually. -_- I'm not even thinking about anything sexual either.
I feel like I've totally messed up my view of girls, which ticks me off.(at myself)
Pretty much the only times I'm looking at, say a girl's...um.... chest, and usually not get roused is when I'm drawing that area. Though, there are times where I'm not so fortunate. -_-

[xblack_x_rosesx]

=\

That's a pickle, then friend.
I don't know what to tell you. I can honestly say I don't know where the line is drawn either. Like...
In my mind, I think it's lusting once you start getting sexual ideas and themes in your head.
Because, I get aroused looking at picutres of females, because the woman form is such a beautiful and exciting thing- but it's not like I'm going to visualize being with a woman, because I don't always swing that way.
I also get "tingly" when I see my boyfriend, but I don't think it's lusting. It's just exciting to see him, or it's a good fuzzy feeling.

I think when you start to question yourself whether it's lusting or not, it's probably lusting. I say just trust your gut- you should know what's right and what's wrong. If it feels like your just admiring it to it's extent without arousal, and it doesn't feel wrong, don't overthink it.

I don't know actually... -shrugs-

[Prince Asbel]

O_o I've been going up and down. -_-

I have a question... What's the difference between admiring the female form and lusting? I'm not arguing that they're both the same, btw! I have a very hard time telling which one I'm doing. =\

I would agree with what has been said already. Any imagination regarding another person which brings about sexual arousal counts as lust. This does allow for simply admiring the female form, but the point where it begins to get sexy is different for some people. Each individual needs to realize this: When he/she begins to feel tingly, they need to stop what they're doing. If he/she sees a situation where they know they'll feel tingly, he/she needs to avoid it. They won't be going up and down then.

I used to be the way you are now, MangArtist. But not anymore, and it's because I 1, avoided situations where I would surely get that feeling, and 2, I made a mental note to bounce my eyes away when I saw a future situation where I might be tempted to stare. I don't think lustful thoughts all the time anymore, and I'm sure you can reach that point as well. I'd encourage you to look over this thread and other prayer request threads where people have already offered more particular instructions on how to do this.

[MangArtist]

Sorry it's taken so long. o_o

=\

That's a pickle, then friend.
I don't know what to tell you. I can honestly say I don't know where the line is drawn either. Like...
In my mind, I think it's lusting once you start getting sexual ideas and themes in your head.
Because, I get aroused looking at picutres of females, because the woman form is such a beautiful and exciting thing- but it's not like I'm going to visualize being with a woman, because I don't always swing that way.
I also get "tingly" when I see my boyfriend, but I don't think it's lusting. It's just exciting to see him, or it's a good fuzzy feeling.

I think when you start to question yourself whether it's lusting or not, it's probably lusting. I say just trust your gut- you should know what's right and what's wrong. If it feels like your just admiring it to it's extent without arousal, and it doesn't feel wrong, don't overthink it.

I don't know actually... -shrugs-

Mhm.
What's annoying is I feel guilty no matter how I look at women. I think it's because I was always told NEVER to look at women. So even if I'm not getting turned on, I feel guilty anyways. =\

Ok. This bugs me cause it puts a dent in drawing. -_- I kinda know the basic shape, but still.

I would agree with what has been said already. Any imagination regarding another person which brings about sexual arousal counts as lust. This does allow for simply admiring the female form, but the point where it begins to get sexy is different for some people. Each individual needs to realize this: When he/she begins to feel tingly, they need to stop what they're doing. If he/she sees a situation where they know they'll feel tingly, he/she needs to avoid it. They won't be going up and down then.

I used to be the way you are now, MangArtist. But not anymore, and it's because I 1, avoided situations where I would surely get that feeling, and 2, I made a mental note to bounce my eyes away when I saw a future situation where I might be tempted to stare. I don't think lustful thoughts all the time anymore, and I'm sure you can reach that point as well. I'd encourage you to look over this thread and other prayer request threads where people have already offered more particular instructions on how to do this.

OK.
Another thing... You may have heard of the book "Every Young Man's Battle". My dad told me he'd have to go through it again to see if I should be reading it yet.(he said that a couple months ago) So last night I found and read bits and parts.... I'm not sure how I should feel. I know I was wrong in disobeying him, but looking in it also helped me realize that other things I was doing were wrong. -_-

"and it's because I 1,"

Hehe, I read that wrong at first. XD
1 = won

[Prince Asbel]

Okay... Forget that whole never-look-at-a-woman thing. That's not a sin. There's a point in overdoing things, and I think if you try to be so particular about this whole issue of lust that you don't even LOOK at a girl, you'll go insane.

As to that book, I'd say read it all the way through. I don't agree with like 1 or 2% of it, but the rest is good stuff. Just don't think you should feel guilty just for looking at girls.

Besides... If God didn't intend for us even to look at girls, he shouldn't have made them so darn cute.