I will try not to rant much, but I tend to.
Iam torn between 2 things, its troubling my heart VERY much, and the timing couldnt be worse.
1. For the past 3 years I guess you could say I have grown QUITE fond of girls...and yet Iam quite the hopless romantic. When I see a girl, I look at her face before anything else, while my friends/coworkers would be making sexual jokes. I guess you could so say I appreciate the finer things in a girl herself, more than sex, so I know my hearts in the right place when it comes to love. Quite simply, I like being loved more than..anything else it would involve. And simply put..I want, and have always wanted a girl to call my own!
..but, even still..
2. While its sad, yet true, I have never really considered myself REALLY close to God. I can say I have openly discussed and supported God in, for example, a conversation with a Buddhist friend, a Muslim turned Christian friend, and and been the best Christ-like example I could be in rooms full of non-believers...But yet, I rarely read my Bible, and now its scaring me.
Even someone who doesnt actively read the Bible (but still believe) can CLEARLY see just how little time is left, which both scares someone "just qualifying" to be a Christian (for lack of a better phrase), and, brings me to my first thing...I've bearlly had a girlfriend, and hate it.
Something stupid and trivial in the bigger picture of eternity? Yes..but this is my point of view, however dumb it is:
Fact 1. I love to be loved, and have ALWAYS been very lonely, with my lack of girl skills.
Fact 2. I KNOW that God is far more important than 300 years with the most Christ-like girl, even if I dont act or think it.
But 3. When I think Heaven (BESIDES being with God), I think gold streets, my own house (made by God) and no sin. Great, yes..but truth be told, I would give up ALL the gold streets in the world for the love of a girl!
Result: When I see how close the rapture is, and how far I really am from God, it only makes me think more about a girl, and how I wont get one...but when I focuse more on that, I can feel the Holy Spirit bring my attention back to God. ITS THE MOST FRIKIN HARD TUG OF WAR GAME I HAVE EVER SEEN!
I recognise my problem, but no amount of thought and prayer to God really seemed to help ease my hard pressed heart. So now, Im letting a community know. I KNOW the answer is to get closer to the eternal God...But Im just always VERRRRY lonely!
Please help!