i haven't been in here for a while...

[chibiphonebooth]

I haven't posted in here for a while i dont think.

but i'd like some prayer and advice.

for the past couple weeks i've just been mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally worn out.

I'm really worried about college and stuff. I'm doing fine in my college right now- but i'm at a community college and its only a temporary thing. i am only taking core classes that every college requires so i can transfer to an art college.
i'm looking at a couple colleges. i have 3 in mind. one of them everyone says i should go to cause its like the Harvard or Yale of art colleges. But i don't like that college cause its so stale and sterile. the people all seem lost in their own world and everything is so cold. like some hospital. i also really dont feel comfortable in where the college is located because its in the middle of some slums- although they say the college is really safe.

the second one i really really love, and i would go there in a heartbeat... if it wasn't for the distance. i feel like it's too far for me. and my best friend is there right now, and even though she loves the school- she doesn't like the environment that much. and we are very similar and when i went to visit- i could see what she meant.

3rd college i just heard about a couple weeks ago- but apparently you get a free ride if you are really really good. but i heard its kinda small and ehh i dunno i haven't checked it out that much.

but also.. i still can't shake the feeling of how much i am not a school person and how i just hate going to school... and like it's not meant for me. it feels like a waste and i don't want to go through it and there are times i'm just going cause i know my parents want me to. i know the logical thing to do is keep going even though i don't like it... but it's just constantly conflicting.

there are a whole bunch of other things going on in my life right now too... i've pretty much lost almost all friends cause they left for college and they never come back. my best friend is down in GA for more than half of the year and i only get to see her for 2 weeks here and there. my only friend really is my friend julie who i only get to see on weekends. usually only on sunday.

i'm really frustrated with guys at the moment too, i feel like i'm being constantly let down all the time by them. there are times i think i should just be single for the rest of my life.

also, i used to have this idea of what i wanted to do with my life. i had a great idea and i kept pushing forward to it whenever i could. but now i lack motivation because i don't know what my purpose is anymore- what i'm working towards. i've lost sight of any goal and i feel like i'm running blindly in the dark to where i last saw a glimpse of what i was looking for.
there are all these things i want to do but i dont know which one to pick and i can't do all of them... and i'm just frustrated. i feel like i have to pick and choose and time is running out for me to do that.

i'm mad too, cause i feel like spiritually i've advanced, but i've also back stepped quite a bit too. somehow i've done both. i feel like i have much better understanding of a whole bunch of things, and i've matured in many areas. but i also feel really limited too. i feel like the harder i try to do what God wants, the less i hear him and the more confused i get.

it feels like everything is stacked against me and i'm forced to climb this giant 60 foot concrete wall and i'm not getting any slack.
No one is saying 'oh you can walk AROUND the wall. or you can dig under the wall or even knock the wall down!' its like, 'you have to climb that wall. climb it with your bare hands and feet until your fingertips bleed and your bones scrape the brick.'

and it hurts.

i dunno.

i guess just some prayer and advice would be nice.
thanks.

[Radical Dreamer]

You know I'm definitely praying for you. Just keep going and see what doors God opens in the future; I'm sure all this college stuff will work out somehow, whether you're supposed to go or not!







[Size="1"]YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME TO MY COLLEGE IT WOULD BE SO FUN. LOL Even though we don't have animation programs BUT STILL. XD[/SIZE]

[chibiphonebooth]

thanks corrie. <3










[SIZE="1"]also, what are you doing up? i thought you went to bed like an hour ago. >:O

and also yaaah that would be crazy funnnnn[/SIZE]

[Tsukuyomi]

You know you have mine, and if you have that much hesitant feelings towards college at this time.. Maybe you should put it on hold ^ ^ Don't let others push you into going when you're just not feeling it It's not like you're not giving college a single thought, because obviously you are

[chibiphonebooth]

thanks lucky. ;3;
i dunno- my parents are pretty tough about it. they told me if i don't start going to college they are going to start making me pay rent for staying in the house. :/

[LadyRushia]

Aww, Savannahface. D: I'd tell you to come to my college, but I don't think we have an animation program, or any art program for that matter (which is weird, but oh well).

[12praiseGOD]

Praying for ya!!!