Feel "Cursed" in my love life..

[Spector]

Short, simple and rather selfish really.
Im the kinda guy that loves to be loved AND hardly ever got it. Mutual feelings when I was 17, and was literally FORCED to brake up in 3 months due to reasons I wont get into (2 weeks before valentines day, while she had a new guy). And thats the end of it.

Now Im 20, NEVER had a date, a prom, a kiss, or even a valentine card, and now its finally catching up with me and crushes my spirits so much it even hurts my walk. Im almost RESENTING the idea of love, thinking its nothing more than fairytale, always happy ending, Hollywood B.S. meant for everyone but me!

I even did things just to make me feel better about myself. Like a myspace application that lets you see if people like you just by looking at your picture. Shurly SOMEONE would say yes. After a month not a SINGLE person "liked" me. Even went directly to them to be "friends"..and they REJECTED me! I JUST WANTED A CONFIDENCE BOOSTER AND SATAN DRUGED ME DOWN EVEN MORE!

I know there are people with worse problems out there, but THIS is whats tearing ME up. I also have NO friends. My only best friend is now residing in a different state, and I know no one here but my new coworkers whom I cant relate to.

Just please pray that this is resolved one way or another. I just about HATE love now, after so much rejection.

[Feebeefi]

Spector I feel the same way. I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend, date or a valentine's day card. I get down about it a lot, especially since all my friends are either in a long-term steady relationship or engaged/married.

I hate watching romance films because they make me feel so alone.

You have friends on here who'll all be here for you and who will pray for you. I know this sounds silly and might not give much comfort but there are others like us out there who have to wait longer than others for their soulmates.

Don't get too discouraged. I'll pray that you'll find someone who'll light up your life and make everyday worth living very soon *hugs*

If you ever want a chat or want a good moan, singleton to singleton, PM me anytime:)

[Etoh*the*Greato]

Totally not teasing you guys when I say this, but uh... Maybe you oughta start talking?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

[quote="Etoh*the*Greato (post: 1266559)"]Totally not teasing you guys when I say this, but uh... Maybe you oughta start talking? ]
.... LOL.

Okay, all jokes aside... I imagine a great deal of patience and attempts of further socialization with others is needed.

I'll post more later. XD

[Radical Dreamer]

Now Im 20, NEVER had a date, a prom, a kiss, or even a valentine card, and now its finally catching up with me and crushes my spirits so much it even hurts my walk. Im almost RESENTING the idea of love, thinking its nothing more than fairytale, always happy ending, Hollywood B.S. meant for everyone but me!

Dating and the like is not the be-all, end-all of life. I've never been to prom with anyone of the opposite gender, was never asked out in high school or even had anyone show interest in me, and, within the past year or so, have been on a grand total of two dates (one being my first, kind of]I even did things just to make me feel better about myself. Like a myspace application that lets you see if people like you just by looking at your picture. Surely SOMEONE would say yes. After a month not a SINGLE person "liked" me. Even went directly to them to be "friends"..and they REJECTED me! I JUST WANTED A CONFIDENCE BOOSTER AND SATAN DRUGED ME DOWN EVEN MORE![/QUOTE]

I really hope you don't put stock into myspace/facebook applications this often. They're ridiculously unreliable. Besides, if you want people to like you based on how you look alone, what kind of people do you think you'll find? You may want to try looking for friends who like you because of who you are, how you act, the interests you share, your character, etc. Not to mention, just a pointer, if a random guy that I didn't know from Adam were to add me on Facebook, I'd turn him down, too. It's nothing personal, it's just a safety precaution.

I know there are people with worse problems out there, but THIS is whats tearing ME up. I also have NO friends. My only best friend is now residing in a different state, and I know no one here but my new coworkers whom I cant relate to.

I was in this place last year. I was commuting to college, where I wasn't able to make any friends simply due to the nature of commuting. My real friends had all gone to colleges that were out of town, and the only friends I had to talk to regularly were here on CAA. I had co-workers, but they were all significantly older than I was and I didn't relate to any of them. However, you have to remember that it's a season of life you're going through--that is, it doesn't last forever. A year later, I'm living in the dorms at a new college, have plenty of friends on and offline, and I'm finally finding people who share my interests and sense of humor. Just remember that this kind of thing doesn't last forever, and things will eventually start to look up.

[Cognitive Gear]

I've been in that place before, and let me tell you, it sucks. A lot.

What I'm going to say may seem unfair, but I have found it to be extremely true. As long as you are looking for affirmation, confidence boosters, or self-fulfillment from women, you'll never get any of it. You'll be much better off if you can find something new and better to gain confidence in, or even like yourself.

Find the things that you like about yourself, and do things that enhance those. Find the things you don't like about yourself, and start taking small daily steps to eliminate them. However, don't do this for a relationship, don't do it for women. Do it for yourself.

Self affirmation is healthier, more consistent, and will make you happier overall. Which, incidentally, also makes you more attractive to the opposite sex, and generally more appealing as a friend.

Anyways, I just wanted to offer some advice that I wish I had gotten when I was in a similar situation to yours. It is probably going to be difficult to get started, but once you do, remain consistent. I'm sure that you'll feel better about things, in general, after some time has past.

Oh, and I'll just add this: Don't expect God to drop a woman into your lap. While God does provide, He also often makes us work for it. I'll pray for you.

[Tsukuyomi]

Find the things that you like about yourself, and do things that enhance those. Find the things you don't like about yourself, and start taking small daily steps to eliminate them. However, don't do this for a relationship, don't do it for women. Do it for yourself.

Self affirmation is healthier, more consistent, and will make you happier overall. Which, incidentally, also makes you more attractive to the opposite sex, and generally more appealing as a friend.

Yes Yes, I agree with this ^_^ As soon as you can feel better about yourself FOR yourself.. I'm sure things will start looking up for you

I'm sorry, but if you're always down on yourself.. Others are going to sense that vibe, and well.. it kinda turns people away ^ ^;

I'm not saying "Ur doin eet rong" or anything like that, but before you can expect others to like you.. You have to like yourself.. you know what I mean ^_^?

I'll be praying your situation improves ^ ^ Just keep your chin up and things will work out

[SigmaKnight]

I'll pray for you, but I have a few things to say...

Short, simple and rather selfish really.
Im the kinda guy that loves to be loved AND hardly ever got it.

I know where you're coming from, as they say. I love to be loved too, I don't think there is anyone out there that actually hates love and being doted on by someone else. And in this world, you don't really get any to genuinely love you for who you are anymore. Even those who are called to love you and are called to esteem others better than themselves wont always show love, which is a very sad thing. (not speaking of romantic love here)

Now Im 20, NEVER had a date, a prom, a kiss, or even a valentine card, and now its finally catching up with me and crushes my spirits so much it even hurts my walk. Im almost RESENTING the idea of love, thinking its nothing more than fairytale, always happy ending, Hollywood B.S. meant for everyone but me!

I'm 24 and I've never had those things. Ever. At all. Not once. Twenty. Four. Years. For a person that (1) likes romantic things like me and (2) finds it hard to be motivated to do anything unless I have someone with me, its a pretty hard struggle. There are a few things I do know though.

1. A relationship is work. Now you might think "work yeah I know that". No. No you don't. It is WORK. Emotionally and psychologically hard work. From married couples I know and have observed and spoken to you wont have any idea how much hard work it is till youre actually there, in a relationship. Even as boyfriend/girlfriend its hard work. You have to always, and I'm going to stress this, ALWAYS consider the other persons needs before you're own. You may think its easy but its not. You have to be willing to give up anything at anytime for the sake of the other person. In a marriage that even includes your life. Right now you're your own person, once youre in a relationship nothing you have is really yours anymore. You have to take care of and give to the other person, without EVER expecting anything back. And that's hard. Plus, you have to actually TRUST them. Which is also easier said than done.

2. THERE IS NO FAIRYTALE. THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING. That's the thing about reality. There aren't any credits. There are two ways a marriage ends. Divorce. And Death. And between the wedding and death there are arguments. Between the arguments there is frustration. And these periods of frustration can last days, weeks, months, and if either of you are good at holding grudges YEARS. You're not going to whisk some one away, sweep them off their feet, and then everything is going to be sunshine and roses. No that's a flat out lie. After a while those little things you like about someone become major annoyances. You'll find you have pet peeves that you didn't even know about. And you'll have to put those things aside and walk in love towards that person anyway. It is not easy to do by any means.

Not that there aren't happy times in a relationship. Just don't expect them to last forever or even longer than a day. If you can't get along with people that you're friends or coworkers with, getting along with someone that you're in a relationship with is going to be a hundred times harder than that. Plus you have to ALWAYS be there for the person and ALWAYS make yourself available for them. Which is not easy.

I even did things just to make me feel better about myself. Like a myspace application that lets you see if people like you just by looking at your picture. Shurly SOMEONE would say yes. After a month not a SINGLE person "liked" me. Even went directly to them to be "friends"..and they REJECTED me! I JUST WANTED A CONFIDENCE BOOSTER AND SATAN DRUGED ME DOWN EVEN MORE!

Don't blame satan for everything. The fact of the matter is they have free will. If they dont want to accept you, that's their choice. There are very few that accept even Christ. And Christ is perfect.

I know there are people with worse problems out there, but THIS is whats tearing ME up. I also have NO friends. My only best friend is now residing in a different state, and I know no one here but my new coworkers whom I cant relate to.

Just please pray that this is resolved one way or another. I just about HATE love now, after so much rejection.

Youre not the only one with no friends. There are lots of people that have no RL friends, and there are other people that dont even have online friends. At least you have co-workers. Try to relate to them, try to be friends with them. It's a test. if you cant get along with them, what hope do you have when someone you want to have a relationship with comes along? If you can't walk inlove towards friends, family and coworkers, it will be even harder when youre with someone in a relationship. In everything you do, the way you treat others is the way you will end up defaulting to treating your loved one.

And some of the best relationships come from friendships. The question is, are you even ready to try? The road to a happy relationship is covered with difficulty and frustration, the likes of which you have never even thought about. if you're not ready you'll be crushed, and not in a small way. You will be literally ground in to a mass of sobbing heart broken powder. And the person that you hoped would always be there to help pick you up, suddenly wont be there anymore.

Do you really, truly, want this? If you do, then be patient. Be friends first. Be kind to others with out expecting anything in return. Be yourself. Be nice and loving. And eventually you'll come across the person you want to be with, but remember... you cant MAKE anyone want to be with you.. and you WILL be rejected time after time after time. And there will be times where you WISH you had been rejected. Times where you wish you had never even tried. But that's the way things are.

And above all... Dont hate love. Even in friendships you cant be selfish. No matter what kind of relationship you have (friendship, romantic, family, coworker) you have to always give a piece of yourself away. If you dont, frankly you're being selfish. And you dont truly care about the person. You're just using them. And if youre using them, they're better off without you because you dont truly care about them.

Finally, the last thing I have to say is, if you want love, love others and don't expect anything in return.

[animechica]

Wahh, I feel so bad for you! *hugs*
I used to feel like you did. Up until this year, I never had a boyfriend and I was very shy and not good at being honest about my feelings with people I liked, and too intimidated by the people that did like me, to the point of being afraid of them sometimes.

The thing is though, if I would've gotten my "dream guy" when I liked him, I'm pretty sure I would've been sorely disappointed. Our personalities, ways of dealing with stuff, etc. clashed a lot of the time and as time went on I realized that the main reason I had basically "assigned" myself to him was that he was the cutest guy I knew in my opinion and I refused to "settle" for less. WRONG IDEA! ><

So I gave up on that guy, and started praying, because like they say, God knows you better than you know yourself, so He is the ultimate matchmaker! *^_^* And you know what? I started to realize that my otaku friend, who was definitely not my ideal as far as looks are concerned, was growing on me. And that he had been for awhile. And by the grace of God, I found a guy who likes me just the way I am, and who surprisingly fits a lot of my ideas on what a guy should be like (sweet, sensitive, pretty laid-back (doesn't usually pick fights and isn't really confrontational), funny, honest, just a really good friend), which are not ideas that seem to match up with a lot of guys that I know. ^_^;

I guess the biggest change in my view of a relationship though, was that true love is not the romance you see on TV. True love is a deep, committed friendship, and that's hard to get if you're dating by the world's standards. Not being yourself will get you NOWHERE. Be yourself, and you'll find people who like the way you are and want to be friends with you! It really starts from there. But to have the most meaningful relationship with someone, I'm telling ya, be friends first. Be close friends!

BTW, I tried to send you a friend request on myspace but I dunno if it got there. If it didn't... myspace.com/sapphicat

^_^

[Gabriel 9.0]

Short, simple and rather selfish really.
Im the kinda guy that loves to be loved AND hardly ever got it. Mutual feelings when I was 17, and was literally FORCED to brake up in 3 months due to reasons I wont get into (2 weeks before valentines day, while she had a new guy). And thats the end of it.

Now Im 20, NEVER had a date, a prom, a kiss, or even a valentine card, and now its finally catching up with me and crushes my spirits so much it even hurts my walk. Im almost RESENTING the idea of love, thinking its nothing more than fairytale, always happy ending, Hollywood B.S. meant for everyone but me!

I even did things just to make me feel better about myself. Like a myspace application that lets you see if people like you just by looking at your picture. Shurly SOMEONE would say yes. After a month not a SINGLE person "liked" me. Even went directly to them to be "friends"..and they REJECTED me! I JUST WANTED A CONFIDENCE BOOSTER AND SATAN DRUGED ME DOWN EVEN MORE!

I know there are people with worse problems out there, but THIS is whats tearing ME up. I also have NO friends. My only best friend is now residing in a different state, and I know no one here but my new coworkers whom I cant relate to.

Just please pray that this is resolved one way or another. I just about HATE love now, after so much rejection.

Sorry to hear you feel that way man, you are not alone. I'm 22 years old, turned last month. And sometimes get tempted with such thoughts. However we all know its a lie from Satan , and finding true love to the right woman is possible with God for all of us guys even in this day and age. We just have to stay patient and wait for God to decided the right timing.

Spector I feel the same way. I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend, date or a valentine's day card. I get down about it a lot, especially since all my friends are either in a long-term steady relationship or engaged/married.

I hate watching romance films because they make me feel so alone.

You have friends on here who'll all be here for you and who will pray for you. I know this sounds silly and might not give much comfort but there are others like us out there who have to wait longer than others for their soulmates.

Don't get too discouraged. I'll pray that you'll find someone who'll light up your life and make everyday worth living very soon *hugs*

If you ever want a chat or want a good moan, singleton to singleton, PM me anytime:)

Sorry to hear, God will bless you with the right guy like he will with me finding the right girl. Do'nt give up my sister in Christ. It will happen at the right moment:).


God Bless both of you.

[agasfas]

Hey Spector, like you and many others I can both empathize and sympathize where you are coming from.

I will pray that God will comfort you and give you a calm heart. Try to keep your Spirit high.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

So, alright. I'm not directing this at anyone, just to disclaim. I've been noticing a lot of these threads lately and I happened to stumble upon this today and thought it was good notage of how NOT to be.
Why "nice guys" finish last.

[Radical Dreamer]

So, alright. I'm not directing this at anyone, just to disclaim. I've been noticing a lot of these threads lately and I happened to stumble upon this today and thought it was good notage of how NOT to be.
Why "nice guys" finish last.

Just to let you know, your link was censored so it doesn't work! XD;;

[Etoh*the*Greato]

oh bugger. I'll do some quotage.

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like ****, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

[animechica]

Ah, I've read that before and I agree.
There is a definitely line between "nice" and "completely dependant and insecure."

I haven't ever really had to deal with that before, but I've heard stories about how girls have been nice to guys, just to be nice, and the guys pretty much latched onto them, therefore driving the girls away. -_-;

[Sanderson]

Here's a list of things to do to attract girls, so you prevent yourself from making mistakes guys often make.

1) Nice guys and jerks both have things that attract girls, but also have things that make girls not attracted to you. Well, it depends on the girl's taste, but this pretty much counts for most girls. I'll teach you how to use the good sides of both nice guys and jerks.

2) Be confident, like yourself, and know good things about yourself.

3) One good thing to go by, "if she was a guy, would I do this?" If no, then most likely don't do it. If she was a guy, would you pull out the chair for her? No. If she was a guy, would you constantly ask her "are you ok?" No. If she was a guy, would you treat her like a magical princess? No (she's a human being, just like you). If she was a guy, would you act all super sweet and sensitive around her? No. If she was a guy, would you talk and act all nervous while talking to her? No. Girls like manly guys, so don't be afraid to use bad words, be macho (while not being a stupid meathead), joke around with them (so they playfully slap you and laugh), etc. Just like being around guy friends.

4) So while you're not being a super sweet and sensitive guy, you're not being a jerk either. Just like when you're hanging out with a guy friend.

5) Don't bring her flowers, chocolate and what not on dates, if it's Valentine's Day or something though, then that's fine (only bring her flowers and what not on Valentine's Day if you two are past dating and are a couple).

6) Let's say you bring up wanting to hang out on a certain day, and she says sure, but she ends up not going, or something. Act like you really didn't care about her not showing up. Don't call her all like "uhm hey where were you I was waiting for you". Just don't call her, and if she calls you all like "ohhh I'm so sorry about that! What did you do that day?" Don't tell her you waited for her, just say something like "oh I just hung out with the guys". However, if she asks why you weren't waiting for her, THEN say "I did, but you didn't show up, so I made different plans".

7) Don't think of girls as something you need, think of yourself as something girls need.

8) Don't sit at home next to the phone all the time. Go about your life, if she calls you and you're too busy to talk, just tell her you'll call her back. This way, she doesn't think you're weird and knows you have a life. If you do sit at home all day, then sometimes when she calls pretend you're busy. When she does call you, don't pick it up the second it starts ringing, wait for like six seconds. Anyhow, if she does call often, then do be the first to call her a few times, so she knows you're interested, without suffocating her. If she doesn't call for like five or six days, then call her. Let there be days when she doesn't call you, you don't call her either.

[ninjaduckofdoom]

Here's a list of things to do to attract girls, so you prevent yourself from making mistakes guys often make.

1) Nice guys and jerks both have things that attract girls, but also have things that make girls not attracted to you. Well, it depends on the girl's taste, but this pretty much counts for most girls. I'll teach you how to use the good sides of both nice guys and jerks.

2) Be confident, like yourself, and know good things about yourself.

3) One good thing to go by, "if she was a guy, would I do this?" If no, then most likely don't do it. If she was a guy, would you pull out the chair for her? No. If she was a guy, would you constantly ask her "are you ok?" No. If she was a guy, would you treat her like a magical princess? No (she's a human being, just like you). If she was a guy, would you act all super sweet and sensitive around her? No. If she was a guy, would you talk and act all nervous while talking to her? No. Girls like manly guys, so don't be afraid to use bad words, be macho (while not being a stupid meathead), joke around with them (so they playfully slap you and laugh), etc. Just like being around guy friends.

4) So while you're not being a super sweet and sensitive guy, you're not being a jerk either. Just like when you're hanging out with a guy friend.

5) Don't bring her flowers, chocolate and what not on dates, if it's Valentine's Day or something though, then that's fine (only bring her flowers and what not on Valentine's Day if you two are past dating and are a couple).

6) Let's say you bring up wanting to hang out on a certain day, and she says sure, but she ends up not going, or something. Act like you really didn't care about her not showing up. Don't call her all like "uhm hey where were you I was waiting for you". Just don't call her, and if she calls you all like "ohhh I'm so sorry about that! What did you do that day?" Don't tell her you waited for her, just say something like "oh I just hung out with the guys". However, if she asks why you weren't waiting for her, THEN say "I did, but you didn't show up, so I made different plans".

7) Don't think of girls as something you need, think of yourself as something girls need.

8) Don't sit at home next to the phone all the time. Go about your life, if she calls you and you're too busy to talk, just tell her you'll call her back. This way, she doesn't think you're weird and knows you have a life. If you do sit at home all day, then sometimes when she calls pretend you're busy. When she does call you, don't pick it up the second it starts ringing, wait for like six seconds. Anyhow, if she does call often, then do be the first to call her a few times, so she knows you're interested, without suffocating her. If she doesn't call for like five or six days, then call her. Let there be days when she doesn't call you, you don't call her either.

Wait... is this the list of things to do or not to do? I'm just wondering cause it seems like it could go either way.. If you're saying it is a list of things to do, I have to disagree with you on several things.

I totally agree with you on your #2 point. It's true, confidence is definitely attractive.

There are several things I disagree with in your point #3... It is good for a guy to be relaxed around a girl and to feel comfortable with her, however, I wouldn't treat a boyfriend like my girl friends. It just doesn't work that way, especially if you're interested in dating someone. A guy pulling out a chair for a girl is a nice thing and and there's nothing wrong with it... I'm not saying a guy has to but it's considerate and I think most girls would appreciate that.

I knew a guy once who texted me to make sure I got home okay after we hung out. We weren't dating or anything, but I really appreciated that. It doesn't have to be anything big, it's just nice to know that you're thought of.

Also, there's no reason to try to cuss to impress a girl -- especially a christian girl -- or to "act macho" or whatever. That's seriously a turn off for me personally, I just want a guy who'll be himself.

Like the article said, it's not necessary to bring flowers or gifts to stuff like coffee dates... but there's nothing wrong with giving flowers on a regular date in my opinion. Spontaneous gifts like flowers are nice... just don't go overboard.

#6.. What gives a girl the right to be lame like that to a guy? I wouldn't put up with that from a guy and it's really rude to make plans with someone like that then just not show up. A person has every right to be upset about that or to call to make sure that nothing happened to the person they were waiting for... There's really no need for so much game playing.

#7 Lol wut? Seriously, though.... If you think of yourself as God's gift to women, that will come through and it's a turn off. Don't think that way.

#8 Again, I don't think it's necessary to have so much game playing or any at all... Call, don't call, who cares? Just be yourself and be honest. I mean... there's no need to get creepy or to be clingy obviously...But if you sat at home all day, why lie about it? If a girl is interested in you it should be for you and not your activities...

Anyway... Relationships are complicated things... so, it all just depends, I guess. All of this is just my opinion, take it or leave it.

[Aedin]

Ninjaduck is awesome. That is all.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

Yeah... I'm not exactly jumping all over that list. I never had to do most of that stuff. My experiences were that girls appreciated a little concern, but not to be clingy, if I had to act macho around them I probably didn't want them, and that I definitely didn't want any girl that blew me off without good cause. Additionally, there is a fine fine FINE line to balance between not being self deprecating to yourself while not being an egotistical tung either.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I consider myself to be a nice guy... granted I don't follow their standards of what a "nice guy" is. XD

I tend to have a healthy level of self-esteem anyway.

[Sanderson]

Wait... is this the list of things to do or not to do? I'm just wondering cause it seems like it could go either way.. If you're saying it is a list of things to do, I have to disagree with you on several things.

I totally agree with you on your #2 point. It's true, confidence is definitely attractive.

There are several things I disagree with in your point #3... It is good for a guy to be relaxed around a girl and to feel comfortable with her, however, I wouldn't treat a boyfriend like my girl friends. It just doesn't work that way, especially if you're interested in dating someone. A guy pulling out a chair for a girl is a nice thing and and there's nothing wrong with it... I'm not saying a guy has to but it's considerate and I think most girls would appreciate that.

I knew a guy once who texted me to make sure I got home okay after we hung out. We weren't dating or anything, but I really appreciated that. It doesn't have to be anything big, it's just nice to know that you're thought of.

Also, there's no reason to try to cuss to impress a girl -- especially a christian girl -- or to "act macho" or whatever. That's seriously a turn off for me personally, I just want a guy who'll be himself.

Like the article said, it's not necessary to bring flowers or gifts to stuff like coffee dates... but there's nothing wrong with giving flowers on a regular date in my opinion. Spontaneous gifts like flowers are nice... just don't go overboard.

#6.. What gives a girl the right to be lame like that to a guy? I wouldn't put up with that from a guy and it's really rude to make plans with someone like that then just not show up. A person has every right to be upset about that or to call to make sure that nothing happened to the person they were waiting for... There's really no need for so much game playing.

#7 Lol wut? Seriously, though.... If you think of yourself as God's gift to women, that will come through and it's a turn off. Don't think that way.

#8 Again, I don't think it's necessary to have so much game playing or any at all... Call, don't call, who cares? Just be yourself and be honest. I mean... there's no need to get creepy or to be clingy obviously...But if you sat at home all day, why lie about it? If a girl is interested in you it should be for you and not your activities...

Anyway... Relationships are complicated things... so, it all just depends, I guess. All of this is just my opinion, take it or leave it.

It's things to do. Honestly though, it depends on the girl. I've dealt with A LOT of girls that play games, play hard to get, love jerks, etc. Girls like that, the advise I gave works.

I was referring to how a guy would be around a girl, not a girl around a guy (although there are guys that love tomboys, tomboys often get stuck in the friends zone though from what I've seen). About pulling the chair out, again, depends on the girl.

About a manly men, depends on the girl. There's a lot of girls I've known that love manliness and testosterone. When being manly, I suppose it's best when only being like that at appropriate times (dealing with people picking fights with you, not letting yourself get walked on, sticking up for yourself, etc.)

I don't exactly mean "act like God's gift to women", but the guy shouldn't act way too desperate, not let himself be whipped by her, etc. Just enough so the girl knows he has a backbone.

About playing games, if a girl doesn't play games with you, then don't do the same. Me and a bunch of other guys I've known have dealt with girls playing games with us though, so that's why I was giving that advise.

You seem like a girl that the advise I gave wouldn't be needed with, so you have my respect for that. The thing is though, I've known girls like you who say they don't like jerks and don't like playing games, yet they fall absolutely in love with a guy that's like that (I'm not saying you're like that, just there have been girls like that).

EDIT: You know what I just realized? I'm never around Christians, believers, church goers and what not. The closest I've been to believers are my Catholic parents, but when I was young we barley went to church, they didn't care if I read the bible (is still like that), didn't care if I play games like Doom, watch cartoons like Beavis and Butthead, cussed, took God's name in vein (I don't use his name in vein anymore, but I still have a potty mouth), etc. I've always been around the crowd that's involved with booze, drugs, trouble, parties, etc. (I don't do drugs, I only get buzzed if I'm not driving) All of you however, I take it you mostly only hang out with Christians, believers and church goers? If that's the case, the girls you are around are most likely quite different than the ones I'm around, so maybe my advise isn't good to give people on Christian forums.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

I consider myself to be a nice guy... granted I don't follow their standards of what a "nice guy" is. XD

I tend to have a healthy level of self-esteem anyway.

That's why I added the heavy quotation marks. This is "nice guy" as opposed to the actual genuinely decent guy. This is the guy who always complains about the jerks getting the woman because he can never hold a girlfriend. Since he has such a crushing lack of self esteem he heaps worship and laud on any woman who pays attention to him either scaring them off or making him a prime target for being manipulated.

[Prince Asbel]

I don't mean to make this thead the let's-all-beat-up-on-Sanderson thread, but I had to comment on a couple of these.

6) Let's say you bring up wanting to hang out on a certain day, and she says sure, but she ends up not going, or something. Act like you really didn't care about her not showing up. Don't call her all like "uhm hey where were you I was waiting for you". Just don't call her, and if she calls you all like "ohhh I'm so sorry about that! What did you do that day?" Don't tell her you waited for her, just say something like "oh I just hung out with the guys". However, if she asks why you weren't waiting for her, THEN say "I did, but you didn't show up, so I made different plans".

Dude, I would never take being stood-up lightly. I would call and demand (Calmly, of course) why, when a date is arranged, my partner didn't show up. I mean, come on. It should be your responsibility to point out to your partner that you feel you were treated wrongly. I'm a frank person myself, and I don't think it would be honest of me to act like it didn't matter. It certainly does, and my future girlfriend should know that.

Plus, people might bottle up resentment over this kind of thing. And you what that can lead to.

7) Don't think of girls as something you need, think of yourself as something girls need.

I don't know if you had some confidence-booster situation in mind when you wrote this. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but I will comment on it anyway since it seems a little unclarified. I think of myself both as something girls need, and girls as something I need. To think one side needs the other more is an incorrect view of reality.

Though... I would admit that girls tend to display that they need guys more often than guys show that they need girls. Being more emotionally geared together with being more outgoing in their social life and stuff. Guys tend to keep deep stuff like that to themselves most of the time.

[12praiseGOD]

I agree with NinjaDuck...but back to the point, Spector, the right woman will come just don't shut the doors that God has opened, and always keep your watch up...not saying in an exagerated way, just don't turn down someone by their looks...well that depends on you, but as far as MySpace goes, you gotta know that some people just look and are WAY too lazy to even comment, others may be shy, others may just be biased, but you should not let that put you down. True love and friendships see through barrriers such as appearances, and true love is not likely to be found in MySpace (just saying) God will provide a way!!!!

As far as friends, don't worry, I got so sad that I didn't have friends when I first came to the U.S...people can be really descriminate against those of other countries at times (not hatting on them or anything, some are now my best friends) But after praying and just being myself I have gotten better and have at least one good best friend! Don't worry God will bring them your way, just be yourself!