Relationship stuff

[Aedin]

This is half a prayer request, and half a discussion, so I thought it would be ok to post here. I mentioned in one of my threads how I'm hoping and praying to meet some good friends, and meet a good Christian girl, preferably the girl God wants me to be with. I figured partly for the sake of discussion, I'd go into more detail about what kind of girl I want.

To give the basics, I want a girl that would be kind and understanding, and would want to talk about things and try to fix things. I also want a girl that doesn't get drunk or do drugs or have sex a lot. When I like a girl, the thought of her being drunk or sleeping with someone just drives me insane. I'm just really hoping I end up meeting someone like that. It seems really hard in this town.

And of course I'd like her not to hate games or computers or anime, it would be preferable if she enjoyed them, but if she had a passing interest in them and only mainly played games or watched anime cause of me, that would be fine too.

Part of my reason for posting this was so anyone could post about what they want in someone, and so they can ask for prayer requests too.

[animewarrior]

Hey Aedin.. (I like your username by the way... XD)
I know that somedays for me it feels like there is no guy out there for me..
Watching my best friend and her bf it makes me feel VERY jealous and crap and I just somedays feel like no one is ever going to want me or stuff (sorry self-esteem issues 101 here) and yeah so I just want to say what my friends say to me when I get down on myself and lame... THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR YOU. God has it ordained in his plan.. .so yeah believe in him... even if you can't believe in yourself...

heh... if I posted all the qualities I want in a guy we'd be here all day and night so I'll just post my NEEDS.

#1) CHRISTIAN. I'm putting the caps to make my point. I don't mean that he goes to church every Sunday and he's been a great guy all his life. I prefer real emotion and a hard past over the "holier-than-thou" attitude. I would like my guy to be from a Christian home.. however if that isn't possible than let him be rooted in his faith.. believe in the supernatural is important as well (aka prophecy, demons... etc)

#2) Caring - this one speaks for itself (I hope...)

#3) Protector - I'm not the kind of person that wants to be a damsel in distress however it is important for him to be able to protect me and his friends.. that includes physical and emotional strength... aka he doesn't need to be buff but he still needs to know how to defend himself and others

#4) Able to Talk to Me - I'm a bit quiet myself, however I need to be able to meet a guy who can keep his end of the conversation going and find things to talk about other than the weather...X.X ...

#5) Somewhat Romantic - I'm not asking for roses and a candlelight dinner (although that does sound nice) but he needs to be a bit sensitive and able to make me feel loved and wanted...
(Crap this sounds sooo cheesy...*shakes head*)

#6) Fun-Loving - I'm not asking for a sky-diver but I need someone who loves to go on roller-coasters and to the movies (and not the R-rated gore fests) as well as willing to just loosen up and have well.. fun. *shrugs*

#7) Shared Interests - Anime, manga, books, music, we need to find some common ground.. and I'm not partial to country,.. (XD) so well I think that one basically speaks for itself...

I feel like this is the cheesiest thing I've ever done but hey it was fun typing that out...and it made me reflect on what I want in a guy.. ^^

PS - yes I know I didn't put anything about Physical appearance but I don't want someone SUPER tall (5'11 & over) or short (under 5'6) .. not super skinny but not overweight by too much....and if he's good looking to me that would be a SUPER bonus.. but Personality over Looks!

PS #2 - oh yeah.. .well I think this is a given however I forget how the world works so I don't want someone who drinks, smokes or does drugs.. a party guy is NOT my type.

SEX / HARD KISSING = AFTER MARRIAGE.. so yeah that's it...

((Reflecting on this I really like what I wrote.. ^^))

[Aedin]

my thought process is slow so I'm gonna have to give a more detailed response later, but you shouldn't feel cheesy about anything you just wrote, I either have or want a lot of those qualities, and obviously I'd want someone who can appreciate those qualities about me, so there's nothing wrong with what you wrote.

also feel free to write down most or all of the qualities. I like learning about other people.

[animewarrior]

my thought process is slow so I'm gonna have to give a more detailed response later, but you shouldn't feel cheesy about anything you just wrote, I either have or want a lot of those qualities, and obviously I'd want someone who can appreciate those qualities about me, so there's nothing wrong with what you wrote.

#1 : STOP INSULTING YOURSELF...
your thought process is NOT slow... I can tell so yeah.. LIVE WITH IT *brandishes katana*

... eheh.. .I hate expressing myself regarding relantionships.. so confusing...
and I tend to get attached to ppl easy so I stay away from relationships.. been told far too many times I take things too seriously... but hey we all can't be optomistic *shrugs* and well another thing is that I'd appreciate him if he didn't swear.. I find it VERY grating on the nerves and such. ^^ rambling again *waves* bye for now..

[Prince Asbel]

Wow, this is going to be a fun thread. I'm conjuring up the ridiculously perfect girl in my mind as I write this, so I'll be the luckiest guy in the world if I get this particular kind.

1. She has to be a Christian. Duh.

2. She has to meet these moral points. She doesn't get drunk, doesn't do drugs, dresses modestly, does not have casual sex, and just plain takes her Christianity seriously. For some people, I might be demanded a lot. But believe me, they exist. Many are right here in our church. However, I'm not interested in any of them at this point, and the 3rd and 4th point will show why.

3. I want her to be a Calvinist. I know, I could marry an Arminian according to the Bible. But I can see nothing but trouble in our spiritual life if we can't even agree on what the bible really teaches about God's sovreignty in salvation and man's totally depraved spiritual condition. So she has to be a Calvinist. (There are NONE in our church except my sister.)

4. I want someone who, like me, does not want to have children. I look at my own life and I've come to grips with the pain I've put my Mom and Dad through. I want nothing to do with that when I get married. But I do want sex, and I wouldn't want to deprive my wife of sex, so I want someone who would be willing for one of us to get sterilized. Unfortunately, our ex-amish members of the church are still very setback from the world in certain areas, and I'm sure they would object to this. (P.S. This is NOT a sin. You want to discuss it, PM me.)

5. I'd prefer someone who was interested in deep theology. Perhaps not obsessed, like I am. But more than a little interested.

6. I prefer someone short and petite. Because shorter petite girls are cuuuute!

7. Of course, I prefer she be pretty. But that's not a necessity. She can be plain or even below average. But she can't be horribly ugly. This is going to make me sound like a meanie, but looks do matter in that regard. I wouldn't mind someone who was overweight and/or acne-ridden. But no like real bad facial deformities that would make me want to look away whenever I saw them. That's really where looks begin to matter.

8. I prefer she be mentally competent and not chained to these unbiblical traditions that project girls as worthless without beauty and/or a boyfriend. Someone who is not afraid of seeing other girls as having careers and being independant. Oh, and someone not seeing themselves as absolutely needing some kind of guy to be their ultimate decision maker. (My older sister thinks that way, and it drives me nutty.)

9. I want someone who, being a Christian, is ready and willing to let me make the final and ultimate decisions in our life together. Most people who have been reading minaki's thread will know that I don't want this to be a tyrant who never listens or lends credibility to his wife. But as federal headship is taught in the Bible, men have been instigated as the leaders in the family, and so- though I still am nervous at taking leadership positions, I must have the role as ultimate decision maker. It's the way things are supposed to work as Christians, and we should follow the biblical teaching.

Anyway, you have my prayers. I hope my big list of reasons provided entertainment as well as insight.

[Aedin]

I'll respond more later, but Asbel, send them my way lol

[Prince Asbel]

Okay... Gathered a list of phone numbers here...

Oh, I have another point. 10. No jewelry in odd spots on the face, like nose, lip, tongue, that kind of thing. Nothing wrong with that in itself, but I can't stand it. No offense to those who wear it.

[AsianBlossom]

Well, the way I see it, if you're meant to get married, then God has the perfect spouse for you somewhere. ^_^

I had a list on here just a short while ago but I took it down...I don't think I was ready to share it with the world just yet.

[fairyprincess90]

i agree with asianblossom.

i made a list before i found my husband (we aren't married yet but we know god wants us to be some day) and he's not much like what i had in mind...it suprised me really. but i ended up loving him and WHO CARES ABOUT A LIST. you make up in your head what you want in a guy/girl but god knows the ulitmate perfect match for you and it might be what you had in mind or it might be the opposite.

for example this was my list.

1. was christian (i don't date anyone non-christian)

2. played a musical instrument or draws.

3. kind and softspoken

4. on the thinner side

5. dark hair and blue eyes

6. artsy

7. very romantic and thoughtful




and there might have been more but those were all that i could remember for right now.
my hubby Tim is NOTHING like that at all. he IS a christian thank goodness....but here's what he is.

1. christian (just said that)

2. loves computers and gaming

3. silly, goofy, LOUD, and outgoing =P

4. has a strong and wider build with muscles muscles muscles (which i love now..i can't BELIEVE i EVER wanted a thin person HAHAHAHA)

5. dark hair...BROWN eyes (but his eyes are the most gorgeous brown eyes and they have green in them too and i love them more than blue eyes now hehe)

6. less on the artsy side..more on the computer geek and gamer geek side

7. is romantic at times...but not in the way i expected.


so as you can see he wasn't much of what i imagined...does this make me love him less than if he was everything i dreamed of? no..i love him more. because he's perfect! i realize now that the person i created in my head was too much of what I am..and with both of us being exactly alike there would be no balance. Tim creates the balance needed that completes me and creates a wonderful bond and friendship. we both love anime and i love games too (though he's hardcore about it..and i'm more..meh they are fun type person) and though he's not musical AT ALL i enjoy teaching him sometimes and explaining things...and i don't know much about computers but he helps me out with that as well.
we're so perfect together.

it's ok to dream. but don't let yourself only date people who fit your list..because God might have something completely different in mind for you.

i like that you all want good christian partners who share the same values...but everything else doesn't really matter does it? plus, one of you mentioned that you don't want someone ugly. the person god has for you is going to be the most beautiful thing in your eyes. seriously. they might not be what others consider beautiful or attractive but to you...they are going to be flat out HOT AND SEXY and yummy yummy yummy beautiful and everything else attractive. =P my boyfriend has looks that i admit other people might not find very attractive...but that's why he's made for ME because I find him incredibly attractive and good-looking. beauty is in the eye of the beholder now isn't it? and my boyfriend thinks i'm the same as how i view him..and if you look at my pictures..i'm more like..average. but he thinks i'm the most beautiful person to walk the earth and he seriously means it.
kinda get it? if you're dating someone...and you don't find them 100% attractive...it might mean that they aren't THE ONE for you. even though looks aren't the most important thing in a relationship. if YOU don't find them attractive much...what kind of relationship is that? ya know?

anyways...i think i rambled too long...................................................



but i hope maybe some of this helped.

[AsianBlossom]

Too long? You should have seen what I had up for a few minutes. XD

[Aedin]

No, that wasn't too long at all. I'm hoping more people will make posts of that length. And at least that gives hope for people like me, all into computers and video games and whatnot. I lean on the quiet side though, but when I know people and am comfortable I can talk a lot and be outgoing and such.

[animewarrior]

thanks for the insight fairyprincess. You gave me lots to think about & I appreciate you posting your thoughts. ^^

[Yuen Fei Lung]

I have no doubt that God has someone perfect in mind for each and every one of us (though perhaps a few are called to remain single for whatever reason). Up until a few months ago, I had gone through several really bad relationships over the past few years. But recently I met someone really special and we just started dating. We're taking things very slow and trying our best to do everything the way God would have us to do it. She's really perfect for me... everything I could ever desire in someone--sweet, kind-hearted, beautiful, soft spoken and easy-going. I really feel like the luckiest man alive. I really am blessed.

I can tell you from past experiance that as a Christian, it is best to date other Christians believers. The relationships I had with non-believers were always very strained. Furthermore, when you're with someone who isn't a Christian sometimes you're simply more compelled to compromise your beliefs.

God has a plan for each of us, there's no doubt about that. Also keep in mind that God's timing is perfect and though you may not have a bf/gf now, that right time and that right person will come along when the time is perfect.

[animechica]

You know, God has a way of changing the mind on the "wants" thing.

I think emo-skinny guys are way cute. The straightened hair, the androgynous features... really cute! I always thought that was the kind of guy I'd want to have.

Now I'd like to tell you about someone very special to me.
When we were first getting to know each other we hardly saw each other IRL. We chatted over Myspace a lot - first a message or two daily, and then slowly increasing until we would actually both be online at once and talking for hours. BTW, originally we just went back and forth about anime, manga, and funny, trivial stuff. Then we started opening up to each other, which is when I began to like him and start expecting his messages.

^_^; Anyway, I remember having a crush on his online self, but being like "I must be crazy, he's SO not attractive!" Think your basic otaku-gamer, haha. Not skinny. With curly/wavy hair. Not even very outgoing and definitely not a "class clown" which was what I always thought was really attractive. I was always really drawn to confidence. And okay, this guy had hair. I used to think hairy people were gross.

WELL.
We kept talking and my weird crush on him kept growing.
I used to tell him, "I'm so scared of guys liking me! ______ likes me at school and I hate it!" Meanwhile, two other guy friends of his (my friends too!) started liking me. The three of them used to hang around me in church, but I always kinda figured my crush was just doing it because his friends were there.

Actually, I suspected him a little, analyzed him a lot, and would get really depressed because there wasn't enough evidence. I decided it was okay for me to like him because even if he wasn't good-looking, bodies are temporary anyway, and I wouldn't want a guy to write me off just because I wasn't perfect looking.

While this was all taking place, the weirdest thing happened. Sometimes, when I'd look at him, I'd realize that he was actually kind of cute. Then a few weeks later... did he get more attractive? Suddenly he was SO CUTE! (Nothing really had physically changed about him. He looked the same as ever.) I couldn't believe it. I had initially liked him for his awesome personality and his kindness of being my friend, and suddenly he got totally cute on top of it!

Anyway, he ended up confessing to me that he liked me, and me to him.
He didn't even ask me out, it was just understood that we were together. ^/////^
I asked him, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"
He said, "I was afraid you'd get scared after what you said about being scared of guys that like you!"

Haha, my bad.

But the whole point of that was to say that you might think you know what you want, but it's crazy how your preference can change. I actually get sad when my boyfriend shaves... THIS COMING FROM ME, THE GIRL WHO HATED FACIAL HAIR. haha. Anyway, just wanted to remind everyone to really focus on who that person is, and you might be pleasantly surprised at how God comes through for you.

BTW, I never had a boyfriend before him, always scoffed when they said "Give up looking and just ask God" until I finally caved and admitted to God that He could give me a better match than I ever could find for myself. I'm a living testimony that those prayers do get heard... LET GOD WORK HIS WONDER IN THIS AREA OF YOUR LIFE!

*groans* Sorry if I wrote way too much. I love talking about my boyfriend, haha. BTW if you want the complete story, PM me or something... it really is an awesome story.

[animewarrior]

God's timing is perfect and though you may not have a bf/gf now, that right time and that right person will come along when the time is perfect.

QFTT