Sex and sexuality and sexual orientation...

Postby **minakichan** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:36 pm

I don't know if this really belongs in the Lust Prayer Thread, but I'll post. I'm not a very pray-y person, but it's appreciated. Advice even more though. This also gets a bit touchy and graphic, sorry if it's too bad, mods.

During middle school, I proudly identified as asexual. I was probably just being nonconformist. In high school, it became heterosexual/indifferent, but now, I'm kind of dropping labels because I don't know.

I'm... very confused. I think I have crushes on people of both sexes, but I can't tell if it's "like" or "sexual attraction" or "admiration" or "jealousy." The strongest crush I've ever had was on a guy that my mom compared me to endlessly, one that always beat me up mercilessly in kung fu, and I could say "I hate you" to his face without feeling bad. But I thought about him all the time, sometimes wanted to get close to him... at the same time, I always told myself it wasn't love, I believed that then, and even now I don't think I've ever been in love. Recently, for the first time in years, I've felt the same about a guy at work-- one that I bicker with all the time, is a complete pervert, and has a girlfriend. I don't know if I felt any jealousy at the fact that he has a girlfriend... (because I don't know much about love jealousy... the only jealousy that I am sure of is of people that beat me in art and academics) but it felt kind of uncomfortable. I took one of those RETARDED Internet love tests, and I rated work above love and said I wouldn't sacrifice to be with him, so it classified that I wasn't in love. I don't know! Why do I think about all of this so much?!

At the same time, I have never really felt like a girl in my life. I grew up with an aversion to "girly things," and people mistake me for a guy all the time. Most of my guy friends (including the ones I've had crushes on) don't even really think of me as a girl... And while it pisses me off, sometimes I really, really wish I was a guy-- I always have. I hate being a girl-- I hate menstruation, I hate PMS, I hate being told what I can't do because of my gender by my parents, I hate not being able to pee standing up, I hate feeling guilty when I touch myself (which apparently, almost all men do, but it's abnormal and wrong for women to do...*). I really don't know what my sexual orientation is. I can look at girl friends and really feel like I want to get close to them and be with them... I even feel jealous sometimes when they talk to/about boyfriends. I think girls are so cute! I... I like fanservice, but I've always enjoyed girl fanservice more than boy fanservice... Looking at pictures of cute or sexy girls excites me more than looking at the same of boys. I even started reading ecchi and porn for the cute girls in the past couple of months... at the same time, I don't know if it's sexual arousal or not; I feel hot down there, but hrm... I don't want to engage in any of those kinds of activities, I guess. But I definitely like looking at them. I think that sex is disgusting, that human relationships are pointless, that marriage is a sham, and love doesn't exist. At least, I think that's what I think.

I don't understand myself. I've always been naive in these matters. Am I lesbian? Bisexual? Het and horny? Asexual? Just confused? Please don't say I'm just confused because that'll make me even more confused.

I'm only 19. I suppose it's too early for me to think about this. At the same time, it's irritating that I think so hard about all of this crap. I've told myself to stop thinking about it for years, but it's never worked.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

*By the way, is female masturbation unbiblical? The only thing I've seen in the Bible about masturbation is Onan, but... I don't even know how to interpret that...

Postby **SailorDove** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:04 pm

minakichan,

I admire your honesty very much. I have some thoughts that might be of help, but not quite sure how to word them at this moment. Please feel free to pm me or contact me on yim anytime.

I'll come back and edit this in a little bit.

Postby **NekoChan_C** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:33 pm

Sweetie, there isn't alot of advice I can offer to you in this area... this is something I have never personally had to deal with... but it seems like you have a ton of questions about your identity... And there will be alot of opinions given by different people...

Search the Bible well for answers. If this is something you aren't comfortable with speaking to someone in person, then never underestimate the ability of the Bible to speak to you.

I'm praying for you... I know that you are terribly confused, and just want someone to give you a direction... I pray that God will send the right people in your path to lead you.

Neko

My Writing.com Portfolio · Postby **EricTheFred** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:43 pm

I can't offer much other than prayer, but I'll say one for you.

Let me point one thing out, though. Whether it helps or not really depends upon specifics deep within your heart, but I'll offer it in case it does help.

We talk a lot about labels in this society. We call sexual preferences "sexual identities" and tell people to "accept themselves" as if the chemistry of their bodies defines who they are.

Our bodies do not define us. Our Lord defined us when he molded our souls. Don't let your body dictate what you choose. Find your answer in your heart and your communion with God. Then seek your answers from there, depending upon what you find.

I won't say anything more on the subject, because, just like Neko, I never dealt with this. I wouldn't know what I was talking about. But the Lord knows what he's talking about, so bring it to him with confidence.

Postby **Sheenar** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:05 pm

minakichan (post: 1242774) wrote:
*By the way, is female masturbation unbiblical? The only thing I've seen in the Bible about masturbation is Onan, but... I don't even know how to interpret that...

Female masturbation is still sex --it is near impossible to engage in that without some sort of mental imagery or fantasy.

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires."
Song of Solomon 2:7

As someone who has struggled with masturbation, let me assure you that is is a very harmful and destructive pattern of behavior. It can easily become an addiction. Sex is meant for marriage --when you engage in sexual behaviors outside of marriage, it is alway harmful. That's why the beloved in this passage warns women not to awaken love (not to arouse ourselves) before the right time --marriage--as a gift to your husband.

Here is an article that I have found helpful: Link

from article wrote:Masturbation is wrong because it goes against what the sexual powers were designed for, because it is inseparable from illicit fantasies, because these fantasies take on a life of their own, and because it draws the erotic longing backward into Self instead of outward. It doesn't "release" lust, but reinforces it, so that next time the temptation is stronger yet.

I hope this helps. Don't give up. Keep praying and searching out God's will. Dive into Scripture--it will help guide you in the right direction.

I am praying for you friend.

Postby **Popsicle** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:44 pm

First off, I agree with Sheenar about the whole female masturbating thing. Do not awaken love early as it says in Song of Solomon. Self-gratification cannot get rid of any sexual desires that you have, it only intensifies them.

Here's a quote from a book called "Every Young Woman's Battle." I went through this book with my Bible study group and I highly suggest you get it and read it. This book talks about a lot of the issues you are having.

"Self-gratification can build what feels like a wall between God and you, causing you to lose the sense of His presence. Although God never leaves us, habitual sin causes us to feel distanced from Him and from the ones we love."

Please understand that once you awaken sexual desires, which masturbating does, you will find them very difficult to put back to sleep.

To me, it looks like you can't find your identity. You can only find that in the Lord. Seek Him first and you'll soon discover yourself in the way that God made you to be.

I pray that you'll find your answers with God and your confusion. Please pray as well and keep seeking God in all that you do. I suggest getting rid of anything that is causing your confusion. The only way to get rid of habitual sins is to starve them to death. Do not feed your sinful desires.

Postby **Tsukuyomi** » Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:05 pm

Awww, you know you have my prayers and you do know you can talk to me right :hug:

You're still Minaki to me, so if you ever want to talk.. you know where to reach me

Postby **Prince Asbel** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 7:06 am

Looking over the first two people you described, I can only offer this advice, and I apologize if I seem insensitive here or elsewhere in this post. I think you're feeding yourself not love, but some perversion of it. You had a close relationship with someone you hate, and want a relationship with someone who you know full well is bad news. I think you have a longing for a loving relationship, but are shooting yourself in the foot by attaching yourself emotionally to the wrong people.

As to that internet test.... I think it confirms what I just said. You're not feeding yourself real love, but a perversion of it. It has affected you to this point right here. I think that's the problem there. You should turn to decent people you don't hate or envy to make you happy.

Some people are dissatisfied with what they were born as. Some wish they were not a guy, and others wish they were not a girl. You would have to be more specific as why you didn't feel like a girl. If your conduct is more slanted to the cultural norm for men, that doesn't change the fact that you're a girl. Oh, and masturbation is wrong for anyone, guy or girl.

Since sex grosses you out, but you still like looking at girl fanservice, I'd say you simply need to get rid of whatever material gives you this stuff. Perhaps you are struggling with homosexual tendencies, and as far as that goes... I can't offer any advice beyond just simply getting rid of literature and pics and movies or games whose content feeds this desire. Perhaps find some kind of site that deals with this specifically.

Marriage is no sham. My Mom and Dad have been married for almost thirty years now and have raised us very well. There is no question in my mind that love exists between them. Again, your problem is probably just not looking for real love. I hope this makes you sure of these things, because none of them are true. Sex is wonderful (you might just be grossed out because of your possible homosexual tendencies), relationships have purpose, marriage is real, and love exists. Make no mistake.

As far as being 19 goes, don't feel bad. Now is as good a time as any to worry about these kinds of problems. In fact, it's better than waiting till your older. I can say from personal experience that sexual problems only get harder to overcome the longer you put it off.

EricTheFred (post: 1242797) wrote:We talk a lot about labels in this society. We call sexual preferences "sexual identities" and tell people to "accept themselves" as if the chemistry of their bodies defines who they are.

Our bodies do not define us. Our Lord defined us when he molded our souls. Don't let your body dictate what you choose. Find your answer in your heart and your communion with God. Then seek your answers from there, depending upon what you find.

Quoted for truth. Look to the Bible and try as hard as you can to accept who you really are. Try to mold your attitude towards your gender into a positive one that fits the Bible.

And of course, you're in my prayers. May God bless you and give you what you need to overcome these problems.

Postby **ShiroiHikari** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 8:24 am

Well...I happen to hold the opposite opinion about the masturbation thing, but I don't want to make things complicated or start a fight so I won't go into detail.

I used to have some similar problems, but...it's hard to explain how I got over them. Basically, after I met Daymon, and we developed a loving physical and emotional relationship, those problems vanished. Some might disagree vehemently, but I think what I personally needed was a proper outlet for all that...sexuality. (That doesn't mean we're having sex though. We're not. XD)

So...I don't know what else to say, really. I guess the best advice I can give is to seek God and He'll set you on the path that's right for you.

Postby **minakichan** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 9:32 am

Sweetie, there isn't alot of advice I can offer to you in this area... this is something I have never personally had to deal with...

I won't say anything more on the subject, because, just like Neko, I never dealt with this. I wouldn't know what I was talking about.

I'M JUST REALLY WEIRD, AREN'T I oAo;;;

Female masturbation is still sex --it is near impossible to engage in that without some sort of mental imagery or fantasy.

That is one issue I will have to disagree with you on. Small children touch themselves and feel good without knowing what they are doing. I did the same in middle school before I even knew what sex was, and I didn't care anything about boys (I didn't learn about sex until high school). I've definitely "done it" without thinking about mental images or anything (like while doing homework or drawing, with my mind occupied elsewhere). Also, amidst all my confusion, I can still safely say that I have no interest in sex or love-- I will always be a career girl, and I'll never get married. So that's an argument I don't quite buy, but if you convince me me that the act itself divorced from lustful thoughts is sinful, I'll take that. I guess the argument that I normally see is that "it's something enjoyable that does not involve God," which makes sense...

Self-gratification cannot get rid of any sexual desires that you have, it only intensifies them.

Is it still sexual desire if I don't ever want to have sex, have no interest in it, and think it's disgusting though?

I think the masturbation is an issue, but it's not my greatest concern at the moment. Right now, I'm just like... "am I a total freak or what?" I was kind of surprised at the focus on it, considering that my rant is huge but that issue was in two lines.

To me, it looks like you can't find your identity. You can only find that in the Lord. Seek Him first and you'll soon discover yourself in the way that God made you to be.

So, considering that I posted this on a Christian board in a Prayer Request forum, I think you can safely assume that I've thought about this and have tried praying about it. I'm not good at praying, and it's hard to hear someone say "well, just pray HARDER" and "you just need to have the right mindset while praying. So have the right mindset. DO IT NOW" and immediately get results. In other words, I suck at praying, please pray for me. <3

Awww, you know you have my prayers and you do know you can talk to me right

Awww ilu! I can always count on you <3 Iyaaah, it's nice to have someone I can talk to without being afraid of sounding weird or expecting a lecture. The internet is amazing!

Thanks for the long response Prince, I really like that. It makes me feel like I'm not just spouting air.

I think you're feeding yourself not love, but some perversion of it. You had a close relationship with someone you hate, and want a relationship with someone who you know full well is bad news.

Aw heck, I know it's not love =P To be honest to you and to myself, I hated that guy because I liked him, because I hated those weak, stupid, false feelings like affection for another human being. As emo as it sounds, I really despise human beings and clingy human relationships... I'm not looking for a relationship; I just think about people too much.

You would have to be more specific as why you didn't feel like a girl.

....Rant time. I feel like I want to be male for the same reasons that a poor person wants to be rich or a sick person wants to be healthy. Am I comparing being female to having a disease? Yes, and I know some people will find that offensive, but this is my opinion. Being a girl SUCKS. Having a period SUCKS. Having tons of boundaries and expectations set on you just because you were born with and without certain body parts SUCKS. (It doesn't help that I'm also Asian.) There's a reason that Mulan is my favorite Disney movie of all time. I think one of the reasons I hate being female and don't ever want to get married is really because of the Bible-- women must obey their husbands as slaves obey their masters, and while I know people will point out that husbands must be loving and humans are born equal, heck, there is NO WAY I'll willingly go into a relationship as the submissive and obedient role. Some will call it pride and selfishness, and I agree, but why is it essentially OK for guys to have these traits while girls can't? I'm sorry. I've met tons of girls in church who believe that they are intrinsically inferior beings because they were created that way, from a body part, as a weak copy of a superior original, because of Christian teachings. That just as Man is inferior to God, Woman is proportionately inferior to Man. All because some stupid, stupid woman thousands of years ago wanted a piece of FRUIT. I'm sorry, I'm ranting, I'm hysterical. That's because I'm a woman; I'm naturally weak, I'm naturally overemotional, I'm naturally stupid, and I'm PMSing.

Marriage is no sham. My Mom and Dad have been married for almost thirty years now and have raised us very well.

I'll go psychoanalyze myself and admit that I don't believe in loving marriage because I've never seen it in my house. I'm sure it exists somewhere. Love must exist as well. I'm also sure that it's possible for some people to lick their own elbows, but it's rare enough that it doesn't matter to me. More marriages end in divorce than in lasting union in America! I probably have a better chance of being a millionaire than finding a good marriage, and, well, I can do a lot more with money than I can with a man. And before someone calls me materialistic, money is powerful and can be used for good. One can better the world with money. So I don't think marriage is worth it; I won't bother trying for it for the same reason that I don't buy lottery tickets. I know you were probably offended by my saying that, and I'm sorry. I'm not trying to say anything about you or your family; I'm talking about myself.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I still don't think my problems have been addressed (probably because the masturbation thing sidetracked things so much). I think it's because my sexuality problems are so... rare, and weird. I have no interest in sex, in humans, or in human relationships, but I think girls are cute and I get infatuated with people easily. So I don't blame y'all for not really understanding. 1% of humans are asexual, and I don't even know if I'm that, so I must be kind of weird. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really human, or if I have some strange brain disease.

Postby **minakichan** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 9:34 am

I just double posted, didn't I...

Postby **ShiroiHikari** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 9:54 am

I don't think marriage is a sham, I just think humans are stupid and selfish and don't know how to make a marriage work. XD Marriage is biblical, so I don't think it's a load of crap.

However, aside from the thing about Onan (which I think is very very misconstrued by many people), the Bible makes no mention of masturbation. Therefore, I think it's up to the individual. If someone thinks they shouldn't do it, then they're welcome not to. But I personally don't think that others should be told not to. Because God doesn't say so one way or the other.

Also, contrary to what people say, masturbation is NOT the same thing as sex. Sex makes babies and involves two people and emotional attachment. Masturbation does not. >_> I look at it as a way to get those desires off your mind without having to resort to porn or promiscuity or something else harmful like that.

Postby **minakichan** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 10:14 am

I don't think marriage is a sham, I just think humans are stupid and selfish and don't know how to make a marriage work. XD Marriage is biblical, so I don't think it's a load of crap.

When I hear pastors talk about marriage, they seem to focus on the "commitment" aspect more than the "emotions" aspect. I imagine that in Biblical times, marriages were made out of convenience and ritual rather than with love. I have no problem with that-- it's much easier to maintain a household with multiple heads, and tax breaks rock. I honestly believe that two people with zero sex drive and 100% practicality can have an amazing marriage because there are no emotions to get in the way...

I've read both sides of the Onan debate (and both sides of the Christian masturbation debate), and I feel that Onan is a non-issue. But both sides of the general masturbation debate are vocal and bring up good points, so I don't know about that.

Postby **Danderson** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 10:38 am

minakichan (post: 1242941) wrote:Being a girl SUCKS. Having a period SUCKS. Having tons of boundaries and expectations set on you just because you were born with and without certain body parts SUCKS. (It doesn't help that I'm also Asian.) There's a reason that Mulan is my favorite Disney movie of all time. I think one of the reasons I hate being female and don't ever want to get married is really because of the Bible-- women must obey their husbands as slaves obey their masters, and while I know people will point out that husbands must be loving and humans are born equal, heck, there is NO WAY I'll willingly go into a relationship as the submissive and obedient role. Some will call it pride and selfishness, and I agree, but why is it essentially OK for guys to have these traits while girls can't? I'm sorry. I've met tons of girls in church who believe that they are intrinsically inferior beings because they were created that way, from a body part, as a weak copy of a superior original, because of Christian teachings. That just as Man is inferior to God, Woman is proportionately inferior to Man.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really human, or if I have some strange brain disease.

Though I'm not a girl, I understand ur distaste for this lie that many Christians buy into that the man is superior to the woman......Yes, we're both different, but when we are all in Christ no one is above another.....
True, God did make man as the head of the family and with the capacity to be a Leader, but he didn't say "woman, I want u to stay home and do all the housework."
He has made every one for different types of purposes, both male and female, so not every man was made to be a father and not every woman was made to be mother....But for those who desire to be, I believe he will show them how to get there.....For it's through His unconditional love that any marriage (or any relationship for that matter) will last; which explains why so many marriages fail in our world......

I would encourage you to talk to God about this; believe it or not he's not going to condemn you for questioning who you are.....becuase he knows who are and who you can be when.....He's there to listen and if u seek Him He will reveal Himself to you, as well as the person who He wants you to be......

U have my prayers.....

Postby **MBlight** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 11:09 am

I'm praying for you! Keep your friends close and the best advice I can give you is to get an accountability partner whom you trust and respect

Postby **NekoChan_C** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 11:45 am

Hmmm... as far as Onan goes, his sin wasnt the coitus intteruptus, per se, but his disobeience in impregating Tamar... the Bible doesn't speak speicifically on the act of masturbation, but there are dozens upon dozens of reasons why it isn't a good idea... One of my favorite and the one that speaks to me most being the "Beloved's" charge to the ladies of Israel: Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases... Another being the fact that masturbation draws you more into yourself and is expressing a physical desire that was given to us for the SOLE benefit of our sexual relationship with our spouse.

Sex was meant to be a form of sublime communication with your mate, and as a conscious and willing act of giving up your body to them. It is a form of worship, to be quite honest, meant to honor God and celebrate the union of your marriage, symbolizing Christ's bond with the Church.When you are masturbating, you are giving nothing... you are simply taking pleasure in yourself. There's nothing to uplift or honor God in that.

As for the "gender roles" that are widely accepted... well, let's put it like this: I have very specific notions of gender... They don't usually line up with what society believes these days though. Suffice to say, I will gladly and joyfully be submissive to my husband.

Postby **Mr. SmartyPants** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 11:58 am

As far as Gender Roles go, bear in mind that nearly ALL gender roles (Cept like... giving birth and breast feeding. Imagine a guy trying to breastfeed a child. If you're curious, check out Family Guy. XD) are learned behaviors because of to gender socialization. Nobody is born with the "I must stay at home to cook and clean and take care of my children while my spouse goes to work" gene or anything.

Postby **Nate** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:00 pm

NekoChan_C wrote:When you are masturbating, you are giving nothing... you are simply taking pleasure in yourself. There's nothing to uplift or honor God in that.

I don't know if I buy that. By that logic when I enjoy the feeling I get from swishing a Q-Tip around in my ear, that would be sinful.

Postby **Sparx00** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:36 pm

You are not helping out very much Nate... You should never have posted here unless you came to help Minaki.

Minakichan, I'm glad that you've posted here. It's a good thing to seek help when you need it. Even if it does make us sick to our stomachs. I don't know if there is anything else that I can say that the others may have already said but, Stay strong, Resist the devil, and cling to God. And don't be afraid to ask for more help ok? We're here for you, and we'll help you in your hard times too. I'll be praying for you.

Postby **NekoChan_C** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:44 pm

Nate (post: 1242987) wrote:I don't know if I buy that. By that logic when I enjoy the feeling I get from swishing a Q-Tip around in my ear, that would be sinful.

Hmm, good point. however, I think that there is an inherent difference. God never said that you were to only use your ears for listening to your spouse. He explicitly told us in the Bible that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and we should not be given over to the lusts of the flesh.
For that matter, ask yourself this: Does the Bible promote pleasure seeking in any way, outside of seeking a relationship with Him?

I never forgot this verse, that I read years ago...

But she who gives herself to pleasure is dead even while she lives. 1 Timothy 5:6

Food for thought, ne?

Postby **uc pseudonym** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:49 pm

You know I don't have any real answers on this, so I'll try to limit my involvement to the marginally helpful.

minakichan wrote:This also gets a bit touchy and graphic, sorry if it's too bad, mods.

Bah, if we can't talk about this something is seriously wrong. It's not like people can come into this thread and not expect something about sex.

minakichan wrote:Is it still sexual desire if I don't ever want to have sex, have no interest in it, and think it's disgusting though?

If only someone would answer this question (speaking for myself, here). Unfortunately, it's in the area of ambiguity where what the Bible says is meaningless, and all the Christian groups I know seem to just say, "Don't look at porn." Unhelpful advice is indeed unhelpful, so a lot of times here I'm going to stay silent because I have nothing to say.

minakichan wrote:So, considering that I posted this on a Christian board in a Prayer Request forum, I think you can safely assume that I've thought about this and have tried praying about it.

At this point and a number of other times, you sound a lot like myself.

minakichan wrote:I think one of the reasons I hate being female and don't ever want to get married is really because of the Bible-- women must obey their husbands as slaves obey their masters, and while I know people will point out that husbands must be loving and humans are born equal, heck, there is NO WAY I'll willingly go into a relationship as the submissive and obedient role. Some will call it pride and selfishness, and I agree, but why is it essentially OK for guys to have these traits while girls can't? I'm sorry. I've met tons of girls in church who believe that they are intrinsically inferior beings because they were created that way, from a body part, as a weak copy of a superior original, because of Christian teachings. That just as Man is inferior to God, Woman is proportionately inferior to Man. All because some stupid, stupid woman thousands of years ago wanted a piece of FRUIT.

Alright, I'm going to do this...

<can of worms>

From what you've written about religion, I'm going to assume you've come from a fairly conservative background. Suffice it to say that you've just articulated the "complementarian" view as if it is biblically mandated.

A lot of us disagree. The opposite position is the egalitarian one, which plenty of people believe. If you're into mindless proof-texting, you can pull out plenty of verses for that one as well. I personally believe that men and women are fundamentally and pervasively the same - pretty common in my community. Christianity does not have to equal patriarchy.

</can of worms>

minakichan wrote:I'm sorry, I'm ranting, I'm hysterical. That's because I'm a woman]
Yes, you suck.

minakichan wrote:So I don't think marriage is worth it]
To play devil's advocate here, marriage isn't randomized. In my opinion, most people marry spouses that they barely know and really aren't compatible with, so the divorce rate doesn't surprise me. But when I think about the couples I know who are smart people that didn't marry too early and for good (coughnonsexualcough) reasons, I actually can't think of any divorces.

Also note that divorcees have an unfair advantage. They can keep getting married and divorced, whereas the happy marriages can only add one to the statistic. The only way to even the odds would be some kind of systematic killing.

minakichan wrote:Sometimes I wonder if I'm really human, or if I have some strange brain disease.

Nothing you said sounds stranger than myself, so we're either normal or we should see about getting a disease name.

Postby **minakichan** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:58 pm

you are simply taking pleasure in yourself. There's nothing to uplift or honor God in that.

I do the same thing when I read manga or draw, when I stretch or massage myself, and when I sing to myself when I listen to music...

As for the "gender roles" that are widely accepted... well, let's put it like this: I have very specific notions of gender... They don't usually line up with what society believes these days though. Suffice to say, I will gladly and joyfully be submissive to my husband.

I can't do that. I'm too proud and jealous, and too focused on my own dreams.

Imagine a guy trying to breastfeed a child. If you're curious, check out Family Guy. XD

PLZNO TT_TT

I don't know if I buy that. By that logic when I enjoy the feeling I get from swishing a Q-Tip around in my ear, that would be sinful.

I LOVE THAT FEELING TOO.

You are not helping out very much Nate... You should never have posted here unless you came to help Minaki.

No, no, it's cool XD

Postby **minakichan** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:18 pm

UC's post requires its own response.

First of all, sorry that we can't be asexual buddies. But I get the feeling you wouldn't like to be called an "asexual buddy" so I guess that's OK. Unless I really AM asexual O_O.

uc pseudonym (post: 1243022) wrote:Unhelpful advice is indeed unhelpful

YEAAAAAAAH. We get the whole "Go read the Bible" advice, but sometimes THAT REALLY DOESN'T TELL ME ANYTHING. ._.

At this point and a number of other times, you sound a lot like myself.

My greatest aspiration in life is to be exactly like you, good sir.

<can of worms>

I went to a Chinese church. That should tell you everything.

Actually, I'm liberal in a room of conservatives and conservative in a room of liberals, but nothing beyond that. I just hate seeing girls say that they're willing to be submissive and accept lower pay and give up their dreams for love WHEN THEY CAN BE SO MUCH BETTER. But then the people at church think I'm a raging angry feminist. I'm not. I want to be on the same level as a man.

Yes, you suck.

I'm wondering if there are drugs or surgery options that will make me stop having periods and hormone issues. I want the chemical balance of a man. Except that didn't come out right.

To play devil's advocate here, marriage isn't randomized. In my opinion, most people marry spouses that they barely know and really aren't compatible with, so the divorce rate doesn't surprise me. But when I think about the couples I know who are smart people that didn't marry too early and for good (coughnonsexualcough) reasons, I actually can't think of any divorces.

But there are people who know each other well and seem to have wonderful relationships and all kinds of crap who still get divorced, I guess ._. My problem with marriage is more with American marriage I guess. Why do people who have arranged marriages not get divorced? Oh wait, that's probably because they'd get stoned to death or something ._.

Also note that divorcees have an unfair advantage. They can keep getting married and divorced, whereas the happy marriages can only add one to the statistic. The only way to even the odds would be some kind of systematic killing.

DON't BLIND ME WITH STATISTICS XD

Nothing you said sounds stranger than myself, so we're either normal or we should see about getting a disease name.

That sounds exciting. At the same time, I don't know if it feels right to call you "normal." Heh.

You made me feel better, UC.

Postby **Popsicle** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:28 pm

So, considering that I posted this on a Christian board in a Prayer Request forum, I think you can safely assume that I've thought about this and have tried praying about it. I'm not good at praying, and it's hard to hear someone say "well, just pray HARDER" and "you just need to have the right mindset while praying. So have the right mindset. DO IT NOW" and immediately get results. In other words, I suck at praying, please pray for me. <3

I will be praying for you...

When I said to seek God first and stuff, I didn't mean "start doing it now." I meant "keep" doing it. Don't give up just because God hasn't given you an answer yet. He answers things on His own timing and I know that results don't come immediately. And I'm not trying to pick a fight or anything, but I didn't even say anything about mindsets or praying harder. You just need to have faith even when it feels you have nothing to base it on.

I didn't mean to hurt you in any way in my posts, so please don't think that's what I was doing. I'm just trying to help. Know that you have my prayers.

Postby **Sheenar** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:29 pm

I'm sorry if I wasn't helpful minakichan. I would love to be able to encourage you in some way. But I'm not sure what to say.

But I can still pray for you if you would like. I hope I didn't hurt you in any way by what I posted. I want to be uplifting and not tear people down.

Postby **RidleyofZebes** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:42 pm

I'll be praying for you, Minakichan.

Life's a Doozy. We won't have to deal with it forever, fortunately.

I'll see if there's anything I can help with here. Hope I don't cause any problems...

" wrote:I'm not good at praying, and it's hard to hear someone say "well, just pray HARDER" and "you just need to have the right mindset while praying. So have the right mindset. DO IT NOW" and immediately get results. In other words, I suck at praying, please pray for me. <3

Prayer shouldn't be hard thing to do. If someone makes it hard, that's their thing. I don't know about mindsets or anything, as long as you're earnest. When you're talking to God, it should be like talking to... someone very close to you. Remember that He's omnipotent. You can't hide anything, nor should you try to. He knows what you're thinking before you're thinking, and He knows things about yourself that even you don't know. Scary thought, eh? But guess what? He loves and accepts you anyway. That's what makes him so awesome.

Some people like to use flowery words, thee/thy/thou's and other stuff in their prayers. In my oppinion, that's not entirely necessary. It couldn't hurt, sure enough, but we don't talk like we did back in King James' time much anymore. Language has come a long way since then, and I'm sure God has kept up with it. That should make it a little easier.

On a side note, have you ever tried just sitting down and having a casual conversation with your Creator? Nothing overly special, just saying 'hi', asking a few questions, bringing up a few prayer requests from earlier, and fellowshipping with your Heavenly Father. I know the conversation might seem a bit one sided, but let me tell you, it's quite an experience. I recommend trying it highly.

I also believe God has a wonderful sense of humor. Why else would we have Nate?
XD I KID I KID

Joke aside... I hope that helped, for whatever it was worth.

Postby **minakichan** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 5:57 pm

I hope I didn't hurt you in any way by what I posted.

K, I was more afraid that you would feel offended at MY response (I'm pretty darn blunt, if you couldn't tell, but I TRY to keep it down when I interact with people), so I hope you weren't. I just wanted to point out that I don't personally feel that my Issue is necessarily because I'm a raging horny sex maniac or anything. Heh. Well, maybe I am; I just don't want to have anything to do with sex.

On a side note, have you ever tried just sitting down and having a casual conversation with your Creator?

Yeah, I've tried that before... it's felt very awkward, like when you talk to someone you just had a fight with or something. It feels like I'm reciting a speech in my head and my mind wanders. I'm just not good at it! Every time people give me advice on how to pray, I really do try it, but I've never felt like I was doing any better... As a result, in most of my prayer, I limit myself to just saying thanks because I feel really retarded asking for help or just saying "Wow, God, you da bomb!"

Postby **Warrior 4 Jesus** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 6:45 pm

Sheenar, what the crap? Masturbation isn't sex, it's sexual though (don't know what Sex Ed classes you had).

Jennifer,
There's no 'proper' way to pray as such. It's just being honest and open with God and that's a lot harder than it sounds but also very relieving.
Remember that our prayers don't have to be nicely structured or anything. The Holy Spirit transforms our moans and groans in prayer into something pleasing to God.

I don't know what to say mate, sounds like you're having a really tough time. I'll be praying for you.

Postby **Sheenar** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 6:56 pm

Warrior 4 Jesus (post: 1243100) wrote:Sheenar, what the crap? Masturbation isn't sex, it's sexual though (don't know what Sex Ed classes you had)

I didn't mean sex as in sexual intercourse, I meant sex as in sexual activity --it still involves the arousal of sexual response --whether you're doing it to yourself or with another person. That's what I meant.
That's why masturbation can have such harmful effects.

Postby **minakichan** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 7:20 pm

I didn't mean sex as in sexual intercourse, I meant sex as in sexual activity --it still involves the arousal of sexual response --whether you're doing it to yourself or with another person. That's what I meant.

Wait... I just realized... does this mean I'm not a virgin anymore?! OH CRAP. I planned to die a virgin. OH CRAP. THIS IS BAD.

SERIOUSLY I touched myself before I even knew what sex WAS. HOLY. CRAP. WHAT.

Now I can't be elitist anymore...

Sex and sexuality and sexual orientation...

Sex and sexuality and sexual orientation...

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