What am I doing wrong? I could use some input.

[Sheenar]

Copied from my LiveJournal because I'm too tired to type it all again...

I'm trying to figure out how best to explain what's going on --there's a supervisor at work (one of 4) that I don't exactly get along with.
I try my best to always treat her with respect and treat her kindly, but she doesn't exactly treat me the same way. I really, really think she doesn't like me. She talks down to me and sometimes throws up her hands in frustration when I ask a question or need some clarification on what she's asking me to do.
A couple of examples of our interactions:
Last week, she came up to my desk and asked me if I could run a document to another office nearby on campus. I was really tired, having a bad CP day, and I had forgotten Pebbles' shoes --and it was very hot outside. I explained to her that I forgot Pebbles' shoes at home and I didn't want her to burn her feet. She's like "Fine, I'll take care of it. Excuses." and she storms off.
And today, she showed me an application that a student had filled out and asked me to hand it to another supervisor when he came back. I asked her where I should put it in the meantime and explained that I didn't want to lose it in the pile of papers/files on my desk. She turns around in a huff and puts it in his box. Didn't even answer my question.
Both of these events (and there are many others) left me very, very confused --I started crying because I didn't understand why she reacted the way she did.
I mean, I try so hard to work hard and do the best I can --why does she react this way? What am I doing wrong?

But she did buy me a cookie cake for my birthday last year, so she doesn't completely dislike me. I'm just confused by her actions...
I'm an Aspie and sometimes I just need clarification on things or sometimes I don't understand what you're trying to tell me --I don't read body language/tone well. She knows all this and still reacts this way. The other supervisors are very patient with me and will sit down and explain something if I don't understand.
I don't understand...what am I doing wrong?

Oh, and I made an 72 on my Feeds and Feedings test --so my average for the course is a 87. And my ASL exam went well --the web cams have kind of a delayed reaction though. I think I signed three "E"s in the word Greeting.

Edit: God reminded me of my blessings and that I am blowing things out of proportion. Yes, I'm a little lonely--but my friends are just busy --it doesn't mean they don't like me. And they're only a phone call away.
Philippians 2:14-15 "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."
So I deleted the parts that were just me throwing myself a pity party. It just does no good at all. So forget those parts.
But I would like to know if I could have possibly worded things differently with my supervisor (she's not my friend). I want to be at peace or on good terms with everyone in my office. God has been teaching me a lot lately how I really need to love her (and my annoying coworker) because they were made by Him too...it's really hard --but maybe this is all just part of learning to love difficult people.

[Prince Asbel]

Maybe your friend is going through problems herself. Maybe she just has a cranky attitude because of a problem she hasn't disclosed. Your aunt... Well, a phone call could easily straighten things out. As to your friends avoiding you and your lonliness... I don't know. It's possible that they're very shy of aspies. Some people are generally more bothered by people with problems than others.

It's hard to offer an idea of what is going wrong just given this information. I'm afraid that we're probably just as much in the dark as you are. But hey, as always, you're in my prayers, and if you ever want to PM me and/or start a PM conversation, go right ahead. I'm always ready to listen.

[Tsukuyomi]

Hmmm, I don't think you're doing anything wrong You're actually doing the right thing by asking Some supervisors are like that. They have a bad day and kinda take it out on others. Na matter how good of a job they do It's better to ask then not ask and mess up ^^

My mom had the same problem at work with a supervisor. No matter how good she made her bows.. she was told they were otherwise u_u My mom asked around what she was doing wrong and everyone else said nothing. that there was nothing she could do to fix o.O It became too much, so my mom lashed out at her ^^; It made the supervisor step off xD; I'm not sayinng lashing out is the right thing to do, but you should remind her now and then of the situation

I'll be praying that things work out

[Wind]

all I can say is pray and with God all things are possible PM me any time too okay

[Mave]

Being in a (somewhat) supervisory position myself, I may be able to understand your supervisor's feelings.

Basically, she's just frustrated that you couldn't help her where she needed you to. Those two examples you shared ended up with her doing the tasks all by herself. Are you her assistant? If so, then, there's the "you're my assistant but you're not assisting me in my work."

I'm not saying that she's doing the right thing. As supervisor, she needs to find ways to help you to help her. But not everyone is going to be as patient as you would like them to and in fact, I think it's not fair to expect that from everyone around you (you'll be disappointed anyway). It sounds like you're trying your best so I'd say don't let this get you down but continue to do your best to fulfil her needs.

I'm guessing that she's a task-oriented person, meaning her sense of fulfilment and peace comes from finishing tasks. There's nothing wrong with that - it's just a personality trait. It's important to understand that so that you'll be aware of what frustrates her and dictates her actions. So, for her best interest, do your best to complete her tasks even if it's inconvenient for you.

Task 1) Maybe it's hot, maybe you're tired but I'm afraid, to some ppl, those are not acceptable reasons not to complete a task. So, pray tell me who is Pebbles and what does this individual have anything to do with this? Can you run the errand by yourself without Pebbles?

Task 2) You can put the application aside until that supervisor returns or if there's a mailbox for this person, just place it there. Preventing you from getting the form lost among a whole pile of papers is not your supervisor's concern and it doesn't reflect well on your working ways (e.g. losing items among piles of papers/files may reflect lack of organization and a couldn't-care-less attitude.....which is ironic, because you do care!!). It's interesting simply because while we all know that you explained because you were concerned but some ppl may take it in a completely different fashion!

Pls forgive me if I sounded harsh. I meant well in explaining what your supervisor's point of view may be. My working environment is different from yours (and remember I'm from a different region as well ) so feel free to take my points with a grain of salt.

Good luck and I'll say a word of prayer for you! I hope you'll be able to improve your relationship with this supervisor and do well at your job. May my sharing also help in some way.

[Sheenar]

Pebbles is my service dog. I cannot run errands without her --I forgot her shoes and I didn't want her to burn her paws on the pavement --I depend on her for balance when I walk --and I was having a bad CP (Cerebral Palsy) day --my balance sometimes is worse on some days --so I didn't want to risk a fall trying to run the errand without her. I'm usually very careful about making sure I have her shoes --but I forgot them this one time.
She's not my direct supervisor --I'm not her student assistant --I work for the English Language program and she's the Graduate student advisor --but I still do what she asks me to do.

I had asked her if she wanted me to put the application in his box and she said no. So I asked her where I should put it.
I'm very organized at work --I just didn't want it to get buried underneath the student files I was making --I was afraid I'd forget about it --and I like to have a clear place for everything --everything has to have a certain spot --I wasn't sure if she wanted me to put it on his desk, in his box, or what --I was just asking for clarification.
Because I have Asperger Syndrome, I tend to get very focused on the task I'm working on and sometimes I don't hear the phone ring or hear students coming in the door. One time this supervisor asked me to run some papers over to another office --I said I could do it --but I thought I saw her take the papers back to her office --so I kept waiting for her to come back with them --and then she comes back and asks me if I took the papers over --and she had put them, not on my desk, but on another desk --I didn't know they were there --but it was still before closing time so I was able to run them over.
She just reacts angrily to me---I tried to explain to her what AS is and what my limitations are, but she doesn't seem to be very sympathetic. She gets mad at me because sometimes I don't hear the phone ring (like if there are a lot of students in the office talking--I have trouble hearing things if there is a lot of noise) --I hear my phone ring but sometimes it's hard to hear the other ones because either an office door is closed or it's someone beeping in while the phone is in use. I do my best to always answer the phone and to always greet the students--I just sometimes don't hear them because I am doing my work. I do do my work, I don't goof off at work, and I do an excellent job at the tasks I'm given. So it's not like I'm being lazy --I take my job seriously.

I hope this explains things better.

[Mave]

Thanks for explaining the situation further, Sheenar. I should have asked what CP was too and really did my best not to judge the situation beforehand.

....But I still think I could have asked more questions first before jumping some part of the gun - my apologies for doing so. I will reiterate what I've believed when I last posted: I think you're doing your best and I'll pray that God will help you find a solution to this or help you carry through.

I'll just end on one last point: I've decided that it's ok if we don't please everyone. In reality, no matter how good we try or how good we are, there will always be that one person who will never be happy. Maybe this supervisor is that one person for you.

[SailorDove]

Sheenar,

I know what its like to be on both ends of this. My mom & brother have a more severe hearing loss than me. And I admittedly get frustrated with them when their handicaps get in the way of them helping me. As I'm sure my handicaps have frustrated my family & coworkers.

The point is not to always give an excuse why you can't do something, (however valid). Be sensitive to others emotional needs as you wish they would be towards yours. Their office work gets overwhelming for them too.

Also, don't wait for people to do things like, "waiting for the lady to come back with the papers." Be a little proactive, and call her "I was gonna go run those papers over to that office for you, but wasn't sure if you still have them or if I'm not seeing them out here."

Mave gave some good insights. And perhaps for this supervisor, it would be best to respond in a positive, "I'd be glad to help with that!" before you give the reason why you can't. It will make your life a lot easier to address her emotional need for help when you aren't able to do so. Instead of her feeling that you're always making excuses, (however valid).

Hope that helps a little.