Well, I definitely know how to pick the hardest friendships.

[Alexander]

"Can we run away from a sad destiny that's been long chosen?"

Hi guys, I know it's been a long time and likely I'm still mostly unknown here, but regardless I'm in need of what you could call support (although there's little anyone can really do for me). And I'm left with little to go to for at the moment.

Basically, I've always had an extremely hard time keeping friendships going throughout my life for a dozen or so reasons, mainly because I'm Autistic, but that's another topic. Anyways, I've been trying for the past 5 months to reach beyond the internet for friendships, and recently I had met two people.

The first was a girl at 26. Born with Autism and lives 200 miles away from my location. I had decided to meet her in person, and we did have a rather lovely conversation together. But when I went to her house, her mother wasn't very pleased with my arrival. She had indirectly asked me to leave, and the girl I had met seemed to unwillingly agree. So I left feeling rather hurt, but we managed to keep in communication via phone and E-mail. But then it slowed down, and now she hasn't sent me anything for over two weeks. You'll probably say I'm being judgmental when I say this, but speaking as an Aspie like her, there's a very strong chance she's felt overwhelmed by my presence, and has decided to retract into her own world without giving me any notice from now on. Basically, this friendships seems to have suffered a quick death.

The second was another girl I met just two days ago. 19 and lives 150 miles away from my location. She's also Autistic (in case you're wondering, I've been seeking out Aspies in my local area) and basically loves all of my interests. We've gotten along really well and almost instantly became friends with each other. We've been E-mailing each other daily from that period, and I'd like to get to know her better.

Except for one issue. Two, actually.

She's gay. And neo-pagan.

And from my experience both groups mix with me like oil and water. Let alone the few neo-pagans I've met, whom have automatically abandoned me the second I said, "I'm Christian". I only act judgmental along the lines of my belief and don't try to push my beliefs onto anyone, but simply the knowledge of my core beliefs was always enough for them.

I'm of course prepared to tell her like I have anyone else, and where to keep my distance, ect. But I don't feel I can anticipate much of a future with us as there's a good chance she'll want to keep her distance from after I make my statement to her next week.

After that, I'm all alone once again. I wouldn't like to loose my friendship with either of these girls (although it seems like it's already gone with the first) and I know where to keep my place in my faith (I've never made an exception for anyone). It's just hard. It's always been hard for me, and a breather like this is something I could really use right now.

There isn't really anyone can do here, I understand that. What's destiny is destiny at this point, after all. All I can really ask for is prayer at the second, so that's what I'm going to request.

*sighs* It's a hard life, this world.

[Prince Asbel]

I think I need to ask this question for clarity. Are you seeking a girlfriend as opposed to just plain friend? I seem to get a slight impression of that, but I need to ask that first. Then I may have an answer for you.

[Alexander]

I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening 7 times in the same place while a car runs over me. I've long given up any idea that I'll get married, so the question is mute.

[Yahshua]

Certainly as human being we are social creature we are not build to lives a life of loneliness. So I understand your need for a friend. As for her maybe just maybe Father is calling you to bring her back to Him. However your are in my prayer Alex.

[AsianBlossom]

Hi again, Alec.

I know it's been a while since we've spoken, but know that I'll still be praying for you.

Please stop thinking that just because you haven't met anyone yet and you're Autistic you won't get married...my mom told me this story of two people who met each other, fell in love, and had a wonderful, almost fairytale wedding. And these two were both in their 40s and hadn't found the right person until then. I'm not saying that you'll have to wait that long, but if it's God's Will, you'll find the right girl.

So, in short, I'll still be praying for you. I hope this post didn't sound too harsh...if it did, I apologize.

[Prince Asbel]

I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening 7 times in the same place while a car runs over me. I've long given up any idea that I'll get married, so the question is mute.

Um... I'm not convinced that it's mute just because you think it's really unlikely to happen. I won't detail why I think that, but I will say this. Considering both persons you've met are aspies, I can't say I'm surprised it doesn't seem to be working out.

Really, your autism is cutting from two angles. It's hard to get normal friends because of your autism, and it's hard to get autistic friends because... well, thanks to their autism, it seems to affect the way they conduct themselves. All I can suggest is that you pray a lot. Ask God to help you get over your frustration, and ask for success as you continue to seek friends from normal people as well as aspies.

But don't worry, I'm not trying to sound dry or unfeeling. I'll be praying for you and things like that. Oh, this is just a spit-ball idea here, but maybe if you revealed the general location where you live (I.E. state or province), you might interest members that may live near you in meeting you themselves. I've been on here a while, and I'm sure there are people here that would be glad to develop a friendship with you, even if you are (as you put it) an aspie.

So you'll be in my prayers. And (and I'm not saying this because I think you want a girlfriend, but what you said in your second post) I'll also pray that God will bless you with finding a girl who will come to love you and want you for her husband.

[NekoChan_C]

Wow this breaks my heart... I'm so sorry that you have had so much difficulty making friends... I know (poignantly) how hard it is to stand on the sidelines and watch everyone else have good relationships... my younger brother has asperger's and my son has all the signs of it as well... so seeing them both go through that loneliness is so painful... but I would encourage you to not give up!
God designed us for human interaction and I just can't believe that He would create us with these unique personalities, then leave us to rot without friendships...

and don't limit yourself to only people with asperger's, you know... there are plenty of people who understand (in a different way) the toll that social interaction can take on those with autism... Seek God and ask Him to lead you to people who will be uplifting and understanding to you...
Who knows? Just because this girl is not living right NOW doesn't mean that you can't have a positive influence on her life...
It is possible that God placed you in her path to lead her to Christ...

Try not to lose heart... You are loved and you are prayed for...

Jess

[Sheenar]

Hi Alexander! It's good to see you again!
I don't have much to say except that I understand where you're coming from. As an Aspie myself, I had a hard time making/keeping friends, so I understand how lonely it can feel sometimes.
But remember that God is faithful and He will bring the right people into your life in the right timing. But don' just sit around and wait for something to happen --continue to be proactive like you are and seek people out--sure, some won't work out, just don't give up.
I know I've had many "friendships" fall through, but God has blessed me with a handful of really close friends--and it took a while to develop that closeness with them.
I understand your desire for friendship--just don't give up on it. Keep praying and keep your eyes open for the people around you. Who knows, you may have a potential close friend right in your hometown!
I'll be praying for you friend. Just try to have hope --because nothing is impossible with God. Nothing.

[Danderson]

Hey Alex is back....yeahsers.....
I know what it's like being different from others.....though, I don't have asburgers (at least I don't think so), ppl always looked at me as someone who was different then the typical kid/teen/person....and, as u probably know, it can get pretty lonely when ur different.....
But, don't let that get u down....God blesses are differences.....as long as they are used for Him....

I encourage u to use whatever intrests or skills He has given u and use them to honor the one who made u who u are.....
Friends may come and go.....But ur Savior is one friend who will never leave u.....U have my prayers......

[Alexander]

It's been six months Jessica-chan. I'm sure you have.

Thanks for everything guys (and girls), the amount of support I've already reminded me of the old place I remember.

Asbel: It can be a very sharp double edged sword at times. At times I have a hard time looking beyond that black and white void. I'll have to act as a bit of a damper to your spirits in the fact that I did tell people where I lived online. At one time I almost advertised it. For over 4 years I searched in fact. But I've had to come to understand that harshly, sometimes you need to redirect your strategy in a long winded battle.

At this rate prayer is all have. I just wish my self-esteem and faith was in better condition. A lot of things in my mind have changed, and I've had to cope with a lot of extra pressure.

And yes, I do want to get into a relationship. You could say I'm being bi-polar in some of my decisions, but I have to be concrete in certain things less I go into another meltdown.

Jess-chan: Again, I've missed you. And I do remember that story (I'm surprised you forgot). But you can't ask me to change now. It's the only barrier keeping my mind to some level of stability and to keep my meltdowns to a limited a level.

Nekochan: GIRL LIVING WITH ME??!? Um, I really, just, kinda, want to try to be friends with both of them hopefully. There's no, relationship intentions for the moment. And I kinda would rather keep it to that level as a neo-paganist and me in a relationship would probably not go very well for very long. Unless you got the wrong message from me or something. XD And that's really great that you have two brothers who are on the spectrum. Besides other Autistics, I think family members are the only people who can relate to us.

Okay, and just to clarify. NO, I am not looking for a relationship in either of these girls. I met them through my local aspie group whom I've been with for the past five months. They've been a miracle for me in a number ways, and that's how I've been stretching my outreach to other people. I have been keeping myself strong and I'm looking for any opportunity I can with my rather unfortunate set of circumstances. But none the less, I will keep myself together and keep going no matter what the obstacles will hinder me.

[AsianBlossom]

It's been six months Jessica-chan. I'm sure you have.

Jess-chan: Again, I've missed you. And I do remember that story (I'm surprised you forgot). But you can't ask me to change now. It's the only barrier keeping my mind to some level of stability and to keep my meltdowns to a limited a level.

Wow, that's long...wait, have you been keeping track?

Whoops, sorry...-///- that's the thing, sometimes I forget I tell someone something and then I tell them again, and I think it gets really annoying.

I understand that I can't ask you to change, but I just want you to be happy. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that real life isn't a fairy world where all you have to do is smile and "all the clouds will melt away into rainbows and happy little butterflies," but at the same time, God doesn't want us to be unhappy. Yes we have certain trials and crosses we must endure and carry, but we should try to look for the positive in every situation.

I'm going through a stressful time right now, and I'm looking for the positive in it. Believe me, sometimes I wonder why things have to be the way they are, but I realize that there's a reason for this; perhaps if this situation went the other way, we would be MUCH worse off.

Also, I was just reading an article about stress relief according to St. Thomas Aquinas, and it mentioned 5 things: expressing how you feel through having a good cry (or shouting or wailing into a pillow...whichever works); enjoying things you like, such as upbeat music or chocolate; taking care of yourself, in ways such as taking a good hot bath to relax; talking about your stress to a friend; and contemplating the Truth (you know, sitting quietly and thinking about God, Heaven, etc.). I hope that perhaps you might be able to find one of these ways helpful (I mean, you're already telling people about your stress, and that's good).


Also, just on a side note: I was a little confused at first, because Nekochan's name is also Jess(ica?). But then I saw you used her screenname and I realized that that was your message to her so I'm good now and hopefully I won't get confused again.

[Gabriel 9.0]

I'm very sorry to hear that Alexander, I remember seeing you on months ago. Welcome back to CAA .
Trust me when I say this, you are not the only that has felt like that. I myself used to think it is not worth living on this current Earth anymore, will I ever find the right woman to marry etc. God has helped me overcome those doubtful thoughts and to fully trust in him that everything will work out.

If you ever need to talk to somebody, I'm all ears. The Lord will help you find the right people to befriend and help you find the right woman to marry. Continue to do your best to follow him.
I'll be praying everything works out for you. God Bless brother in Christ.

[termyt]

You need to do what you feel is right. If it costs you friendship, well, it can be lonely indeed.

On the other hand, I don't think I'd lead the conversation with "I'm a Christian." She undoubtedly already has a strong notion of what a Christian is and she will pigeonhole you into it before you have a chance to prove otherwise.

Live by example. Be honest and compassionate. Share your view of the world as it comes up. Don't dodge the question - be direct if asked directly - but there's no need to make that a prominent part of your relationship at first. Give her a chance to judge you for who you are instead of judging you for who you are associated with.

Of course, you need to do what you are comfortable doing. If you feel like you're deceiving her, then don't be indirect. But if the topic doesn't come up, you do not need to force it.

[NekoChan_C]

Nekochan: GIRL LIVING WITH ME??!? Um, I really, just, kinda, want to try to be friends with both of them hopefully. There's no, relationship intentions for the moment. And I kinda would rather keep it to that level as a neo-paganist and me in a relationship would probably not go very well for very long. Unless you got the wrong message from me or something. XD And that's really great that you have two brothers who are on the spectrum. Besides other Autistics, I think family members are the only people who can relate to us.

ummm, maybe that came out wrong... I meant that just because this girl isn't living "right" as in living for the Lord, that it doesnt mean you can't have a positive influence on her... I would never imply that you live with a chick that you weren't married to... BELIEVE me, that's NOT the way to go...

But I think we all miss the point when we seek out someone to spend our lives with... God wants us to seek Him first, and then trust Him to lead the right people to our lives...
but make no mistake, friendships are important, and He wants us to have relationships with others... He designed us for communion, with Him and with each other... so if that is Truth, then He must be willing to lead us to relationships will strengthen and edify us.

<3 you are quite a person, Alex... <3

Neko

[Alexander]

You need to do what you feel is right. If it costs you friendship, well, it can be lonely indeed.

On the other hand, I don't think I'd lead the conversation with "I'm a Christian." She undoubtedly already has a strong notion of what a Christian is and she will pigeonhole you into it before you have a chance to prove otherwise.

Live by example. Be honest and compassionate. Share your view of the world as it comes up. Don't dodge the question - be direct if asked directly - but there's no need to make that a prominent part of your relationship at first. Give her a chance to judge you for who you are instead of judging you for who you are associated with.

Of course, you need to do what you are comfortable doing. If you feel like you're deceiving her, then don't be indirect. But if the topic doesn't come up, you do not need to force it.

Well, I on the other hand prefer to go after something I'm uncomfortable with head-on if I feel there's a chance for a success.

Which, it has been.

For both of them.

First of all, the first girl (26) had E-mailed me back. It turns out she was hospitalized for two weeks, hence no E-mails. Her computer also has failed, so we've had to use other methods to communicate. That being by phone.

And just now, as I write this, we talked for 2 and a half hours. And in that conversation, I finally broke through her shell. We're now friends, and possibly a little closer after the talk.

For the second, I told her the truth about everything, where I stood, but above all else, that Christians first priority is love, regardless of anyone's position. She then called me a friend, something she hadn't done in a decade to anyone else.

Right now I'm exhausted. I have seven more papers to do before my finals are complete and I graduate from high school, I have to get my finances figured out for college this week, and currently my neighbor is playing rock music above 11, causing me to have a headache.

But for the first time in over 4 years, I've managed to find not only one, but two real life friends. And I believe I have your prayers to thank for it. You guys honestly have no idea how much this really means in the complete spectrum of things, but my thanks go to you all forever more.

This is the first time I honestly feel like God is behind me, in a very, very long time.

By the way, thanks Nekochan. I believe I'll send you a PM later along with apologizing in the fact that I messed up thinking you had two brothers with Autism instead of the fact that you have a son as well. XD Ugh, major typo of the day.

[Sheenar]

Praise God! I'm so happy for you, Alexander!

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Dude, your last post just put a big smile on my face. =)

Praise Him.

[Prince Asbel]

This is fabulous! Dude! I'm so glad things worked out between your friends! Praise God!

[AsianBlossom]

God is so good. I'm glad it all worked out.

[LadyRushia]

Please check the dates on threads before you post in them. This is over a year old and the OP doesn't even come to this site anymore.