*Lost in the Twilight*

[animewarrior]

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *runs around screaming* *koff*

hmmm .... well ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SIDES TO THEM SELVES!!!! *punches wall* grrrr.....welll this has just been a crappy day.

I feel like the world doesn't understand me at all....very few actually see me upset and they think I'm ok.....just rather emo. YAY for me (sarcasm) .... *sighs* I guess I'm just having some really sucidal thoughts lately....and I .....I.....*sighs* ......have this thing where....I think blood tastes great.


there. I said it. Label me a vampire.. maybe then I could understand myself.......I have random urges to sneak out at night and go and randomly kill someone....I've even planned it out with certain people..........creepy eh? .... who knew a girl from a Christian family could have such sick thoughts.....I'm really in need of your prayer right now.

please.

[Amzi Live]

I've won't stop praying for you.Haven't since the last time I told you I would.
It's a bold step to say what you just said.I'm backing you up all the way.

[animewarrior]

thanks Amzi.

ps- please don't mention this in any emails you send me kay?

[Amzi Live]

thanks Amzi.

ps- please don't mention this in any emails you send me kay?

Won't

[animewarrior]

*sighs* now I bet I scared away everyone else...XD...because I'm THAT awesome....(major sarcasm)

[Sheenar]

You can't get rid of me that easily!
I will still support you and call you a friend. Lord knows that things that have gone through my mind...

Cry out to God when you have these thoughts --they are not of Him and of yourself, you have no strength to fight them --but with God, all things are possible. He can help you overcome. Just ask Him. It won't happen overnight (that is seldom the case), but God will change you little by little and mold you and shape you into the person He made you to be.

Don't give up just yet. God is not done with you.

[animewarrior]

Don't give up just yet. God is not done with you.

heh. Now only if I could actually honestly believe that.

[Amzi Live]

*sighs* now I bet I scared away everyone else...XD...because I'm THAT awesome....(major sarcasm)

Hey,If it weren't for you I'd be forgetting to pray.Each day you come up to mind,and I just have to stop,and start praying.My spiritual life has been a mess.It still is in a way,but God is using you in ways you can't imagine.He hasn't left you.I feel that He's forgotten about me,but every day there is something that doesn't let me accept that lie.You are part of that. Thanks!

[animewarrior]

Hey,If it weren't for you I'd be forgetting to pray.Each day you come up to mind,and I just have to stop,and start praying.My spiritual life has been a mess.It still is in a way,but God is using you in ways you can't imagine.

thanks for the encouragement Amzi.....even if I am falling, maybe you can reach the light for me.

[Amzi Live]

thanks for the encouragement Amzi.....even if I am falling, maybe you can reach the light for me.

I don't want you to keep falling,and I'm sure a lot of people here don't want that either.Why don't we make a deal.Let's both try to get closer to the only One who can give us strength,and saved us.I'll keep at it if you do.

[animewarrior]

heh. I just realized. Today is the day I was supposed to be born.....(I was born 3 months premature )

[animewarrior]

I don't want you to keep falling,and I'm sure a lot of people here don't want that either.Why don't we make a deal.Let's both try to get closer to the only One who can give us strength,and saved us.I'll keep at it if you do.

*thinks it over* other than the fact that I'm wanting to cry right now...and that is blurring my vision....yay(sarcasm) that sounds like a good idea.....*sighs* now it's just a matter of actually doing it.

[Amzi Live]

heh. I just realized. Today is the day I was supposed to be born.....(I was born 3 months premature )

And the Lord saw fitting for you to be here tonight.He loves you.He's still there.
I mean, he even cares how many strands of hair do you have in your head.

[Amzi Live]

*thinks it over* other than the fact that I'm wanting to cry right now...and that is blurring my vision....yay(sarcasm) that sounds like a good idea.....*sighs* now it's just a matter of actually doing it.

Would you like me to find a way how to start?
I suck at praying,but I'd be willing to pray right here,and now as a starting point.

[animewarrior]

And the Lord saw fitting for you to be here tonight.He loves you.He's still there.
I mean, he even cares how many strands of hair do you have in your head.

*sniffs* Thanks Amzi....well my laptop is about to die...and I still haven't praticed piano for the week or finished my Social assignment....so the Lord give me strength to finish all this crap...*sighs*

NOTE TO SELF: The LORD is MY REFUGE & STRENGTH, an EVER-PRESENT HELP in times of TROUBLE - Psalm 46:1

[animewarrior]

Would you like me to find a way how to start?
I suck at praying,but I'd be willing to pray right here,and now as a starting point.

You may pray if you wish. (has 3 minutes left before her laptop dies completely)

[Amzi Live]

Dear Jesus,
Help us out here.We are not perfect,and we might even feel like rotting trash,but Your Word says that you'll never forsake us if we truly search for You.Please we need You so bad in our lives,and we don't want anything before You in first place.Please help us to become the people You want us to be,and please I pray with all of my heart that you help Deanna out.You love her more that all of her family,friends,and everyone combined.
In Jesus' name Amen

I need to get into a prayer class or something

[animewarrior]

Amen. thanks Amzi. *computer promptly dies*

[Tsukuyomi]

AW, I had no idea you had all these feelings bottled up inside of you o_o And no, you haven't scared me away ^__^ May I ask how you feel now that you got this out in the open? It must feel really good huh? I think that's the first step Don't give up on yourself so easily, because you know God hasn't Doesn't that mean anything to you

[Prince Asbel]

It takes a lot of guts to admit they have such problems. You'll be in my prayers for sure.

[ChristianKitsune]

In the Bible there is a parable that Jesus talks about even if there is only one sheep that has gone astray the shepard will always go off and find it...

I believe this can be found in luke, but I will have to do some checking...

anyways, my point is that God will NEVER leave you or abandon you! His word is true when it says that he loves us unconditionally. You may be going though a little bit of trouble, but rest-assured God is on your side!

As for the blood tasting good thing, XD Don't worry too much about, don't look to much into it. I have a really strong Christian friend of mine that randomly said that blood tastes good to her, (like if she accidently bites her lip and stuff) but that doesn't make her a vampire.

Whenever you feel yourself getting down in the dumps, look to God, give PRAISE to him...every day is a new day, and you are a new creation with Christ on your side!

(sorry for my ramblings, I just woke up, ^^; )

I'll definately be praying for you! *huggles*

you sis in Christ,
Kitchan

[GeneD]

I'm praying for you!

[SnEptUne]

Blood can indeed tastes great, which is why blood were sold broadly in certain countries where blood pudding is a daily cuisine, and it is very nutritional. Sadly, such is difficult to find in western countries, where people fear of "vampires" real or imaginary. For example, in China, chicken's blood is more expensive than the chicken itself, pig blood is cheaper, but still way more expensive than the meat.

Anyway, back to the topic. It isn't unusual to have many side of one self. We have different encounters everyday, different experiences, and different states-of-mind; it is unreasonable to expect anyone to be stationary. Darkness exists so that we can understand the purity of the light, a person isn't enlightened unless he/she can understand both side of one's self.

[animewarrior]

Thank you all for your prayers.
SnEptUne .... .interesting info... lol XD.....and I agree with you about the whole darkness/light thing....thought about it alot actually.

[Tsukuyomi]

Sneptune, that's so true about the blood thing in difference countries ^__^ I guess.. That's why my parents like buying their meat (?) fresh I never got into the whole "Blood Pudding" thing though o_o;

Light vs Darkness, you can't have one without the other.. I suppose ^_^ Trying to understand both is a really great idea How else are you to know which is which.. right?

[animewarrior]

Light vs Darkness, you can't have one without the other.. I suppose ^_^ Trying to understand both is a really great idea How else are you to know which is which.. right?

true.

[Amzi Live]

Blood can indeed tastes great, which is why blood were sold broadly in certain countries where blood pudding is a daily cuisine, and it is very nutritional. Sadly, such is difficult to find in western countries, where people fear of "vampires" real or imaginary. For example, in China, chicken's blood is more expensive than the chicken itself, pig blood is cheaper, but still way more expensive than the meat.

I just remembered that in my country we eat "morcilla" mostly in the holidays ,and now I remember that it's main ingredient is blood( I think it's what in England is called black pudding).Heh! It's good.

[animewarrior]

I just remembered that in my country we eat "morcilla" mostly in the holidays ,and now I remember that it's main ingredient is blood( I think it's what in England is called black pudding).Heh! It's good.

heh thanks everyone for trying to make me feel better....

[Kunoichi]

Hey sis,

Not sure if anything i say will help but ... don't give up. I know things seem hard, like they don't make sense. Why are we the way we are? Lord knows that will never understand.

Sis, God is with you. Even in the suicidal thoughts, the attempted, the depression, the anger, the sadness, the happiness, the joy and through it all he molds you towards his purpose even if it doesn't make sense.

How can we get stronger if we do not face hardships? Its not possible.

*hugs God is with you and so are we.

Kunoichi

[NekoChan_C]

There is always more than facet to someone's personality... If it were not so, then we would all be very unintersting people! Thank God for your differences, even for the different (and confusing) aspects to your personality... He created you to be unique and gave you traits and talents that He wants you to use for Him!

As for the darker thoughts that go through your mind... I have had thoughts like that, too... I think we all do at some point. We tend to romantacize things that are dark or mysterious... like Vampires. I grew up loving vamps, too... I was gothic long before "goth" was mainstreamed... but no matter what you look like, or how appealing the darker side of life may seem, cast your eyes on Him and He will lead you into the way everlasting...

I'm praying for you... God has a plan for your life and He will reveal it, little by little if you seek... I'm learning that too right now!

Jess