There is a very dark side of my heart that I would rather remain ignorant of, but recently, I have been having thought of my family dying. My family is very low income, we basically don't have enough to pay for the bills. I can see there are resentment for my father who wouldn't work (he has bad eye sight, poor health, and can't speak well). I understand that it is hypocritical to expect gender equality in family; a male who can't work is a disgrace.
I can already see his death near, a human cannot live with food and bread alone. I always envy the family where someone died of illness, and sometimes I would wish for the death of someone instead of this mind numbing "peace" where everyone just mind their own business. Is it evil to wish for the death of someone? Is there any value to a human life who live a silent life?