getting back on track

[roadoffew]

I'm a backslider who is trying to get back on the right path. But I have some short of mental block.

I struggle with porn. Right now as I type this I want to pray and read my bible. But when this comes up I don't feel like praying cause I'm not going into tears praying so it doesn't feel like I mean what I'm praying about. As for reading my bible I just don't know what I should read. What does a back slider start to read and then after that what comes next?

[Radical Dreamer]

Why do you feel like you need to burst into tears when you pray about something like that? Not everyone has that kind of response, and people can differ on how they express meaning. I'm not sure about suggestions for readings; my first thought there is to tell you to pick up a concordance and look up relevant verses. Still, I think it's important to realize that something as temporal as feelings shouldn't be the reason why you do or don't pray about something. Anyway, praying for you.

[Prince Asbel]

Dude, lack of tears isn't evidence of not caring.

As far as what you read, I recommend a book by Kenny Luck "Every Young Man God's Man". It helped me through my addiction. Before then and after then, tell someone about your problem that can keep an eye on you, and maybe install website monitoring software. My parents did all these things and it worked like magic. Yes, it's embarrassing to admit it to another person, but it's a common problem, so hopefully it won't be a huge terrible shock to whoever you tell it to.

I'll be praying. God got me out of this kind of trouble, so he can certainly help you.

[K. Ayato]

RD's message mirrors my thoughts exactly. Having tears or an emotional reaction towards something you read in the Bible doesn't always mean you understand the depth of what the message is. That right there is what's more important than your feelings. It's understanding just how much the passage is telling you.

[roadoffew]

"in tears" was an overstatement in my part. what I mean is that I pray without commitment to what I'm praying about. A friend of mine said it was "praying out of guilt"

[Doubleshadow]

Ah. When I was digging myself into more trouble during my last bout of depression, I prayed like that. Being frank with other Christians or pursuing some type of help with this, either a wise friend or actually counseling may help.
If your somewhat depressed over being back-slidden, the high from the porn is harder to shrug off, so it's something of a self-feeding cycle. Depending on your source, you could set up some kind of accountability.
Praying for you.

[12praiseGOD]

Praying!

[Kunoichi]

I had a lot of experience with the "prayer out of guilt", however, sometimes you really won't feel anything and even lack of commitment in the sense of "changing your ways" does not necessarily mean that you do not mean the prayer...

I struggled and still struggle with depression and lust and what not. And when I pray, I too understand that feeling that you feel like your a hypocrite or something (i'm saying for myself) because you just seem to keep falling...but your gonna keep falling.

Maybe you can take measures to lessen the temptation for your porn (parent blocker on your net or something that will help you)...also in terms of reading..I would recommend Romans or John. Remembering that God loves you sometimes helps when your coming back from the backslidden, one backslidden to another.