General Lust Prayer Thread (WARNING: Mature Content)

[Htom Sirveaux]

EEEK! *hugs back*

You lies. Nubody on CAA has been where I's beens. DX <3

I doubt that. Seriously, read through the thread. Knowing that so many others have seen what you've seen, done what you've done and want to change as much as you do helps you to be brave enough to stare your own problem in the face and really call it out. I don't know if I'm making sense here, but I guess my point is if you want to get through it for good you have to be able to cast aside your reservations and your shame.

[Hana Ryuuzaki]

[font="palatino Linotype"]*nervously walks in*
*sighs* I was too scared to post here at first, but I majorly need help.

Erm....*sigh* I'm not attracted that badly to the hentai pictures. In fact, they disgust me. I had my first experience with them at age...10, I believe, and got SO addicted to it. Thankfully, my parents had an intervention, but that's not my problem anymore! Thank God!

What my problem is....are the stories.
Seeing as I am a writer, and I have very vivid dreams ((A lot of the time about things I would never think about dreaming of happening to my subconscious. *shudders*)), I tend to put them into text or pencil, and then a few minutes later, I am just sitting there thinking
'Why in the heck did I do that?!'

It wasn't that bad at all! After my fourth grade year ((When I was 10)), I started homeschooling, and the temptation went down.
Ya see, the public schools here have good education, but very perverted students. Even in Elementary School. Heh, you wouldn't believe what conversations went on there.

But now, after four years of homeschooling, I am back in the dreaded public High School.
The education is the same, and the people are worse.
Now, I am hearing conversations. Graphic conversations.
I can never seem to pull myself away from listening to them.
I kinda wish that I might not have to get a hearing aid, so that I can filter out the conversations better.

*sigh*
The writing has been getting really bad. I mean, I had another dream like that last night, but I actually didn't write it down!! I'm so happy about that!!!!
I have no clue why I am getting these dreams. I usually don't think about this stuff, and all of a sudden, they just pop into my head!!!
I can't control what happens in my dreams, and when they pop into my head.

So please. Please pray for me, I am begging you!
I feel like I am the worst Christian in the world for doing this!
My parents pray for me every day, but it never gets better.
In fact, it only seems to be getting worse!!!
And I always get depressed about it..........

I just hope that people here will still talk to me, and won't be like
'Eww! Nasty girl! We have to stay away from her perversion!'
'Cause believe me.
You don't know how many times that has happened...
[/font]

[Nami]

Hana-chan, I know where you are coming from, as a writer I also have very vivid dreams.. it makes me sick as well. *hug* I will be praying for you, please don't worry, we would never shun you for something like that, we all have our downfalls, I am very sorry that this is happening to you. It's a terrible thing... and *sigh* the true reason I quit public school.. I went for one year and got sick of it.. I had a bad vibe about it.

I'm really sorry you're going through this... you don't deserve such a thing to happen to you. But you can try to distract your mind before you go to bed, like read a funny Manga, or watch a movie... I tend to watch Peter Pan before I go to bed (YES! I know!) Because it's comforting. So try something like that, and also.. Talk to God, I know we all do.. but talk to him a lot! He is always listening and waiting to hear you out. Also, read some Psalms, they are very helpful. *hug* I am praying Hana-chan.

[Hana Ryuuzaki]

[font="palatino Linotype"]....Thank you, Jen-chan...*hugs*

I really, REALLY want to quit public school again. I fear for my life sometimes. I'll tell you why in a PM. I'm trying to persuade my parents to take me out of it again.

That was the reason I quit public school in the first place, and my grandpa and grandma ((On different sides of the family)) pressured me and my parents to put me into public school, saying it's a "good thing".

Hahah. Thing is, one lives in another county, and one lives in another state.

I try to distract myself, but it's hard since I have slight ADD, I believe.

Heh, I've read Psalms enough in my life that I can almost quote them by heart.
*sighs* I don't know.
It seems like God doesn't hear me sometimes even though I know He does.

It's just..GAH! Sometimes, with all the things that are happening in my life to my parents, my friends, and my mental/physical status, I just want it to end. I just want to pull out a gun and end it forever!

Gosh, look at me now. I'm crying!

I must look like a total idiot and crazy person saying these things!!!!

Thanks so much....[/font]

[Nami]

No, not crazy at all! Oh hun *hugs* I wish I could really hug you and comfort you! Over the short time I have known you, you have become my sister and it hurts me when I see the people I care about hurting.. *hugs* It's okay.. it's going to be alright.

[Hana Ryuuzaki]

[font="palatino Linotype"]Thanks so much. You don't know how much that means to me.
*tries to smile* You're my sister, also, Jen-chan.
*hug*

I wish my Dad would let me on Skype right now. I would really like to talk it out with you...

My parents don't even know that I think this way.

They just know that I hate it there, but they tell me to at least persevere through this year.
Homeschooling costs a lot of money, and that's money we don't have.[/font]

[Nami]

You're Welcome Hana-chan. Good, we are now officially sisters

I'm really sorry that he won't let you.. that sucks.. *hug* I really want to talk to you too.

I'm sorry.. that's terrible.. Homeschooling doesn't cost much for us.. perhaps because the books we used are used from my sisters.

[Hana Ryuuzaki]

[font="palatino Linotype"]Yey! Sisters!

I know. I tried telling him that I needed to talk to a friend about something really important happening in my life, but he says it's too late right now. *hug*

Well, there's a possibility that I could borrow some programs from a friend of mine. That is, if they didn't already throw it away.[/font]

[Nami]

Aww, that's stingy.. mean old man *mumbles, cough* J/k XD;;;; *hug*

Oh? Programs eh?... oh.. that wouldn't be good.

[Hana Ryuuzaki]

[font="palatino Linotype"]>XD
Wow.

Hmm? Why not?
It's the Switched-On-Schoolhouse R2.

Why..is....that bad?
((Completely off of this thread's subject, sorry!))[/font]

[Aleolus]

Not to my knowledge. And I sympathize on the issue with public school. A possibility that worked for me was getting enrolled in a religious private school (Seventh-day adventist sponsored), and my mother worked there part-time to help pay for the tuition there. Anyway, good luck!

*feels like such a hypocrite, wishing him luck when he's not asking for any for himself *

[Hana Ryuuzaki]

[font="palatino Linotype"]Yeah, but I don't have the money to enroll in a private school.

besides, there aren't any around here TO enroll in...[/font]

[Sheenar]

I know somewhat how you feel, Hana. I went to public school all the way and I now attend a state university. Yeah, there are people who make pretty perverted comments..especially in my Repro class this semester...gosh, stupid boys...!
Anyway, I've found it helps to pray and ask God to guard my mind before I go to class. From my experience, a lot of what goes into overcoming these kinds of thoughts is to guard your heart and mind --I have to be careful what I put before my eyes and what I allow myself to take in --I often ignore the stupid immature comments (come on guys! grow up! we're in college now!) and put my attention elsewhere --try thinking of your favorite scripture or how beautiful the day is outside...whatever--just switch your attention away. When I am tempted to look at something that is not appropriate or start thinking that way, I get up and do something else --wash dishes, read a book, play with the dog, etc.

I know it's not easy. It will take time to conquer this sin. I haven't completely conquered it...that's for sure. But with God all things are possible. And when we fall, He still is there...faithful when we are unfaithful. We are washed in the blood of Christ and nothing we can do will change the fact that we are greatly loved and cherished by God and that our sins have already been forgiven. God is faithful and will finish the work He began in you.
*hugs* Hang in there, sister. I (and others) are here for you if/when you need us.

[mathgrant]

I doubt that. Seriously, read through the thread. Knowing that so many others have seen what you've seen, done what you've done and want to change as much as you do helps you to be brave enough to stare your own problem in the face and really call it out. I don't know if I'm making sense here, but I guess my point is if you want to get through it for good you have to be able to cast aside your reservations and your shame.

Eep! No one here has seen what I've seen. Nobody else on here's a furry. D=

. . . I'm not entirely sure what I'm allowed to and am not allowed to say here. I will say this: there was a thread a while back on CAA discussing how gross it is that some people are turned on by Pokémon, and why someone would be like that, and such. Well, I was very tempted to post in that thread, because, as such an individual, I felt like I would have something to contribute, particularly regarding the theories of how such a fetish might arise. However, I didn't have the nerve to admit this about myself, so pretty much all I said was stuff along the lines of "QUIT HATING ON FURRIES FURRY-HATER".

Well. . . I guess you can hate on them again. D= Or you can be like Corrie, and be mature, and understanding, and all that crap? XD Your choice. . . .

[Htom Sirveaux]

mathgrant, if there's one thread on this site where you can openly talk about fetishism and what-have-you, it's this one. Personally, I've always thought that in porn, pretty much every single sub-genre could be considered a "fetish." "Fetish" is just the porn word for "preference." And who knows, maybe there's someone else struggling with the same issue who was waiting for another person to bring it to the table before they could work up the nerve to do so themselves.
Everyone who posts in this thread should be commended for their bravery in admitting their problem. It's a somewhat embarrassing one to lay out, especially on a Christian website, but really there's no better place for it and it takes a lot of guts to step forward like that. You'll find it becomes easier the more you're with us and the further along the healing process goes for you.
And on that note, I would certainly hope you don't feel unwelcome here. Just because you may not see anyone else around with your particular problem doesn't mean you don't belong. Each of us has our own stuff to sort through, our own demons to conquer.
We're all here for you, brother. No matter what. Don't forget that.

Lord Jesus, Your Love is amazing. Your Grace unflagging. You claimed every sin, even ours, and for this we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
In Your Name I pray.
Amen.

[Sheenar]

Agreed. Mathgrant, don't feel afraid to open up.

James 5:15-17
15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Here, sick refers to the spiritually tired and weary. So when you feel overwhelmed, just come and talk to us and we'll lift you up. *hugs*

[Aleolus]

OK, all. I'm gonna need all the prayer and support I can get. I just made a big decision, and I want to keep it!

See, I've known for a while now that, for me to get what I'm wanting right now (a loving, serious, long-term relationship), the first thing I needed to do was to deal with my addiction to pornography. God made that quite clear to me. This is not easy, which is why it is called an addiction. However today, God put it in a way I couldn't really argue with. He told me that is was pretty much me making a choice between pixels on a screen, or a real, live, loving and intimate relationship with another person. Pretty easy decision to make.
So, I'm dropping porn. Cold turkey. Gonna cancel my subscription to the one Paysite I'm signed up for which auto-renews, then gonna do my best to not set 'foot' in one again. I expect to fail, especially at first, but I'm gonna keep at it.

The really difficult thing is that God has already shown me what the next step after dealing with this will be, and that's gonna be even harder. See, I am a very affectionate person, I like to show how much I care for people. I am also very tactile in nature, conveying messages, learning and so forth through touch. Combine that with my ultra-high sex drive, and I show affection for women by groping them, essentially. Never without their permission, of course, but groping them nevertheless. So the next step for me is going to be learning to keep my hands in appropriate places, while still conveying the affection I am wanting to.
>< Dear God, this is going to be hard. I hope I can succeed.

[Aleolus]

...Wow. 4 days without a response. Should I be worried, or just surprised? Anyway, I've been doing ok, only m'd once since my last post, and only broke my resolve about not going to sites like that once, an erotic story.

[Htom Sirveaux]

Sorry, Aleolus. I asssure you if we don't respond in a few days, it doesn't mean we're not praying. Glad to hear of your progress. It's tough, I know. But as long as you can see yourself set completely free, there's hope. The way out only shuts if you shut it yourself.

As an aside, I'd like to say something. As I've said before, part of conquering this beast is casting aside your shame and guilt. Part of that is being willing to say certain words. I know some people use the abbreviations "P" and "M" because just to type the full word is a temptation, and if it's that much of a problem for you, then by all means continue (although I would encourage you to work on it).
But if it's not temptation or embarrassment that's holding you back, and you've simply fallen into the habit of using the "parlance" of the thread, it actually helps if you can bring yourself to write words like "porn" and "masturbation." Calling a spade a spade, as it were, helps one look at the problem objectively.

[Aleolus]

*sigh* Well, I just blew it big time. 4 different porn sites simultaniously. ****. Good thing God allows for redos. Day 0.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

If I might suggest something: DON'T go counting the days, especially if you've slipped up. That kind of mindset makes it very easy to focus entirely on the problem rather than on The One who has promised to deliver you from it. One of my biggest problems is that I spend all my time thinking "I won't think about porn. I won't think about porn. I won't think about porn." ..which only makes it that much harder not to.

Speaking of which, I'm on kind of shaky ground right now. The good news is that I finally put some accountability software on this computer, so I can't get away with anywhere NEAR as much as I used to. However, that doesn't make the actual temptations go away, and they're really driving me batty right now...

[Htom Sirveaux]

Speaking of which, I'm on kind of shaky ground right now. The good news is that I finally put some accountability software on this computer, so I can't get away with anywhere NEAR as much as I used to. However, that doesn't make the actual temptations go away, and they're really driving me batty right now...

Yeah, they'll do that. I'm still praying for you, bro.

[Htom Sirveaux]

Yeah nana, I've had a few extremely vivid dreams of watching, and then (such as dreams do) participating in porn in the past few weeks. I don't know about "soul" ties, but it's like that when you're trying to leave/have left something behind. I imagine it's something like dreaming about highschool even after you've graduated.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Dang it, I screwed up last night. Basically, I put myself in a situation I had no business being in (all alone at night on another computer), amd one thing led to another... Even better, the only reason I was messing around on the computer was to distract myself from the other stuff I was SUPPOSED to be doing, so I wasn't really in any state of mind to seek God's will at the moment.

The thing is, aside from that, this week had been going pretty well. Having friends spying on MY computer actually works wonders, so I guess I just need to spend less time on other ones, huh?

[Htom Sirveaux]

Hey, let me throw a prayer request in. Don't know why this didn't occur to me until just now. A friend of mine is so way into pornography that he wouldn't even call it an addiction. If you asked, he'd say "I just love porn." He makes no attempt to hide the hentai, just puts it right there on his anime shelf (although his interest expands beyond hentai). I don't know precisely for how long he's been into it, but he's pretty far gone. Fortunately, as we all know, no one is too far gone for God to bring back. Just pray that He will do so for my friend. Thanks very much, brothers and sisters.

[roadoffew]

um....hi guys.

I'm not doing any better, no better at all. It's summer break now for me. And almost everyone from school or the BCM have gone home. So I'm stuck alone in my apartment. I have screwed up because of this. I have looked up porn and hentai bascially everyday. sometimes every more that once. I haven't done any praying except one night for a friend of mine and another where I said "Lord, I can't say I hate doing this, but I want to hate it"

I'm the coordinator of a Christian Metal Multi-editor anime music video project. So I feel even worse since I am trying to do something for Christ during the summer but still in this sin.

[Momo-P]

I probably have the weirdest story in the universe, but...ugh. I feel so bad about it and I have no other Christians to talk to about it.

I've been good about keeping away from porn or doing anything to myself, but just awhile ago I had the STRANGEST thing in universe happen to me.

Ya see, my dad has an Ab Coaster (google it if you don't know). Now...I don't know if it's the motion, or the position you sit in, but something about it started...effecting me. I ended up getting off and walking around for awhile (and obviously wondering what the heck was going on), but I decided to go back since it does actually work. In the end I decided to sit up taller since the instructions seemed to say that, but I couldn't help but sit back how I was earlier just because it just...it didn't make sense.

I mean I wasn't doing a freaking thing in the world that should've been effecting me, yet it was. Then before I knew it it just happened.

I know that sounds retarded and whatnot, but...ugh. Now I feel like crying. In a way I did do it to myself because I was the one who kept doing it after I knew how it was effecting me, but...I dunno how to explain it.

I guess it only happened in a matter of minutes (plus I walked away like I said), so I didn't think I was that "turned on" or "into it" if that makes any sense. It was kind of a case of "well lets just see what's going on", I didn't think I'd go over the edge that fast, especially from doing...practically nothing!

Ugh...in a way I don't feel too bad since it was such...weird circumstances, but I've been so good at keeping away from this crap, and then it happens! Plus my faith stuff lately has been so bad, I mean, sinning at anytime is bad, but it seems worse when your faith is low because then it feels like you're really falling away or don't care...

Bah...

[Htom Sirveaux]

Yeah roadoffew, it's really easy to give in (often without even putting up a fight) when you're left alone and bored. And it's fun, that's true. It may be wrong, but it feels good and it's fun. That's part of the draw of the whole thing.
But to recognize it as evil and to want to hate it (even if you don't actually hate it yet) and to bring that before God even once, shows that you're on the right track.
I would suggest that you surround yourself with better things to do. Christian-based or secular, at this stage it doesn't matter so much which one, just so long as it takes your mind off porn. Though it would be a good idea to set aside time for prayer.
And don't - don't ever - beat yourself down for failing. If you do falter, don't dwell on it. Just don't ever give up the fight.
This AMV project you're heading up sounds like a great thing. If you stumble, don't let that be a reflection on you or your suitability for leadership in a Christian organization. If the people you're working with knew about your problem, they likely wouldn't think of it that way. Instead consider your position a source of motivation.

Momo-P, it sounds like a simple stimulus/response thing. It doesn't mean anything bad about you. Seeing it for what it was shows that your heart's in the right place.

I'll be praying for you both, my brother and sister.

Lord Jesus, Your Love is amazing. Your Grace unflagging. You claimed every sin, even ours, and for this we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
In Your Name I pray.
Amen.

[Nightshade X]

It seems like I'm back in the same old place again, as it concerns porn and my steadily degenerating thought life... but let's make one thing perfectly clear on this...

I'm not posting here because I was doing incredibly well and I suddenly slipped up. No...

I'm here because I've been slipping up for what seems like forever and I'm finally admitting that I need prayer support from other believers. I just want this to be over for good, but it feels like I'll never get there... and no matter what I try to do or how much prayer I throw into this fight, I feel like I will always be stuck this way.

By the way... it also feels like it's the reason why I've been single for so long (and, in a very big way, it is), and it will never go away...

I'm sure I had something else to say about this, but... meh.

[NekoChan_C]

ummm... I have kind of avoided this thread up til now because I wasn't sure it would be prudent to post in, but I was heartened by the encouragement that has been offered to everyone who has posted. I have struggled with lust since I was a very young child (I was sexualized early by exposure to novels and movies that were far beyond my years) and have been a slave to both masturbation and porn, as well as illicit sex itself. It has really only been in the last few months that my mindset has changed on what is good and acceptable, and to truly understand the horrific damage that both can inflict on relationships and on your own self image.
I still struggle with the temptations to not only give into lust, but I am guilty of intentionally causing lust in others. I have been a stumbling block in the worst way and coming to understand what I was doing has humbled me in a very real way.
Sexuality is a wonderful gift, straight from God Himself, but just as the "Beloved" in the Song of Solomon says "Do not sir up or awaken love until it pleases".
For those who are struggling with lust and are looking to marry, I give you a word of encouragement:
Be honest about your problem, with your intended as well as with yourself. Not only will justifying it and denying it will only bring about a cauterization of conscience so that you begin to lose that conviction about it as a sin, it will DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MATE.
Yep, it's that bad.
God is always there to offer forgiveness and freedom, but it is of our choice to take it. He won't force it on us.
I'm praying for every one of you guys on here, and I ask that you pray for me as well.
I want to marry my beloved, and he deserves to have all of my desire, not just the portion of it that I havent sold off cheaply.
Neko-chan