I was rejected from the Notre Dame graduate program I was applying for. Now, I am graduating college with my Bachelors degree on May 3rd, but my job hunt has gone NOWHERE. If I have the skills, the job only requires a high school diploma and pays accordingly (not to knock those who only have that degree, but this isn't what I'm in debt for 5 years of college for,) and if the job does require a Bachelors, Associates, or whatever, it either requires experience I don't have or skills I don't possess. (The major at my college is something of a joke; if you don't already HAVE the skills and just need the major for the piece of paper, you're screwed. Crud, the entire college is a joke; if you have a high school diploma, you get in, no matter how many juniors or seniors have to be kicked off-campus to put you in, and even then you may have nowhere to live. [/side-rant]:rant:)
So yeah, my options are currently move back in with my parents or find a comfy cardboard box, and anyone here who reads my LJ knows how badly and why I do NOT want to live at home full time again anymore. The short version is that that environment is toxic in every sense except physical.
I've also started to slowly make friends here again, after most of my other friends either graduated or otherwise moved on with their lives to lives that didn't have me in them, and now I'll be 3 hours away (on a good day) from all of them, too. I have a total of one friend in my hometown, and she works full-time. This used to be the kind of thing I never cared about (specifically chose this college for, among many other things, that no one I knew from high school or the surrounding area was going there,) but I guess one weakness, (and I do view it as that,) that I've acquired over the past 5 years is that that DOES bug me.
So the stress has been doing lovely things to my body. Blood pressure's up and everything. I'm tense and sore all the time, and every time I think about commencement or see something about it on campus, I feel so physically ill I could vomit.
It's all I can do when we're practicing Baccalaureate music in choir or commencement music in band to not start crying right there in front of everyone. I feel like I'm rehearsing for my own funeral. Everyone around me, family, friends, etc. act like this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life, but I'm nothing but miserable.So yeah....depression and employment. Took a lot of complaining just to ask prayers for that. Sorry.
:comp::bang::poke::forehead:
