Crying out

Postby **Kunoichi** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:18 am

I don't harbor anger towards my ex for raping me anymore...it still has left its scars. I haven't talked to him for over a year. I will never talk to him again.

Maybe one day I can finally say that I am free...for now I live day by day, letting go of the past and living in the present.

Postby **SnEptUne** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:29 pm

Kunoichi (post: 1212813) wrote:I don't harbor anger towards my ex for raping me anymore...it still has left its scars. I haven't talked to him for over a year. I will never talk to him again.

Maybe one day I can finally say that I am free...for now I live day by day, letting go of the past and living in the present.

That's good to hear ^_^

If it is me, I wouldn't talk to him again either. You are a strong person.

Postby **Sparx00** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:00 pm

I'm so glad to hear that you're getting better every day Kelly. I'm so happy for you. :hug:

And I'm still praying for you every day, so stay strong Kelly.
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3
(Hope it helps in some way.

)

-Sparx

Postby **Kamille** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:02 am

Kunoichi (post: 1212813) wrote:I don't harbor anger towards my ex for raping me anymore...it still has left its scars. I haven't talked to him for over a year. I will never talk to him again.

Maybe one day I can finally say that I am free...for now I live day by day, letting go of the past and living in the present.

I thank God for your obedience and desire to press on in the faith (Philippians 3:12-14). :angel:

And you will be free of this as you are free in Christ. God always completes what He starts (Isaiah 55:11) and He has started a good work in you in the healing process. Just take your time and ask the Spirit for patience and peace. I sometimes tend to be anxious about getting over pain immediately, as if I could heal myself. And sure, sometimes I will be healed instantly. But it is God who decides when and where the healing occurs. And because I trust in Him, I find that takes a lot of anxiety off of me (not that I don't hurt, of course).

Also, the way I see it, forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning the evil things people do to you. It is first and foremost about obedience to God, and it also frees you from the imprisonment of the past. However, if the Spirit leads you to minister to this man, by all means you should do it. That's why I'm not sure if you ever have to talk to him again. It's just that I don't know if you actually have to tell someone "I forgive you" in order to truly forgive them. I'm leaning towards you don't have to (and that's just because I'm assuming you ex is an unbeliever), but I don't know at this moment. Can anyone get some scripture on that? I'll see if I can look it up myself.

Postby **Kunoichi** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:28 am

He wasn't when I was with him...now i heard he is into pagan religions, is doing cocaine and has started to drink again....its sad really

Postby **Kamille** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 2:40 pm

Well, now I know I don't want you near him. But listen to the Spirit, not necessarily me. However, I'll go ahead and pray for him.

Praying for you always.

Postby **Kunoichi** » Mon Apr 07, 2008 9:54 am

Yea need prayer...I'm having to deal with come confrontational customers at work...I don't deal with confrontation well..so yea need prayer please!

Postby **Doubleshadow** » Mon Apr 07, 2008 3:28 pm

Praying for you.

Postby **Kunoichi** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 5:33 am

Need money for deposit on house. Promised paycheck yesterday. Did not recieve one. May bounce...would be a felony. Could get evicted/ arrested/ sued whatever....need prayer can't deal with anything at the moment.

Postby **Sparx00** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:18 am

I'm praying kelly.

Postby **Blitzkrieg1701** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:45 pm

Me too!

Postby **12praiseGOD** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:30 pm

Definetly praying for you!!!!
GOD BLESS YOU!!!

Postby **Lady Arianrod** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:38 pm

In Christ, we are new creations.

I have not been in the same situations that you have, but I have felt like God abandoned me or that my life had no meaning.

I commend you for being strong so far. May your faith continue to grow and may God be merciful as His will is done.

I'll pray for you too.

Postby **Kunoichi** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:02 am

Check bounced...no money. pray God provides. Trusting in him.

Postby **AsianBlossom** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:35 am

I'm praying.

If you were promised your paycheck, you should have received it. (Please help me out here, peoples who know about this kind of thing) Doesn't that make your boss liable in some way?

Postby **Kunoichi** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 6:56 am

Boss giving me mine today...

Need prayer...broken...I want to die. I almost did. Pray

Postby **Sheenar** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:24 am

Still praying for you Kunoichi. What I've found from my life experiences is that God always provides --and often in ways you wouldn't expect. He'll take care of you...*hugs*

Postby **Kunoichi** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 8:12 am

I want him to take me. I can't do it to myself. No one cares. I want death.

Postby **Sheenar** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 8:45 am

Remember that there are people that love you and most importantly that God loves you and has a plan for your life. Read my story in the Testimonies --I almost took my life, but God stopped me --and I am glad He did. I would have missed out on so much joy and the growth God has done in me since --I am now starting to see good coming out of such a dark time...has it all been easy since? No, but I see that God is with me in the hard things--that gives me comfort to press through them--knowing that I have Someone who is with me and will never leave me in my distress...
We care about you...don't give up...God has a great plan for you...*hugs*

If you ever want/need to talk, just let me know...

Postby **Danderson** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 9:19 am

Again, You have my prayers.....Don't give in.....Remember that He died so that you couldn't.....Keep talking to Him, ask Him what He wants u to do......

Postby **Kunoichi** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 4:58 pm

...my longing for death is replaced with fear. I'm afraid that I'm going to go to heaven and God is going to say to me, "Depart you never knew me". Every time I mess up I feel that. And right now, I'm participating in something that I'm not sure is right but I do not know if it isn't and I'm afraid that God is going to send me to hell because i'm sinning all the time. Will he? I just..i'm afriad. I'm afraid of being alone, of so many things. It seems like when I take three steps forward I take five steps back.

I'm not strong. I'm weak. I constantly question God, and I constantly sin. So...then will he leave me? No I know he won't. But i'm afraid of when I get to heaven, I keep messing up so much that I'm afraid that He will not want me there or that he will say that I have to leave.

Postby **Doubleshadow** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:37 pm

I'm still praying for you. I often get wrapped up in my failings, and then remind myself that I gave it up to Jesus when I became a Christian. It's covered when I fail, by blood, and that won't change. I just have to do what I can, and let go of what I can't.

Postby **Blitzkrieg1701** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 9:23 pm

Is God caught by surprise when we sin? Can we do anything now that He wasn't aware of when we chose send His Son to bear the guilt of humanity? Of course not, it's ALL covered. Yes, we sill mess up, and yes, it can make us feel far away from Him now, but your place with Him is already prepared. It's CERTAIN because He says it is. There is nothing to fear!

Postby **Kunoichi** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:19 pm

I love God and yet I feel so inadequate compared to other Christians. Other Christians just seem so much more "holier" than me. I have a heavy knowledge of scripture but I find myself struggling all the time to choose God over myself. I just can't do it. Not that I won't but can't. Maybe that is the realization I have to accept and yet I look at other Christians and they have never done or even think of doing some of the sins I have done.

I am begginning to realize how much I really don't understand God.

Postby **Doubleshadow** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 1:22 pm

Don't think just because they aren't talking about past sins or their current struggles that they aren't there. Some people excel at putting on a good show, others are just too intimidated or ashamed to admit they have problems. I still have trouble admitting when I need help regarding spiritual things, even though I know very well I can't defeat them alone. You also might be around Christians who don't 'act Christian', and you don't realize they are what they are. Sharing burdens with another Christian who's struggling helps give perspective regarding how much of a fight other Christians are going through if you can find one that brave.
Besides that, everybody's effort is inadequate, so it doesn't matter. Remember, God sees past, present, and future. He already knows about every screw up you're going to make and He loves you and wants you anyway.

Postby **12praiseGOD** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:56 pm

Kunoichi, you previously asked if GOD would send you to hell for committing so many sins. YOu must understand that GOD understands our situations, why else would he come to die for us. He knows that we will mess up, but we must remember that GOD says (somewher in scripture, get back at you later where) that no matter how much sin we commit we will still be saved, remember that GOD says that once you are put in His hands no one, not even the devil Himself can take you away from Him, so remember GOD'S got you covered, He truly loves you!!!

Postby **Danderson** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:54 pm

Kunoichi (post: 1216263) wrote:I love God and yet I feel so inadequate compared to other Christians. Other Christians just seem so much more "holier" than me. I have a heavy knowledge of scripture but I find myself struggling all the time to choose God over myself.

Know that you're not the only one in that club....Everyday (and just about all day) I struggle with choosing God or me.
Yet, I know that everyone has different strengths and weakness's. And as Doubleshadow said, there are alot of people who can easily hide what's really going on in there hearts....
But it's your heart that He wants Kunoichi....No matter how many times u choose something over Him, He still wants you....

Postby **AsianBlossom** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:06 pm

And all you have to do is say "yes." If you want to love God more, tell Him you're trying your best but you need Him to fill in the gaps. If you want Him to forgive your sins, all you gotta do is sincerely tell Him you're sorry. If you want help to do the right thing, ask Him to help you make the better decisions. He's always there for you...all you have to do is ask.

It's amazing, really. My mom once gave me an analogy about how God sees us, and it's really cute. It's like God is the parent holding up a little baby (that's us). Babies can't really talk; they just try to get their point across to their parents by babbling. And all the while, the parent just smiles and looks upon their baby with this immense love, and knows exactly what the little one is saying, even though they're not talking like anyone else. ^.^

Suddenly, I'm not sure how that was relevant, but I feel like I should leave it in this post. So I guess I should say imagine yourself as that little baby and God is holding you and loving you every second of the day.

And one other thing: a heavy knowledge of scripture doesn't necessarily make one holier than another. The wisest person on earth could be a child who only knows the little Bible stories that have been read to him/her. Also, a good priest friend of mine once said, "Don't let the steps get in the way of the dance," which means you shouldn't let legalism crawl into your relationship with God.

I'm hoping some of this helps...as the evening continues I worry about not making sense.

Postby **Kunoichi** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:24 pm

Guys thankyou. I will write more later but sincerely thankyou.

The reason why i said I had a heavy knowledge of scripture was because i meant that means I should have more responsibility with obeying it. Ya know like a kid may not be held responsible for something they didn't know not to do.

Postby **Kunoichi** » Mon Apr 14, 2008 9:00 am

Panic Attacks today..though not overly stressed just worn out. Please pray thankyou

Crying out

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