Depressed, why can't I be virgin?

[SnEptUne]

I am having depression again, for quite a while.

At first, I was just having a discussing about how fornication creates society problem, but everyone I talked to is more interested about "their rights and freedom" to do what they want. So I just assumed they are very particular, and isn't the norm and people are just different, just like how there are murderers and rapists.

But when I went to lecture today, we have a discussion about how women are often half naked in media, and they said it is good because that shows they are enbracing their sexuality. I talked to my friends, and none of them agree that one should be pure because humans are just animal with desire, and how being a virgin is unnatural at my age.

Why must I be interested and active sexually? That goes against everything I was brought up with, especially since I don't want to get married. Why must be I get involved in a romantic relationship? Why must I "embrace" my sexuality, as if being a virgin is a crime? I don't want to get married, and isn't interested in romance. Why can't they accept that?

[AsianBlossom]

They have been brought up with the lie of society that claims "If it feels good, do it" without any regard for the other person.

It sounds as though you're going to a liberal college/school. Be prepared to face that sort of thing. I'll admit, it is a little difficult to go to a school where a majority of the people believe in things contrary to you, and you can't really do anything to change them. Just remember that you are responsible for what you believe, and must stay firm to the things you know are the truth. You can pray for the others, but it will be with God's help that they change.

Our society has clouded and perverted the minds of many a young person in this day and age. Without family guidance or a firm grounding in Christian principles, the youth of this world are led astray to a state of life that saddens God. He loves everyone, and wants us all to see the beautiful creations that we are. What society doesn't realize is that giving into our animalistic passions (and yes, we are technically animals, but we are higher than them because we have souls, intellect, and free will {don't start a debate please...} which means we should know better to control those passions) makes us less of human beings and more like the wild animals that roam in the jungles...hardly civilized if you ask me.

So embrace your virginity--rather than your sexuality--and be glad that you have chosen to be in control of your passions rather than let them rule you. What you are doing (living single and as a virgin) is a great sacrifice that God is pleased with, as not many wish to make this.

Hope I was able to help!

[Mave]

but everyone I talked to is more interested about "their rights and freedom" to do what they want.

I talked to my friends, and none of them agree that one should be pure because humans are just animal with desire, and how being a virgin is unnatural at my age.

Whenever ppl go with the whole "it's my right and freedom to do whatever I want yadda bla" argument, I just throw it back to them "It's my right and freedom to be virgin and single." That usually shuts them up. If they still go at it, say hello to hypocrisy and just walk away.

I'll pray that the Holy Spirit will give you the peace and courage to be firm in this matter. You're not the only one facing this and be encouraged to know that you can stand firm.

[SnEptUne]

Thanks AsianBlossom and Mave. Yes, I went to university. I am feeling better now that I let it out, and at least I know that I am not alone in my belief.

[jaems-kun]

Mave hit it pretty well. Ultimately, it's more about cultural acceptance than sexuality. In our world, people only praise an independent person if they are independent in the way the cultural majority approves of. blah.

[Tsukuyomi]

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age. Don't give it up just for the sake of "doing it" u_u There's so many out there who's so willing. Without being ready. They don't really think about the consequences. It's not like you can get it back once you loose it u_u Some say it isn't a big deal, but it is. You may not regret it the next day.. or the next.. or the next, but you will eventually. Especially, if you're not 110% ready. Don't let media or whatever push you to do anything you're not ready for it.

It's your choice. No one can make it for you. Yeah, it may be easy to rag on someone for such things, but when it's thrown back at them.. what then? I doubt they would like it either u_u/

*Hopes she didn't get off track* o.o

[LadyRushia]

Be proud of your choice. Society tells us to do a lot of stupid things. Forget them and go with what God says. That's that matters in the end.

[yukoxholic]

In my life I have encountered many people who fit into the classifications of those "embracing their sexuality". They talk sex, they have sex, they act "sexy" and still even with all that "sex and sexiness" they are not happy. I often hear my friends dig at the person they're with and pick out little insecurities with themselves and their bodies like they're not good enough unless they're "good enough in bed." It's like they become consumed with it and they lose themselves in that identity that because they're a woman they need to be sex symbols and flaunt it as much as possible. When really that's not true at all they're just hiding behind an image because they don't even know who they are as women.

As many have stated don't let the pressure of being "unfamiliar" with that kind of activity make you do something you will regret. Really if people who go out and fornicate on a daily basis with what's his/her name put their energy into something more productive (excuse the pun) and useful in their lives (like religion, a hobby, a goal, a dream, etc) maybe than they wouldn't buy into this image television and magazines create.

Be proud to be a virgin. I know I am proud to be one! Who cares about others opinions of your morality. Consider yourself one that many are jealous of. Once a girl I knew back in high school came up to me and said, "I wish I was as lucky as you are and still had my virginity." She had just recently lost her's to her boyfriend of a few months which abruptly ended after they did the deed.

Being a virgin is what makes you who you are morally. You're special because you don't do what others preach and shove in your mind. You're a daughter of Christ, you're his 'girlfriend' and the love of him and those who support you in your life is all you need to resist such temptations. Sure, let those poke fun at you because you're a virgin, just as AsianBlossom stated, they may not be pleased with it but I am sure God is very pleased that you are still pure and undefiled.

You're going against the grain of cultural conformity. Be happy that you're not like those who hop from bed to bed because for a woman sex is a very, emotional, thing and like Lucky said, sure, they'll think nothing of it now but what about when the man they love doesn't love them anymore? Or merely used them just for that one, three letter thing.

I hope that made some sense as to what you were asking for. ^__^

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

It is hard being a virgin in our messed up society but God never promised the straight and narrow would be an easy path to follow.
Yes, it can feel like a curse at times - your body says 'yes' and your heart says, 'no, wait for marriage'. But you are saving yourself a lot of heartache.
I look around and see people sleeping with X number of people and they aren't any happier.
While saving sex for marriage is ridiculously hard (especially for us guys) it is vital to a healthy, purity led marriage.
When people have sex, they share a bit of their soul with the other person, and that's one of the reasons why God created sex for married couples.

[SnEptUne]

Thanks for the replies. Maybe it is becase I have a weak body, I don't really have much desire for sexual activity, but everyone around me (especially my parents) just assume that I am good at hiding it, and calling me anti-social. I will continue to follow my moral code even though normal people couldn't understand it. If I commited fornication just to please others, I know I will regret it.

[Tsukuyomi]

You shouldn't do anything to make just to make others happy (that sounded really bad.. I know >_<). Unless it makes you happy to ^_^ Virginity is a very special and sacred thing. You should hold on to it and not let it go so easily ^_^

Whatever your decision, it's you that will have to deal with it. Can others truly feel the way you do? Can they tell how you're going to feel at the end of things? No they can't, because they are not you. Only you know how you feel.. amiright ^ ^

[K. Ayato]

I understand your confusion with the term "embrace" or "accept your sexuality". In this generation it is meant to be associated with becoming promiscuous and engaging in other sexual behaviors. Yeah, people in general tend to do that and claim they're embracing their sexuality.

Personally, (and based on what I read by author Josh Harris) I believe that embracing one's sexuality is accepting that God created you with a sex drive, and that it's normal for a human being to have urges and desires leading in that direction. I agree it's a challenge to hold onto your virginity when everyone around you is freely engaging in sex outside of how God established it. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed to admit you have these desires, even if you are planning on remaining unmarried and have no interest in pursuing romance.

[sharien chan]

I read a study that by college about 30something % are still virgins, which is a lot higher than I originally thought and I think thats a pretty high number. I've only been Christian for 8ish months, and without going into specifics theres a lot of stupid things I've done, and I wish I was like you and I had had your beliefs that you have now. So keep it up. Don't let people get you down because they don't understand. I say more power to you!!

[Tsukuyomi]

Yes, keep being strong ^ ^ I wish I was stronger both emotionally and physically when I was younger ^ ^ There's many things (one big thing) I regret doing, but they say things happen for a reason.. right ^ ^

[Gabriel 9.0]

Hmph, those people are being seduced by Satan and his fallen host to be mocking you for being a virgin at your current age. I myself happen to still be a virgin, proud of it too for Jesus Christ:cool:. Who has helped me remain one until the day he guides me to my future wife. Pay those kind of people no attention and pray for their be-nighted souls to be saved. God Bless.

[EricTheFred]

We are way, way too preoccupied, both within the Church and outside it on the other side of the debate, with sexuality.

The best way to deal with it is to rise above it. Make it unimportant to you. The key passage for this is, "When I became a man, I put away childish things." Peer pressure, societal pressure, these are playground things, playing on the desire to be one of the accepted kids. The practice may continue into adulthood, but that doesn't make it mature, and those who cave are childish, not adult.

Your only answer to those who say it isn't normal should be, "It's totally normal to do what you believe God expects of you." Don't ever be afraid to say this. In fact, be proud to say it. Pride is wrong in many things, but it is my firm belief that God wants you to take pride in Him.

I wish I had stayed a virgin until marriage. I can tell you it is possible though, because my wife did it, and she was 26 when we married.

[Tsukuyomi]

Yeah, I regret it too, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason ^_^ That reason for is is that I can tell all who are confused about not waiting or whatnot. To do wait until they are more then ready. I mean really ready. If there's even a glimpse of doubt, that's how you know not to go through with it. Not just this, but anything pretty much.

[Gabriel 9.0]

I feel its best for one to do their best to serve the Lord no matter what, especially the virginity thing. Like a few days ago, I was out shopping with my mother out near a resort and this shuttle driver said to me: ''If you had a gf, you could go get a room at the hotel for a few nights with her....''
My reply was, well I'm waiting on God to guide me to the right woman to marry for that thing and I'm not just getting married for that reason either. Then he said: "' There's nothing wrong like a little love, now and then''.
The he laughed.

There have been many other times when the enemy has tempted me and friends of mine with losing our virginity before marriage to the right lady.
The point is, its best to wait on the Lord on anything, and do our best to abide to his examples.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one going through this.

I respect you SnEptUne for coming forward with this.
My bro is the same with not wanting to get married, etc, but is still a virgin.
If people try to accuse you of being a homosexual for not wanting to get married in the future, like they've tried with my brother and others, just ignore that as well.
Yet keep them in your prayers.

Its truly sad that a majority of people think its so awesome to go out and do things that are offensive to their divine creator and eternal king.

[MomoAdachi]

I have to say, even though I'm agnostic, I can relate to the original OP. I'm a 20-year-old virgin saving myself for marriage, which of course is not easy at all in this society, I mean my best friend Carly has had sex with 3 or 4 guys already, and she's a year younger than me! I hate it when ppl say that you're not truly grown up until you have sex, as if sexuality is the only way to true maturity.

[SnEptUne]

I have to say, even though I'm agnostic, I can relate to the original OP. I'm a 20-year-old virgin saving myself for marriage, which of course is not easy at all in this society, I mean my best friend Carly has had sex with 3 or 4 guys already, and she's a year younger than me! I hate it when ppl say that you're not truly grown up until you have sex, as if sexuality is the only way to true maturity.

I know. And if I got depressed or upset with life, they would blamed it is because I am "oppressing my sexuality", as if those who are virgin have no right to get depressed.

Some of them asked if I ever have erotic dreams (that's almost sexual harrassment, but oh well). Back then, I really don't consider myself having any of such dreams, beside a few one where I was taken advantages of sexually (such as getting raped by a horde of men X_X), and they called me liar. Maybe they thought sexual talks can lighten up the mood, but for me, it is actually depressing.

Thanksfully, I don't get to see any of those sexual harrassing people anymore, but life isn't easy for an independent person. I wanted to have a close friend who share similar values, but that may not be possible in my lifetime.

[sharien chan]

People are silly. Our society doesn't get it. I have one friend who tried to date people but she finally realized that she just wasn't interested sexually in anyone, and she was really upset that people just didn't get it and kept forcing it on her.
I agree with what Eric the Fred said. And it is definitely better to serve the Lord instead of the world.

[Slytherine]

I've had problems like that in the past. I'm a junior in high school, and even though my school has a lot of people of above average inteligence, really they are just better at covering up the fact that they're acting like rabbits.

It's recently become a personal problem for me because I haven't always denied it when people put forth allegations that I'm not a virgin. See, before this year, I tended to parade myself around, even though I never actual had sex, or engaged in any sexual activities...ever. No activity belong the belt, thank you very much! People just assumed it since I was always good at giving advice. This year it's become a problem, because I can't date a lot of the guys in my school because either they think I'm a slut, or they want to do something I'm seriously not comfortable with.

I've never been a very sexual person myself. I mean, I used to read LOADS of porn[fanfiction] on a regular basis, but I always got awkward or nervous when left alone with a guy. And even though I've been into cutting, smoking, alcohal, and some drugs, I've never had sex, and I'm really glad about it.

I know I might not make it til marriage, but I don't plan on just throwing my virginity away, or wasting it on someone I don't plan to spend the rest of my life with. So there!

So, just ignore those people. In the end, you'll be happier, because when you do have sex, it will be with someone you love, and who loves you, and it will mean more then their casual flings.

~Slytherine

[TalKeaton]

Sex is silly and complicated.

Personally, I feel constantly drawn between the individual that God has saved and that knows the value of keeping sex only within marriage, and the part of me that wants to throw all that to the wind in the interest of doing what I feel like.

It doesn't necessarily get better within Christian interactions as well- my (now former) girlfriend is a Christian, and we still had these troubles.

My advice would be to get support from other Christians, or at the very least some people who can encourage you to stand despite the urge not to, and ignore those that are telling you you're missing out. They often don't see the consequences of sex... urgh.

-_- Tal is far too tired to realize that discussing his own relationship issues on a forum isn't really the best idea, but then again Tal is referring to himself in the third person again.

*Back to homework*

[uc pseudonym]

I am sorry I didn't read this thread sooner. Generally I have nothing to say on this topic, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Why must I be interested and active sexually? That goes against everything I was brought up with, especially since I don't want to get married. Why must be I get involved in a romantic relationship? Why must I "embrace" my sexuality, as if being a virgin is a crime? I don't want to get married, and isn't interested in romance.

You're not alone here, either. Asexuality isn't common, but it is a recognized orientation. People like us tend to run contrary to current American society, particularly subgroups such as the one you mentioned, so many people won't understand.

Some of them asked if I ever have erotic dreams (that's almost sexual harrassment, but oh well). Back then, I really don't consider myself having any of such dreams, beside a few one where I was taken advantages of sexually (such as getting raped by a horde of men X_X), and they called me liar. Maybe they thought sexual talks can lighten up the mood, but for me, it is actually depressing.

I feel for you here. Fortunately I generally interact with people who don't care greatly about this subject and I hope you can find similar groups. The people who bother you are probably reacting to antisexual tendencies from the past and they assume that everyone is like them. Try to let it go as much as you can.

[king atlantis]

i just had the same discussion with some peers today...

why is acctually careing for a person rather than looking at them as meat make me a bad person? im a virgin, im proud of that fact. yet IM the one whos unusuall? not some dude who does ever girl he meets? (or vise versa).

its sad how its all changed perspective so fast...from not being allowed to show a bathroom on tv, to the way things are now

[teen4truth]

the whole thing just goes to show what a dirty, tricky little liar Satan is. I'm praying that you'll stay strong and that you will be able to refute these lies adequately and respectably.