Crisis of the faith, depression, and suicidal thought

[Radical Dreamer]

I'd recommend reading Job if you haven't, and if you have, I'd recommend reading it again. I think a lot of that book is very relevant to your life and how you're feeling right now.

[Gabriel 9.0]

Still praying for you man:thumb:. I've been down that road far too often, was feeling that way last month actually. Which is one of the reasons I took a break from this site.

God has something great for all of his people to do. Lucifer tries to make it not happen by doubt, anger, fear, depression because he is jealous we have a chance to do God's work on this current Earth and most importantly a chance to make it to his former home. Do your best to keep fighting the good fight my friend, you are not alone in this daily conflict. God will help you overcome this struggle:). I for sure am rooting for you.

[12praiseGOD]

keep up hope. glad to still have you here. Listen to this song, the words are amazing! It is true that GOD will use the strangest methods to show us HE is worth our while and that He loves us. I mean just think of what could be stranger than GOD in a manger. You will understand what I mean after hearing this song. I pray it serves you encouragement! Remember that GOD sometimes lets it get dark to humble. It is like they say. When you are a guest of a king you should seat yourself furthest away from him; the closer you get the more important you are to the king, so that he will notice you and place you were you need to be. Sometimes GOD has to makes us humble by some ways that are in our opinion not right, so that we will finally put God first and not our own pride, and let HIM place us in the spot which will make us flourish marvelously.I hope these words help, but over everything else I will use the strongest thing I can give you, which is prayer.
GOD BLESS YOU!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbK1qllFdsM

[Yahshua]

Eh thank for the song and all the encouragement all eh still life is still a struggle for me.

[Syreth]

I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time, Daniel. I can understand the disappointment of having plans not work out the way you would have liked them to, but I think a big part of life is rolling with the punches. Keep trying, my friend, and there will be an employment opportunity for you somewhere. Any job, no matter how small, labor-intensive or low-class (providing, of course, that it is morally sound) is an honorable one.

There are many people who, just like you, have studied for years for one field, only to find themselves working in another. One of my brothers wanted to be a professional musician and now he's working in electronics production. Another of my brothers wanted to be a pastor, but not he does paperwork for a correctional facility. They both live very happy and full lives, though it was a struggle for them both to find employment and accept that their efforts to pursue a certain career fell through. Just because God has a different plan in mind than we do doesn't mean that He is putting us on the shelf.

I have gone through similar experiences, being absolutely convinced that God wants me to do one thing and pursuing that with all of my heart, only to find out that He had something different in mind. I think that could be part of following God: that in making Him Lord of your life, things could change as quickly as the wind.

But there is one truth that I think all of us with goals and dreams need to accept: God is not concerned so much with what we do, but with who we are.

I will pray for you, Daniel, and feel free to contact me in any way you need to, if you would like to talk. Unfortunately, I rarely have the time to be on CAA anymore, and my visit today was just by random impulse.

[Yahshua]

Life at home has turn into a prison sentence and struggle and frustration. It slowly grinds away my spirit. So still needing prayer.

[12praiseGOD]

Still praying, keep strong, GOD IS WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kamille]

God is with you indeed. I thank Him that He put in you a heart to ask and receive prayer. That takes courage and humility, especially in your situation. Continue to humble yourself fully before the Lord, and I pray, and believe, that the Lord will exalt you after this season of humility - more so than ever before.

[USSRGirl]

I second that (those). I'm still praying for you, comrade. Take each day one step at a time, and try to separate from the negative factors in your life so they don't bring you down.

[12praiseGOD]

here is a verse of Jesus' words: "...In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world"- John 16:33

I'll still be praying for you. GOD BLESS YOU!!!

[Yahshua]

Eh still facing some tough time and now thinking if we falls into the abuse victim situation with God. Whereas in the Psychology course it talks about that some abuse victim actually fell in love with the abuser so been wondering lately if God is that way. And thank again for all the encouragements and prayer and support.

[king atlantis]

Life is allways worth more than any pain you may go through!

dont do it Dan!

ill pray for you- if you want to talk about your problem more, pm me; ive been their and back again.
if not, please read Job. its great for helping you to...reevaluate your relation ship with God.
i will pray for you,
~King

[Kamille]

Eh still facing some tough time and now thinking if we falls into the abuse victim situation with God. Whereas in the Psychology course it talks about that some abuse victim actually fell in love with the abuser so been wondering lately if God is that way.

I can understand how you might feel that way, but I don't believe that's the kind of relationship we have with God. God truly shows His love to us through Jesus (Romans 5:8). God has given us the only way out of this pit of a world in the form of Jesus Christ. Also, when you take into account John 1:1, Jesus is God in a different form so God basically died a very painful death to take away our sins. So He definitely loves us a lot more than we love Him (1 John 4:10).

[12praiseGOD]

I agree with Kamille, why would GOD be an abuser if HE even got killed (Jesus) so that we could be forgiven of our sins. Some of my friends would not even die for me, much less would an abuser, only someone who truly loves unconditionally.
May GOD bless you dan, and get you through this time of difficulty in your life.

[~darkelfgirl~]

This reminds me of what I went through not too long ago.
Maybe God may be telling you wait, or that those things are not in His plan. He's not trying to cause you pain. Remember He's in control and that He has way better ideas all of us combined have.

I'll be praying <3

[Kunoichi]

Hey Dan,

I am with you in your struggles my friend and my brother. Yes, for you know that you belong to the body of Christ, no matter what Satan is telling you and no matter what your flesh believes.

My brother, I have learned in this life with my own experiences and struggles that we are going to suffer. Our Lord did, worse than even you my brother. I know that may sting to hear that, but your Savior, the one whom you are considering is an abuser, has suffered for your sake.

And yes, victims may fall in love with there absuer (I know I did with my past abuse though no longer) but the abuser also wants power and wants to force their victim. Dan, since when did God force you to love him? You know that he has not. You love him and struggle against him because of your love for him.

Dan, God loves you. I can empathize with how you feel, afterall I am struggling with much of the same, but my friend since when did God beat you into submission, send a lightning bolt your way, how much easier it would be able to deal with an angry, harsh, un-loving God. That we can understand. We do not however understand how to deal with a loving God when trouble meets us.

Take encouragement my brother. God is with you even if you can only see him in a whisper or a touch or a smile.

May the Lord of all bless you my brother,

love always

your sis in Christ

[Yahshua]

Thank you all for the reply life for me is still tought and full of struggle and frustration and today is like the day I had before. So with that eh I am wondering when will Father give me a way. Every day it seen I lost more pieces of my faith in God. I often wondering is God actually love me or is He truly enjoy this process of torturing me. And often I wonder if God is just abandoning me all together. And ways for me isn't opening at all. So still depress much and wanting to be out of this. And today when I talked with someone within the Department of Sociology I got door shut on my face. And today I wish my existence would be totally erase.

[Kunoichi]

Dan,

Being in the same boat as you are...I know only one thing..God does not abandon us...I do not know why this is happening but there is a bigger reason then you or I can see....God did not make us to abandon us...but sometimes we have to face pain to become more like our Lord...

[Kamille]

Still praying for you day and night, my brother in Christ.

I was just reading Nehemiah 8:10, the part about "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." You may not be in a position to understand this now, but I pray you will soon. One of the greatest weapons we have against evil, like depression, is the joy of the Lord. Just the idea that we've already won through Christ, so Satan's just spinning his wheels trying to attack us. In fact I recently listened to a Pastor talk about laughing at our problems - not to make light of them, but just to show them that they're insignificant compared to the power and victory of Christ. I know that's hard to do when you're depressed and angry. I suffered from advanced chronic depression for 17 years so I know how hard it can be to see things in a positive light. But thanks be to God, Jesus saved me from death, including three suicide attempts and I now laugh at my former disease. I pray that you too will soon overflow with the joy of the Lord and laugh at your "despair" as well.

Also, concerning wanting to be erased from existence, I know from experience that that is a deceptively good-looking lie. I used to think that day in day out. But after I received a renewed mind I understood that as long as people loved me I could never be erased from existence. I would always be tied to them. And no matter how hard I tried to make people not love me, some people didn't care, but loved me anyway. So even though it sounds peaceful, no mater where you go you'll never escape the love of God and/in the love and prayers of everyone on this thread. We are forever connected.

Sorry if that's a bit long, but it's true.

[GeneD]

Praying for you, Dan. Always.

[12praiseGOD]

Always praying!!!
GOD BLESS YOU!

[Doubleshadow]

From one person struggling with depression and a lack of direction to another:

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. - Micah 6:8

God provides what you need always. If it' not there, you don't need it. I remember a story I heard a long time ago about a pastor who meet a homeless man who changed his life. The pastor had seen the man in a poor light, as he was homeless, but as he talked to him, he found out the man was a missionary to the homeless, walking the streets with a backpack full of Bibles. He had everything - wife, kids, house, job - then lost everything. Lost the wife and kids, then lost his job and the house. He was broken and asked God to do whatever He wanted. God told the man to walk out the door and not go back. So the man did, and lives among the homeless, working odd jobs when he can, and he uses the money for food and the Bibles which he gives to the homeless he meets, completely at peace.
To most people, losing all they had would have been a betrayal, but it was God's plan for this man to a glory that shocks me.If God is telling you no or wait, then there is a plan. Old folks tell me life goes by fast, eventually this will all be in the past.

Besides, we will miss if you go.

Ds

[Yahshua]

Eh thanks for all the encouragement I would think about them. Although situation still is not getting better. I will think about what each one of you has says.

[LadyRushia]

We can never stop existing, whether we're dead or alive. God made us exist for a reason. If He didn't care about us, He wouldn't have brought us into existance or died for us on the cross as Jesus. Like Kamille said, our ties with people here on Earth will never go away.

I know that God doesn't abandon us even when the biggest doors of our lives are shut. That's one of the many things I learned from my experience in China.

[Kamille]

Eh thanks for all the encouragement I would think about them. Although situation still is not getting better. I will think about what each one of you has says.

Thanks for reading and thinking about our God-inspired words. And thanks so much for not giving up. Still praying for you everyday, and I choose to believe that you are getting better regardless of what it looks like in the natural.

[12praiseGOD]

Thanks for not giving up! Still praying.
GOD BLESS YOU!!!

[Kamille]

Hi,

Don't have much time to write now, so I appologize if I said this already. I recently took a Christian leadership course that talked about the process of Christian change. In it the Pastor said that although it is said that we go from glory to glory, it's not in the way we think it is. Our growth is not linear, but a series of parabolas patterned on the death and resurrection of Christ. For instance, we face a problem, are humbled, plunge down to the base of the cross, then exalted. Then the pattern starts all over again with each problem/tribulation. Howeve, as this pattern continues each exaltation becomes higher and higher until we're perfected in Christ after earthly death. Am sorry if this explaination is a little fast, but I may not be ale to talk about it for a while. But anyway, this is why I am not worried about you, but instead I pray for you. I truly believe you will be exaulted after this season of trouble. But don't be afraid, just believe - Mark 5:36.

[termyt]

I can only imagine your struggles, my friend.

I can also recall the lament of Jeremiah. No doubt that he also felt abandoned, or even that God may have been enjoying his pain.

No life spent in earnest pursuit of the Truth is ever wasted. I wish I could say there was a guarantee of happiness if you just do this or that, but there isn't. I'm sure Hosea didn't understand what God was using him for when his path started, either.

Take heart, my friend. You are not alone.

[Sparx00]

Your post at the top of this page. It sounds like you're putting almost everything else before God, when He should be the first thing in your life. If thats the case and you're trying to do everything by yourself, then maybe you should ask God what He wants you to do, and what He has planed for you. If you follow him faithfully, then I KNOW He's going to bless you Dan. Here is some words that I hope will help you Dan. "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

You're in my prayers.
-Sparx

[Kunoichi]

Hey Dan,

I know that God is faithful my friend. ..I know it is hard to see...hard to feel...I know it just as well as you do how much it feels God seems to enjoy watching our misery...he doesn't. I know that he doesn't. Not because of what the Bible says but because of what God has done.

Dan, turn to him once more and you will see his face. God is with you.