Belzebub has a devil set aside for me

[Fish and Chips]

I would like to apologize in advance for the vagueness of this issue, but it's a very uncomfortable subject for me. We all have our inner demons. Some are simple vices, some have an intricate history. Recently, I thought I had been rid of at least one of my own.

Tonight, I generously proved myself wrong.

The man who lives in full knowledge of the law is more accountable to it than he who lives in ignorance. I cannot claim unconscious activity. The full weight of my actions hit me only after it was too late. I might have escaped any number of times, but it only vaguely registered on my radar. I thought I was above this, beyond this; only to realize at the end, "My God, what am I doing?" I am completely ashamed at myself, and haunted by the lurking possibility of a continuation of this behavior. Every time has been the proverbial "Last time." Yeah, right.

The matter is between me and God. He lets no man be tempted more than he can bare, but I wish he would take this burden off me entirely. If I could reverse time or selectively wipe my memory, I would do either in a second, which only stresses my reclusive desire to cover it up and move on. No. This is not the person I want to be. This is not the person I should be. Not for me or anyone else I choose to share my life with. Including God.

I have since written myself a note, and placed it in a readily readable location. It consists of only two words: "Never again." For the next several months, if not longer, I shall see it every single day, as both a reminder of what I have done and a foothold from which to hoist myself out of this pit. There is no way I can avoid or ignore this memo, not where I've placed it. Every day, for as long as it takes. Naturally, I will also take this up with God. I refuse to succumb to this.

That is what I think. What worries me is that's what I think every time.

Which brings us up to pace with current events.

I would like you people to pray for my success in this area of my life. A long-awaited, lasting triumph.

[ChristianKitsune]

Oh wow, I have no idea whats going on, but God certainly does and he has heard your cries for stopping whatever it is you are doing. I sincerly think you mean it this time!

I will definately keep you in my prayers, Fish and Chips!

and when things get hard, just remember, you can always take it to God before it gets worse... like if you are tempted...just get out your Bible, or pray or something...

Hope that advice helps...

in Christ!
-Kitchan

[K. Ayato]

Praying, buddy. Feel free to hit me up if you need to get it off your chest. You can make it, bro.

[CrimsonRyu17]

I'll be praying for ya, Fishy. I'm sure you'll get through whatever it is.

[Danderson]

Inner demons, eh? It always seems like they just pop out when you thought they were dead.

The good news is you can always knock them back into their pit, with God's help....You have my prayers.....

[Radical Dreamer]

Definitely praying for you. If you need me to help out with anything, just let me know, and I'm there.

[uc pseudonym]

After doing my best to restrain devil speculation, I will pray for you in this matter.

[LadyRushia]

Whatever it is, you have my prayers.

[Jingo Jaden]

Praying for you.

[SP1]

I, unfortunately, find myself frequently asking forgiveness for the same thing, over and over again, so I can understand some of this. It gets ludicrous sometimes, just how much I rely on forgiveness, as opposed to using that same faith to avoid the problem altogether. It's like I'm not really repenting, you know? Like I'm not turning away from the sin, but just bringing Jesus along for the ride.

[Roy Mustang]

I will be praying for you.

If you ever need to talk to someone, you can PM or IM anytime.


[color="Red"][font="Book Antiqua"]Col. Roy Mustang[/font][/color]

[josh_manga]

I can share with you, the darkest times in my own walk have been when i flounder in my walk with God. I quit reading scripture, i spend too much time alone with my thoughts, i become self important, and self pious, and i quit listening to God and praying to him.

The foremost of these, i think, is staying in scripture. Rich Mullins once said that it's better to spend a Sunday in a bad church, than to not go to church at all. I think the same is true of reading the Bible. Even if it's become a duty, or a chore, even if it feels dry and pointless, or you get nothing out of it, reading it is better than not. If you are filling your mind with the things of God, then that is that much time filled that Satan, or our own fleshly spirits will have to wait their turn to have us.

What is a weakness now, you can be sure, that God can and will liberate you from it, because it is not His will for you to remain in sin, and when He does, it can become a strength and a witness of His power through you. And He can use that.

Hope this is encouraging. What you describe sounds very familiar to me. Very...

Rom 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

[Tsukuyomi]

You don't even have to ask Just.. don't push yourself to hard ok? I've learned that if you do.. that will just cause stress and force you back to it. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying to don't try at all. I'm just saying don't be so hard on yourself and beat yourself over it. Don't push yourself so close to the edge that you're actually on it u_u The first step towards forgiveness is forgiving yourself

(It's 3 in the morning.. please forgive me if I'm coming off wrong o.o)