Postby Okami » Sun Oct 28, 2007 5:24 pm
Well, I basically took the time tonight to just sit and type my mind out, despite all the other stuff I wanted to do at the time. In the end, I came out with several prayers of varying sizes, but I pray they're enough for the time being, because I feel so much like I need to make it up to you all for being nothing but what I've been...which is nothing helpful at all...
Father God, I come to You now. I want know the truth, teach in love, peace, and overall, Your truth according to Your will. Even though I’m so weak right now, and so unsure of myself, so afraid and terrified of doing what’s right…Lord…give me words to type, since this obviously isn’t speaking. Lord, allow me to type, yet again, those individual prayers, please…Even if they are a month late, allow those people to forgive me, for I am truly sorry for my selfish enclosure…
First, for Seleana. Just knowing she’s still so young in the faith, and coming to know You and getting rid of her once nature, the person she once was, coming clean and being renewed, becoming a new person. Make her into what You have in store for her, mold her, Father. I’ve poured my heart over her so many times, Lord, do Your will in her life, make her into something great, helping others in the same sticky situations she’s been in. We all can contribute to ministry somehow, and I know this friend of mine is no exception, and I know You can work wonders through her, Lord.
Next for Blitz, Father, as he continues to struggle with emotion entangled with this battle. Lord, if it helps, continue allowing him to get out every now and then and get to know You. And Father, I know that was a month ago, but it can still apply today, right? Help him to continue striving for You, Lord. It’s amazing to see, that even in my dwindling faith, others continuing to grow stronger around me, and then being able to help me, because of it…
Then for Triez, who I am praying firstly for forgiveness….because I seriously should have responded much sooner than this. Again, a mix of selfishness, foolishness, and procrastination has taken its toll. I’m sorry. It’s truly stories like his that make me want to cry, and inside I feel I am, but yet, I’m not on the outside, and I feel I should be…and then I just feel guilty. (Lord, please remove this guilt) Keep Triez out of trouble, Father; keep his mind focused on You, and the right things according to what You have to say. But, I agree in prayer, Lord, give us the desire to conquer these things…
We’ve all done a few stupid things, right? Father, forgive us of these things…You are our Everything, our Home, our shelter…even when we’re in a position of lonely nothingness and sometimes even pain.
Lord, the next prayer is for Bard, that his convenience store accountability will be lasting. Only You know how hard that must be…keep him uplifted and willing, Father. Allow them to continue respecting his decision, Lord. Don’t allow him to give up!
And for Corky, Lord. Just knowing that she is one of the few people I truly trust my every word to, here. And knowing that she has entrusted me with things as well…Lord, do Your will in her situation…get her away from it, if at all possible. The lusts, in the very least….help her change, Lord. You’ve done so much for her already, just within the confession…
Next for roadoffew, just knowing that he’s the one who originally lead me to confession…just that that friendship will become a good one, and that he could remember that saying, Lord…
And Lord, please keep me under Your protection. It’s been so, so much harder lately. The further I get, the harder I fight to keep this stuff away. And the self-hatred that’s come with the war waging in my heart…Father, I want to desire You again, I do, I truly do! I want to be faithful…why can’t I bring myself to doing so? I’ve never fought so badly for You…through the anger and everything…this battle, it’s very clear it’s going to stay for some length of time. I don’t want to be so reckless and careless any longer… If only I could come just one step closer to Your light and throne, would it get easier, Lord?
Heal me, Father God……I want You, now.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen!