At My Limit

[ChristianKitsune]

Hey everyone, CK here...aksing for some prayer. I know it's long...but it would mean a whole lot to me if you read it...and tried to understand my ramblings...^^;

It's hard for me to say what I am going to say...because I have been struggeling for so long with this problem.

almost 11 years ago, my little sister was born. I was 8 then...and really excited about being a big sister. I had been the youngest for so long that I wanted a little someone to take care of...and nurture.

The first few years were really cool, I got to help my mom around the house and reall care for my little sis. I was really excited about being her sister!!

But when she started to get a little mind of her own, when she was about 4 or 5 she stared watching me. sometimes, when I was younger I aruged with my mom a lot...I hate to admit, but I did have some anger issues, and I still struggle with them today. I am getting better with that..but my little sister, who is now 10, has picked up on my bad habits...and has taken them even farther than I ever had. To say that is my fault she is this way, is probably the best explaination...=_=

Anyways...I will be nineteen in less than a week.. and it's sad...but I really feel like for my little sister's entire life...we have been fighting. She has a really big temper, and now that I am actually trying to be her older sister she pushes me away, yells at me, or treats me like I don't know anything.

She treats my older sister with respect...and I think it's because when my little sis was growing up, I loved to play with her. So she sees me as more of a companion than as a figure she needs to look up to.

I know this is rambling...but there is so much wrong with our relationship right now... I feel that I can't even love her, as much as I want to be a sister, as much as I want to...it's really hard! I made her a drawing the other day...I drew her a little mascot that she could use and you know, have fun with...sort of as an apology...and when I asked her how she felt about it...she sort of said taht she actually LIKED arguing with me. She enjoys doing this...and I can't understand why, because I hate it!

Our little spats are daily, and usually more than once...and it's driving my family apart... I know I am a huge part of the problem. I am almost 19, yet I let her get to me...but she is my little sister! A little person who I really want to love, who I really want to be friends with...but somehow... I can't... there is a barrier there... that she won't let me climb...

So... I guess I really really need to ask you guys to pray for me... I need more patience... I need more understanding.

I am also struggling with some stupid things some athiests have told me about our Bible, and it being inconsistent. I know what they were saying was just stupid interpretations...my faith is bigger than stupid petty arguments. I just wish I was stronger so I could back up God more...you know?

I know it's a lot to read...and I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read this...

thanks you so much
Your sister
CK

[Jingo Jaden]

I will defidently pray for you, your sis and them athiests.

[Radical Dreamer]

Aw, that sounds rough. I'll pray for ya.

[ChristianKitsune]

thank you everyone.

[KhakiBlueSocks]

You got a prayer from me, sis.

[K. Ayato]

I'll be praying for you and your sis.

[ChristianKitsune]

thank you it's much appreciated.

[K. Ayato]

Siblings fight. That's one of the few things in life that can't be controlled. I'll be praying you can get past it with her and develop a solid relationship.

[Wave]

I come form a varry large family. I used to fight with my yunger bothers a lot. I will pay for you.

\/\//\\///

[rsnumber2]

I'll be praying for you as well. Patience is something I need dearly, too... So I do feel your pain.

[Mithrandir]

When my brother and I were about your age, we used to fight all the time. It started when we were little, and kept on going. Sometime during college, though, we ended up rooming together in the same dorm. Ever since then, I don't think we've had a single fight. We kinda know who each other are, and we seem to get along. I guess I'm saying you don't have to fix this now. It might actually be easier later on; time may be what is needed. Maybe that can help somehow.

If not, know we're praying for you!

[ChristianKitsune]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone...

I wish I had more time to do this, Mithrandir. But it's starting to grate heavily on my family...so it's not just for me, that I need to change, that we need to get along..it's for the well-being of my entire family. It drives the insane when we fight...and sometimes it even makes us cry...=_= and I am tired of seeing my family cry...

My little sister is so different that my older sis and I. She has so much more than we did... growing and she still asks for more. I know it's because she is the youngest...and i am thankful that I had my older sister to hang with growing up. My little sister didn't have the luxary of my sis and I playing with her all the time...only when we felt it was convienient for us to take the time to play... I hate admiting that...but I guess that is a little part of the problem. =_=

Thank you for the prayers everyone.

[Tenshi no Ai]

Praying for your family...

[Hotarubi]

Don't feel bad about not being able to out-argue(debate) an atheist, it's hard.
Even if you throw concrete facts at them, they will explain it all away, or even worse yet, they won't have anything to say at all and get seriously angry.

Anyway, about you and your sister.
Your post really touched me, and I have a few things to say to you.

You fear that she is the way she is now due to you.
Perhaps, but you were only 8 when she was born.
I know this continued for years, but even then, you were a child.

This might sound strange, but the first step in repairing your relationship with your sister is to forgive yourself.
That's right, you didn't read it wrong.

Once you have forgiven yourself for any negative part you played in your sisters development, ask God to forgive you as well.

It will change things, trust me, I know from experience.

After that, I can't really give you any advice since every situation is different, you'll have to wing it.
But I do suggest praying for her everyday, and trying to be available to her.

Do you have a common interest? Do you share the same taste in movies, tv or video games?
If you can find a common interest, that will provide opportunities to bond with her, and strengthen your relationship.

Your relationship with your sister can be restored.
The first step in fixing something is to realize that it's broken in the first place.
You have taken that step, good job. ^^

I'll be praying for you.

[Nami]

I will pray for you Kit-chan, but I think I can understand where you little sister is coming from.. see I am the youngest and to then Youngest it seems the older sisters leave them out a lot.. and that sometimes makes the youngest feel insignifigant(sp) trust me.. when I was younger my sisters used to tell me I couldn't hang out with them.. and it always hurt me.. made me feel.. useless.

I know you don't do that to you sis, but.. sometimes it comes across like that on accident... I don't know what to say about arguing.. me and my middle sis used to get into some BAD fights.. fists were involved.. but.. we are pretty okay now ^^

But I will definately be praying for you, I think the best thing you can do. Is try and give her a little room.. (unless she has enough) and start out slow.. like it's a new friend your making ^^

[ChristianKitsune]

Don't feel bad about not being able to out-argue(debate) an atheist, it's hard.
Even if you throw concrete facts at them, they will explain it all away, or even worse yet, they won't have anything to say at all and get seriously angry.

Anyway, about you and your sister.
Your post really touched me, and I have a few things to say to you.

You fear that she is the way she is now due to you.
Perhaps, but you were only 8 when she was born.
I know this continued for years, but even then, you were a child.

This might sound strange, but the first step in repairing your relationship with your sister is to forgive yourself.
That's right, you didn't read it wrong.

Once you have forgiven yourself for any negative part you played in your sisters development, ask God to forgive you as well.

It will change things, trust me, I know from experience.

After that, I can't really give you any advice since every situation is different, you'll have to wing it.
But I do suggest praying for her everyday, and trying to be available to her.

Do you have a common interest? Do you share the same taste in movies, tv or video games?
If you can find a common interest, that will provide opportunities to bond with her, and strengthen your relationship.

Your relationship with your sister can be restored.
The first step in fixing something is to realize that it's broken in the first place.
You have taken that step, good job. ^^

I'll be praying for you.

Wow thank you so much for this advice...she enjoys watching some anime with me...and sometimes she will ask to "sleep over" in my room...many times I say no...maybe the day she gets out of school i will let her hang out with me.. ^^

It's hard to forgive myself about this... I know I need to...but when my mom tells me everyday that it's partially my fault she is this way...it's a bit hard. Because I know she is right. =_= I can't change the past, all I can do is change the now for our future.

Thank you Nami, I know my little sister probably feels this way too. Kinda sucks that I wait till now to want to include her in my life.=_=

[Hotarubi]

Wow thank you so much for this advice...she enjoys watching some anime with me...and sometimes she will ask to "sleep over" in my room...many times I say no...maybe the day she gets out of school i will let her hang out with me.. ^^

It's hard to forgive myself about this... I know I need to...but when my mom tells me everyday that it's partially my fault she is this way...it's a bit hard. Because I know she is right. =_= I can't change the past, all I can do is change the now for our future.

Very true, it's best to look toward the future and not live in the past.

It's unfortunate that your mother reminds you of your past on a daily basis.
I suggest trying to forgive her for that...if I were you, I would feel some bitterness towards her over it.

Anyway, it's awesome that your sister enjoys watching anime with you!
That's exactly the kind of shared interest you guys need, I am so happy for you.

You guys can watch anime together, discuss the shows...etc.
It's nice to have something in common, lol.

Having her sleep over in your room is a great idea, and the fact that she sometimes asks to sleep in your room probably means that she's not as closed off towards you as you originally thought. ^^

With a sibling, it's all about the little things, like hanging out together.
That's basically what a lasting relationship is based on.

Please keep us posted, and I'll continue to pray. ^^

[ChristianKitsune]

I know it's been a while sinc eI last updated this... it's been a long summer with ups and downs with my little sis. Mostly downs...

I feel like a failure, to be honest.. like everything I am trying isn't working... and it's almost like I don't want to be involved with her at all anymore and I don't even think she wants me to be..

The other day she told me she didn't want me here for her 11th birthday. So... I complied with her wishes, I am going on an art trip with my school and it happens to fall on her birthday. I want to be there...but I want her to learn that she can't treat people like crap and expect them to react in a positive way.

I dunno what to do anymore...-_- My older sister has moved to her new college and we are all we have (besides our parents, XD)

I have dreams of hanging out with her and doing "sister" things...like my older sister and I have.. but...right now...those dreams seem so far away.. -._.- I feel like...I don't even love her...like I am just here...and she is just here... and that's it. Its...empty.

I could use some serious prayer guys, this is really hard on my family...and I have even briefly thought about if I was no longer here to "bug them" anymore. I know those are the stupidest thoughts...and I will never go through that ever. But it does scare me. I don't want do something like tha tmyself... so I don't even know why I was thinking about it.. ^^;

ANYWAY. yeah.... I want to be the sister that God wants me to be...but...its very hard, when your sister doesn't be the little person God wants them to be either.

[K. Ayato]

Sometimes the only thing you can do is let go. I know it hurts, but I went through a bit of that myself. For now you can assure her that you'll be there when she needs you, even if she insists it'll never happen. Nothing proves stronger than the bond between sisters. Keep that in mind .

One possible reason for her behavior is that she's been (and it's no one's fault) spoiled, more so because she's the youngest. You're on the right track when you state you want to see her understand she can't treat someone in a mean way and expect them to still be nice around her.

Just take it slow. Understand that there are some things she'll have to come to grips with on her one, but again, remind her that you're there for her. One day things will finally click between you two.

*Hugs* I'm still praying. Don't hesitate to IM me or send a private message .

[ChristianKitsune]

Thanks, K-chan. It's so easy to get down about this. XD I shouldn't forget that God is still here with me. ^^; I just can't give up on her.

[K. Ayato]

Amen to that.

[Pepper Kittie]

Oh, Kitsu-chan... I should've checked this thread much earlier. I love you, and I'm praying for you. You know what I really love? The fact that no matter what we're going through, if we're seeking to please God He's going to work it out to make us more like Christ. That's what Eph. 4:15-16 are about. Speaking the truth in love - none of us are perfect, and we all mess up. But you're fighting to do your very best, not just out of obedience and love of God but for your family's sake. So this promise applies to you, too. And you can believe that, because God never changes, so neither do His promises. I can say that with confidence because, like Nami, I've been in your sister's place. I spent this last summer as a camp counselor for girls between ages 6-19. Many of them asked me some extremely diffucult questions to answer. The cool thing was, because of the terrible situations I'd been put through because of my own rebelious attitude in the past, or even situations beyond my control that I hadn't created, I was able to counsel these girls through thier troubles. I saw a change in them those weeks, not because of anything in me. I can't boast about anything, or the cross would be in vain. It's the grace of God. And though it's hard to see now, I know He's working this out for a reason. Though, that doesn't absolve responsibility on our part.

Alright, I won't carry on long. You don't need to hear the sappy story of my sister and I, and if you really want to, you can PM me or something XD When I was 8 years old, I would have never responded to her the way I do now. I wouldn't have responded to you, either. It wasn't until I was a teen that I realized it. I had to realize on my own that what *I* was doing was hurting others. Sure my sister had done wrong things in the past that may have been a factor, but we're responsible for our own actions. I became extremely self-centered because I thought I was alone. Things happened to me at school that I could never tell my family that further drove us apart. Too many secrets. Your sis is probably struggling with far more than you realize, and feeling more alone now than ever. She might be in a world of pain completely unrelated to you that she's hiding. I know it hurts with the way she treats you, but unless she gets it, gets that she's not alone and that she needs to get her eyes off of herself, it's not going to change. I wish I could say I knew her situation exactly - but everyone's different. I just know that I felt trapped in this world of hurt and, even when my sister started really trying to reach me, I didn't want any part of it. It wasn't her fault. And now, doing your best to be her friend, it's NOT yours. No matter what you did in the past.

Some things that helped: Realizing all at once how much I hurt her, and how much she loved me. I decided to change. Love-languages were a huge part. We communicated in totally different ways. We were complete opposites! I like to sit and talk, to hug and laugh. I apologize quicker than anything and always asume things are my fault XD She communicates differently - less talk, more actions and spending quality time together doing activities. Words don't mean as much as expressions and time. Maybe you just need to get to know your sister's love languages and communication better? Getting into what she likes helpes, even if it's something you don't particularly care for. Anime was a good one. The sleep over sounds wonderful. Don't say no to things like that. But, she's so young. She's got a lot of growing to do. And as much as it hurts to say it, and it's already been said, things like this might just need prayer, time and consistant love. But you know God can do anything, don't you? Do you honestly believe it? And is it worth waiting for and working on for you? Because you know we treat God the exact same way your sis is treating you. And He's never once given up on any of us. You know how important His love of us was to Him, and what He gave for it. That's what we mangaka live to tell others, right? Living it's the hard part. But I have faith in you.

Kitsu-chan, it's been a delight to get to know you over DA these past few months. I've thoroughly enjoyed it, and even before this thread I've been praying for you. I love you. This will work out. And you know you've always got family here at CAA praying for you. Feel free to message/email/aim me anytime. I mean that.

[tokiklok]

I'll pray for you my sissy

[ChristianKitsune]

Oh, Kitsu-chan... I should've checked this thread much earlier. I love you, and I'm praying for you. You know what I really love? The fact that no matter what we're going through, if we're seeking to please God He's going to work it out to make us more like Christ. That's what Eph. 4:15-16 are about. Speaking the truth in love - none of us are perfect, and we all mess up. But you're fighting to do your very best, not just out of obedience and love of God but for your family's sake. So this promise applies to you, too. And you can believe that, because God never changes, so neither do His promises. I can say that with confidence because, like Nami, I've been in your sister's place. I spent this last summer as a camp counselor for girls between ages 6-19. Many of them asked me some extremely diffucult questions to answer. The cool thing was, because of the terrible situations I'd been put through because of my own rebelious attitude in the past, or even situations beyond my control that I hadn't created, I was able to counsel these girls through thier troubles. I saw a change in them those weeks, not because of anything in me. I can't boast about anything, or the cross would be in vain. It's the grace of God. And though it's hard to see now, I know He's working this out for a reason. Though, that doesn't absolve responsibility on our part.

Alright, I won't carry on long. You don't need to hear the sappy story of my sister and I, and if you really want to, you can PM me or something XD When I was 8 years old, I would have never responded to her the way I do now. I wouldn't have responded to you, either. It wasn't until I was a teen that I realized it. I had to realize on my own that what *I* was doing was hurting others. Sure my sister had done wrong things in the past that may have been a factor, but we're responsible for our own actions. I became extremely self-centered because I thought I was alone. Things happened to me at school that I could never tell my family that further drove us apart. Too many secrets. Your sis is probably struggling with far more than you realize, and feeling more alone now than ever. She might be in a world of pain completely unrelated to you that she's hiding. I know it hurts with the way she treats you, but unless she gets it, gets that she's not alone and that she needs to get her eyes off of herself, it's not going to change. I wish I could say I knew her situation exactly - but everyone's different. I just know that I felt trapped in this world of hurt and, even when my sister started really trying to reach me, I didn't want any part of it. It wasn't her fault. And now, doing your best to be her friend, it's NOT yours. No matter what you did in the past.

Some things that helped: Realizing all at once how much I hurt her, and how much she loved me. I decided to change. Love-languages were a huge part. We communicated in totally different ways. We were complete opposites! I like to sit and talk, to hug and laugh. I apologize quicker than anything and always asume things are my fault XD She communicates differently - less talk, more actions and spending quality time together doing activities. Words don't mean as much as expressions and time. Maybe you just need to get to know your sister's love languages and communication better? Getting into what she likes helpes, even if it's something you don't particularly care for. Anime was a good one. The sleep over sounds wonderful. Don't say no to things like that. But, she's so young. She's got a lot of growing to do. And as much as it hurts to say it, and it's already been said, things like this might just need prayer, time and consistant love. But you know God can do anything, don't you? Do you honestly believe it? And is it worth waiting for and working on for you? Because you know we treat God the exact same way your sis is treating you. And He's never once given up on any of us. You know how important His love of us was to Him, and what He gave for it. That's what we mangaka live to tell others, right? Living it's the hard part. But I have faith in you.

Kitsu-chan, it's been a delight to get to know you over DA these past few months. I've thoroughly enjoyed it, and even before this thread I've been praying for you. I love you. This will work out. And you know you've always got family here at CAA praying for you. Feel free to message/email/aim me anytime. I mean that.

Wow.

Thank you so much for that, PK, I never thought of it that way...never. I am sure she is having a hard time in school.... I never considered that she could be in pain too...

Thank you for taking so much time to type this, PK. Maybe my little sis and I are both selfish, we both don't want to give as much as we should...but I should take the initiative and be the older sister I am called to be...

If I truly care about her, and I do. I need to really think about what you said. About showing her God's love which is even bigger than mine...you know? I suppose that means unconditionally.. haha.

I always wondered how my parents coudl love my little sister, as mean as she can be...and I suppose they love her almost like God does, and how I should...unconditionally. I need to learn to do that...or what kind of Christian am I? if I can't even love my sister...which I really want to do.... then what good am I to the rest of the world...who needs to be shown God's love?

I have enjoyed gettign to know you on DA too! Your strength is amazing. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I don't have aim...but I do have other ways of instant messaging. I would like to talk to you more about this...if that's okay? your situation seems similar to my little sister's and me...only opposite XD I am the huggy emotional type, she is more physical and she doesn't like that sort of stuff...

I just...really want to have a relationship with her, that will replace all the mean things that we say to each other. I want to forget about all the negativity..

it is so terrible that I waited so long to regret the past...I hope and pray that God will provide a future where me and her can be sisters that love each other. I can't see it right now...but I have faith that things will be okay.

[Pepper Kittie]

You're very welcome. If I can help, it's definitely worth it. I'd love to keep talking about it. Whatever method works best for you. I leave in 2 days so I'm not too sure about messanging programs while at school, but either here or over email would be great. Whatever works best for you.

Hmm... thinking about methods of loving others made me think of something. Last year at college, I had a roommate that often drove me insane XD We were just so different! Now we're best friends, but it took a LOT of work. Yikes, that was hard sometimes... I was the over-controlling RA and she was the rebellious emo girl XD But what really helped me understand God's love a little better was doing a study on how Christ loved in the book of John. As we read through it for devotions, I would write in my journal all the different ways I noticed Him loving the people around Him. There's so many! The way He loved Nicodemus and the Samaritan woman are my favorites. But the whole Bible is full of examples of people loving in hard situations or God not giving up on those hard to love. Abraham and Lot are good examples to study, too. I found that the closer I was with God, the easier it was to make it day by day with His strength. Ha, I'm not strong at all, Kitsu-chan - I'm a very selfish person often. It's Christ that does it.

About your last statement - that's so true. Just don't give up on that. You sound very determined. Actually, this is teaching me a lot, too. I wonder how often my sister prayed prayers like that for me... asked friends for advice and prayer on my behalf. Wow, that's humbling. About a month ago, my sis and I were having a late-night talk before going to bed and we pretty much spilled all of the things that had happened to us in High School and the secrets we'd been holding from each other. Our relationship at that point was good, but we'd just never confided in each other to that extent. What shocked me was how closely our High School years matched. We went through almost the same exact things. I wish I would've known that long ago, when I felt I had no one to call on. But it was encouraging to hear how God had worked so powerfully in her life to save her, just as He had for me. You two might have more in common than you realize =D Just a guess, though.

[Okami]

Unfortunately I don't have much more advice to give than what's already been said, so with that said I'll conclude that you're officially on my prayer list.

Love ya, Kit!~