okay..so this is kinda complicating. first off i'm worried about my sister and my grandma. my baby sister is going to have surgery this week for her cleft palate (it's a small opening at the roof of her mouth) she was born with this and they said now is the best time for her to go in to get it fixed. i know it has to be done but i'm so worried about her because she's already had to go through so much since she was born. there's been nurses and occupation therapists monitoring her almost every month since the day she was born. she'll have to be put in arm braces for two weeks after the surgery so she doesn't rip open the stitches and my mom will only be able to stay with her for those 2 weeks b/c her maternity leave is over and she needs to go back to work.
also, i recently found out that my grandma has breast cancer. she's really sad and doesn't really know if she wants to go for her surgery next month or not. she told me that she really doesn't care if she dies or not because she doesn't feel her life is worth anything anymore. my grandpa doesn't really care i don't think b/c he's with his 3rd wife now and recently left all of us in the past year to go live with his new family. i feel so bad for my grandma, and i can sort of relate to how she feels..well the emptiness part at least. i wish i could do or say something to help her but i can't...
i wish sometimes that my mom could just stay home with my baby sister but the problem is the millions of bills there are every month. i try to pay for all the bills when i can but it's hard b/c i only have a part-time/minimum wage job (average of 20-25 hours a week only) and i'm doing school online too to finish high school. i have 4 other brothers and 4 sisters (6 out of the 8 able to work and help out with the bills) but they aren't helping me out and i feel like i'm going mad. i'm also not very good with money anyways so that doesn't help much at all.
i feel like all my mistakes in the past are catching up with me and i'm just so depressed for like the past few years (if not my whole life lol) and i don't know how to handle any of this. it's like my motivation for life is gone, i feel like my relationship with god just diminished along with all my mistakes and chasing after foolish things. i feel so empty...like i wouldn't even care if i had another day to change...
lol sorry for anyone who reads this if i made you feel depressed or anything. i just really needed to let a little bit of what's bothering me out before i went crazy keeping it all in. i just don't know where i'm headed in life anymore and i don't know what i can do to help my family either. it's like i've dug a hole too deep to climb out of
and i just donno what to do about anything anymore. 
does anyone have any advice or anything???? i'm soooooo lost.... 
Looking for a 
