CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

This seem like the most appropriate place to put this thread. This is going to be on of those serious threads.

*Sigh* About 2 months ago my little brother Scott was killed in an auto accident. I live quit some distance from the rest of my family. When I got there Scott was all ready brain dead. They pulled life support the next day. I hand the honor (And it IS an honor!) to be one of the people that carried my little brothers casket out of the church.

Two months later I sit down and think about all that this expertness has taught me.

On of the things that really strikes me is how differently every on grieve. I think the reason for this is that the way you grieve is tied mostly what kind of relationship you had with the person who passed on. And if people are unique that relationships are much more so. Grieving is more or less the process of dealing with the relationship that has been cut off. there's more to it than that but kind of what I came away with.

For me well... Me and Scott where not real close. Since I moved away from home he had made no effort to stay in touch with me and I had pretty much let him live his own life. So in a sense that made it much easier for me. But with that comes the realization that I will never have a chance, or I missed my chance, to develop a close relationship with my little brother. And there was real potential there.

Scott was a manga/anime fan. (Even though he would not admit it) While going threw his room I unearthed some Anime DVD’s that I had loaned my sister. It was one of my favorite series's. I’ll never get to ask him, this side of heave, if he like it or not.

This seem like a good time to mention that Scott did accept Jesus as his savior and we will see him again. To any one who has not lost someone like this you have know idea what an incredible comfort that is. On at the same time I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose someone like this and know that they did not make it into heaven. I think the only way that someone can bare such a lost is to fall into the arms of God.

Be for I started writing this I was reading sdzero’s thread. What would you say if someone asked that dreaded question “If God is good why bad stuff happen?” Well I don’t know the best answer to that question but to me it boils do to this. When bad stuff dose happen God’s goodness shine threw brighter and clear than it dose at any other time in our lives. Because of a loving God someday I will get to see my little brother, who could hardly say a kind word to his mom and always drove way to fast, again.

The reason I stared this thread was because I wanted to share that and also because I know that there are other people out there who have lost loved ones. Feel free to talk about it if you wish.

I'm an only child, so I can't really relate to your situation. I will say though that I am sorry to hear about you and your family's loss Wave. My prayers go out to all of you.

Thanks for you condolences and prayers.

Wave.

Several months ago I lost my mom. My relationship with my mom was always strained because we had vastly different worldviews and were always at each other's throats arguing... but strangely, I barely even care about that anymore.

Losing her as unexpectedly as it was horrible, and I spent the first few months pretty much in shock. Then for a while it didn't effect me at all. Now... I really miss her.

I have nightmares every now and then. The one I had the night she died was the most horrific, it just kept going on a neverending loop where she was alive, then she'd die, then she'd be alive again, then she would die. I woke up hoping it had all been just a bad dream, but it wasn't.

I didn't have any dreams about it for several months afterward, and only recently have they begun to rear their ugly heads.

It's usually some variation of her still being live, coming back to life, or it's the reverse - my dad is dead and my mom is still alive.

The most recent one which was close to the first one I had was she kept coming back to life, but would get really sick again within the day and go back to the hospital to die.

I think, to some extent, I'm still in a daze from the whole thing. I barely even believe it while writing this. I think it's hardest because I've never actually not been around her for a long period of my life until now. I was homeschooled by her as a kid and hadn't moved out of my parents' house so I've never had any significant amount of time away from her, and that's the part that hits the most hard.

I keep going over all the memories that I'll never have again, and I keep wishing I could talk to her. I think the most horrifying of the dreams is how dead on accurate they are to her personality. Not being able to see her in real life, it's like I'm actually seeing her for real in the dreams, and it doesn't feel as "fake" as the rest of the stuff in my dreamworld is.

But I hate it because it is fake and I'm left waking up with an empty feeling inside.

I'm mostly normal during the daytime because I'm usually busy, but at night is when the hurtful feelings start to come out. And it seems to actually be getting a little worse each day...

I know I'll eventually get to a point in a few years where it will it won't bother me hardly anymore (or at least that's what the books I've read claim), but for now it really sucks and I find myself wishing more and more that I could just abandon everything in my present and go live in the past again.

I believe I would choose that even if the best thing in the world were to happen to me tomorrow.

I'm very sorry to hear about that. It's weird feeling isn't it. I'll keep you in my prayers.

wave.