!!MAGISOUL!! Kung_Fu_Master's attempt at fiction writting.

[Kung_Fu_Master]

Out of the seven or so ideas in my head that I'm working on all at once, this is my most resent work. I'll just post the first chapter because that's all I have right now and see how the comments make me feel before continuing if at all. I will not complete this work on this site no matter how much Ella begs or threatens to kill me because I plan on doing something else with it.

Warning:
1. There will be language. The world is not a nice place nor will I ever make it look like it. I won't be over the top so don't worry about that.
2. There is violence but not gore and besides this is text and I'm very bad at describing blood.
3. All other rules should apply.

Chapter One
No Compass, No Direction.

It was hazy but I could still remember it like it was yesterday, or the day before yesterday, or maybe like some time last week. Anyways, I remember and that’s my point. It was the day I decided I wanted to see the world and what caused everything after to start.

The first day of third grade and like any other school day before then I wished it was the last but that was before history class that day. That is when I…Oh, wait. I’m getting ahead myself here I’m I not? My name is Kyle, Kyle Hizare. I’m nineteen now but back then I was only eight years and seven months old. I had my brown hair in the bowl cut style I still have today but it was better kept than now. My twin sister Helena had forced me to sit in front with her. She also has brown hair like me but hers is much longer and pushed back with a hair band exposing her forehead like a billboard and in fact she still wears it the same way today. That is one thing about us that hasn’t changed since then I guess. She was lonely that day because it turned out her best friend Alice, our neighbor, had a different style that we did and was forced to go to another school. I didn’t see what was wrong. My best friend Andrew had wanted to study New World style foci after some trip he took that summer and was in another class but I wasn’t lonely.

I might not have liked it but I’m glad I went along. If I hadn’t I might of missed something the teacher said during Magic History class. It was the slightly different way that she worded it that made me think. Maybe you can tell what I mean, “The origin of Magic use has been lost to man but it is believed to have started in the Mid East more than six thousand years ago. From this it spread causing as many forms as there are people.â€

[Esoteric]

I like the flippant/sarcastic flare of the narrative, especially at the beginning.

It does start to feel awfully...umm, 'jerky'? during the fight scene. This may all be narrated inside of the guy's head, but for the sake of the audience, try to give it as much flow/introspect as possible during fast parts. Also, I was having trouble understanding the whole bit with the dolls too. Anyway, not bad--keep practicing your 'fiction'!

[Kung_Fu_Master]

Thanks for your words. Action scenes have always been my weak point in writing as I've never been good with words (I have no way of making a webcomic which is what I wanted to do and would be ten time better at making) and I really have no clue what the museum looks like on the inside. As for the dolls and some other unexplained mechanics of this world, I was planning on describing those in latter chapters but that depends if others start liking this.

Next chapter should be up this afternoon.

[Kung_Fu_Master]

DOUBLE POST!!

Chapter Two
The Breeze under the Rock you live under.

Peace. What is peace? How can it be found and kept? Mankind tries to answer the universe but falls farther down as they climb up. Many would argue that peace is when mankind stops fighting themselves over land and/or food and comes together to make a grey/ white world where everyone is the same and no one grows old. Heaven on Earth they call it. I myself find that to be a load of crap. A world without struggle or conflict is a world where boredom becomes the norm. No one can climb higher because everyone is on the same level. Wars won’t break hearts and homes that would soon after be fixed and healed by love. Anyone that looks at Earth at any point in time can see that. True peace is when you can go where ever you want and do whatever you want whenever you want, to be free of the chains that bind us to hell.

I should reintroduce ourselves since I’m sure my brother didn’t do a good job. My name is Helena Hizare and the older twin sister to Kyle Hizare. I am also known as Silver Wind when we do our ‘work’ as Kyle and Drew call it. I’m a western style mage with a profession in a new age magic similar to ‘Density Warping’ or in long, I can group items together or spread them apart but I normally use it on the air and cause whirlwinds and tornados. Even though I say I’m western I use Katana as my foci, to mess people up of course, as well as a bracelet on my left arm my mother gave me before we left. Kyle is a research nut who seems to love this planet no matter how many flaws we witness in it. Since he’s my brother he’s also a western mage but he uses a form of combustion though he calls it ‘Micro Bombing’ or something like that. We call him Somkie Devil because of gas mask he wears to work he fixed to look like a demon face. A scary mixture when he can create fires and lightning from his glove foci.

We are both traveling the world or something like that, with our two closest friends Andrew Kitna, Mr. Toxic, and Alice Daelcard, Clay Doll. Andrew is the oldest and tallest of us four. He has a thin frame and his hair is short and fizzy but is always kept under a cat eared beanie put on the side so it looks like it has a floppy left ear. He’s called Mr. Toxic for his use of New World Potions as foci to his Elemental magic. He wears a skull mask that when combined with his work clothes gives off the look of the Grim Reaper. Last but in no way least, Alice, the little sister I always wanted. She is the shortest and youngest by about a year. She’s a Mid World mage which not only makes her a high level user that doesn’t need a foci but gives her the look of a true Arabian princess with her dark tone skin and shoulder length black hair and her favorite flower hair clip over her left ear. She’s a Terra Mancer which, you guessed it; uses clay dolls as her main form of attack and wears a doll face mask both of which is why we call her Clay Doll. You’d think she was an alchemist with her skills that can even make rocks change their attributes.

We’re what you’d call a Hodgepodge family in a way. Of course we have problems but their namely from the outside: Police, Self-proclaimed Do-gooders, Bounty Hunters, and a Shrine Maiden that has Kyle on the top of her ‘People I want to kill with my bare hands’ list. I’d be lying if I said it was easy but I can say that there is never a dull moment.

[Kung_Fu_Master]

I didn't want to but there's no avoiding a triple post. Sigh. There better not be a Quad post.

Chapter Three

Joyous Toxic Festival

“Did you know a were-beast curse can be pasted for one generation to the next?” The boy walking next to me asked. He is almost a foot shorter than me and younger by four months. He is wearing a red hoodie with black pants that mismatch his brown hair and a red and black colored back sack when we walk the streets but a red and black cloak for work. See a pattern? Me neither. He happens to be my best friend. He also happens to be a…research phile...I guess that’s the right word. You could say he’s the reason that I came on this trip. Well, One third of the reason. “I wonder why anyone would want to have a were-beast as a mate in the first place?”

I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t. Who am I kidding? He set it up. Who wouldn’t take it? “Maybe because they’re a beast in bed.” This causes Kyle to laugh harder than I’ve seen him but the moment for me is short lived with a drill kick to the back of the head by the mom of the group.

“Don’t you even joke like that you-“ The kick had knocked Mr. Nappy off my head. Of course the rest my body happened to also be on the ground in the same stature but that’s not important. I’ve never been able to understand how a girl so small and you’d think was her brother if not for her long brown hair held back by a hair band, huge difference in cloth style, and only slight feminine features could head kick me who is so much taller and manly. Is the way of a Hizare. Oh, if you’re wondering what the rest of her lecture is, I don’t know, getting my cap is more important than hearing a rant on how evil a natural phenomena is. I feel sorry for Kyle for having a twin like this and the hell he must have gone through. Now that I think of it, she was probably the reason why Kyle never had any magazines, even stashed ones, as we grew up. “-and you.” Now that my just had been dealt and I show signs of still living though how I have no clue, the thing that hell hath none like is turned upon the other male of our ‘family’. The poor soul. “I don’t mind that you send them back home but would you stop buying so many books? You’ve already spent over half our recent earnings and put it in your sack. Will you ever do something useful?”

“I have. I’ve found out a were-beast only takes on an animalistic shape if the curse is taken from a bite or scratch but only show a few features if from family, Moon Trigram magic can easily be counted by closing your eyes, and a whole bunch more.” but how do those help? She won’t take that. “Oh, and I finally found the recipe for Fruit Filled Mini Cakes.” Jackpot. You can always get this girl with sweets. But wait, if they’re fruit filled, are they sweets?

“C-can we try them tonight? I-I mean just to see how they taste.” <_< Sigh. She has real simple needs.

“We could if someone hadn’t spent the other half of our savings on sweets. You’re going to get fat sis.” -_- And everything was going so well. He still hasn’t gotten’ over the snow sled incident apparently.

“U-Um. C-could you please s-stop? W-we might draw attention to ourselves.” Our youngest member trails the family feud. You can’t blame the girl for trying but stopping them like this is like trying to stop a flaming tornado. Quite literately, that is unless you’re her.

“STAY OUT OF THIS!” The twins shouted in unison. Bad move and you can see they knew it. Her head drooped hiding her blue eyes behind the bangs of her back length black hair; sobs could be heard from her mouth and the Italian soil beneath us began to shake. At least from the Hizare’s position. Even though she’s the shortest of us four from where I sat her eyes were clear, her mouth was more of a smile than a frown and the ground didn’t shake. If it wasn’t for us this girl could be in acting right now.

“A-Alice. P-Please stop. We’re not fighting any more. Right?” The male Hizare remarked.

“R-Right. Happy family.” The sister replied as the twins side hugged each other. I have no way of knowing but I think they’re still fighting some way or another even at this point. A real happy family indeed.

“Okay.” Popping back to her regular happy face. The greatest strategist and the guy with the highest grade point average in our home state here aren’t much use if a little girl can overpower their wits. Where the science that’s normally in their logic?

“So, where are we going to do tonight?” I asked getting up from my new found home now that the danger’s past while putting Mr. Nappy back on in his original slant giving me the appearance of a cat with a floppy left ear.

“The same thing we do most every night. Try to find a new job.” Our blazing red leader said. He pulled a newspaper from his back sack and handed it to me. “Look at the headline.”

“Rare Green Haired **** Hound wins best of show in France.” I read aloud.

“Andrew?!” Okay, okay. I guess that wasn’t the best place to add a joke.

“The Holy Grail Is Up for Sightseeing.” Is he serious? “We’re going to steal the Holy Grail?!!” I screamed but not loud enough of course.

“It’s not the real one. One so heavily jeweled can’t truly be a Jewish Passover cup but it can catch a hefty price if we ask your uncle nicely. Besides, it will find its way back in an unnamed box about a week later like it always does. Shall we go?” We’ve had about ten years since childhood to prefect our stealing measures but really? Well it’s off my hands for now though I don’t know why Helena isn’t complaining since it’s her job to figure out how we do it.

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Only one chapter left before I stop. Like I said before this series will not finish here and probably never will in written form but even so I would like to know how bad I did if someone out there would be so kind.

[Esoteric]

Action scenes have always been my weak point in writing as I've never been good with words (I have no way of making a webcomic which is what I wanted to do and would be ten time better at making)

Au contraire, you do fine with words, but the key to action scenes (and with any scene) is structure. Clear logical flow of events and information from one sentence to the next. That does take practice, but it can be learned by anyone.
But if you really think you could do a much better job with a webcomic, then go for it. With a webcomic, instead of orderly flow of sentences, you must have an orderly flow of panels and dialogue. It's the same principle, just a different 'language', a visual one.

[Kung_Fu_Master]

Final update.

I apologize in advance for I have no understanding of how to portray a cute innocent little girl so I kind of winged it.

m(_ _)m

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Chapter Four

The Earth is Above Me and the Sky Below

Parent. A Parent is suppose to protect their child, watch over them, and nurture them until they have matured. A fact my father was never taught apparently. I was still a young child the day my father left. That day he and mother had a fight over something I did not understand nor have I asked Mother what it was about but I did understand from the tears she cried that something bad had happened. Father was never coming back.

I do not know how but the next day mother and I were living somewhere new, ‘To make a fresh start’, she would say. She left me in the backyard to play as she went to find a job. I was alone, in an unfamiliar place, and given what happened I was also scared. I cried, I cried for a long time. I do not know how long but it was long enough to unintentionally get someone’s attention.

“Hey. You okay?” a voice called out and it was to me of all people. We now lived in suburb housing area and it came from one of my new neighbors.

“W-who a-are you?” All I could see was the top of her head over the fence. She had brown hair pushed back with a hair band.

“That’s rude. I ask if you’re okay and you change the subject.” She said as she ducked below the fence line.

“Where are you going?” my throat still full of tears and worry.

“Don’t worry your little head.” A hole opened in the fence. It was like nothing I had ever seen before or since. The fence itself was not moved but it was as if the space there was. “I’m right here.” Said the girl from before now poking forth from said hole.

“H-How did you-“

“-do that?” she finished for me. “That’s my magic type. It’s something like Gravity Warping. My stupid brother likes to call it ‘Space Dilation’ but he has horrible naming sense anyways.” And here all I could do is move the ground. She was now fully through her hole that closed behind her. She was about seven or eight years old, my age and near my height as well, which begs the question of how she stood over a seven foot fence. She wore pants like a boy and if it was not for her hair I may have thought she was a boy. “Now that I’ve answered your question, will you answer mine?”

“I-I’m Alice. A-Alice Milfo-.”

“No. Not that silly. I asked ‘Are you okay?’ remember?” she smiled. It was if a weight came off my heart.

“O-Oh. I- I’m okay. I guess. It is just that mother and I just moved here and she left me alone. I was scared.” I answered embarrassed.

“Really? No need to be that anymore.” Her voice relieved all stress. “But what about your father?” Him again. The weight returned.

“W-well, h-he, u-um…” my voice trailed off as my face sank.

“Doesn’t matter then. “ It seemed like she understood how hard it was to talk about what happened not long ago. “Oh, I almost forgot. I came to ask an important question. If you want to, can we be friends?” Friends? This early? It seemed odd but at the time I was too happy to worry about that.

“Sure.” I smiled. She smiled. We both smiled. My heart was once again at ease.

“I’m Helena Hizare. Yours was?” she asked

“I-I’m-“

“ALICE?!” A voice came from inside my home and soon to the door. “There you are.”

“Mother.” I ran to her arms. “Mother. I just made a friend.”

“Hello there. My name is Helena. I live in the house next to yours and couldn’t help meeting the neighbors. I’m sorry to intrude Mrs.…Um-“

“Daelcard. Mrs. Daelcard and that’s no problem at all. You can come over anytime.”

“Thanks. I’d better get back. Aunt B’s probably wondering where I went. See you tomorrow Alice.” Leaving the same way she came. I was glad to have a friend, so glad I didn’t notice something important until mother told me that night.

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The next day she came over again and invited me to her house. It was summer break for her and I guess that meant for me as well. “I’m sorry for asking to be friends so quickly.” She said quite solemnly.

“Why are you saying that?”

“Well, I-I don’t have any friends.” Huh? “If you ever meet my brother you’d understand.”She said as we entered her house. Her brother? Was he that bad a guy? “In fact, you might if he’s up by now.” But it was already past noon. “If he gets too close for comfort just punch or kick him. That usually does the job.” But I am not good at such things. “Wait here while I go get something. Yell if you need help.” I was alone again. Though it is slightly past noon it was dark inside. The tone came off as if I was in the Lion’s Den, no, the Viper’s Pit, no, even worse, the back of the Dragon’s Cave as it returns. I was sure my heartbeat could be heard throughout the house.

“You must be Alice.” A new voice came from behind me. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to but instinct took over as I turned to find a face close enough to touch mine. At first I thought it was Helena but their hair was short, messy, more boy looking and Helena was in the opposite direction. He was smiling friendly but in such a situation it appeared no different than a beast coming to bite my face. I hesitated as everything I was feeling gathered and ran out my throat. It was loud, fearful and quick. It was a scream.

“KKKAAAIIILLLUUU!!” The rescuing heroin’s battle cry came not reaching my awareness until she jumped over me and both her feet were planted in the head of the fleeing person before me now lying on the floor. I stood there not knowing whether to die from amazement or to die from shock. Which one was truly the monster? “I told to not scare anymore of my friends!!”

“Sorry ‘bout that Sis, but you know how I am when I see something I like.” Saying as he sat up where he landed and returned to looking at me. Our eyes meet again. My heart began to race again, skipping every so often. His eyes may have been warm but they ran deep. They were soul piercing. Almost like a predator to their prey. The fear had returned. “Epically when she’s a Mid-World mage.”

“Who cares Kailu?! You’re scaring her again.” Another kick was dealt to his head. They continued to fight going from how my appearance and lack of Foci gave my mage style away, to something knew he learned, to how a peanut is neither a pea nor nut, to my hair pin, and even to something about a snow sled. The way they fought should have brought memories from a few days ago, but instead it seemed almost comical. So comical that before I realized it, I was laughing. The twins had even realized before me and had joined in.

We spent the rest of the day talking. I learned more about them. How their Mother died giving birth. How since their Father is a businessman and is gone most of the time and had left them in the care of their mother’s sister who was gone during the middle of the day. How each of our magic’s work. How Helena pronounces Kyle, Kailu. How since I was a Mid-World mage I would go to a different school until seventh grade but we could still meet after school and weekends. I even found out about the snow sled. No matter what we talked about they never once asked about my past. A fact that I did not notice but still put me at ease.

Days like these continued and I started to open up more and Kyle has stopped looking at me like that, either because of Helena’s kicks or I just got used to it. I soon meet Kyle’s friend Andrew in much the same way I did him and became almost as close. Multiple hijinks have accrued between us four since then. I have grown accustomed to using doll earth magic from playing with them with Helen; I even leveled a playground after I fell on my face, something that scared both of the Hizare into doing whatever I wish when a small tremor comes their way and I look sad, though I use it only to break up their fights, as well as many other things I’m still too embarrassed to say all leading to the present and the world tour we are on.


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As the pig says, "That's all Folks!" Know that this was a one man effort mainly written in one hour per chapter and only seconds before posting (usually that's my best work.)

I'm thankful for all the viewers, but would it kill some of you to leave a comment that could help me become better?