The Black Dragon (tentative title)

[Esoteric]

What fortunate timing for Legacy...

Well, I don't have much to say at the moment in regards to the developments. Legacy no longer surprises me. She obviously has a thirst for power (one that's been almost too well hidden until recently) but it's plain to see. I think I can see why this group called ambassadors still exists, when in fact, it really doesn't.
Glaive...I'm not sure how you're intending me to feel about Glaive.
Treatment of the 'servants' aside, Glaive's argument about class 'holds water'. Now, it's unclear to me how much Glaive really knows about their living conditions, so I can't properly judge his reaction to Shard's claims of injustice. Shard seems to overreact by taking Glaive's analogy slightly out of context.
As it is currently, the scene neither makes me particularly angry at Glaive, nor particularly impressed with Shard.
I think the scene is a little rushed. There are five ambassadors. Two for legacy, two against. Glaive is the swing vote. This is an important scene. It starts good, but I think it ends all too abruptly with Shard's outburst.
Maybe it's okay though. Honestly, it could just be me. Recently I've been trying to give the show Heroes one more chance to improve, but I'm sick of its characters getting angry, screaming about ideals/justice and storming off to pout. Maybe I've just OD'd on dramatic confrontations lately. I can certainly understand Shard's disappointment--he thought it would be easy to recruit Glaive. Then he gets mad/embarrassed when it's not. Who's fault is that?
I dunno, what's your opinion Kryptech?

"Shard, I'm an old, weary man who wants nothing more but peace to live out the rest of his days."

I think 'his' works better than 'my'.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Hmm. I see what you mean. Heh, you could tell I was trying to get it done fast ^^' Well, I guess this scene will require some extra thought for the second draft.

I anxiously await your thoughts, kryptech!

Oh, in other news, I just bought Red's album Innocence and Instinct (lovely, intense album), and a few of the songs reminded me a lot of Shard's grappling with dragonrage. Check 'em out!

Fight Inside

Confession (What's Inside My Head)

Shadows

[kryptech]

I've not fallen of the edge of the cyberverse, really! I'll make time to mull over this last section and post a reply tonight.

[kryptech]

"Yes," Vesper said softly, setting her candle gently down on the table next to the other one. "He brought me down there to see where all this luxury came from. He said the Ambassadors were a joke at their core. We say we want to bring peace to the world, but we're only making things worse. And you saw how everything was built right in to this structure; the passageways extend all the way down the tree. You know what that means? The Ambassadors were like this from the very beginning."

I don't follow what you meant by "down the tree"... I guess I haven't thought much about that the Ambassadors did in terms of making peace. They defended dragons from humans, but peace would require bringing communication and understanding between the two parties. So far there has been mostly anilhilation of humans attacking dragons.

Shard's headache returned full-force. Legacy, the Queen? He could easily see her in that role, he supposed, and he could see the importance of Ambassadors on the throne, but what a risk she was taking to get there! "Do you think she'll...make it?"

Vesper looked confused and worried. "I don't know. She and Linygae are very good fighters, but...the stamina it takes.... Not many females enter the Talon. And...." She dropped her eyes to the ground. "I'm ashamed to say this," she whispered, "but I'm not sure if I want her to win or not."

I guess it would be legal for a human-dragon duo to fight together? I guess it depends on the nature of the duels but it could give the human-dragon duos an advantage over just dragons. I would assume the human would need to remain on his dragon during the duels.

As ever, his breakfast sat on a plate on the table, ready and waiting for him. He crossed to the room and was about to sit down when it dawned on him where this meal had come from. On average, it takes us six hours to prepare each meal.

Shard stared at the innocuous plate before him, and he could see the sweating, weary men laboring over the steam machines again.

I like how Shard suddenly realized just how much those below did for him and how much he took if for granted.

He saw all those people with dull and lifeless eyes, strewn about the large room below like so many useless rags.

The comparison to rags somehow didn't work for me, though I can't say exactly why. I suppose I've never heard that comparison before.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the room, and he wondered if it was just his imagination that the silence took on a sense of someone listening intently. Wiping his eyes and trying his best to compose himself, he turned away from the table. "I'm not hungry anymore. Please...take the food and eat it yourselves. You need it more than I do."

Again I like Shard's reaction here to the truth.

"They're not treated like animals, Shard," Glaive sighed, resting his head in one hand. "They're treated like what they are – servants. Would you go into a castle and tell off the king for not treating his servants like equals? Of course they're not equal; they're not meant to be! It's the way things are."

I, like Shard, would tend to wonder how reasonable, civil people can turn a bind eye to the slavery. But obviously many people have indeed done that over the centuries, and many of them were reasonable, civil people. I think it starts with the presupposition that there isn't equality - servants aren't quite as human as the Ambassadors. Once you dehumanize you can justify a whole lot.

I kinda get the impression that Glaive may have been over this before. I almost get the feeling that perhaps he may have wanted change things in the past, maybe with some of Shard's zeal. But a system that has been in place so long doesn't change quickly, especially when the leaders are quite happy to keep things as-is. Maybe he is kind of saying to Shard, "Been there, tried that, doesn't work. Just forget about it." And now he's older and comfortable and doesn't think too much about what is going on below. I may be stretching my speculation, but that is what came to my mind.

In regards to the duration of the conversation, I'm not sure one way or the other. On one hand I would think Shard's passion to correct the problem would drive him to pester Glaive some more. On the other hand I can see him blowing up and stomping out, but definitely not dropping the matter and likely approaching Glaive again later.

BtW, I love Red's style - smooth strings, passionate vocals, tearing rock. I'll check out those tracks.

[Esoteric]

"Yes," Vesper said softly, setting her candle gently down on the table next to the other one. "He brought me down there to see where all this luxury came from. He said the Ambassadors were a joke at their core. We say we want to bring peace to the world, but we're only making things worse. And you saw how everything was built right in to this structure; the passageways extend all the way down the tree. You know what that means? The Ambassadors were like this from the very beginning."

Y'know, I didn't catch it before, but I don't understand how the having the passageways built in proves that the Ambassadors were like this from the very beginning. Maybe they didn't always live there? Maybe the passageways were originally used for something else besides slave labor? I'm not really seeing the logic.

I guess it would be legal for a human-dragon duo to fight together?

I thought of that too. Many of the other dragons hate the Ambassadors. Would they let one compete for the throne? Would they obey one that won?

I kinda get the impression that Glaive may have been over this before. I almost get the feeling that perhaps he may have wanted change things in the past, maybe with some of Shard's zeal. But a system that has been in place so long doesn't change quickly, especially when the leaders are quite happy to keep things as-is. Maybe he is kind of saying to Shard, "Been there, tried that, doesn't work. Just forget about it." And now he's older and comfortable and doesn't think too much about what is going on below. I may be stretching my speculation, but that is what came to my mind.

Glaive felt tired in that scene. Very tired. I can see where you got that impression. It's a possibility.

I, like Shard, would tend to wonder how reasonable, civil people can't turn a bind eye to the slavery.

Think you mean, can.

But obviously many people have indeed done that over the centuries, and many of them were reasonable, civil people. I think it starts with the presupposition that there isn't equality - servants are quite as human as the Ambassadors. Once you dehumanize you can justify a whole lot.

Equality, the great paradox. But I'll avoid that conversation for now. If Glaive is fully aware of the servants' living conditions and threats against them, not just that they exist somewhere below and serve, then okay I would be far more unhappy with his position. But I'm giving Glaive the benefit of the doubt right now, especially since he's the sort of guy who minds his own business and doesn't ask questions. He obviously doesn't have trouble with the notion of a working servant class (i.e. peasants) but frankly neither do I, as long as injustice/cruelty are not in the picture. So I guess it remains to be seen just exactly what he knows.

[kryptech]

Y'know, I didn't catch it before, but I don't understand how the having the passageways built in proves that the Ambassadors were like this from the very beginning. Maybe they didn't always live there? Maybe the passageways were originally used for something else besides slave labor? I'm not really seeing the logic.

I suppose just the passageways themselves aren't solid proof, though they could hint at age and condition, e.g. say if there were damp and cold due to the way the place was constructed from stone, that condition would likely have stretched back since its construction.

In re-reading the prior chapter that gave us the tour I got the impression that the slavery might have been made more cruel when Legacy came on the scene. Perhaps a couple more hints of generations of slaves that had lived and died in similar conditions would help so show that this was the Ambassador way for many years.

Think you mean, can.

I think it starts with the presupposition that there isn't equality - servants are quite as human as the Ambassadors.

I did mean can and I also meant aren't in the second quote. I've corrected both.

But I'm giving Glaive the benefit of the doubt right now, especially since he's the sort of guy who minds his own business and doesn't ask questions.

True. It sounds like Legacy is the one coming down the slaves and Glaive is content to just let things roll along without getting involved. He might be giving Legacy the benefit of the doubt too.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Author's Note: Yikes! Sorry, especially to Eso, for disappearing completely the last couple weeks! We were without internet for quite a bit longer than I'd expected, and then we were having some troubles with our computer (namely, the CD drive, which is pretty important if you ask me), so we had to back everything up and reformat it and everything. To top it all off, I'm going on another trip tomorrow (thankfully, this one will only be two days; I'll be back on Sunday). I've been writing like crazy to try to get everything finished in time before I leave - today's one of my best friend's birthday, and I spent most of last week writing stuff for her. I just managed to finish this section this morning, so I'm going to post it up before I disappear again. Next week, I'll be trying to catch up on all my internet stuff (which will probably take another two weeks!), including replying to all the posts you've made while I've been gone. So much to catch up on! DX (I glanced at my inbox on Yahoo, and I have 96 new e-mails! *faints*

Anyway, enough of that. I got a little scared when I realized this is debatably the most important section of the whole story, but it turned out okay...I think. I'm not sure I made them say exactly everything I wanted them to, but they said all the most important things, anyway. I hope it doesn't seem too rushed or illogical or any of the things my writing at the moment is most likely to be. It's kind of long, but hey, it's an important scene. Enjoy!

Time passed agonizingly slowly that day. Without his usual activities, and with so many worries clouding his brain, Shard didn't know what to do with himself. Shynael was similarly restless. Finally they decided to go flying, and when he reached a high enough altitude, Shynael flew so hard that neither of them could think for the wind howling against them, pushing against their faces. But not even a dragon can fly forever, and finally they had to return home. Vesper and Glaive both kept to their rooms, somehow able to just while away the hours until a herald would come by with the outcome of the Talon. But Shard couldn't keep still. He was anxious to know what was happening, but at the same time terrified. What would he do if Legacy was killed? He had no idea. But somehow, the possibility of her surviving as the Dragon Queen was even more terrifying.

The shadows oozed slowly across the courtyard, until finally the light began to fade and darkness drew on. Shard, who had taken to pacing across the great length of the courtyard, saw Vesper emerge from her room and sit down in the doorway, looking up at the fading patches of sky they could see through the canopy overhead. Shard made his way around to her, and dropped down beside her with a gusty sigh. Their dragons were off hunting, and for the first time Shard wished he had something like that to take his mind off things.

"The Talon should be about over," Vesper said softly. "We'll hear who the victor is soon."

"Are you as nervous as I am?" Shard cracked a tiny smile.

"That depends on how nervous you are, doesn't it?"

Shard looked over and saw that she was smiling as well. He let out a single chuckle and said, "I'm shaking in my boots."

"It'll be all right," Vesper murmured, looking down at her own boots. "No matter what happens...it'll be all right in the end. We'll see it through together."

Shard looked at her deceptively tranquil face and realized that she was terrified. Her hands, clasped in her lap, shook ever so slightly. He took one and held it tightly in his hand to stop the trembling. "You're right. We'll be fine."

Vesper slowly looked from their hands to his face, and the fear left her eyes. For a few moments, they just sat there silently. Then Vesper opened her mouth and began, "I-"

Before she could say more than that, there came the sound of approaching wings, and Shynael and Vannasai landed in the courtyard. Shard let go of Vesper's hand and stood up, but then he realized that the sound of wings beating hadn't ended when the dragons landed. Everyone turned their faces upwards and listened to the single wingbeats. Then came a trumpeting voice that cried, "Long live Linygae, the Dragon Queen! May her reign be long! Long live Linygae...."

Shard let the herald's voice fade into the distance before he dared lower his gaze. Now his insides were in a turmoil ten times worse than before.

Vesper's face was white, even in the gathering gloom, and he could feel Shynael's shocked confusion wavering towards him. What do we do now? Shard thought numbly.

"They won't be back tonight," a voice suddenly said behind them.

Shard whirled around to find Gyvael towering over them. She was looking thoughtfully upwards. "I remember the last Talon," she rumbled. "We went to watch it, Glaive and I. There were quite a few spectators among the dragons, so as long as we stayed a safe distance away, we were safe from being caught up in the melee. When the King put down his last challenger, his seconds came forward to tend his wounds with their blood. I would imagine that's what Andrael and Advent are doing right now. It must be such a painful way to gain power." Gyvael turned and began to leave. "Glaive never did like pain. I suppose that's why he's tried to run from it all his life. Funny how it finds you out anyway, isn't it?"

Shard watched her disappear into her room, trying to decide whether she had been trying to tell him something or not. He didn't know what to think of Gyvael now. He felt nothing but bitter disappointment towards Glaive at the moment, but he wasn't sure about Gyvael. She hadn't echoed her human's views on the slavery that was going on, but on the other hand, she hadn't spoken up for them either.

But there was nothing more for them to do that day except go to sleep. Shard supposed Legacy would come back in the morning, if she intended to come back at all. He knew he needed his rest, because tomorrow he would have to confront her, no matter where she was. If he had to fly to the other end of the dragon kingdom, he had to speak to her, to get to the bottom of this matter once and for all. But he tossed and turned for hours, his mind buzzing with all he had been thinking about that day. How could it have been only yesterday that he was blissfully ignorant of the servants who lived beneath their feet? He had lived in another world then.

Finally, sheer exhaustion pushed him off the precipice, and he fell into a deep slumber.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Shard, Vesper, Glaive, and their dragons were waiting when the sound of two familiar wingbeats echoed around the courtyard. Linygae and Andrael landed somewhat gingerly in the middle of the courtyard, and looked around at their small audience. Legacy slid down onto the ground, pulling off her helmet. Both she and her dragon looked surprisingly intact for having gone through something as brutal as the Talon was supposed to be, but Shard supposed that was because of the treatment they had been given once they had won. Obvious signs of a gash snaked down Linygae's back, Legacy's hand was bandaged and there was a bruise on her cheek, but other than that they looked, if anything, stronger than ever. Behind them, Andrael looked a little unsteady on his feet, and Advent swayed slightly, keeping a hand on his dragon's neck. A large piece of cloth was bound around one of Andrael's front legs, and Shard was reminded strongly of the time Shynael had torn his own flesh open to save his human.

"Well," Legacy said briskly, cutting into the thick silence like a knife through butter. "We have a lot to discuss, but Andrael's about to fall over – they had to stay up through the night – and I'm starving! Vesper, Vannasai, get some food out here while I get out of this stifling armor."

"She's awfully cheerful," Shynael grumbled under his breath as Andrael and Linygae went to their rooms.

Shard felt awkward standing around waiting with Glaive and Gyvael, so he followed Vesper back to her room. To his surprise, immense platters of food lay waiting on the table. He had already had breakfast, and the sight of so much food only made him think about how much work it must have been to make all this. How had they known?

But Vesper made no comment, only picked up as much as she could carry and took it back out to the courtyard. Shard picked up a heavy platter, on which sat what looked like a roast chicken, only much bigger, and followed her out. As he helped Vesper carry the food out to one of the long tables in the courtyard, he remembered his very first night with the Ambassadors. They hadn't all eaten together since then. Would this be the last time?

When they were all sitting down around the table at last, Shard looked around at them all. Advent and Legacy ate with gusto, leaving no time for talking, and Glaive absently sipped at his goblet of wine, but Vesper only looked at her empty plate while Shard absently tore a roll into tiny pieces. The dragons were here as well; Andrael and Linygae had carried their meals outside with them and devoured them as eagerly as their humans. Advent's face was pale and his hands shook as he tore meat off the bones as fast as he could. Legacy, on the other hand, ate with the eagerness of one who has worked up an appetite after a hard day's work. It was as though all of Advent's vitality had passed into Legacy. For the first time ever, Shard felt a slight pang of concern for his rival.

But color quickly came back to Advent's cheeks as he ate, and his hands stopped trembling. He didn't turn his gaze in Shard's direction, for which Shard was grateful. Finally Legacy pushed her plate away and daintily wiped her fingers on a napkin. Then she looked around at them all with a satisfied smile. "Well," she began, glancing around to make sure all eyes were on her. "Obviously, Linygae and I are now the Dragon Queens. As far as I know, that's the first time any Ambassador has ever reached the throne. This is a crucial step, as you well know. We are now in a place of authority, so we can finally make things happen. Linygae and I have many manners to see to, but we managed to get away for one last visit back here, so that I can fill you in.

"There are many things that will now concern us – domestic matters, insurrectionists who might threaten our rule and must be put down, and many other things – but our first priority must be the humans. As you know, tension on the border has rapidly increased in recent weeks, so before we do anything else, we must put a stop to all this fighting. Now that I have the authority to do so, I suggest that we move all our force to the offensive. Linygae will mobilize the dragon warriors into a full army, and each one of you will be put in charge of a battalion. When all is ready, we will make our move, and crush the humans!"

Shard's mouth dropped open, and he stared at Legacy in disbelief. "What?" he finally croaked out. "B-But...you said...that the Ambassadors seek peace! Why are you suddenly-"

"Yes, exactly!" Legacy interrupted. "That is what we're fighting for – peace! That's always been the Ambassadors' mission. That's all we've ever wanted. And the dragons are ready for that. That's why they've allowed us Ambassadors to live in their kingdom. And we've tried – for years and years – to reconcile the two races to one another. But you've seen what comes of that, Shard. You know how humans hate dragons, how they're always seeking to stir up a fight. Don't you see? As long as humans are around, there will never be peace. That is why we must eliminate them! Once we do, it will be an end to all this fighting!"

Shard couldn't believe his ears. "You think the way to peace is killing all the humans? How can you say that?! You're a human yourself!"

Legacy's eager expression slowly hardened as he spoke. "Am I?" she asked viciously. Abruptly, she stood and pushed the sleeve of her white dress up her arm. Red scales glistened like blood all down her arm, ending in a latticework of scales that molded seamlessly into the skin of her hand. "Does that look like a human to you?" She pulled her sleeve down again and looked down at him coldly. "I am not human. I have not been for years. I was chosen – Linygae chose me! I have become something better than a mere human. This shell of my body may look similar to a human, but in truth...I am a dragon." She drew herself up proudly and looked around at them all, as if daring them to say it wasn't so.

Shard's hands clenched on the table almost of their own accord. It was as if the others had faded out of all existence; they watched this clash of wills silently, and Shard soon forgot them. The only person he could see was Legacy. "Do you think that just because you have scales and speak the dragon tongue, you are a dragon? It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside! Beneath those scales, you're still a human. There's more than scales that makes up a dragon."

One of her eyebrows rose elegantly. "You're right. No matter the appearance, it is the heart that matters. But don't you see, Shard? All of our hearts have changed into dragons. It happened slowly, but as soon as our dragons' eggs were hatched, the process began. Why do you resist? Embrace the dragon! It was what you were always meant to be!" She spread her arms wide and looked to the heavens. "To be a dragon is to have power, to have the strength to do what needs to be done. To be a dragon is to feel every sensation with a keenness that could not be felt otherwise. To be a dragon...is to live life to the fullest, with every breath, to take it all in with every pore in your body!" Legacy closed her eyes, an enraptured smile taking over her face. "Why would anyone want to be a human when they can be a dragon?"

"You're wrong!"

Everyone turned in surprise to see Shynael on his feet behind Shard's chair. The black dragon drew himself up to his full, considerable height and looked down at Legacy with golden eyes that blazed like the sun. "Don't talk about what you don't understand!" he growled. "That's not what it means to be a dragon at all! To be a dragon is to look around at the world and see how beautiful it is – everything from the stars in the heavens to the pebbles on the ground. To be a dragon is to enjoy life, to take pleasure in every good thing. To be a dragon is to protect those who can't protect themselves, to strengthen the weak, to forgive those who hurt you. To be a dragon is to be with the people you love, and to feel that love with every beat of your heart. To be a dragon is to live, and not to take the lives of others. Don't you see? To be a dragon...is to be a human. So how can you presume to rationalize this slaughtering of our brothers?!"

Shard looked up at Shynael in wonder. When had his dragon grown so tall? When had his voice deepened and matured like that? How had he grown up when Shard wasn't looking? When had he become so...wise?

Legacy's arms dropped to her sides and the smile slipped off her face. For several moments, there was dead silence in the courtyard. It was as if the very birds of the forest had forgotten to sing. Finally Shard stood up and said firmly, "Shynael's right. What you're planning is wrong, Legacy. I won't stand for it."

[the_wolfs_howl]

Legacy pressed her lips together and said icily, "Did you think I told you this because I wanted your permission? I am the Dragon Queen! I shall do as I please, and no one can stop me."

"You're wrong again."

Shard looked around in surprise again to find Vesper on her feet as well. Her voice shook with nervousness, and she stared at the tabletop, but her hands were clenched firmly. "We will stop you. We can't let you do this." Even to Shard's ears, she sounded like a child feebly protesting against her mother's wishes.

Advent snorted and rose slowly to his feet, as if to say, I'm only standing up because I won't have you looking down at me. "What do you think you can do?" he scoffed. "A church boy and a skittish little slip of a girl? You don't stand a chance!"

Vesper's head snapped up suddenly. "I would rather take these chances than stand alongside someone who would stab his comrade in the stomach seven times!"

"You insolent little-" Advent grabbed his knife and hurled it towards Vesper, his face red and blotchy.

Shard shot his arm out before he had time to think, and the knife bounced off his arm with an almost metallic clang and a quick burst of pain up his arm. The knife stuck point-first in the wood of the table, quivering slightly. Shard glanced swiftly down and saw several black scales floating lazily through the air, but no blood. Then he pushed Vesper behind him, glaring at Advent with all the hatred he could muster. Vannasai's head darted towards Advent with a snarl, then she crouched at Vesper's side, shielding her human with her wing.

"Stop!" Legacy snapped, lifting a hand. "I won't have violence here!"

Advent looked away furiously and clenched his fists at his sides, breathing hard.

"Now." Legacy planted her hands on the table and leaned towards Shard and Vesper. "Please, be reasonable. Just think about this for a minute. If we don't do something, this senseless war will continue, there will never be peace, and countless people on both sides will suffer – for years and years to come. That's why we must end this now – put an end to it once and for all!"

"I want the war to stop just as much as you do," Shard said, forcing his voice to remain level. "But you're going about it completely the wrong way! How can you establish peace on such a bloody foundation? Bloodshed can only lead to a false peace. If we do this, we'll be hypocrites – as much as those Ambassadors who established this slavery that you've condoned." His voice began to shake with anger again. "Was that part of your plan to eliminate humans as well? How can you act so heroic when you're oppressing these people in the shadows?"

"So you found out about that, did you?" Legacy said mildly. "Those were prisoners of war. I was not 'oppressing' them; I treated them quite fairly for all the things their kind have done. I let them keep their lives. Shouldn't that be enough? How can you expect me to do more?"

"'Fairly'?" Shard said weakly. "You call that fair? How would you like to work your life away in absolute silence – and all for someone else, someone who threatens you with death if you so much as raise your voice?"

"I would not stoop to something so low. I would fight back. That just proves that they are unworthy of any other treatment. But come," she interrupted as Shard's mouth fell open in indignation once more. "We're going nowhere with this discussion. Will you recognize my authority and obey what your Queen orders?"

Shard gritted his teeth and spat out, "No."

Shynael growled at the same time, "Never."

Legacy's eyes narrowed, but she didn't look surprised. Her eyes flicked over to Vesper. "And you, Vesper? You know better than Shard what it is to disobey authority. Do you want that to happen again?"

Shard looked over at Vesper in alarm; she stood at Vannasai's side and stared at her trembling hands, which she held clasped before her. She slowly looked up at Legacy, her eyes filled with the memory of the terrible month she had spent all alone. Then her eyes slid to Shard. Shard wanted to say something, to beg Vesper not to leave him now, not when he needed her support the most. But his lips would not move. They were frozen with the fear that she would turn, walk around the table, and join Legacy and Advent. Yet still she looked at him.

"If you leave, you can never come back."

Legacy's words seemed to break a spell over Vesper. She blinked, glanced between the two of them, then squared her shoulders. She shared an agreeing look with her dragon, then said calmly to Legacy, "Why would I want to return to you? You have never treated me with anything but disdain. You've never seen me as a person – just a tool for you to use at your whim. And your goals, your desires...they couldn't be further from my own."

Shard's heart lifted a little in relief.

Angrily, Legacy turned to Glaive. "And what about you?" she demanded. "You haven't said a word this whole time! You will join my cause, won't you?"

Glaive finished off his wine and set the goblet down with a sigh. "You might be surprised to hear this, Legacy," he said, "but the last thing I've ever wanted to do was go into battle. Before Gyvael found me, I was trained as a warrior, and at one time I thought that was what I longed for. But the first time I set foot on a real battlefield, I realized it was not what I wanted. Battle only brings pain to everyone, and who wants pain?" He heaved a sigh and kneaded his forehead. "If only you youngsters wouldn't get to talking about 'the right course of action' and 'what needs to be done'. Then I could stay out of this conflict without my conscience nagging at me."

Wearily pushing himself to his feet, Glaive looked at Legacy. His face sagged with tiredness as usual, but his eyes were aflame. "Shard and Shynael are right. Those are our brothers out there, and we can't slaughter them as if they were a bunch of animals. If you will not stop this nonsense now, then I will have no choice but to draw my blade against you."

Shard gaped at the old man, hardly daring to believe his ears. Then he looked over at Legacy and saw that her face was blank. She looked around at them all for a few moments, then kicked her chair aside and snapped, "Advent. We're leaving." She marched away, Advent close on her heels and the dragons on either side.

When they had disappeared into Legacy's room, Shard let out a long, slow breath. Then he turned to Glaive and said, "I thought you weren't going to help me."

Glaive snorted and ran a hand through his hair. "Looks like you've kindled a fire in this old man's heart. Couldn't let you have all the fun, could I?"

"It might have helped that reprimanded him for three hours straight yesterday." Gyvael trilled a very low trill, one that sounded more like a growl than anything else.

"Maybe a little."

And despite the seriousness of the situation, despite the insurmountable task they were about to tackle, Shard laughed. He was glad to have Vesper and Glaive at his side.

[Esoteric]

You're alive! XD I was beginning to wonder if maybe you're plane had crashed and you suddenly found yourself on a weird tropical island with polar bears and black smoke monsters...err, *cough* Sorry, wrong story. Yeah, I figured you were just plenty busy. I have been too, actually, but it's good to know you're not Lost somewhere.

So, we have a new dragon queen.

Wow, a lot does happen in this section. I have mixed feelings about how well the exchange works, but instead of commenting directly yet, I've got two questions lingering in my mind; the answers to which could change my feedback.

1. What exactly was it that originally drew Shard and Shynael to the Ambassadors? (what was that mysterious pull?)
2. Did you always intend for Legacy to be the villain?

But I will say that for the first time, I feel fairly confident I can predict where this story is going to end up. I could be wrong of course--you might have something tricky up your sleeve, but I'm just saying that it appears to have finally fallen into a recognizable pattern.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Phew! I finally got caught up enough to come down here! I shall now attempt to reply to everything @_@ Oh, but before I begin, check out this awesomeawesome picture, from which I got my hot new avatar. It's Trytael, Shynael's mother: http://andreewallin.deviantart.com/art/Dragon-62989784

Well, one thing I just had to talk about was Brisingr by Christopher Paolini, which I've started reading aloud to my family. No, Paolini isn't the best writer out there, but it's mostly for my younger sisters anyway. And I was eager to see what my reactions to the story would be, now that I'm writing a dragon rider story of my own (when I read Eragon and Eldest, I hadn't even begun to formulate an idea for this story). And I was amazed at the plethora of emotions that are running through me with every chapter.

For one thing, it hit me really hard how serious and wise Saphira always seems to be. I mean, I suppose that's the norm, when dragons aren't senseless beasts, but...after two years (yes, two years!) of living with Shynael bouncing around in my head, she seems so.... Well, to use Shynael's word, "boring" And by that I mean that she doesn't go around playing tag, of course XD But there was a couple moments when she got really angry and showed the full fury of a dragon, and in those moments Shynael grinned toothily and said, "She's my type!" Oh dear.

Another thing I'd almost forgotten about was that, the longer he is a Dragon Rider, the more Eragon becomes like an elf. And I was just thinking...why? Why an elf? What does looking like an elf have to do with being a Dragon Rider? Wouldn't it make more sense if he became more and more like a dragon? And then I remembered that was exactly why I made my dragon riders get scales and everything.

But the most important thing I noticed in this book was...Eragon. I'm so used to Shard, to his gentle heart and his sense of justice and his struggles with guilt, that when Eragon came along...it was like a slap in the face. In the first scene where Eragon actually sat down and thought through things, he was thinking about how his motivation has always been vengeance, and all the people he's killed. And...he was actually rationalizing all the deaths he's caused. I was shocked. It shouldn't have surprised me so much; I mean, I read all sorts of books where people kill each other right and left, or where there are these huge wars...but to see a dragon rider saying that these deaths were necessary.... Well, suffice to say that Shard politely listened to the end of that chapter, and once it was over he informed me that whenever I read it, he's going to go and sit at the other end of my brain, because when I read I'm imagining the things in the book and he can't stand to share the same space with "someone who's okay with murder", as he put it. He hasn't been so outspoken in my mind since I wrote the first battle with the knights and he suddenly started killing everybody.

It's not that I'm disappointed in Brisingr (not for those reasons, anyway), nor that I'm saying every dragon rider story needs to be just like mine, but...reading someone else's idea of dragons and humans has cemented in my mind the convictions that led to me writing this in the first place. It's made me believe more strongly than ever that this is a story that needs to be told.

I don't follow what you meant by "down the tree"...

Oops, I probably should have made it clearer from the beginning and mentioned it several times to refresh people's memory, but basically...the Ambassadors' residence is built into one of the huge trees in the forest (they're like gigantic redwoods, which is why they could do that). So the tunnels the servants use go down through the trunk of the tree. Does that make sense?

I guess it would be legal for a human-dragon duo to fight together? I guess it depends on the nature of the duels but it could give the human-dragon duos an advantage over just dragons. I would assume the human would need to remain on his dragon during the duels.

I doubt any humans and dragons have entered the Talon (in living memory anyway), so this would be a special case. Also, I'd imagine the dragons wouldn't think one human would be much of a threat to them. An army, yes, but not just a single human. Then again, we didn't actually get to see the Talon ourselves, so they might have asked Legacy to sit it out.

I, like Shard, would tend to wonder how reasonable, civil people can turn a bind eye to the slavery. But obviously many people have indeed done that over the centuries, and many of them were reasonable, civil people. I think it starts with the presupposition that there isn't equality - servants aren't quite as human as the Ambassadors. Once you dehumanize you can justify a whole lot.

I suppose Shard took on some of my emotions regarding slavery. Have you read about the conditions of slaves who were shipped from Africa to America or England? It's despicable.

I kinda get the impression that Glaive may have been over this before. I almost get the feeling that perhaps he may have wanted change things in the past, maybe with some of Shard's zeal. But a system that has been in place so long doesn't change quickly, especially when the leaders are quite happy to keep things as-is. Maybe he is kind of saying to Shard, "Been there, tried that, doesn't work. Just forget about it." And now he's older and comfortable and doesn't think too much about what is going on below. I may be stretching my speculation, but that is what came to my mind.

Hmmmm....

The first time I've had to chop up my author's note stuff into two sections

[the_wolfs_howl]

In regards to the duration of the conversation, I'm not sure one way or the other. On one hand I would think Shard's passion to correct the problem would drive him to pester Glaive some more. On the other hand I can see him blowing up and stomping out, but definitely not dropping the matter and likely approaching Glaive again later.

Okay, that's a good thing to keep in mind. I'll definitely be rethinking this scene for later versions.

Y'know, I didn't catch it before, but I don't understand how the having the passageways built in proves that the Ambassadors were like this from the very beginning. Maybe they didn't always live there? Maybe the passageways were originally used for something else besides slave labor? I'm not really seeing the logic.

I suppose just the passageways themselves aren't solid proof, though they could hint at age and condition, e.g. say if there were damp and cold due to the way the place was constructed from stone, that condition would likely have stretched back since its construction.

That was the idea, but I guess I should've described that kind of age, shouldn't I? Or maybe I should implement some other features built in that are more specifically for servant type of work....

I thought of that too. Many of the other dragons hate the Ambassadors. Would they let one compete for the throne? Would they obey one that won?

This will be touched upon later, but let me say just now that dragons (that are raised in dragon society, anyway) are very centered on honor and strength and that type of thing. Thus, if someone defeats them in a fair fight, for the most part they will acknowledge that person is stronger than they are. There is great shame in not obeying someone who is above you, so even if they don't really like it, the dragons will obey their King or Queen - unless enough of them want to set up a Talon. But after seeing Linygae and Legacy's display of strength in this Talon, I doubt many dragons would be eager to challenge them that quickly.

If Glaive is fully aware of the servants' living conditions and threats against them, not just that they exist somewhere below and serve, then okay I would be far more unhappy with his position. But I'm giving Glaive the benefit of the doubt right now, especially since he's the sort of guy who minds his own business and doesn't ask questions. He obviously doesn't have trouble with the notion of a working servant class (i.e. peasants) but frankly neither do I, as long as injustice/cruelty are not in the picture. So I guess it remains to be seen just exactly what he knows.

True. It sounds like Legacy is the one coming down the slaves and Glaive is content to just let things roll along without getting involved. He might be giving Legacy the benefit of the doubt too.

It's actually kind of a mystery to me as well (I feel like I should know more, as the author....) I would think that either Glaive has never actually gone down there, he just knows there are servants and he's fine with that]did[/i] go down, but it was ages and ages ago, before Legacy had even come to the Ambassadors. Conditions might have been better then, or it might just be so long that the shock of the injustice has worn off. I really want to explore this thing with Glaive, but I'm not sure this story would be the right one to do it in....

In re-reading the prior chapter that gave us the tour I got the impression that the slavery might have been made more cruel when Legacy came on the scene. Perhaps a couple more hints of generations of slaves that had lived and died in similar conditions would help so show that this was the Ambassador way for many years.

Good suggestion. Yeah, the idea was that there have been servants since the founding of the Ambassadors (because, after all, the Ambassadors shouldn't have to worry about things like cooking and cleaning when they're trying to keep peace between the races), but when Legacy came around, she made conditions a lot worse, threatening them and all that.

You're alive! XD I was beginning to wonder if maybe you're plane had crashed and you suddenly found yourself on a weird tropical island with polar bears and black smoke monsters...err, *cough* Sorry, wrong story. Yeah, I figured you were just plenty busy. I have been too, actually, but it's good to know you're not Lost somewhere.

Shynael held the plane up this time. He's still trying to figure out why humans want to close themselves up in a metal tube where they can't even feel the wind rushing through their hair. "And the wings don't flap!" he says XD

Wow, a lot does happen in this section. I have mixed feelings about how well the exchange works, but instead of commenting directly yet, I've got two questions lingering in my mind]
*winces apprehensively*

1. What exactly was it that originally drew Shard and Shynael to the Ambassadors? (what was that mysterious pull?)

Hoo boy. As with several things in the earlier half of this story, I was completely expecting to explain that in greater detail, but then there never seemed to be an opportunity to do so that wouldn't seem completely random. Basically, the idea was that there's a certain magic hanging around all humans and dragons who are destined to be bonded (and we could speculate for hours how bonded humans and dragons find each other, and whether they're destined to be bonded, but that's a discussion for another time or maybe even another book). Once the bonding is complete - in Shard and Shynael's case, when they came to the conclusion that they couldn't live without each other, even if they'd hurt each other (i.e. the part where Shard scared Shynael away and then Shynael came back) - the magic attracts them to the highest concentration of similar beings, i.e. the Ambassadors. That's how new Ambassadors find their way to the headquarters - they're pulled by the magic around them.
And I never managed to find a way to explain that, but there you are.

2. Did you always intend for Legacy to be the villain?

Yes. The time when I came up with the Ambassador characters is kind of lost in the morass of memory, but I can remember thinking it would be interesting if the character Shard thought was the most desirable turned out to be opposed to him. I hope I didn't make it too obvious, or too unbelievable ^^'

But I will say that for the first time, I feel fairly confident I can predict where this story is going to end up. I could be wrong of course--you might have something tricky up your sleeve, but I'm just saying that it appears to have finally fallen into a recognizable pattern.

If you don't mind, I'd love to hear what you think is going to happen in the future. You may be right, you may be wrong - and I'm not going to tell you which it is, of course - but it'll help me see what I'm foreshadowing, and may even give me some ideas for something I might want to change.

[Esoteric]

Hoo boy. As with several things in the earlier half of this story, I was completely expecting to explain that in greater detail, but then there never seemed to be an opportunity to do so that wouldn't seem completely random. Basically, the idea was that there's a certain magic hanging around all humans and dragons who are destined to be bonded (and we could speculate for hours how bonded humans and dragons find each other, and whether they're destined to be bonded, but that's a discussion for another time or maybe even another book). [...] And I never managed to find a way to explain that, but there you are.

Okay. See, I’d been wondering about the debunked ‘magic’ aspect ever since the slave revelation. If the place wasn’t ‘magic’ I was trying to understand just what it was that drew Shard/Shynael there, since it’s painfully (and increasingly) obvious how little they have in common with the other ambassadors. This ‘congregational magic’ will definitely need to be explained at some point, because I always felt they’re sudden about-face and calling south seemed a little arbitrary. I had been forced to assume it was simply the magic of the place..but obviously not.

Yes. The time when I came up with the Ambassador characters is kind of lost in the morass of memory, but I can remember thinking it would be interesting if the character Shard thought was the most desirable turned out to be opposed to him. I hope I didn't make it too obvious, or too unbelievable ^^'

Okay, I understand now. A clever psychological maneuver, but a hard one to pull off, because it’s tricky not to betray the reader’s trust when you do this.
If you put too much effort into making a character likable, then suddenly turn around and say, “Ha, your perceptions were all a lie!â€

[kryptech]

Ack, I've taken forever to reply! I've had some other writings of my own to attend to and, well, ya... I'm here now. I usually type up my thoughts before reading Esoteric's so that they aren't coloured by her perspectives. I just your exchange and I'm not sure I'm going to tackle any replies on that just now. Comparatively my feedback is positively terse!

Oh, amazing avatar and source picture!

I don't follow what you meant by "down the tree"...

Oops, I probably should have made it clearer from the beginning and mentioned it several times to refresh people's memory, but basically...the Ambassadors' residence is built into one of the huge trees in the forest (they're like gigantic redwoods, which is why they could do that). So the tunnels the servants use go down through the trunk of the tree. Does that make sense?

Understood. Ya, I haven't read back so some of the earlier data starts fading.

Vesper slowly looked from their hands to his face, and the fear left her eyes. For a few moments, they just sat there silently. Then Vesper opened her mouth and began, "I-"

An interrupted admission of...? ]As he helped Vesper carry the food out to one of the long tables in the courtyard, he remembered his very first night with the Ambassadors. They hadn't all eaten together since then. Would this be the last time?[/QUOTE]
Neat thinking back.

"There are many things that will now concern us – domestic matters, insurrectionists who might threaten our rule and must be put down, and many other things – but our first priority must be the humans. As you know, tension on the border has rapidly increased in recent weeks, so before we do anything else, we must put a stop to all this fighting. Now that I have the authority to do so, I suggest that we move all our force to the offensive. Linygae will mobilize the dragon warriors into a full army, and each one of you will be put in charge of a battalion. When all is ready, we will make our move, and crush the humans!"

Would Legacy really expect Vesper to lead a battalion? Vesper doesn't seem that type, more of a support person than a commander.

Don't you see? As long as humans are around, there will never be peace. That is why we must eliminate them! Once we do, it will be an end to all this fighting!"

Shard couldn't believe his ears. "You think the way to peace is killing all the humans? ...

"all the humans"!? That's a pretty tall order!

"... To be a dragon is to live, and not to take the lives of others. Don't you see? To be a dragon...is to be a human. So how can you presume to rationalize this slaughtering of our brothers?!"

I kinda see where Shynael's going with this but I'd tend to say that humans and dragons are much more alike than Legacy would like to believe, rather than saying to be a dragon is to be a human. The idea that instead of equating dragons with humans, pointing out the great similarities and connection they have, despite their distinctions.

Shard looked up at Shynael in wonder. When had his dragon grown so tall? When had his voice deepened and matured like that? How had he grown up when Shard wasn't looking? When had he become so...wise?

Neat observation.

Shard looked around in surprise again to find Vesper on her feet as well. Her voice shook with nervousness, and she stared at the tabletop, but her hands were clenched firmly. "We will stop you. We can't let you do this." Even to Shard's ears, she sounded like a child feebly protesting against her mother's wishes.

I can see Vesper in this scene, meek defiance, little knuckles white with determination and fear. But standing none the less!

"Please, be reasonable. Just think about this for a minute. If we don't do something, this senseless war will continue, there will never be peace, and countless people on both sides will suffer – for years and years to come. That's why we must end this now – put an end to it once and for all!"

"I want the war to stop just as much as you do," Shard said, forcing his voice to remain level. "But you're going about it completely the wrong way! How can you establish peace on such a bloody foundation? Bloodshed can only lead to a false peace. If we do this, we'll be hypocrites – as much as those Ambassadors who established this slavery that you've condoned." His voice began to shake with anger again. "Was that part of your plan to eliminate humans as well? How can you act so heroic when you're oppressing these people in the shadows?"

Legacy's desire for peace seems completely one-sided for the dragons. Of course the humans wouldn't have any peace with her plan, only violent extermination. I'm not sure I get Shard's argument. If Legacy truly plans to exterminate all the humans then the only following peace would be between the dragons (and I suppose the Ambassadors). If her plans was to violent force back humans from the dragons' territory, than Shard's argument makes more sense to me.

"So you found out about that, did you?" Legacy said mildly. "Those were prisoners of war. I was not 'oppressing' them]
Given her perspective, that sounds logical. Better life sentence than death sentence.

Angrily, Legacy turned to Glaive. "And what about you?" she demanded. "You haven't said a word this whole time! You will join my cause, won't you?"

Ooo! I was very curious about the reply to this!

He heaved a sigh and kneaded his forehead. "If only you youngsters wouldn't get to talking about 'the right course of action' and 'what needs to be done'. Then I could stay out of this conflict without my conscience nagging at me."

I didn't follow on 'the right course of action' and 'what needs to be done' bit - is Glaive saying that if the debate had stayed theoretical (and not gotten into practical, real-life morals) he would have let them be?

Wearily pushing himself to his feet, Glaive looked at Legacy. His face sagged with tiredness as usual, but his eyes were aflame. "Shard and Shynael are right. Those are our brothers out there, and we can't slaughter them as if they were a bunch of animals. If you will not stop this nonsense now, then I will have no choice but to draw my blade against you."

Yeah! Look out, Legacy, you made Glaive mad. Bring it on!

At the meeting, I like that he balks here too at yet another call to arms. It's consistent. But I think he takes a side way too quickly (It also makes things too easy for Shard). I felt Glaive was in danger of doing a ‘flip-flop’. Characters that change their convictions quickly/frequently are harder to respect than characters who are persistent/stalwart, even if they are in the wrong. Change doesn’t come easy for most people. I should think it would be a torturous act for Glaive to finally reconnect with an idealism, since he knows it will require sacrifice.

I will comment on this comment. Thinking about my first reading of this last section, I do recall being a little surprised that Glaive's decision was given that quickly.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Okay. See, I’d been wondering about the debunked ‘magic’ aspect ever since the slave revelation. If the place wasn’t ‘magic’ I was trying to understand just what it was that drew Shard/Shynael there, since it’s painfully (and increasingly) obvious how little they have in common with the other ambassadors. This ‘congregational magic’ will definitely need to be explained at some point, because I always felt they’re sudden about-face and calling south seemed a little arbitrary. I had been forced to assume it was simply the magic of the place..but obviously not.

Yeah...I'm really sorry about that ^^' I was going to explain it, and then it never seemed to be the right time, and by the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to even bring it up again.

Okay, I understand now. A clever psychological maneuver, but a hard one to pull off, because it’s tricky not to betray the reader’s trust when you do this.
...
All in all, she will work as a really good villain, she’ll just need a bit more development.

*hero-worships you* Have I ever told you what an awesome critiquer you are? It's hard enough to get people to tell you what you did wrong in a story, but it's even harder to get some specific advice for what to do about it. So often when I get constructive criticism, it feels more like I'm floundering around helplessly than anything else. But you've always got some idea for how to bail me out of the pits I dig for myself. [/inordinate praise/fawning]
Okay, so crafty? Got it. I especially love the idea of her using Shard's struggles with killing to get to him, and I wonder how in the world I couldn't think of that myself. Thank you very much.

Glaive. He’s been set up as an aloof abstainer in most issues/activities. It’s understandable--he’s been hurt by past losses and doesn’t want to connect anymore or take risks. This is why he balks at Shard’s call to arms against slavery.
...
Again, I like his basic character, but think his actions are going to need a bit of refinement to appear solid.

Yes ma'am. I will work harder on this next time.

A happy ending, of course! it’s funny because I considered asking guys what you expected to happen halfway through Heat, but opted not to. And yes you’re right, it’s a great way to find out what sort of things you’ve foreshadowed and what the reader is paying attention to.

Why'd you decide not to? Did you think it would mess up the continuity or something?

Well okay, I’ll throw out a few things I am possibly expecting to happen. (etc. etc.)

Hmm. Thank you for sharing your thoughts]Ack, I've taken forever to reply! I've had some other writings of my own to attend to and, well, ya... I'm here now.[/quote]
Completely understand! I've been swamped with stuff lately, too - and Verbosity ain't helping the workload DX

Oh, amazing avatar and source picture!

It was love at first sight....

Understood. Ya, I haven't read back so some of the earlier data starts fading.

No, the fault is mine. You can't expect readers to remember everything unless you remind them enough times that they incorporate it into their mental image of the place.

An interrupted admission of...?

Exactly!

Would Legacy really expect Vesper to lead a battalion? Vesper doesn't seem that type, more of a support person than a commander.

Hmm, you have a point. Duly noted.

I kinda see where Shynael's going with this but I'd tend to say that humans and dragons are much more alike than Legacy would like to believe, rather than saying to be a dragon is to be a human. The idea that instead of equating dragons with humans, pointing out the great similarities and connection they have, despite their distinctions.

Oh ._. I thought it was a cool way to say exactly that. I mean, it's obvious that a dragon isn't a human - just look at them! But what Shynael's trying to say is that, inside, we humans are the same as dragons. We're people. I guess that wasn't made clear enough ._.

Legacy's desire for peace seems completely one-sided for the dragons. Of course the humans wouldn't have any peace with her plan, only violent extermination. I'm not sure I get Shard's argument. If Legacy truly plans to exterminate all the humans then the only following peace would be between the dragons (and I suppose the Ambassadors). If her plans was to violent force back humans from the dragons' territory, than Shard's argument makes more sense to me.

See, I knew there was something off about this part. But I was literally writing this the morning of the 20th, and no ideas were coming immediately to mind, so I ran out of time to fiddle with it. Thank you for pointing out exactly what was wrong with it. (See, this is why I need you guys: So you'll catch all the problems in my logic.)

I didn't follow on 'the right course of action' and 'what needs to be done' bit - is Glaive saying that if the debate had stayed theoretical (and not gotten into practical, real-life morals) he would have let them be?

Yeah...sorta. And that he wishes they hadn't pursued the topic so far that even his tired old conscience started to bug him.

[Esoteric]

Have I ever told you what an awesome critiquer you are? It's hard enough to get people to tell you what you did wrong in a story, but it's even harder to get some specific advice for what to do about it. So often when I get constructive criticism, it feels more like I'm floundering around helplessly than anything else. But you've always got some idea for how to bail me out of the pits I dig for myself.

Aww, well shucks. hehe, I'm just really opinionated --first step in a good critic! Yeah, I would get frustrated by shallow or lackluster feedback from people, so when I critique, I try to give people the sort of comprehensive response I would want. But my humility compels me to once again remind you that everything I suggest is just my opinion. Could be good or bad, minority or majority. Always weigh all of your critical feedback and pay the most attention to the issues brought up repeatedly. If I'm the only person out of twenty that has a problem with a particular element, well then, it's probably fine.

Why'd you decide not to? Did you think it would mess up the continuity or something?

Perhaps a little, but mostly I felt I was already asking too much of you guys just to read such a blasted long story. I figured it would really be too much if I also asked you to stop halfway and critically analyze your anticipations. Guess I figured it might trigger a revolt.

But, AUGH, you guys! All of this is turning my whole idea of the ending on its head, and suddenly everything's in question.... Which I suppose is a good thing, because it's giving me a fresh look at the climax, but I'm rather discombobulated at the moment.

Dear, oh dear. Careful what you wish for, eh? *Hypnotizes Wolf* You didn't read a thing....

I mean, the things you're guessing correctly make me wonder whether I should change them or keep them the same, and the things you haven't got right make me wonder if I should somehow incorporate them into the story, or disregard them

A resounding No! on the last point. If you've got other things planned, that's good! DO NOT feel compelled to incorporate my expectations. If I've guessed a lot of things right, then maybe you'll want to consider changing a few of them. But if I've guessed mostly wrong, do nothing! Write it as you intended and surprise me. It's your story. You can learn from my vision of it, but do not let it cloud yours. Understood?

[the_wolfs_howl]

But my humility compels me to once again remind you that everything I suggest is just my opinion. Could be good or bad, minority or majority. Always weigh all of your critical feedback and pay the most attention to the issues brought up repeatedly. If I'm the only person out of twenty that has a problem with a particular element, well then, it's probably fine.

Yes, but even if it's not a problem to most people, it still makes me think about certain things more deeply. It's not a very good idea to just breeze along through a story without thinking about possible problems. Even if I don't take your advice, your suggestions cause me to think things through and make better decisions.

Perhaps a little, but mostly I felt I was already asking too much of you guys just to read such a blasted long story. I figured it would really be too much if I also asked you to stop halfway and critically analyze your anticipations. Guess I figured it might trigger a revolt.

Well, next time you dish out a completed story, I'm stopping in the middle and analyzing my expectations, whether you like it or not!

A resounding No! on the last point. If you've got other things planned, that's good! DO NOT feel compelled to incorporate my expectations. If I've guessed a lot of things right, then maybe you'll want to consider changing a few of them. But if I've guessed mostly wrong, do nothing! Write it as you intended and surprise me. It's your story. You can learn from my vision of it, but do not let it cloud yours. Understood?

I wouldn't worry too much. I've been thinking about it a lot over the past week or so, and the climax has become much more cemented in my mind than before. I think I know exactly what needs to happen now. And actually, it's not very different from what I've had planned all along, but your expectations were still very helpful. You know how, when you've had an idea for a very long time, some things just seem to be set in stone? Like, "duh, that has to happen that way!" And you don't even think about it happening any other way. But when I heard what you were expecting to happen, it made me realize that it could end any number of ways, and it got me thinking about all I learned this summer about implicit promises. So I think the climax is going to be better for it. And there may be a lot in it that you were expecting, but I don't think any of those ideas came from you. They were all there before. So don't worry about influencing the story, 'cause...you haven't

[Esoteric]

I just noticed you changed the caption under your name. XD

Yes, but even if it's not a problem to most people, it still makes me think about certain things more deeply. It's not a very good idea to just breeze along through a story without thinking about possible problems. Even if I don't take your advice, your suggestions cause me to think things through and make better decisions.

True, true. I'm glad I can be of help in that regard.

Well, next time you dish out a completed story, I'm stopping in the middle and analyzing my expectations, whether you like it or not!

Uh oh, payback? hehe, well I've got just the story...problem is that it isn't exactly written yet. Gimme a year...or two.

I wouldn't worry too much. I've been thinking about it a lot over the past week or so, and the climax has become much more cemented in my mind than before. I think I know exactly what needs to happen now. And actually, it's not very different from what I've had planned all along, but your expectations were still very helpful. You know how, when you've had an idea for a very long time, some things just seem to be set in stone? Like, "duh, that has to happen that way!" And you don't even think about it happening any other way. But when I heard what you were expecting to happen, it made me realize that it could end any number of ways, and it got me thinking about all I learned this summer about implicit promises. So I think the climax is going to be better for it. And there may be a lot in it that you were expecting, but I don't think any of those ideas came from you. They were all there before. So don't worry about influencing the story, 'cause...you haven't

Good. I'm glad to hear you have your idea all sorted out and are confident in it. This sounds very reassuring indeed.
Yeah, in reality a story can have any number of possible endings. I think it's easy to get 'caught up' on a good ending which blinds you to an even better one. I suffer from this too. Anyway, I can't wait to see what you've got in store!

[the_wolfs_howl]

I just noticed you changed the caption under your name. XD

Lol, took ya long enough! To be perfectly honest, I'd kinda forgotten I'd changed it as well

And never fear! I shall be feverishly writing the next section this weekend, so you should get the next bit shortly! I wonder what you'll think...oh dear.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Author's Note: Okay, it's a day late, and it's kind of long, but here it is! I apologize for the cliffhanger ending, but believe it or not, that's actually the best place to break it, what with all the stuff that comes after it. I'm still trying to process that I've finally written this section. The scenes contained here are scenes I've had ruminating in my head forever. Seriously, I've gone over them again and again in my mind, thinking them through so many times. For the second scene, it's because I like the idea so much, but for the second, it's mostly because I knew I needed to get the nuances right or everything would fall to pieces. I think I've done it right. But man, this is a classic example of thinking everything out beforehand, and then when you actually get down to writing it, it turns out different from what you'd envisioned somehow. I stayed up late on Sunday just to get this written; my eyes were literally closing of their own accord towards the end. But don't worry; I've looked over it again when I was awake, so the nonsensical typos have been eliminated. I think I better shut up now or I'll spoil everything for you, so...have at it. Oh, and I won't be able to respond to your comments for a week, so I'll be waiting in agony to see what you guys think!

As the six Ambassadors left in the courtyard made their way to Glaive's room, where they would discuss their next move, Shard reached out to touch Shynael's shoulder looming at his side. Softly, so no one else could hear, he muttered, "I never knew you could be so eloquent, Shynael."

"What, the part about what it means to be a dragon?" Shynael trilled and nudged him gently with his wing. "I was just putting your unvoiced thoughts into words, silly."

Shard stumbled from the force of Shynael's nudge, but he smiled all the same and playfully punched his companion's enormous shoulder. "I thought it was infinitely better to be a dragon than a human."

Shynael snorted, creating two brief jets of steam. "We're all people, aren't we? It doesn't matter what we look like; inside we're the same." He hesitated a moment, then said in a very soft voice, "That's something I don't think even my mother knew."

Shard didn't know what to say to that, so he just kept a comforting hand on Shynael's scales as they crossed the courtyard.

Shard broke away from the others when they passed his room; he needed to replace his torn shirt and don his armor. Shynael continued on with the others, leaving Shard alone with only the echo of, "Don't dawdle, slowpoke!"

Looking ruefully at the sleeve of his silk shirt, which had been slit from the wrist almost to the elbow, Shard tried to comprehend what had just happened out there. His world had been turned upside-down as completely as when Shynael's egg had hatched. Shard could sense an overpowering terror building up just under the surface of his mind, but he shoved it roughly away. Now was no time to wonder how he had ever gotten into this mess or how he would get out of it. Now was the time to act, to stand up and defend those who couldn't defend themselves, as Shynael had said.

Releasing a long breath, Shard slipped out of his shirt and folded it neatly at the foot of his bed, then reached for another one. He stopped when he saw the gash in his arm. The knife hadn't drawn blood, but it had carved away the black scales to reveal the flesh underneath. Leathery grey skin, like the little unborn dragon. Suddenly Shard wondered: What had happened to that baby dragon? Had someone gone to bury it? Or was it rotting on that hillside even now, disintegrating on a smelly field of carnage?

Uncontrollable shudders ran down Shard's whole body, and he suddenly remembered that he wasn't wearing a shirt. The patches of skin on his stomach that hadn't grown scales were covered with goosebumps. He stared at his reflection in the mirror; he looked like some mutated monster from a nightmare, not really human but not really dragon either. He could hear Legacy's voice clearly in his mind: I have become something better than a mere human. Was that what he was? Was that what these scales meant? Maybe he had turned into some kind of superhuman, destined to save the weak....

But no. That was stupid. Shynael was right; there was no difference between dragons and humans. These scales didn't make him any different. He might look strange, but beneath the skin and scales, he was the same Sean he had always been. Even if he grew a tail and wings, nothing could change that. Shaking his head to clear it, Shard grabbed the fresh shirt and pulled it over his head. He was wasting time.

When his head emerged from the folds of cloth, he looked in the mirror and saw Legacy gazing back at him. Struggling the rest of the way into his shirt, Shard quickly turned around to face her. She was wearing the same white dress as before, but there was something different about her. Her long black hair, which had been bound into a tight, economical braid before, now spilled in billowing strands down her back, one curl caressing her cheek and softening the angle of her chin. The lacings at the neck of her dress had been undone, exposing her smooth skin a few inches below her collarbone. And there was something about the way she held herself, the shine of her eyes flickering with the light of the fireplace....

"Shard," she whispered, taking a step forward. Shard noticed that she was barefoot.

Unconsciously taking a step backwards, Shard watched her warily. "Why...are you here?" He kept his eyes on hers, but his mind was racing to remember where he had left his sword. Was it on the chest at the foot of his bed, or next to his armor at the other end of the room? Would he be able to reach it in time?

Legacy's eyebrows drew together. "Shard, I...I'm sorry." She took another step forward, extending a hand to him. She bit her lip. "I lost control. I...didn't mean to say those things. I was just...so tired, so frustrated. I've been trying so hard-" Her voice broke, and tears streamed down her cheeks like threads of crystal.

But she kept on advancing, and Shard slowly backed away from her. He tried to look at the room out of the corners of his eyes as Glaive had admonished him to several times, but he had never mastered such a feat.

Legacy gulped her tears down and kept stepping forward, her bare feet sinking into the lush carpet and her hair falling softly around her. "I've been alone for so long.... I want someone strong to stand beside me, to tell me what's right. Shard...all I ever wanted was you."

[the_wolfs_howl]

Shard forgot all about his sword. His back was pressed against the wall, but he hardly noticed. He stared at Legacy, who didn't stop, who kept coming, with those bright green eyes and full, red lips.... She was too close, so close he could feel her warmth through the dress. But he couldn't move; his limbs were frozen with shock. He could almost hear her heart pounding – or was that his own?

And then she pressed up against him – pressed her entire body against him, slipped her hands behind his head and pressed her lips against his.

Everything about her was soft and warm, everything from her hair brushing against his cheek to her lips against his to.... Her delicate hands ran through his hair, loosening the ponytail and tangling in the dark strands. She tasted sweet and intoxicating, like some exotic fermented fruit that left him powerless. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe. He was trapped between the cold, hard wall and her warm, soft flesh.

Then she pulled her lips away and let out a sigh. And for one moment, one blind, senseless moment, he very nearly pulled her close to kiss her again. Then as her lips slid across his cheek and one hand dropped to the bare skin at the neck of his shirt, Shard returned to his senses and hated himself for that moment of weakness. This was Legacy. The irony wasn't lost on him that for the longest time, he had scarcely dared dream of something like this happening. And now that it had...he felt sullied.

Shard let out a long, slow breath and closed his eyes. "You would do anything to get me on your side, wouldn't you?"

"Anything," she whispered, pressing her lips to his earlobe.

Her hand traveled farther down his chest, but Shard caught it by the wrist and pulled it to the side. "You disgust me."

Legacy froze for a moment, then slowly pulled away just far enough to look at his face. She slowly licked her lips and kept their bodies pressed against each other, as if hoping he would relent. But Shard stared steadily into her eyes – those calculating, conniving eyes that would not blink if they saw a hundred humans die brutal deaths. She truly underestimated him if she thought something like this would make him forget what she was.

Finally Legacy seemed to realize that he would not succumb, and her mouth twisted. She pulled her hand from his hair and stepped back with a scowl. He released her wrist immediately and, eager to put more distance between them, circled away from her so his back was to the rest of the room rather than a wall. They eyed each other for another moment or two before Legacy finally spoke.

"Very well," she spat out through clenched teeth. "I gave you a chance to save yourself. I would have let you become my king, and together we would rule the world...shape it the way we wanted it...but you tossed that chance aside like the fool you are. Remember when you lose everything: It was your choice.

"I will abide by the rules of the Ambassadors; I will not harm you or your friends if you stay within these walls. I will see to it that you have servants enough to provide for your needs to the end of your days...but if you set even one toe beyond the boundary line, I will not hesitate to kill you. You are now my enemy." Turning on her heel so her black hair sailed out behind her, she stalked out of the room.

Shard stood in the same position for a long time, as if paralyzed. He tried to fathom what had just happened, but it was beyond his comprehension. His mind couldn't seem to form complete thoughts; scraps of what she had done and said sailed through his mind in a nonsensical jumble. And when the images began to fade away, he was left with only the shocked thought: She kissed me.

He realized he could still taste her, still smell her. He could almost feel her still, pressed up against him.... Overwhelmed with the desire to spit until her taste was gone, Shard turned angrily away from the doorway only to find himself looking at his table, upon which sat a goblet of wine. He rushed over to it and gulped it down, the bitter tang overwhelming her sickly-sweet taste. He set the goblet heavily back onto the table and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, taking deep breaths to steady himself. There was no time for this. He had to get back to the others; he had to stop her.

Yet he found himself staring into the empty goblet, unable to move. The servants had been there the whole time, watching. And not only what had just happened. They had watched him every moment of every day he had been here, observing his struggles and every intimate moment. Had they been listening to the argument out in the courtyard? Did they know that he was on their side? Did they want to help him, and they just didn't know how, trapped in generations of silence and servitude?

Shard let out a weak chuckle and looked right at the space of the wall where the invisible door was. "Thank you."

----------

Shard paused in the shadow of his doorway, clad in his armor at last. He tucked his helmet under one arm and watched warily as Linygae and Andrael emerged from Legacy's room. The dragons swiftly rose into the air with their riders and disappeared into the canopy; Shard paused to make sure they were really gone, then hurried on his way.

When Shard entered Glaive's cavern of a room, the older man greeted him with a gruff, "What took you so long?" as he spread maps out on the table he had pulled to the center of the room. He and Vesper had already donned their armor, making them look like extensions of their dragons.

Shynael intercepted Shard at the door and hissed in an outraged undertone, "Humans – are – disgusting!"

Shard grimaced and muttered, "I was hoping you weren't watching that."

"I wasn't paying attention at first, but then when you didn't come for a while, I listened to our connection, and...and I could feel...." He didn't seem to be able to go on.

Shard felt a surge of anger towards Legacy. Shynael was a child. He wasn't emotionally ready for something like this. Shard patted his dragon on the neck, knowing that when this was over there would be some things they would have to process together. If they survived. "Not all humans are like that," he murmured as they slowly made their way farther into the room.

"Yeah, I know," Shynael said heavily, visibly pushing his shock and disgust aside. "Vesper would never do something like that."

Shard's eyes snapped to Vesper, who stood looking at the maps. He refused to think about something like that. She turned her head and caught the strained look on his face. Her expression immediately grew worried, and she rushed to his side. "What's wrong?"

Obviously, he couldn't tell her the whole truth. He didn't want to even imagine how that would change the way she looked at him. So he said haltingly, "Legacy...came. She said if we stayed here, she'd let us live, according to the Ambassadors' rules. Otherwise...."

Glaive grunted, not even glancing up from his maps. "She always has been rather dogmatic about the rules. At the expense of some more important things. Like subtlety." He looked around at the others to make sure he had their full attention. "A while back, she asked to borrow the records of draconic warfare that I have. She seemed especially interested in one book in particular – the recounting of the last organized assault the dragons made on the humans."

"So you think she will take her strategies directly from the book?" Vannasai asked, somewhat skeptically.

Glaive smiled viciously. "I trained her from the day she first came here. She's always been enamored with the way things were done in ages past. This style of warfare is classic for dragons, and most effective – so long as it comes as a surprise. It's very simple: The dragon warriors form a line, and swoop down on the unsuspecting humans. They burn everything in sight, and move on."

Shard couldn't help drawing his breath in sharply. It would be like when Shynael's crazed mother attacked his village – only much, much worse and multiplied on a vast scale.

"But don't worry," Glaive quickly cut in. "If the humans know what's coming, they can find shelter. The dragons are moving so quickly they don't stop to make sure they've got everyone. And there's something you should know about this kind of warfare. For such a large-scale operation to be successful, every dragon has to be under dragonrage and temporarily bonded to the commander, who coordinates the attacks. You see where I'm going?"

Shard said, "So if we stop the commander, we can stop everyone else?" He hesitated, then said, "That means Legacy, doesn't it?"

Glaive nodded, holding his pupil's gaze. "I've seen you in battle, Shard, and I've seen the way you move on the practice grounds. Seen how you hold up after a vicious attack, too. Legacy is strong and skilled, but you and I can take her together – if you do not let dragonrage overtake you. Dragonrage will undermine all the training I've worked so hard to pound into you."

Shard nodded, his heart skipping a beat. He couldn't let himself lose control this time. This time would be different, he promised himself, because it had to be. Because everything hinged on it.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Glaive turned to his maps once more, trying to figure out the most likely course the dragon army would take. Vesper turned on Shard, an uncharacteristically fierce look in her eyes. "And what about me? Don't say that you're going to make me stay here where it's safe! I can fight, too! I'm not going to sit here waiting while you risk your-"

"I know you can fight," Shard said gently. He had already realized what part Vesper had to play. "You're more skilled than I am. That's why you're the one who has to do the most important part: You need to fly ahead of the army and warn the humans to find safety – in cellars, in wells, in caves, in ponds.... This is crucial, Vesper. These are the people we're trying to save."

Vesper drew herself up and nodded determinedly. "I should get started, shouldn't I?"

"That would be wise," Gyvael rumbled. "The sooner the better."

Shard and Shynael followed Vesper and Vannasai out to the courtyard. The dragons drew away from the humans and spoke to one another in soft voices, making their final farewell. Shard turned to face Vesper, to say goodbye...and he found that his voice was trapped in his throat. What if he never saw her again? What if he never heard her gentle voice? It was dangerous out there, and he had to admit there was little chance of them both lasting out the day.

"Sean," Vesper said in the soft tones of the human tongue. It had been so long since he had heard it. "Thank you...for everything."

"No," Shard responded, almost surprised that he could remember how to form human words, or that he could talk at all. "Thank you. You've saved my life more than once...and in more ways than one."

Vesper smiled shakily at him, then averted her eyes. She noticed his shaggy hair, which had begun to fall out of his ponytail. "Here." Reaching over his shoulders, she untied the string and gently smoothed his hair back. Shard marveled at how different her hands felt from Legacy's. Legacy's fingers in his hair had been grasping and greedy, but Vesper's were soothing and comfortable, like when Shynael rubbed his scales against Shard's cheek. When Shard's hair was in place again, Vesper deftly tied the string around it and drew back. She looked up at him, biting her lip so hard he was afraid she would draw blood.

"Oh, Sean!" Vesper threw her arms around him, the plates of their armor clashing against each other. She squeezed him so tightly it took his breath away, and she clung to him as if she was never going to let go. "Don't die," she forced out, her voice trembling violently. "Don't you dare die, Sean!"

"I won't." Then, on a sudden inspiration, he gently pried her arms away and reached underneath his armor, underneath his shirt. He pulled out the little ivory cross and pulled the cord off his neck. "Father Mark gave this to me," he said, gazing at it fondly. "It's the only possession I've ever really owned, the only piece of my home I could bring with me. It's very precious to me. I won't die before I come to take it back." He dropped it into her hand. "You can be sure of that."

Vesper stared at the ivory cross in her hand for a while, blinking rapidly. Then she put the cord over her head and tucked the cross away. She sniffed and looked up at him, a tear running down the side of her face.

Shard brushed the moisture away as gently as he could with his clumsy gauntlet. "So don't you die either, Vesper. You have to live so you can return it."

Vesper's lips trembled as she struggled to contain her tears, then she stood on tiptoe and kissed Shard on the cheek. She held him close again and whispered in his ear, "Call me Vanessa."

Then she broke away, jammed on her helmet, and ran to her dragon before Shard could respond. She clambered onto Vannasai's back, and the green dragon took off after giving Shynael a quick goodbye. They lifted into the air and disappeared above the canopy, heading out into the dangers beyond. Shard felt as though a piece of his heart went with them. When he finally dragged his eyes downward again, he saw that Shynael sat with his nose in the air, eyes screwed shut and lips moving soundlessly.

Shard drew closer to his dragon. "Um...Shynael? What are you doing?"

"Shh!" Shynael said in a hoarse whisper, peeking at him from under an eyelid. "I'm praying for their safety, and if you interrupt me God might not get the message!"

Shard stared at his dragon, who had once told him so adamantly that there was no God. He was about to point out prayer didn't exactly work that way when a scream split the air. Shard's heart jolted to a stop and the world came crashing to an end. That was Vesper.

[Esoteric]

Dun dun dun!...

Good section. Legacy laid it on pretty thick, but I still think the gesture worked nicely in terms of the irony. I do like how she's a stickler for rules and tradition. It's a believable trait that can work well to the others' advantage.

Actually, there's nothing I can think of right now in terms of suggestions so, ...nice job!

[the_wolfs_howl]

*falls over backwards* YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?! Wow. I was expecting you to be picking all over this thing, because it's often my favorite scenes that seem to have the most problems, since I feel for them so emotionally my mind is absent. But I guess all my mulling over this scene has worked for once!

...kryptech...? Comments?

[kryptech]

Sorry for the delay... Good section! I too was a bit surprised not to hear more from Eso. ^_^ OK, on to comments:

I do like how Shard and Shynael can tease each other, even when things are pretty grim. A way of trying to loosen up and break the tension, I suppose.

He kept his eyes on hers, but his mind was racing to remember where he had left his sword. Was it on the chest at the foot of his bed, or next to his armor at the other end of the room? Would he be able to reach it in time?

Nice.

I definitely didn't believe Legacy's advances were honest.

Whew, that was a pretty heavy section. It was a bit awkward reading (the content, not the style). But I think it did help polarize Shard, to loath Legacy and likely appreciate Vesper's gentle and chaste demeanor to a greater degree.

But Shard stared steadily into her eyes – those calculating, conniving eyes that would not blink if they saw a hundred humans die brutal deaths.

Nice.

"Very well," she spat out through clenched teeth. "I gave you a chance to save yourself. I would have let you become my king, and together we would rule the world...shape it the way we wanted it...but you tossed that chance aside like the fool you are. Remember when you lose everything: It was your choice.

I'm not sure I believe that Legacy would actually have let Shard be king. If she was serious, I can't see him being more than a puppet.

"I will abide by the rules of the Ambassadors; I will not harm you or your friends if you stay within these walls. I will see to it that you have servants enough to provide for your needs to the end of your days...but if you set even one toe beyond the boundary line, I will not hesitate to kill you. You are now my enemy."

Glaive grunted, not even glancing up from his maps. "She always has been rather dogmatic about the rules.

I was a little surprised that Legacy would allow seditious Ambassadors to remain in their place, but as she does like to follow historic rules it is consistent with her character. Basically the rebellious Ambassadors would be under life-long house arrest.

I thought Vesper's role of warning the humans was well-suited to her.

"Sean," Vesper said in the soft tones of the human tongue. It had been so long since he had heard it.

"Human tongue" - it's been a long time since I've read previous chapters, but I'm guessing the Ambassadors are exclusively using a somewhat dragon language? The switch back to human language and Shard's original name is a nice touch - it makes the dialog more personal and less official. And to end it off with Vesper's original name - great!

Vesper smiled shakily at him, then averted her eyes. She noticed his shaggy hair, which had begun to fall out of his ponytail. "Here." Reaching over his shoulders, she untied the string and gently smoothed his hair back. Shard marveled at how different her hands felt from Legacy's. Legacy's fingers in his hair had been grasping and greedy, but Vesper's were soothing and comfortable, like when Shynael rubbed his scales against Shard's cheek.

I really liked the marked difference shown between Legacy and Vesper.

Then she broke away, jammed on her helmet, and ran to her dragon before Shard could respond.

Ah, Vesper is so cool! This response seems very much her - a sort of soft fierceness. Someone very passionate but usually quite reserved, not often given to such displays, and a bit embarrassed when they do come out.

"Shh!" Shynael said in a hoarse whisper, peeking at him from under an eyelid. "I'm praying for their safety, and if you interrupt me God might not get the message!"

Gotta love Shynael's childlike naivete.

I apologize for the cliffhanger ending, but believe it or not, that's actually the best place to break it, what with all the stuff that comes after it.

Yep, that makes good sense to me.

[Esoteric]

*falls over backwards* YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?! Wow. I was expecting you to be picking all over this thing, because it's often my favorite scenes that seem to have the most problems, since I feel for them so emotionally my mind is absent.

What--can't a person ever be 'picked out'? I try to be nice for once, but noooo, you want me to take a baseball bat to your work.

Fine.

Vesper sounded a touch over emotional and needy at the end.

Legacy's 'advance' was unexpected and kryptech has a point about whether she would have actually gone through with it. How she feels about Advent is uncertain to me but Advent's feelings are obvious. He would have never allowed such a pairing and one of them would have had to die, leaving Legacy short one ambassador either way.

In one sense, I know why Glaive tells Shard not to cave in to dragon rage, but on the other it seems to me that training or no training, Shard's only battled effectively under its influence--especially last time when he was conscious during the rage. I have serious doubts about Shard being able to beat an opponent who is using the power of dragon rage unless he does also.

Okay, happy now?

[the_wolfs_howl]

Whew, that was a pretty heavy section. It was a bit awkward reading (the content, not the style). But I think it did help polarize Shard, to loath Legacy and likely appreciate Vesper's gentle and chaste demeanor to a greater degree.

I think my writing has definitely changed over the years, after all the books I've been reading. Several years ago, I would never have even imagined such a thing, but now.... As I was imagining it beforehand and even when I was actually writing it, I was very conscious that one sentence could send that scene spiralling into the kind of thing I try to skim over in my reading. I think I toed the line right, but I was teetering on the brink several times.

And you're right, it's a very heavy scene. I think I actually let out a breath when I came to the end. It's a huge relief that I don't have to keep that thing inside anymore.

I'm not sure I believe that Legacy would actually have let Shard be king. If she was serious, I can't see him being more than a puppet.

Legacy's 'advance' was unexpected and kryptech has a point about whether she would have actually gone through with it. How she feels about Advent is uncertain to me but Advent's feelings are obvious. He would have never allowed such a pairing and one of them would have had to die, leaving Legacy short one ambassador either way.

To quote Vernon Dursley, "Mimblewimble." I'll address that in a section or two, so keep your shirts on.

I was a little surprised that Legacy would allow seditious Ambassadors to remain in their place, but as she does like to follow historic rules it is consistent with her character. Basically the rebellious Ambassadors would be under life-long house arrest.

Exactly. She doesn't think she's in the wrong, you know, so she's not just going to kill them and go "bwahaha I'm evil!" As long as they're submissive and just stay home and don't do anything, she sees no reason not to let them live out their miserable lives. But if they threaten her plans, she'll eliminate them.

"Human tongue" - it's been a long time since I've read previous chapters, but I'm guessing the Ambassadors are exclusively using a somewhat dragon language? The switch back to human language and Shard's original name is a nice touch - it makes the dialog more personal and less official. And to end it off with Vesper's original name - great!

Thank you for noticing - I feel vindicated now -_- That's actually one of my favorite parts of the whole story. But I digress.
Yes, the Ambassadors all use the dragon language, out of courtesy for their dragons, who can't speak the human language. It's just a lot simpler if they always use the dragon language, rather than switching back and forth and having to translate and all that. It also makes the use of the human language more meaningful ]I really liked the marked difference shown between Legacy and Vesper.[/quote]
I felt it was important to draw that contrast, because after his recent experience with Legacy, Shard probably wouldn't want another girl touching him like that. But if he notices how different her touch is, how different of a person she is, then it's okay.

Ah, Vesper is so cool! This response seems very much her - a sort of soft fierceness. Someone very passionate but usually quite reserved, not often given to such displays, and a bit embarrassed when they do come out.

*purrs happily* My life is now complete ^_^

What--can't a person ever be 'picked out'? I try to be nice for once, but noooo, you want me to take a baseball bat to your work.

What, so now I can't express surprise? You don't have to pick it all apart]Vesper sounded a touch over emotional and needy at the end.[/quote]
They're both just about to go charging into almost-certain doom, and there's a high chance she'll never see her only friend - the only person who's shown much interest in her as a person for years upon years - again. I think it's warranted.

In one sense, I know why Glaive tells Shard not to cave in to dragon rage, but on the other it seems to me that training or no training, Shard's only battled effectively under its influence--especially last time when he was conscious during the rage. I have serious doubts about Shard being able to beat an opponent who is using the power of dragon rage unless he does also.

Well...we'll find out, won't we?

Shynael: She's a lot less confident than she sounds.

Wolf: SHUT UP, SHYNAEL! BACK TO WORK!

Shynael: Mimblewimble *sticks out tongue*

See what I have to put up with? I'll see you guys in a few days.

[kryptech]

I think my writing has definitely changed over the years, after all the books I've been reading. Several years ago, I would never have even imagined such a thing, but now.... As I was imagining it beforehand and even when I was actually writing it, I was very conscious that one sentence could send that scene spiralling into the kind of thing I try to skim over in my reading. I think I toed the line right, but I was teetering on the brink several times.

I think you achieved the delicate balance successfully.

Yes, the Ambassadors all use the dragon language, out of courtesy for their dragons, who can't speak the human language. It's just a lot simpler if they always use the dragon language, rather than switching back and forth and having to translate and all that. It also makes the use of the human language more meaningful

OK, thanks for the quick answer (I feel like a slacker for not looking back). That is pretty much what I figured.

*purrs happily* My life is now complete ^_^

Glad I got the intended impression.

[Esoteric]

What, so now I can't express surprise? You don't have to pick it all apart]
Sure, you can be surprised, but you can't fall over backwards. It's true--even my exceptional prowess for criticism gets depleted from time to time. But there's another factor which admittedly plays a roll in my inconsistency and that is time; particularly long periods of it between posts.
This has nothing to do with you, but with my reading habits. I simply enjoy/stay more engrossed in something when I can read it straight through in a matter of days, keeping my momentum and memory of events fresh. If I have to disengage from a narrative for an indefinite period of time, I forget details and lose a certain degree of interest. Imagine watching the first half a movie and then waiting two months to watch the second half. Would you still be as excited about it? Maybe. Maybe not.
I know this isn't a problem for lots of people who like to read serial stories, but for peculiar old me, once the initial period of passionate excitement with a story fades, I normally can't snap my fingers and become so wholly engrossed again...not without taking a long break from the story and then starting over with it from the beginning. It's one of my flaws.

Every time I read a new section I do my best to reengage and remember things in context, but sometimes I'm not very successful and this does effect my ability to offer (good) criticism. Gomenasai.

They're both just about to go charging into almost-certain doom, and there's a high chance she'll never see her only friend - the only person who's shown much interest in her as a person for years upon years - again. I think it's warranted.

Well when you put it like that....
Again, I lose details and forget the emotional impact of what I read a few weeks or months before.
It's the same reason I hate reading sporadic webmanga updates one page at a time--I lose previous context and one page isn't enough material to reengage me unless I re-read the whole chapter with it.
After you finally finish this story (and perhaps do some initial revising), it will do me good to reread it all from the very beginning in one sitting. I'd be able to give you a much more accurate emotional response.

[the_wolfs_howl]

Author's Note: Okay, so I totally freaked out when I finished this section and then realized that there are only two - maaaybe three - sections left of the whole entire story. How did the end come so fast?! It's gonna be kind of sad to see this come to an end.... But on to the section. I think this was the first time Advent has taken over my mind and written a bit of a section for me. A truly unique experience, I'll give him that. Some stuff in the last chunk of the section came totally out of the blue, but I think they fit.

Shynael crashed through the upper branches of the tree, Shard clinging to his back. Desperation pounded between them, surging almost out of control when they broke free of the branches and saw two dragons battling in the distance. Shynael shot towards the blue dragon, as swift as an arrow. Andrael glanced over and tried to break away from Vannasai, but Shynael collided with him before he could. Andrael gave out a shriek and spun fluttering confusedly to the side. The jar nearly unseated Shard, but he managed to hold on.

While Andrael was recovering, Shard quickly took the opportunity to pull out his sword. "Get out of here!" he shouted to Vesper and Vannasai. "Go, hurry!"

Vannasai flipped over and flew quickly away; Shynael rushed to attack Andrael and cover her departure. And before Shard could really prepare himself, they were locked in combat. All of Glaive's lessons came to life as he leaned to one side or another, swiping at Advent when they drew close enough. Shynael and Andrael fought viciously, ripping at each other with teeth and claws and somehow staying aloft all the while.

After a minute of this, Andrael broke away and hovered a few wingspans away. "I knew you would come!" Advent shouted over the whistling of the dragons' wings. "I knew the little hero would come to save his woman!"

"She's not 'my woman'!" Shard immediately shouted back.

Andrael let out a shrill trill that made Shard's hair stand on end. "You can't fool us!" he boomed, and Advent added, almost in the same breath, "We've seen you two – sneaking into each other's rooms in the dead of night.... What a hypocrite you are, church boy. Preaching such lofty morals when you bandy about with a wh-"

"You shut your mouth!" Shard and Shynael shouted as one, rage threatening to overtake them. Shynael rushed forwards once more, but Andrael danced out of the way.

"Have I hit a nerve?" Advent called gleefully as Andrael sunk his claws into Shynael's hindquarters, causing the black dragon to roar with pain and swiftly turn around again.

The injury cleared the anger from Shard's mind, and he shrank away from it when he realized he had nearly given in to dragonrage again, despite all his promises. As the dragons clashed again, he sent up a quick prayer that was more emotion than words, and tried to get a grip on himself. "And what about you?" he shouted when the dragons broke apart again to catch their breath. "What's going on with you and Legacy?"

"Keep quiet about what you can't understand, boy!" Advent snarled. "Legacy chose me above all others! I am the one who understands her; I am the one she goes to for comfort. When all this is over, I will rise by her side as her king!"

"Funny," Shard called back. "She told me the same thing – right before she said she'd kill me."

Advent let out a sharp laugh. "You really are simple, church boy! You think she would keep you alive after your insolence? She only told you that to gain your allegiance; as soon as the fighting was over, she would have you executed as a traitor. You should never have gone against her, boy. You will pay the price – and I will be the one to make you pay!"

Andrael shot forward without warning, and Shard realized too late that Advent's voice had been deepening, and a reddish gleam had entered Andrael's eyes, sure signs of dragonrage. Shynael barely managed to dodge in time; his tail brushed Andrael's side as he ducked underneath them to escape. The blue dragon pressed the attack, hardly giving Shynael a chance to draw breath as they dipped and soared and rolled through the air, locked in fierce combat. Advent leaned dangerously to the side to swipe at Shard, and it was all Shard could do to fend him off as well.

After the first few moments of fear, Shard went numb in the dance of battle, his body seeming to move of its own accord as though this was just another lesson that would end with Glaive's blade pressed gently against his throat. And then his mind seemed to float up away from his body, which kept on fighting just as desperately as before. He acknowledged, in a detached sort of way, that he could never keep this up. Advent had always been a better fighter than he, and though Shynael had grown some since their last fight, Andrael was still bigger and heavier; Shard could almost feel the strain on Shynael's wings as he fought to keep himself aloft and in control.

Dragonrage would certainly help them in this situation – if there was ever a time to let it take over, it was now. He could feel it pulsing just behind his defenses, eager to rip through his veins and take over for him. He wouldn't have to worry about anything in dragonrage; he couldn't control himself, so he wouldn't even be responsible for anything he did....

No! The shout in his mind came from Shynael, who gripped both of his figurative hands and forced Shard to look into his yellow eyes. A coolness seemed to spread through Shard's battle-hot body, stilling his racing heart on the verge of letting the dragonrage go, and clearing his mind of such thoughts. Shard gripped Shynael's hands in his mind, filled with gratitude and love for the heart that didn't waver even in such grave circumstances.

As he continued to fight, Shard remained conscious of the bond between them. Shynael's whole mind was open to him; he could see where Shynael would turn, which way he would lean, the way he coordinated his attacks with his wingbeats. Knowing this, Shard could use his weight to help rather than hinder, and the knowledge was so instantaneous that they seemed to be the same creature, controlled by the same mind. They moved smoothly, gracefully, like dancers who know their steps and their partner equally well.

Shard was astonished to notice how uncoordinated their enemies' attacks were by contrast. Andrael lunged one way, Advent another, and they each seemed intent solely upon their own target. Advent didn't seem to be able to tell when Andrael would draw close enough to Shynael for him to attack Shard, so he leaned off to the side, making strong swipes with his sword and only barely holding on with his other hand. He looked as though he would fall off at any moment. When their swords met again and they were close enough to look into each other's eyes for a moment, Shard understood in a flash. Always when he had been under dragonrage, he had been isolated in a world filled with his own anger, his own pain. He had focused entirely on himself and the men he killed; everything else was shut out. Advent and Andrael were cut off from each other under dragonrage; they couldn't feel each other, so they couldn't coordinate themselves. This was what Glaive was talking about all along, he realized as he parried and thrust, mind free of the clouds of anger.

With the strength of their bond, Shard and Shynael could match their enemies' separately enhanced strength, but even when they made wide, erratic attacks, Advent and Andrael were still more powerful. The smaller dragon wouldn't be able to hold this up for much longer. They had to end it quickly.

Shard shouted to Advent, "Is that the best you can do?" with as much of a sneer as he could manage at the top of his lungs.

Snarling, Andrael lunged forward, but Shynael, knowing what was in Shard's mind, flew as hard as he could straight up. Andrael followed hot on his tail, and Shynael led him on a dizzying chase above the treetops, flying in one direction and abruptly switching at random. When Shard was hopelessly dizzy and could do nothing but cling to Shynael's neck, the black dragon rose higher than ever and came to a brief stop thousands of feet in the air. Andrael roared and let out a blast of fire, but Shynael snapped his wings to his sides and dipped into a dive, nose pointing straight down. Andrael unthinkingly folded his wings and followed.

Shard couldn't breathe for the wind slapping against his face and the swooping sensation in his stomach. He screwed his eyes shut against the wind, but he knew the treetops sped closer and closer every second. For a minute he was sure they would fall to their deaths, but at the last possible moment, Shynael snapped his wings out again and shot upwards, feet just brushing the top branches of the trees.

Andrael, his senses confused from dragonrage, didn't pull up in time and crashed headlong into the thick canopy of the trees. Shynael drew up as they heard an almighty crash and one of the enormous trees collapsed with a thunderous sound they could feel vibrating in their chests. They waited tensely till the echoes and smaller crashing sounds died away, and when Andrael did not re-emerge, Shynael slowly circled down through the hole in the canopy of branches.