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Postby **Gabriel 9.0** » Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:05 am

Just take note that I was bored at the time I wrote this and was kinda pressured.

Anyway here is the link to my first work of writing:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/53489327/

Postby **Gabriel 9.0** » Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:16 pm

Postby **Esoteric** » Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:42 pm

Well, um, to be honest it doesn't read much like a story. It's reads like a detailed synopsis...summarizing what was said and done with a very detached feel. This is a good start, and you could certainly turn it into a exciting, engaging story with a bit more effort. It has promise, it just needs work.

Postby **Gabriel 9.0** » Sun Sep 02, 2007 6:00 pm

Esoteric wrote:Well, um, to be honest it doesn't read much like a story. It's reads like a detailed synopsis...summarizing what was said and done with a very detached feel. This is a good start, and you could certainly turn it into a exciting, engaging story with a bit more effort. It has promise, it just needs work.

Thanks for the comment, I figured it needed more effort in it.

My entire short story.

My entire short story.

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