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Lyrics, or a new song possibly?

PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:48 pm
by Aleolus
All right, all. I have this chorus of a song bouncing in my head. I initially thought it was an original idea I could use as the theme for a comic I am pushing to get converted to a radioplay/animated series, but I'm wondering if it already is being used or not, and if not, if you all can help me finish it. Here's what I have so far, set to a fairly upbeat tempo and slightly hard music.

And I'm desperate,
To see your loving face

And I'm dying,
to feel your warm embrace

I need you,
To be forever, by my side

PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:18 pm
by Midori
This sounds really nice. Is there a way we can hear the tune? Or do you not have it yet?

I almost thought it was a worship song from the first two bits, but I inferred from the last part it's not. But it is very lovely however I look at it.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:34 pm
by Kuro-Mizu
no its not in a song I know of.

the last part feels really chunky though. I would consider revising.

love the first to parts though

edit-

Actually if its a chorus I would just leave the last part as "I need you" the other parts are infered by just that one statement and could be made even more clear in the accompanying verses.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 7:41 am
by hxckid
if things can never change than i will never sleep again
knowing what i had the chance to be
knowing when i had the chance to flee
like leaves on a gusty day
dead but free
free from all the stress you put me through
free from all the things you made me do
when i was most vunerable because of you

well im free from you
free as i walked out of that jail cell
you put me in the momment i looked into those
bright green eyes that only speak of love
but brought me down
into a place i could not be found
thanks to you

if i could only find a sense of purity
through all of this insanity
mabey i could find my way out
of what i drown in all the time

if i could only find a sense of purity
in anything i hold dear
mabey i could fly like a bird
and forget all of your words
that pierced my heart
when you pulled me in to push me out

PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 7:42 am
by hxckid
if things can never change than i will never sleep again
knowing what i had the chance to be
knowing when i had the chance to flee
like leaves on a gusty day
dead but free
free from all the stress you put me through
free from all the things you made me do
when i was most vunerable because of you

well im free from you
free as i walked out of that jail cell you put me in the momment
i looked into those bright green eyes that only speak of love
but brought me down into a place i could not be found
thanks to you

PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:11 am
by hxckid
if things can never change than i will never sleep again
knowing what i had the chance to be
knowing when i had the chance to flee
like leaves on a gusty day
dead but free
free from all the stress you put me through
free from all the things you made me do when i was most vunerable
because of you
well im free from you
free as i walked out of that jail cell you put me in
the momment i looked into those bright green eyes
that only speak of love
but brought me down into a place i could not be found
thanks to you

PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 9:49 pm
by Aleolus
Where's that from? I don't recognize it.

As for the tune for mine, I have something I hear in my head, which is something like gospel rock, but I don't have a way of putting it out in actual music T.T

PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:58 am
by hxckid
Aleolus (post: 1245610) wrote:Where's that from? I don't recognize it.

As for the tune for mine, I have something I hear in my head, which is something like gospel rock, but I don't have a way of putting it out in actual music T.T


i wrote thos to songs.