Huh?! - The word of doom

[Madeline]

I'm constantly ignorant of the world around me.
My flaws have been pointed out alot lately, and they're starting to become a thorn in my side. My mom tells me, my dad tells me..."You're in your own world..." So what! What if I like it there...I like to be lost in my thoughts...but it constantly holds me from a better quality of life.
How am I going to function in the world? People don't understand me...
they think I'm angry or stupid...I'm just not paying attention. What bugs me the most is that they won't confront me about it...they tell my mom instead, who relays all of the information back to me...maybe that's just because she's the only one who will listen. I've tried to make excuses, like saying I have attention deficit disorder, but I know that's not true. So do my parents.
I guess they're wondering why I laugh at a joke from someone sitting on the opposite side of a restaurant, or why I can repeat word for word what they were whispering in the bathroom that morning...but I can't hear someone calling my name, or asking me a question, or saying hello.
The truth is, I am angry. I'm an angry person. I want to destroy everything, to say that life is meaningless, to take it away...I'm a control freak, I've got a bad temper...I've heard it all, and it's all true. I'd like to say that I'm just going to be this way for the rest of my life, that I'm broken beyond repair and can stop trying now...
but that's just another lie from satan that I'm itching to believe. I don't want the responsibility that I have, because I'm not responsible. How can I communicate the love of Christ to someone I automatically ignore?
I hate questions! I don't want an answer! I just want everyone to leave me alone...but I crave attention...I hate everything! I'm such a fool...such a stupid fool...
I run to darkness when I could run to light...
I wish I could do the mature thing. But I'm not mature.
I don't know anything. But I've taught people...God help me, it all comes from You...how could anything good come from me? Another stupid question that's waiting to be answered...I don't want an answer! I don't know what I want!

[true_noir_chloe]

>>I don't know what I want!<<

That's really common to just not... know. I go through thinking that way sometimes too, and I've been a Christian for over 25 years. ^_^

*hug* PM me if you'd like and we can talk.

[Madeline]

Okay, I will.

[JediSonic]

I think a lot of teenagers go through that... I personally can relate to some things you say about wanting to take responsibility but feeling that you cant. I think the key is to stop believing that you cant, and "just do it".

[cbwing0]

As they say, it is the person who realizes that he cannot lead that makes the best leader. Power hungry megalomaniacs are a dime a dozen, but truly humble people are rare.

The problem may be that you are using the wrong definition of "responsible." It sounds like, to you, responsible means perfect; and that is most certainly untrue. We all have faults, but that does not mean that we are not mature and responsible people. I'm sure that when people ask you to do things (after you've snapped out of your reverie of course ) you do them. That is the definition of responsible. You may not be 100% dependable, but no one is. The important thing is getting better over time, which I know that you will do if you allow the Lord to work in your life.

[ice122985]

Madeline,

Just hold on to Jesus. Focus of Him and on nothing else. That's all i'll say.

ice

[Sieg9986]

I've been down that road too before. All I can say is ask for prayer and pray for yourself as well. I will be praying for you.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to ask for help, and you've done that now. Trust in God now and he'll take your burden. God never gives us more than we can handle. I'm also here if you need to talk.

[Madeline]

Thanks everyone. Your advice has helped alot. I'm over my initial frustration, and trying to seek the peace of God, while working out other issues and asking questions to which I know the answer but hate to hear...:p
But I'm doing much better now. Thank you, I'm praying for you all.

[Saint Kevin]

Can relate to some of the same feelings, and a lot of the same behaviors (I'm so absent-minded). I don't understand all you are going through, but I will pray for you. PM me if you want to talk about it.

[mikas]

yeah i have the same thing with the not paying attention and parents being concerned. I just shrug it off, cause my parents don't know me as well as God and if He wanted me to be less absent minded He'd convict me about it. I almost think it's a positive personality trait it's helped me as much as its' hurt me, just my two cents.