CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I don't really know how to start off this thread, so... I am 17 and I just got my first boyfriend. I hadn't really known him all that well before about a month ago, but we had talked because he is in band class with me at school. We recently took a trip to six flags after a competition, and we walked around the park together with two other friends. When we were getting back to the buses, he hugged me, but I didn't think much of it, for the several weeks after we had been talking more and more. Then last week, he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. But I have been kind of confused as to how I am supposed to feel towards him, because he is my first boyfriend, and he is really sweet. Thank you in advance!!

There are no hard and fast rules about how to feel about a relationship - any relationship. So take some time to figure it out on your own.

Whatever you do, don't get advice from OHSHC. That's a joke.
My advice, spend lots of time together doing what both you and he want to do.

YOU CANNOT DATE HIM UNLESS YOU FEEL PREPARED TO MARRY HIM.
-The scary way some Christians think about it.

Dating, especially for the first time, is emotionally confusing. Give yourself room to feel doubt and confusion but still enjoy the relationship. Learn where to set up your boundaries, both physically and emotionally. Learn what you like and don't like in a boyfriend.

I was gonna write out this big long post about how to be a good girlfriend and stuff, but I'll boil it down to what I wish I'd known in my first relationship:

Don't be too clingy. Space and privacy are important to people in general, not just guys.

Don't get too serious. Nothing scares a guy away faster than a girl who's already planning the wedding. Unless he's already planning the wedding. In which case... run. You're only 17.

Set up your boundaries. Not just physically, but emotionally. Keep your identity in tact. Don't be one of those girls who has nothing to talk about except the boy. Those girls are annoying for everybody.

Relax. He was supposed to call at 5, and he calls at 5:15. You had an important thing last night, and he forgot to ask how it went. You showed him your new shoes and he shrugged. Stuff that seems stupid reading it right now can seem SO HUGE when it's 5:12 and you've been waiting by the phone since 4:50. Just chill and learn how to forgive quickly.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1599777) wrote:YOU CANNOT DATE HIM UNLESS YOU FEEL PREPARED TO MARRY HIM.
-The scary way some Christians think about it.

Dating, especially for the first time, is emotionally confusing. Give yourself room to feel doubt and confusion but still enjoy the relationship. Learn where to set up your boundaries, both physically and emotionally. Learn what you like and don't like in a boyfriend.

This, so much.
Many Christians seem to believe that "dating without a purpose"(whatever that means) is immoral. Marriage should be on the back of your mind constantly and if he/she doesn't instantly live up to the standards of a good spouse, dump them!

There's also this whole guard your heart principle which seems to say you have less love to give if you have a romantic relationship with someone then experience heartbreak. And you and your partner are already owned by their future spouse, or something of that nature. None of these ideas are Biblical in nature. Plus, the serious attitudes many Christians demand all dating/courting relationships should have just set you up for even more heartbreak.

/Rant over.

Basically, you are still figuring stuff out, so have fun and be safe and smart. It's a learning experience not some litmus test of spousedom.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1599777) wrote:Advice

Listen to Yuki. She knows what she's talking about. As a man, I thank you Yuki.

My first (basically my only) relationship was when I was 17. I had no idea how to conduct my self and basically I was going through what you are going through. So chances are he probably feel kindof like you do. Hopefully that will set your mind at ease. Now, if he has been in several relationships it may be a good idea to talk to him about it. He seems like a nice guy so simply being honest wont hurt anything.

Let him spend down time with his guy friends. Just as you might have a small group of girls that you enjoy spending time with, so might he with some guys who have been his friends for a long time.

Remember that your life doesn't (and shouldn't) revolve around him, nor should his be consumed with you. If a dinner date (or an activity) doesn't work out because one or both of you can't make it (studying for exams or other plans that can come up), don't freak out. Yes, it will be a bit disappointing, but that's why having priorities is important. In that situation, which has the better outcome: Spending time with him (and thus cutting into time he needs to make sure he's prepared for an exam) just to satisfy your "needs" (not the same as true needs), or wanting him to do well on the test and agreeing to meet at another time, probably when exams are over?

As far as feelings go, just relax. Not every relationship has the warm feelings right away, and while feelings are good, they aren't the sole indicator of a relationship and its strength. Plus, feelings come and go, which is why you'll hear that you can't trust 'em completely. But what you can do when you start feeling a certain way is take time and ask yourself why you're experiencing some kind of emotion, whatever it may be. While you might not get the correct answer ('cause feelings are tricky, no lie), stepping back and having a different perspective is a whole lot better than following the tug of feelings blindly with no idea where they could lead.

rstewart424 (post: 1599770) wrote:I don't really know how to start off this thread, so... I am 17 and I just got my first boyfriend.

Did you keep the receipt?

...Sorry.

Advice: Take it easy, relax, you've got time. Yuki-Anne and K.Ayato have the right idea.

You might find it helpful to have a mentor couple. Especially if you're both Christian, a successful Christian couple can offer you advice and answer any questions you might have. Certainly, they might be a better sounding board than other teens or, well, members of an online forum.

If you decide to get a couples' feedback, don't get upset if they don't see things the same way you do. Even now that my husband and I have been married over 2 years, advice from friends and family is still taken with a grain of salt and weighed carefully.

Understand that people who give advice more often than not don't have ill intentions (and if they do, you can usually tell right away), and you don't have to follow their advice if it doesn't quite apply to what you're going through. That's okay. The important (and mature) thing is to be willing to accept the advice of others, weigh it carefully, and make a decision based on what works best.

Thank all of you! I really appreciate that you have helped me and I trust all of you XD

rstewart424 (post: 1599947) wrote: I trust all of you XD

Sorry couldn't resist.

Just have fun, be smart and safe in a nutshell.