In school today I was issued an interesting project. We have to write a three page personal narrative on an event, one that made you who you are, and why it so deeply affected you. Well so I thought to myself hmm, maybe I could just ask these as questions instead of writing requesting a three page esay on them from the fellowship of CAA, it would be an amazing way to get to know people. So now I will tell you mine and I hope to hear from all of you soon.
Event: Bullying through-out my public schooling career
Why it affected me: Even though it hardend me up and turned me bitter for a few years, pre-teen age, It made me realize that there are others out there who feel the same way and even the bullies, they must have some kind of pain to be so cruel right? Because really the only people who deriv pleasure from something so evil as to hurt physically, sexually, and emotionally, they hurt too. Maybe as much or more.
Who I am today: Today it is my passion to do everything I can for anyone who needs help. I am still a little cold and defensive but I really think I have warmed up a bit. People hurt all over and who am I to judge, stereotype or condem them? Even though I loathe the act of bullying, it gave me a purpose, a life-virtue. I still get snappy and rude when I am teased or feel threatend and I feel so bad for that I do but I am still healing and hey, I'm only human. But because of bullying, I know what I want to spend my life doing. I want to help people. I want to show them that there is a better life and that people aren't all evil and that life is a beautiful thing. I want to help them become strong so they can face the problem if people continue to put them down, I want them to become compassionate so they want to help others too. If I hadn't been hurt the way I was, I know I would have gone through life not caring about all the others.
Interesting Project...
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Interesting Project...
Save Eliot!
I used to be Lain Iwakura but then the voices told me it was too hard to pronounce, so I changed it to Murphy. *Beam*
"i dun wanna be, i dun wanna be me,
i dun wanna be, me anymore. (chorus)
they were throwing at his home,
two glass houses
twenty stones,
fourteen yellow,
six all blue,
could it be worse?
quite doubtful.
(chorus)
two steps forward,
three steps back,
without warning heart attack,
he fell asleep in the snow,
never woke up,
died alone.
(chorus)
please don't dress in black
when you're at his wake
don't go there to mourn
but to celebrate (x2)
(chorus-till end)" -Type O Negative
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Murphy - Posts: 170
- Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2003 5:00 am
- Location: Beyond the Mysterious Beyond
aw bullys.. saddest of the sad meanest of the mean
Secret Bumping Club Member #10 - geocities.com/arphage/sbc.html
When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered
Dragon, remember, you do not have to outrun the Dragon......you just have to outrun the halfling.
Dragon, remember, you do not have to outrun the Dragon......you just have to outrun the halfling.
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Locke - Posts: 3691
- Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: SoCal
O_o Kenshin.. that was.. random and really nothing to do with her post.. I think she wanted a deeper responce than simply stating that obvious fact. You shall be dubbed, Kenshin, Captain of Ye Obviousness. (not to offend of course)
Anyways- I completely agree with you ashlynn- It is a very good idea to try to help those kind of people.. I really cant put my thoughts to words right now.. but its really the only thing you can do for those kinds of people... I guess that I sometimes tend to make enemies with those kinds of people without even thinking about it... huh.. almost makes me feel bad.. its like.. I dont want to deal with people that would rather hurt people then be somewhat civilized.. tis somewhat inspiring to hear what you have to say on the subject..
Anyways- I completely agree with you ashlynn- It is a very good idea to try to help those kind of people.. I really cant put my thoughts to words right now.. but its really the only thing you can do for those kinds of people... I guess that I sometimes tend to make enemies with those kinds of people without even thinking about it... huh.. almost makes me feel bad.. its like.. I dont want to deal with people that would rather hurt people then be somewhat civilized.. tis somewhat inspiring to hear what you have to say on the subject..
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Dirge - Posts: 75
- Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 1:43 pm
- Location: My Computer
How true, 2/5 of m
Last edited by Fsiphskilm on Sat Jan 14, 2017 8:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm leaving CAA perminantly. i've wanted to do this for a long time but I've never gathered the courage to let go.
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Fsiphskilm - Posts: 3853
- Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: USA
Bullying is a sad fact of life for many children. I'm sorry to say that I have been on the giving and receiving end of bullying over the years, but still glad that it was mostly the giving end. 
I don't really buy the argument that most bullies are hurting worse than the people they torment, and I see it as nothing more than a natural human impulse (at leat among theists) to believe that there is justice in the world, even if that is contrary to the facts. It's kind of like what would happen if, when your parents were about the spank you, it was you who said, "Now, this is going to hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me!" You can see the absurdity of the situation.
Anyway, to answer the originial question that started the thread, there are many events that have changed my life. I will choose one:
Event: Going to a particular bible study during my first semester in college.
Why it affected me: Aside from leading me to the church family that I visit while away from home, attending this bible study allowed me to meet an excellent Christian man. This led to other events, like organizing our own fight club (seriously), that helped me to rediscover some parts of my faith that I had neglected. For example, the constant preaching of the "turn the other cheek" teaching by people who knew nothing about the true meaning of the verse led me to believe that Christians had to be wimps that did not defend themselves, never being assertive or aggressive in any way. Clearly this is unlivable, so finding out that this is not what Jesus was teaching in this case lifted a great burden from my shoulders.
Who I am today: Today I am more confident, assertive, and expressive than I had been for many years. I am also studying the martial arts, and otherwise studying the martial way in order to make myself a well-rounded person and Christian. To give you an idea of what I was like before, think of Orson from Record of Lodoss War, minus the fits of rage prior to this change, and without whining after he found his emotions to visualize what I am like now.
I'm not the type to get annoyed when people stray off topic; but please, I would much rather hear about things that changed your life as opposed to your collective lamentations about being bullied as children.
I don't really buy the argument that most bullies are hurting worse than the people they torment, and I see it as nothing more than a natural human impulse (at leat among theists) to believe that there is justice in the world, even if that is contrary to the facts. It's kind of like what would happen if, when your parents were about the spank you, it was you who said, "Now, this is going to hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me!" You can see the absurdity of the situation.Anyway, to answer the originial question that started the thread, there are many events that have changed my life. I will choose one:
Event: Going to a particular bible study during my first semester in college.
Why it affected me: Aside from leading me to the church family that I visit while away from home, attending this bible study allowed me to meet an excellent Christian man. This led to other events, like organizing our own fight club (seriously), that helped me to rediscover some parts of my faith that I had neglected. For example, the constant preaching of the "turn the other cheek" teaching by people who knew nothing about the true meaning of the verse led me to believe that Christians had to be wimps that did not defend themselves, never being assertive or aggressive in any way. Clearly this is unlivable, so finding out that this is not what Jesus was teaching in this case lifted a great burden from my shoulders.
Who I am today: Today I am more confident, assertive, and expressive than I had been for many years. I am also studying the martial arts, and otherwise studying the martial way in order to make myself a well-rounded person and Christian. To give you an idea of what I was like before, think of Orson from Record of Lodoss War, minus the fits of rage prior to this change, and without whining after he found his emotions to visualize what I am like now.
I'm not the type to get annoyed when people stray off topic; but please, I would much rather hear about things that changed your life as opposed to your collective lamentations about being bullied as children.
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cbwing0 - Posts: 2728
- Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2003 10:00 am
I BE MURPHY
Thank you cbwing very much for that last bit and thank you for being the first to actually answer my guestion! ^^ That is so majourly cool!
Thank you cbwing very much for that last bit and thank you for being the first to actually answer my guestion! ^^ That is so majourly cool!
Where do you go when you just dont know, and how do we relight the flame when it's cold?
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing, and when will we learn to control?
I need serenity, In a place where I can't hide. I need serenity, Nothing changes days go by.
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing, and when will we learn to control?
I need serenity, In a place where I can't hide. I need serenity, Nothing changes days go by.
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Dirge - Posts: 75
- Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 1:43 pm
- Location: My Computer
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cbwing0 - Posts: 2728
- Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2003 10:00 am
I don't believe they do. I think that they go online at each others houses. (See the shout box.)
For one of my defining moments, I was not actually there. It was when my parents decided to homeschool us.
Why it affected me: Okay. This will require some explanation, but it set in motion a chain of possiblities leading to the Bugler. Explaining: Being homeschooled lead to a large portion of free time before the other kids got out of school in the afternoons. Most of it was spent reading, while some I used to climb trees. Also, homeschooling meant that I missed the society of children my age. While some may say that was no small loss, considering the vulgarity of conversation that can take place in a public school, that is not the point. I missed the society. My circle consisted of the children of my parents friend, my family, and the three kids on my block. I really was friends with only maybe three children outside of my relatives.
When we moved, I lost contact with all but one of those three, retreating further into my shell of books.
Why did I mention trees earlier? Climbing instilled in me a fondness for being able to see everything. When we went somewhere, I preferred to sit in the back, that I might see who was speaking, and what others were doing. This practice, unfortunately, made it hard to talk with others.
Who or what is the Bugler, you ask? It is the name for my feelings of loneliness, depression, and sadness. It is the mood I enter when I am feeling blue and see nothing wrong with it, no need to remedy the situation. It is only recently that I have codified it and named it such, nor had I previously known that its history extended so far.
Who am I today? I am a recovering loner, one who realizes his lifestyle isn't really conducive to anything but a lifetime of chances not taken and friendships never realized. I am the Bugler. I am doing my best to change.
For one of my defining moments, I was not actually there. It was when my parents decided to homeschool us.
Why it affected me: Okay. This will require some explanation, but it set in motion a chain of possiblities leading to the Bugler. Explaining: Being homeschooled lead to a large portion of free time before the other kids got out of school in the afternoons. Most of it was spent reading, while some I used to climb trees. Also, homeschooling meant that I missed the society of children my age. While some may say that was no small loss, considering the vulgarity of conversation that can take place in a public school, that is not the point. I missed the society. My circle consisted of the children of my parents friend, my family, and the three kids on my block. I really was friends with only maybe three children outside of my relatives.
When we moved, I lost contact with all but one of those three, retreating further into my shell of books.
Why did I mention trees earlier? Climbing instilled in me a fondness for being able to see everything. When we went somewhere, I preferred to sit in the back, that I might see who was speaking, and what others were doing. This practice, unfortunately, made it hard to talk with others.
Who or what is the Bugler, you ask? It is the name for my feelings of loneliness, depression, and sadness. It is the mood I enter when I am feeling blue and see nothing wrong with it, no need to remedy the situation. It is only recently that I have codified it and named it such, nor had I previously known that its history extended so far.
Who am I today? I am a recovering loner, one who realizes his lifestyle isn't really conducive to anything but a lifetime of chances not taken and friendships never realized. I am the Bugler. I am doing my best to change.
The Forsworn War of 34
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Icarus - Posts: 1477
- Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2003 5:00 am
- Location: 34
My Experience: a pretty bad inferiority complex
Explanation: I lived most of my life as a shy, analytical, introverted human. I was scared to death to talk to people I didn't know, and for the most part, never did. I was looked upon as a loaner, even in Christian environments, and yet I was always watching, learning, struggling to get through life as an insecure youth. Fortunately, God used some people in my life that went miles out of their way to get to know me and help me become more of a social person.
Me Now: I'm still a bit shy at first, but for the most part, I've tried to use my experience to seek out people that I see that have no friends or are loaners, and share a small bit of the love of Christ with them. Most really shy people know more than you'd think they would, and they are many times really nice.
Anyway, you guys had great posts. See ya!
Explanation: I lived most of my life as a shy, analytical, introverted human. I was scared to death to talk to people I didn't know, and for the most part, never did. I was looked upon as a loaner, even in Christian environments, and yet I was always watching, learning, struggling to get through life as an insecure youth. Fortunately, God used some people in my life that went miles out of their way to get to know me and help me become more of a social person.
Me Now: I'm still a bit shy at first, but for the most part, I've tried to use my experience to seek out people that I see that have no friends or are loaners, and share a small bit of the love of Christ with them. Most really shy people know more than you'd think they would, and they are many times really nice.
Anyway, you guys had great posts. See ya!
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Kokhiri Sojourn - Posts: 1215
- Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2003 3:48 pm
- Location: Waco
I was made fun of a lot as a child. I was the one who was excluded and taunted. I was called things like "reject" a lot, and it's probably why I feel like a reject now. Though, I could also say that the way my parents raised me... either ignoring me or doing everything for me... makes it very difficult for me to know how to take care of myself now.
Maybe one event that's shaped me fairly recently... joining and dropping out of the Air Force. I enlisted three years ago, desperate for college money and to find myself. I was always rather pacifistic, the military never really enamored me, but I had friends to whom it had been very good. I thought, in going to boot camp, that I'd be able to handle it... all the yelling and insults and being made to feel like refried dog doo, because I'd been through that as a child.
And, it turns out, I could not take the stress placed upon me there. I was the weakest member of my Flight and was dragging the rest of the people down. I tried, I really did... but I just got so... suicidal... that I was afraid for myself. After about two weeks of regular training, I spent... probably 5 days in the base hospital psychatric ward, got evaluated, diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, perscribed Paxil, and sent for a month to the Discharge Processing/Healing squadron. It was pretty much like a regular training squadron in the way the people in charge treated us.. .people still got yelled at and made to feel like doggie doo, but there wasn't so much pressure to succeed or be held back, because you were there waiting for your paper work to go through, anyway. I was threatened with being sent to a Texas nut house by one of the Training Instructors, though... if I didn't basically suck it up. No sympathy in boot camp, folks. I think the people there only want to prevent suicides and such to keep their butts out of the fryer with the press...
I survived and was sent home... was so afraid for a while that my parents wouldn't take me back, but they did. Finished getting a graphic design degree... have a part time job at a newspaper now, that doesn't pay me enough to live on, and am looking for work.. basically, I feel very much like a failure now, and the boot camp experience I had greatly contributes to that sense now. It is something that has affected me. I wasn't strong enough to serve my country, and have been ashamed of myself ever since.
In some ways, I'm glad that I didn't make it. I joined in 1999-00... almost a year after my discharge... well, everyone knows what happened after that. (Seriously, I had the mentality of enlisting in peacetime thinking that we wouldn't get hit in the face with a couple of wars!) I was planning to, upon completing training, listing that I was willing to be stationed abroad (in hopes that I'd get to go to Italy or Japan)... seeing things now... I probably would have been sent to Turkey or Kuwait... (I was set for a job repairing aircraft electronics upon the air force college training - so I wouldn't have likely been in an actual war zone, just on a base). Still...um... scary.
Still... I feel like I screwed up a great opportunity to... make money, travel, and find myself. So, that sense of failure has stayed with me ever since.
Maybe one event that's shaped me fairly recently... joining and dropping out of the Air Force. I enlisted three years ago, desperate for college money and to find myself. I was always rather pacifistic, the military never really enamored me, but I had friends to whom it had been very good. I thought, in going to boot camp, that I'd be able to handle it... all the yelling and insults and being made to feel like refried dog doo, because I'd been through that as a child.
And, it turns out, I could not take the stress placed upon me there. I was the weakest member of my Flight and was dragging the rest of the people down. I tried, I really did... but I just got so... suicidal... that I was afraid for myself. After about two weeks of regular training, I spent... probably 5 days in the base hospital psychatric ward, got evaluated, diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, perscribed Paxil, and sent for a month to the Discharge Processing/Healing squadron. It was pretty much like a regular training squadron in the way the people in charge treated us.. .people still got yelled at and made to feel like doggie doo, but there wasn't so much pressure to succeed or be held back, because you were there waiting for your paper work to go through, anyway. I was threatened with being sent to a Texas nut house by one of the Training Instructors, though... if I didn't basically suck it up. No sympathy in boot camp, folks. I think the people there only want to prevent suicides and such to keep their butts out of the fryer with the press...
I survived and was sent home... was so afraid for a while that my parents wouldn't take me back, but they did. Finished getting a graphic design degree... have a part time job at a newspaper now, that doesn't pay me enough to live on, and am looking for work.. basically, I feel very much like a failure now, and the boot camp experience I had greatly contributes to that sense now. It is something that has affected me. I wasn't strong enough to serve my country, and have been ashamed of myself ever since.
In some ways, I'm glad that I didn't make it. I joined in 1999-00... almost a year after my discharge... well, everyone knows what happened after that. (Seriously, I had the mentality of enlisting in peacetime thinking that we wouldn't get hit in the face with a couple of wars!) I was planning to, upon completing training, listing that I was willing to be stationed abroad (in hopes that I'd get to go to Italy or Japan)... seeing things now... I probably would have been sent to Turkey or Kuwait... (I was set for a job repairing aircraft electronics upon the air force college training - so I wouldn't have likely been in an actual war zone, just on a base). Still...um... scary.
Still... I feel like I screwed up a great opportunity to... make money, travel, and find myself. So, that sense of failure has stayed with me ever since.
"We will never give up and despair, for we are on a mission from God." __ Hellsing, Vol. 2.
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Haibane Shadsie - Posts: 511
- Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Somewhere in the middle of the desert
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