Finding my place with God

[Jeikobu]

I think I'm still really looking for my right place with God. I have days where I feel closer to Him and days when I don't, but I can't think of any where I really feel I am where I should be. I have prayed often that God would fix this, but so far I feel nothing has changed. I accepted the Lord a while ago, but I don't feel nearly as close to Him as I think I should. I guess one thing that bugs me is that there are times where Christianity just feels forceful. I feel like I'm not independent. Yes, God gives us free will, but you are not able to just make your own choice and have it work out for you unless that's what God wants. I just wish sometimes that I could do some things myself. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt this. Also, there are anime like Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke that are supposed to be so good, and that I would love to see (especially since Miyazaki is such an excellent anime director), but then I have to say "no, it's against my religion". I know it's only fiction, but we know that even fictional things can have a stronger impact than they appear to. Besides, one of the Bible's many rules is to "meditate on what is pure, wholesome, praiseworthy, etc." My parents are very conservative, and they raised me that way. I know my mom strongly dislikes the sound of Mononoke and Spirited Away, for example. But the Bible is also very strict. And I'm not necessarily saying that Christianity enslaves, after all giving your life to Christ gives you eternal salvation. However, you are bound to God and must obey Him, whether you want to or not. You can choose to do what you want, but if God doesn't want it, it obviously displeases Him and it then ends up landing on your head. I'm sure alot of what I'm saying I'll one day look back on and see what a fool I really am, but right now I'm feeling apart from God. The other hard part is giving full devotion to God. Earthly things like anime may be worthless in the end but for now I love them. No, I don't place them over God, but I always have to wonder that if I am not always praying, reading my Bible, or just dwelling on God in general, am I displeasing Him? It just gets hard after a while to always sacrifice this and that for the same purpose. I love things like Pokemon, but even right now I'm paying less attention to that and moreto stuff like InuYasha. Point: you eventually need a break from doing the same thing. I will always love Pokemon but I may take less on that and more on something else for a while. But this can't be done with God or it's disrespectful. I have no intention of giving up on God, I only wish I didn't have to always wear a leash on my neck and have to sacrifice this and that (particularly in the anime department) and always worry about what God thinks of what I do everyday. I know the world is full of temptations but this feels ridiculous. The golden rule is to love God with all you are. Makes perfect sense and it's only right, but it sounds so forceful. And it's hard to love God with all I am when I feel so out of place with Him. I have been praying about this for a while, with no answer in sight. It's just so depressing.

[true_noir_chloe]

Man, hmm, this is tough.

Let me ask you a question and you answer me what you think:

There is this person I know who witnesses to others and has been somewhat effective in leading others to Christ as a campus missionary. She has even witnessed some miraculous conversions. She has lead Bible studies and written wonderful Christian music and heard testimony of how her music has really touched one's heart. She has read the entire Bible twice and never listens to anything but Christian music and would never be caught with alcohol, bad words or anything. She's a good Christian girl. Would you think this person is closer to God than you? Don't answer yet.

Okay another example:

This woman has lead Bible studies in the past and loves the Lord. She hasn't really seen anyone won to Christ by her testimony in maybe 20 years, except maybe her witness to her children. She's kind of apathetic, but really loves the Lord and reads her Bible sporadically and prays just as sporadically. She watches anime and listens to non-Christian music at times, and has an occsional glass of wine or beer. Of course, she might even spend more time in doing things other than praying and reading the Bible on any given day. Of course, when she does get down on her knees, oh how she feels His presence.

Which one, out of those two people, do you think is closer to the Lord?

I'll tell you what, Jeikobu, stop looking at "things." Things, things, what you do, what you watch, things, things, things in your life.

This is not what qualifies you before God. Jesus Christ is what qualifies you before God. He alone. It is nothing you do.

Both those people I spoke of previously are me. They are me at different times in my life. And you know what? I felt a little bit like you when I was a missionary.

Do you know why?

Because I hadn't walked with my Lord all that long. I was effective, but young. Today, I am effective, but in a different way and so much closer to my Lord. I know Him. I love Him. I know He is my everything and that came with me getting to know Him each day of my life. It was being with him through my mountains and the deepest valleys of regret.

Right now, Jeikobu, you may feel away from God. But, it is only a "feeling," and has nothing to do with your standing before Him if He is your Savior. He did all the work already.

Stand in Him and relax. Stop looking at what you watch and what you do, rather look to Him and what He's done. Everyone gets so caught up in what they "do," and not enough in who they are. Who are you, Jeikobu? You are a young man who has been picked from the depths of hell and saved. You are blessed. You are His child.

Know Him.

The only way to know the Lord is by spending time with Him and that only comes through the years. Right now you're young. I remember when I was young, no matter what I did, no matter how much I only listened to Christian music, no matter how much time I spent at church it never gave me the closeness I have with the Lord now.

It's because just like a friendship with another human being, I have been with Him long enough to get to know Him.

Don't get so stressed, Jeikobu - keep on working on getting to know Him. For now, be secure as I mentioned earlier in Who you are in Him. Abide in his wonderful love for you and you'll do all right. There is a great book by Miles J. Sanford entitled, "Abiding in the Vine," which helped me out tremendously when I was your age. It's based on John 15.

That's why nothing I watch or see on the news or read in the paper or when I see the horror of real life, not the anime junk that is just a cartoon, but real horrors, I am not affected. Because I am secure in who I am in Him. It's always about Him, not me. It always has been.

If you keep looking at Inuyasha or Pokemon, Miyazaki or Ai Yori Aoshi, you're going to end up with nothing, and a pretty nothing feeling. One anime to the next is nothing. They have nothing to offer. They're all the same. They are simply a form of entertainment, nothing more. I enjoy them for simply that - something entertaining.

God is something spectacular. Now He is worth visiting again and again. ^_____^

[Waterlillee]

Hello~
I can't say that I know 100% of how you feel,
but I'd say I know about 90%..
I think about what you're thinking quite a lot as well~
but from what you've said above,
I think you'll be okay~
I understand how you feel, and I feel so confused too sometimes...
I will pray for you~
and stay strong^^ If you just believe in Him...and Love Him the way you do now,
I truly believe you will be okay~
Let's be strong~and whenever you feel out of place within Him,
just talk to Him more~ I hope I don't sound pushy or anything,
but I hope although my advice isn't big and maybe not effective quickly
but I hope you will feel better and soon find your place beside Him...

I just thank you for even thinking about such topics like this
and just your will to hang on to Him more~ your struggle to Find Him,
is grateful to me, and most importantly, to God^^

I hope you feel better, Jeikobu~
if you ever need to share your thoughts or worries, you can share it with me^^
I'll be there to listen~

[Saint Kevin]

Hmm. I can say that from my own personal experience, being in the word is a good habit to form, especially when you are young.

After all, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. God speaks to us most often through His word. After all, we wouldn't have been saved if it wasn't for someone knowing about God through His word, and being brave enough to tell us. By the same token, we often lack wisdom, or lack the assurance in our right standing before God, because we don't know the promises of God well enough.

Be real with God, and He will be real with you. God bless you my brother, and may you find the close abiding relationship with God that you've been searching for.

By the way, well said Val. Amen.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Jeikobu, I know what you mean to an extent. I was brought up as a Christian and my parents were fairly strict. It is only recently that I became more solid in my faith and knew in my *heart* what I had been taught all along. Like Chloe said it is Jesus who died and rose to save us from damnation. Our faith can get stale at times (especially if you've been a Christian all your life and sort of taken it all for granted - not on purpose even). But Jesus completes the gap between us and God and nothing we can do with get us to heaven. Its a gift from Jesus, you just need to believe in him and the sacrifice he went through for everyone.

Personally I found nothing wrong with Spirited Away as it reflects Japanese culture, but anime like Full Metal Alchemist I'm going to stay away from because I discerned it to be too dark (in my opinion).

Consult the Holy Spirit. We aren't meant live life along, God made us reliant on him and that's why we really stuff up when we are full of pride and think we can do it on our own. Hand the steering wheel to God, let him drive you through life. It won't be easy, but you'll feel much better when the Creator is at your side.

God Bless you man!

[Debitt]

I can't echo what t_n_c said enough - she really hit the mark with this one, I think. ^^

I'm always going to be the first to admit i'm not the most amazing Christian by any stretch. I enjoy watching a good action anime, I don't read my Bible every day, I let the occasional swear slip once and a while, I rarely listen to Christian music outside of church. I know I have room for improvement, and though I know I have my own set of vices, I don't dwell on them.

I try to remember that works are secondary - what anime we watch and what games we play, what music we listen to, that all falls under the 'works' category. NONE of us are worthy of Him, and though we all should work to please Him, being perfect is impossible. Instead of fretting over what anime I'm not going to watch due to my religion, and worrying about how much I pray every day, I'm going to watch anime that I feel won't make me waver. Then I'm going to work on understanding my God and growing closer to Him during those somewhat thinly dispersed moments of quiet I take when I really WANT to pray and feel closer to Him.

It's just not the same when you don't really FEEL it, right? So don't force yourself, and don't beat yourself up over it. It's one thing to focus on God when you know you can give it your all. It's something completely different if you focus on Him or pray all the time and think: "okay, Lord, I'm here to pray again today. Love you, see you later."

[Jeikobu]

...doumo arigatou, minna-san. Your words have really touched me. I just want to say I really appreciate it. It's great to know I have such good friends here who really care about me, and thank you for reminding me that God cares as well. I'll take your advice. I'll continue to seek God, and while I'm going to try to keep being mindful of what I watch, I'm also going to try to not worry about it so much. But first things first, I need to seek God and build my walk with Him. Please keep me in prayer, that I will come to my highest point yet as a believer, and that I will become a better witness to those around me, and that God may use me for the work to which He has called me. I am thankful to God that He has used you all to strengthen me and help me see where I stand, and I pray that we may someday speak in person, and that God shows me more people like you all. Mata, arigatou gozaimashita (Again, thank you so very much). ^^
BTW, any other words of advice are more than welcome.

[Fsiphskilm]

We can only

[termyt]

Seeking is the most important step in growing closer to God. You are seeking, that is good. Focusing your desire is the next big step, and starting this thread is not a bad tool in that department. You've gotten some good advice already. I would also encourage you to read the Bible a lot. You can not overstate this fact: knowing God’s Word is critical to knowing His will for your life. There are two ways I've found to do this and I recommend doing both.

1) Simply read the words. This will help you gain an understanding for the personage of God. It will help you form your opinions about your life by giving you insight into the nature of our creator. Not to mention, you will find passages that really hit home for you – and the passages that stand out will be different each time you go through the Bible. How do you do this? The best way I’ve found so far is the One Year Bible. It divides the entire Bible into 365 pieces for easy reading. Each day’s piece includes readings from the old and new testaments as well as a Psalm and a passage from Proverbs. There are other reading plans available as well. Get on one. I’ve read through the Bible three times over the last four years.

2) Study the Bible. Typically, we do this when we go to church on Sunday mornings or whenever. It’s difficult to place all of the Bible in context and to understand exactly what is meant in the passages we read. Many people much smarter than I who have spent a lot more time studying the scriptures still disagree on many passages. But, the only way to gain understanding is to study what the words are saying. How do you do this? Participate in your churches services. Join a small group Bible study – great because they generally allow for discussions, which can lead to deeper understanding. You can also read studies and commentaries on the Bible – available at bookstores and online.

God gave us His Word to guide our paths. Use it.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

We can only be as close to God as our faith allows us to.

And faith takes time to build. It's Not an overnight thing.

This is good though, it means you crave the spirituality and the holyness which is God. I am happy for you. Just remember, keep it gangsta, eat your carrots.

cant stress this enough, becomming a better christian is not instantaneous, overtiem you become more better and faithful stuff. Of cours you'll have your ups and downs, but in the end youll be a mroe faithful Christian who is with Jesus

[GhostontheNet]

Also, there are anime like Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke that are supposed to be so good, and that I would love to see (especially since Miyazaki is such an excellent anime director), but then I have to say "no, it's against my religion". I know it's only fiction, but we know that even fictional things can have a stronger impact than they appear to. Besides, one of the Bible's many rules is to "meditate on what is pure, wholesome, praiseworthy, etc." My parents are very conservative, and they raised me that way. I know my mom strongly dislikes the sound of Mononoke and Spirited Away, for example. But the Bible is also very strict.

You say elsewhere that you think you'll end up in Japan working for YHWH our God? If so, don't you think it would be wise to learn about the other major religions of the area? Perhaps with the above two movies functioning as primers for concepts, and after that, perhaps The Idiots Guide to World Religions's entry on Shintoism. Unless you are particularly disposed to abandon YHWH in favor of raddish and river kami, you're highly unlikely to be afected even by the "even fictional things" argument, as the Shinto mythology was more tacked on rather than the major points of both films. I cannot say whether or not you have ever been exposed to Greek mythology from any source (including Homer), but by no means are the above films worse. Perhaps your parents might understand if you explained this reason for watching. Remember that Paul in Acts of the Apostles began his speech to the philosophers in Athens on their own terms, and that Luke thought this would be a useful speech to preserve in his history.

[Crossdive]

I'm really glad my brother (jeikobu) told me to read this thread, I have been torn up miserable over where my walk with God is and how I seem to constantly fail Him, than repent, than fail again, than repent again, you get the idea. This has been a very inspirational thread. Thanks ladies and gentlemen for your guiding advice. May God bless you all.

[Jeikobu]

I'm very glad to hear it, Crossdive. ^^
GhostontheNet, I guess that wouldn't be a bad idea to look up on their religion. I know I'll learn of it in time, but the sooner the better for obvious reasons.