Dating vs. Courting

[starwarsboy90]

Hey Everybody,

I kinda got bored, so here's one of my many interesting but not threads. As a Christian, do you Court or date? Me, with my lineage alone ( I'll only tell you if you pm me, it's a secret which will totally shock you), I have to court. Courting is of the bible, yet alot of christians date, and some even have pre-marital sex. So, what's your take on it?

[Joshua Christopher]

Hey Everybody,

I kinda got bored, so here's one of my many interesting but not threads. As a Christian, do you Court or date? Me, with my lineage alone ( I'll only tell you if you pm me, it's a secret which will totally shock you), I have to court. Courting is of the bible, yet alot of christians date, and some even have pre-marital sex. So, what's your take on it?

I just don't date, period. I've yet to ever meet a person that I'd even consider dating/courting/whatevering.

[Roll]

What is your specific definition of courting? I tend to view that and dating as rather similar and overlapping at points. I mean, if I go out with a guy, I would see him exclusively from the start, but I would still refer to it as dating.

[Debitt]

It's whatever works best for you. I'm unfamiliar with a verse in the Bible that says "Thou shalt only court." Me personally, I've dated before and I've found that I'm not tempted by the physical appearance of my boyfriend, and I don't arbitrarily pick someone to just "be" with for the sake of having a boyfriend. But dating might not work for you, and maybe courting is a better idea, which is totally cool. In the end it's all up to what you can personally handle and what God wants for you.

[Steeltemplar]

I'm not sure exactly how you would define dating vs. courtship either, honestly.

Generally, I would say that a Christian ought to use dating as a means to finding the person they will marry eventually.

As for pre-marital sex, I would consider it a severe sin (the Catholic Church, of which I am a member, considers it a mortal sin). Sex is a sacred unification and should only be shared by a man and woman who have been brought together in marriage.

So that's my take. Others may see it differently, as is their right.

[Ingemar]

Courting--I consider it 'classier' than dating. Usually it involves the parents' blessing and more ritual/order than dating.

One of these days, I will have to show you the courtship dance of the blue-footed booby (that's a WATERFOWL, not....that).

[true_noir_chloe]

One of these days, I will have to show you the courtship dance of the blue-footed booby (that's a WATERFOWL, not....that).

ROFL, I just started laughing out loud when I read this. It must be late. -__- )\]Biblical[/i] sense. I think "courting" is certainly a fad in the 21st century. It's a good bandage, once again. The Christian church likes to go through these periods - wait awhile and it wll go away. XDDD I believe this is the third dating/courting fad I've been through in my life. Then someone else will sell a bestseller, and everyone will try some other fad.

If churches spent more time in deep Biblical study, parents being responsible Biblcial teachers and role models, and teens who call themselves believers would actually get involved in deep personal Bible study and prayer, then we wouldn't need all these fads. The Bible would teach them the way it taught me how to behave as a young believer, until God showed me the man I was to be blessed with. Yes, I'm ranting.

And duh, no kidding pre-marital sex is wrong. LOL Who in the heck would thnk that it is right? Not to mention the possibility of dying from some disease nowadays. Dang, you'd have to be really dumb to do it. Dating didn't equal pre-marital sex last time I dated.

Yes, I'll be more serious next time I come on this thread. :p And, I'll try to be more Biblical.

[Sephiroth]

i agree with Kokoro Daisuke & True_Noir_Chloe's points of view. Really what is the need for courting, if Christians just follow what the scripture says, doesn't that pretty much leave courting redundant? I tend to view courting as mans opinion of how relationships should be handled, but why not follow God's directives on the matter.

I personally have never had a girlfriend in my life, i see no problem with dating, and i would really consider a girlfriend that had potential to be my wife later in life.

My thoughts on this, at any rate.

[Hephzibah]

I think the main difference between courting and dating, is that courting is with marriage in mind. That isn't to say that all courting relationships end in marriage, as it is only to see if God wants you to be together. Also, courting often means having other people go out with you at the same time as your 'date', ie its not just a dinner for two, but for three-5 or so. Like a chaperone.

Anyway, that's my view on what the differences are. As for which one is best, I'm not sure. Never had a boyfriend, never really wanted one either. I am hoping to save myself, not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually, for the one God intends for me.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I can't add to this as I've never had a girlfriend but Inegmar I used to love researching about booby birds. They are so unusual and colourful. (off topic)

[Angel37]

Well I've dated and I've courted but frankly I don't see much difference in the two. It isn't exactly Biblical as in the Bible doesn't say which is better or not. Pre-marital sex- yeah that's a sin. But as for courting/dating I think that depends on the individual and their ability to resist temptation and stuff to that effect. what's your lineage? Now I'm curious!!! PM me!!
<3 Angel

[starwarsboy90]

well as "Courting--I consider it 'classier' than dating. Usually it involves the parents' blessing and more ritual/order than dating." Which is true, considering certain people's lineages. I've dated enough before, more like binge-dated. So, personally Courting is th other option. There are alot of so called Christians who I know who have pre-mairtal sex. KNowing me, I do my best to show them that what they are doing is wrong, and try to best to alter their thinking in that conclusion of theirs that what they are doing is right. THen again, It's God's duty to chastsize them, I'm only a Paladin for him, and do what he wants me to do.

[Syaoran]

Have not hade a girl friend since(spelling) ever.

[Lunis]

I plan on courting when I start looking for a husband. As a sort of side note, I don't think there really is any point in dating/courting unless you're ready to be married. That is what it's for isn't it? So anyway, I prefer courting because it leads you into less tempting situations than dating. I don't think there is anything wrong with dating itself. But even the strongest of Christians can be tempted in a situation where they are alone together. Courting has fewer situations, if any, where a couple would be alone. I liked the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," because it explains the benefits of courting.

[agasfas]

Well, I see nothing wrong w/ dating. It's a way to find out what qualities you seek in a potential mate. Also, like True_Noir said, datings doesn't = sex, it's the situations you put your self into and the amount of selfcontrol you have.

PLus too many nowdays have pre-martial sex thinking they're in love. THen eventually they break up and that only causes more heart ache. THat's not a problem w/ dating, it's like I said before, self control.

Courting works for some, but being as young as most of us are, can we honestly know exactly what qualities we seek in a mate? Well, besides having a relationship w/ Jesus? That's very important, that shouldn't be the only thing in concideration. I don't want to marry a woman who says she's a christian then does things I think are morally wrong. Then there is personality- christian doesn't mean good personality. Some people are dull some are too excentric. I would hate to have a courtship w/ someone then a year into the marriage see that they really don't suit me at all. SO yeah, I see nothing wrong w/ dating or courtship... it's really what you feel most comfortable with. Both work and create a good marriage, both can fail.

[dragonshimmer]

I date. I think the current fascination with courting is overly romaticized and just a fad, as T_N_C pointed out, although I am aware that some cultures and families still use this system.

I think either method is fine. I date because I am firmly set in my beliefs about premarital sex among other things. I trust God to help me remain pure so that I can truthfully and proudly wear white on my wedding day, should I ever get married. I would hate myself otherwise anyway. I respect myself too much.

I think one should do what suits them...as long as they're not just following fads.

As some have pointed out....you're right, I believe that people shouldn't date for fun. I think one should only date someone they may have some intention of marrying. As with courting, you date to get to know someone a bit better. In either situation, I think if you find yourself seeing that you're with someone you can't imagine marrying, you should get out right then.

With courting....yeah, it's nice. But the first person you "court" isn't necessarily going to be the person you marry. You could be setting yourself up if you believe otherwise. The same goes with dating.

Someone brought up the point that dating causes people to be in more tempting situations....then simply don't put yourself into those situations. If being alone in a dark room causes you to think of stumbling, don't do it. It's common sense. Stay out, about, and busy. That applies to other areas in life as well, with other situations.

As yet another side note, someone somewhere in this thread wrote this:

"So called Christians having pre marital sex"...please don't judge. We all sin in some form or another. I know plenty of people who have slipped with one person and have remained abstinant since. There are a lot of Christians who lie, cheat, steal and other things. One mistake does not mean they are not a Christian. It is not our place to say otherwise.

[Mangafanatic]

Well, since a large percentage of the girls I know are going to court when the time comes, I'll take a stab at defining courtship.

Courtship is a means of getting to know a perspective mate that puts emphasis in parental involvement and heavily discourages a one-on-one environment. Courtship also involves a heavy emphasis put on entering into a relationship with the goal of marriage.

Personally, I think alot of people are buying into what I call the "courship cult". What I mean by that is that I think alot of Christian parents have decided that it's indecent for their daughters to date. Somehow, courtship has become the morally acceptable way to enter into a relationship.

A few of the families I know are quite militaristic about courtship. Their dating daughters were not allowed to sit any closer than a foot to their boyfriend (and I mean that the girl's mother would come out with a RULER if she thought they were getting too close). Likewise, their daughters are never allowed to ride in a car alone with their perspective mate until they drive away on their wedding night, and they are not allowed to meet without a chaperone.

I, personally, don't really like the idea. I plan to do what I would call "revised" dating. Like in courtship, I don't plan to date until I feel I'm prepared to marry. Also, I only plan to date someone whom I think would make a good husband, but unlike courtship, I do plan to have one-on-one time with my boyfriend. I just don't see how you can really see the true personality of this person you're romantically interest in if you're never alone with him/her. I do want my parents to be involved in guiding me and my boyfriend in our relationship, and I won't date someone my parents don't approve of.

That's my two cents.

[Kisa]

I couldnt say what I do cause I never had a BF, but.... I've seen both sides and its all about how ya do it. One iss engaged to the guys she courted with and some others are happily dating or engaged to those they met through that way. The only people I know who court though are hardcore legalists (promise I am not saying that if you do you are that way, thats just my experience) and I see nothing wrong with dating.

[Azier the Swordsman]

I've never dated in my whole life...... never found the right person yet.

But when I do, I would definately choose dating over courting. Courting seems to ritualistic and restricting. Besides, if it's the right person, it won't really matter anyways.

[Solid Ronin]

Courting is of the bible, yet alot of christians date, and some even have pre-marital sex. So, what's your take on it?

The crap is courting!?

As for Christians having pre-martial sex..thats easy they're not behaving like christians.

[Danyasaur]

I could honestly care less about dating/courting, especialy at the age I'm at now XD;; in the future though I'd really rather just "hang out", you know, be just friends, and if I happen to find a guy that I would seriously consider marrying, then I would consider dating. . . but then again, things might change when I reach that age. I'm just not all too serious about it now. ^_^

[Kkun]

I plan on dating, myself. Courtship is a nice idea, I guess, but like Ms. Shimmer and T_N_C have said, it's a fad and it will replaced by something new in a few years. But yeah, I plan on dating.

...well, kind of.

I mean, as soon as I get over my paralyzing self-doubt and insecurity when I look at a girl and I can bring myself to take two steps toward her without peeing myself or running away screaming, I plan on asking a girl out on a date. Eventually. Sometime.

[starwarsboy90]

lol. It's a fad al right, but when your lineage makes you court ,then you tend to date less. Take me for instance, I've had up to 12-15 relationships in the past 4 years and had at least 9 girlfriends, but then again, whatever you do guys date or court, do not binge-date. That's a new fad, and it's definitly most non christian of all.

[Godly Paladin]

My view is the same as that expressed in Josh Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl.

[agasfas]

Just an addition:
Mangafanatic, you took the words right out of my mouth. I totally agree.

Also, I only plan to date someone whom I think would make a good husband, but unlike courtship, I do plan to have one-on-one time with my boyfriend. I just don't see how you can really see the true personality of this person you're romantically interest in if you're never alone with him/her. I do want my parents to be involved in guiding me and my boyfriend in our relationship, and I won't date someone my parents don't approve of.

There has to be some alone time to actually get a true sense of what the other is like. My definition of dating is not to go out w/ random girls or more then one at once (binge dating). I know people who think it's alright to date as many people as you want until you become serious... but I think that's not right. I believe you should only date one person at a time. Like Mangafanatic, I also believe a person should only date if they really feel the other would make a good "mate/partner" and you really want to get to know them on a more personal and emotional level. Courtship just seems so impersonal to me...

[Lunis]

Wow, so many peopple are saying courting is just a fad, it surprises me. Um... did you know that courting has been going on longer than dating has? If anything, I think dating is the fad.

[agasfas]

Wow, so many peopple are saying courting is just a fad, it surprises me. Um... did you know that courting has been going on longer than dating has? If anything, I think dating is the fad.

Never said courtship is a fad... When people say 'fad" I think they are talking about the re-introduction of courtships in todays society.

[Debitt]

Regardless of whether dating or courting is a fad, however, shouldn't dictate which you choose to participate in. Personally I dislike the "omg courting is more Christian!" view that some people have, because "more Christian" is decided by the two people involved and not the method used. I don't agree with parents forcing courtship on their children either, because in the end it is the child's future marriage and not theirs.

[olorc]

I haven't read what others have written, here's my take on dating"
I suggest not getting involved romantically with the opposite sex until you get past high school at least. This is only my opinion, but it seems so far to have worked for me. A friend of mine who is older than me and who I respect for his solid grounding the word said once, "don't date unless your interested in mariage." now I admit that this may sound sort of narrow-minded traditionalistic and sort of puritanical, if you think about it from a stand point of what your motivation is, I think it makes sense. I currently have several female friends that I am very close to who I will think of as sisters most likely for the rest of my life, had I acted on transitory desires and urges, I most likely would've tried dating them only to see that I wasn't ready or we weren't a good match and would currently not be speaking to them because it would be way too uncomfortable. Taht's only my take tho.

[starwarsboy90]

To Quote my friend Kokoro " Regardless of whether dating or courting is a fad, however, shouldn't dictate which you choose to participate in. Personally I dislike the "omg courting is more Christian!" view that some people have, because "more Christian" is decided by the two people involved and not the method used. I don't agree with parents forcing courtship on their children either, because in the end it is the child's future marriage and not theirs." Then again things can easily get out of hand when Dating, I could tell you guys tons of stories, so if defined in your blood line, lineage or whatever, court or date and that'sthe end of my opinion.