ACT II
PING! PING!
Narrator: As Scrooge pulled aside his bed curtain his senses were assaulted at the feast and gifts laid out before him…
Scrooge: Who in the world paid for all of…
Spirit Of Christmas Present: Come in man and know me better. And don’t get any ideas. That’s just old English talk.
Scrooge: How in the world did you get all this stuff into…
SLAP!
Scrooge: Hey! Why did you do that?
Christmas Present: Sometimes you got to SLAP them in the face just to get their attention! I love that line! OK, so I’m the Spirit of Christmas Present. Time is short, they are cutting my scene, what else is new, and we will only be making one stop on this trip so lets get with it.
Scrooge: But…
Christmas Present: This way…we’re walking, we’re walking…
Narrator: Soon Scrooge and the Spirit were standing outside the home of his faithful volunteer Bob Cratchit.
Scrooge: What are we doing in this slum?
SLAP!
Scrooge: Will you stop doing that?
Christmas Present: Don’t be so disrespectful.
Narrator: As Scrooge and the Spirit glanced into the window they saw a small group of children huddled around the fireplace watching as a small bird roasted over the flame.
Belinda Cratchit: Can you believe these stinking small bit parts we got?
Martha Cratchit: Yeah, my agent is gonna hear about this.
Peter Cratchit: Shhhh I think we are just suppose to watch the fire.
Martha Cratchit: Your such a wuss!
Peter Cratchit: Am not!
Belinda Cratchit: Are too!
Peter Cratchit: Am…
Mrs. Cratchit: Children, children please stop arguing. Your father and Tiny Tim should be home any minute now.
Belinda Cratchit: Is it just me or does mom need a shave?
Narrator: As the family lovingly chats Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim return home.
Bob Cratchit: We’re *umph* home *groan*…
Narrator: As Cratchit gently place Tiny Tim on a stool by the fire…
WHAMP!
Director: He said gently!
Bob Cratchit: Are you kidding. This guy weighs who knows how much…
Mrs. Cratchit: Yeah, well you try to give birth to something that big. Was like a Mac Truck…
Bob Cratchit: I don’t want to hear this…
Director: Just stick with the script!
Mrs. Cratchit: Bob…
Bob Cratchit: Yes, my darling?
Mrs. Cratchit: Does this dress make me look fat?
Christmas Present: This is going nowhere fast…let’s go inside.
Narrator: The Spirit and Scrooge entered the dwelling as the Cratchit family gathered around the table for their Christmas dinner.
Bob Cratchit: A Merry Christmas to us all my dears. God bless us!
Tiny Tim: And God Bless Us Everyone.
Christmas Present: I see a vacant seat in the chimney corner, and a crutch without an owner. If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, the child Tiny Tim will die.
Scrooge: From what? An overactive thyroid?
Christmas Past: Well, I hate to cut this short…I have to meet Belle and Christmas Past at Mall Of America at 3:00 so…you know who should be here shortly.
Narrator: With a wisp of smoke the Spirit was gone and Scrooge found himself alone on the streets. Off in the distance the church bell chimed the hour…
BONG! BONG! BONG!
Narrator: Scrooge turned to see a shadowy figure approaching him.
Scrooge: Spirit, I fear you more than any specter I have seen.
Spirit Of Christmas Yet To Come: This…death…shroud….ROCKS!
Director: Shhhhhhhhhh Hey! You’re not supposed to talk!
Christmas Yet To Come: All I need is a lightsaber and buzz, buzz, buzz. Oh sorry…
Narrator: The third Spirit of the night led Scrooge to a dark building where two shadowy figures were lurking. They listened as they spoke.
Old Joe: Tell me Mrs. Dilbert…what have you brought for Old Joe?
Mrs. Dilbert: Well, I’ll tell ya. As I was cleaning up all I could find were these old VHS copies of Ranma, Trigun, and a few odd mangas here and there.
Scrooge: Hey, those are…
Old Joe: Perhaps they’ll bring a good price on ebay.
Scrooge: Listen Spirit, I think I’ve learned my lesson can we go now.
Narrator: However, the Spirit led Scrooge to one more location.
Scrooge: What in the world are we doing in a cemetery?
Narrator: As Scrooge watched the Spirit pointed.
Scrooge: What? Charades? Oh I get it…one word…
Christmas Yet To Come: You moron…look at the headstone.
Narrator: As Scrooge knelt down he brushed away the snow to reveal the name upon it and read…
Scrooge: Larry Friedman?
Director: PROPS!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Immediately church bells began to ring and Scrooge awoke in his bed. He ran to the window and threw open the shutters.
Scrooge: Can it be? Is it true? You down there! Yes you boy!
Little Boy: Who me?
Scrooge: Yes, you my lad. What day is it today?
Little Boy: Today? Why it’s Christmas Day, sir!
Scrooge: I haven't missed it! The Spirits have done it all in one night. Of course they can-they can do anything they like! I bet they could even get Kikuko Inoue to one of our conventions. Lad, do you know that turkey in the butcher’s window?
Little Boy: You mean the one that’s as big as me?
Scrooge: That’s the one. Oh, what a smart fellow you are. Well, don’t get that one, get the smaller one…
Director: Ahem…
Scrooge: Oh OK! Go ahead and supersize it my boy. And deliver it to the home of Bob Cratchit.
Narrator: Scrooge dressed quickly and made his way to the Cratchit home
Scrooge: Cratchit! Cratchit are you in there!
Bob Cratchit: Mr. Scrooge?
Scrooge: Cratchit…why weren’t you in the office this morning.
Bob Cratchit: But Mr. Scrooge we agreed that today being Christmas…
Scrooge: Ah…that we did my boy. A Merry Christmas to you Bob, and from this day forth I am going to double your salary.
Bob Cratchit: But I’m a volunteer…
Scrooge: And free Convention T Shirts for the whole family.
Narrator: Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more. And to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old world knew. In later days, it was said of Ebenezer Scrooge, that he knew how to keep Christmas in his heart all year round. May that be truly said of all of us. And so, as Tiny Tim observed…
Scrooge and Tiny Tim: God Bless Us, Everyone!
Have A Merry Christmas!
PING! PING!
Narrator: As Scrooge pulled aside his bed curtain his senses were assaulted at the feast and gifts laid out before him…
Scrooge: Who in the world paid for all of…
Spirit Of Christmas Present: Come in man and know me better. And don’t get any ideas. That’s just old English talk.
Scrooge: How in the world did you get all this stuff into…
SLAP!
Scrooge: Hey! Why did you do that?
Christmas Present: Sometimes you got to SLAP them in the face just to get their attention! I love that line! OK, so I’m the Spirit of Christmas Present. Time is short, they are cutting my scene, what else is new, and we will only be making one stop on this trip so lets get with it.
Scrooge: But…
Christmas Present: This way…we’re walking, we’re walking…
Narrator: Soon Scrooge and the Spirit were standing outside the home of his faithful volunteer Bob Cratchit.
Scrooge: What are we doing in this slum?
SLAP!
Scrooge: Will you stop doing that?
Christmas Present: Don’t be so disrespectful.
Narrator: As Scrooge and the Spirit glanced into the window they saw a small group of children huddled around the fireplace watching as a small bird roasted over the flame.
Belinda Cratchit: Can you believe these stinking small bit parts we got?
Martha Cratchit: Yeah, my agent is gonna hear about this.
Peter Cratchit: Shhhh I think we are just suppose to watch the fire.
Martha Cratchit: Your such a wuss!
Peter Cratchit: Am not!
Belinda Cratchit: Are too!
Peter Cratchit: Am…
Mrs. Cratchit: Children, children please stop arguing. Your father and Tiny Tim should be home any minute now.
Belinda Cratchit: Is it just me or does mom need a shave?
Narrator: As the family lovingly chats Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim return home.
Bob Cratchit: We’re *umph* home *groan*…
Narrator: As Cratchit gently place Tiny Tim on a stool by the fire…
WHAMP!
Director: He said gently!
Bob Cratchit: Are you kidding. This guy weighs who knows how much…
Mrs. Cratchit: Yeah, well you try to give birth to something that big. Was like a Mac Truck…
Bob Cratchit: I don’t want to hear this…
Director: Just stick with the script!
Mrs. Cratchit: Bob…
Bob Cratchit: Yes, my darling?
Mrs. Cratchit: Does this dress make me look fat?
Christmas Present: This is going nowhere fast…let’s go inside.
Narrator: The Spirit and Scrooge entered the dwelling as the Cratchit family gathered around the table for their Christmas dinner.
Bob Cratchit: A Merry Christmas to us all my dears. God bless us!
Tiny Tim: And God Bless Us Everyone.
Christmas Present: I see a vacant seat in the chimney corner, and a crutch without an owner. If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, the child Tiny Tim will die.
Scrooge: From what? An overactive thyroid?
Christmas Past: Well, I hate to cut this short…I have to meet Belle and Christmas Past at Mall Of America at 3:00 so…you know who should be here shortly.
Narrator: With a wisp of smoke the Spirit was gone and Scrooge found himself alone on the streets. Off in the distance the church bell chimed the hour…
BONG! BONG! BONG!
Narrator: Scrooge turned to see a shadowy figure approaching him.
Scrooge: Spirit, I fear you more than any specter I have seen.
Spirit Of Christmas Yet To Come: This…death…shroud….ROCKS!
Director: Shhhhhhhhhh Hey! You’re not supposed to talk!
Christmas Yet To Come: All I need is a lightsaber and buzz, buzz, buzz. Oh sorry…
Narrator: The third Spirit of the night led Scrooge to a dark building where two shadowy figures were lurking. They listened as they spoke.
Old Joe: Tell me Mrs. Dilbert…what have you brought for Old Joe?
Mrs. Dilbert: Well, I’ll tell ya. As I was cleaning up all I could find were these old VHS copies of Ranma, Trigun, and a few odd mangas here and there.
Scrooge: Hey, those are…
Old Joe: Perhaps they’ll bring a good price on ebay.
Scrooge: Listen Spirit, I think I’ve learned my lesson can we go now.
Narrator: However, the Spirit led Scrooge to one more location.
Scrooge: What in the world are we doing in a cemetery?
Narrator: As Scrooge watched the Spirit pointed.
Scrooge: What? Charades? Oh I get it…one word…
Christmas Yet To Come: You moron…look at the headstone.
Narrator: As Scrooge knelt down he brushed away the snow to reveal the name upon it and read…
Scrooge: Larry Friedman?
Director: PROPS!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Immediately church bells began to ring and Scrooge awoke in his bed. He ran to the window and threw open the shutters.
Scrooge: Can it be? Is it true? You down there! Yes you boy!
Little Boy: Who me?
Scrooge: Yes, you my lad. What day is it today?
Little Boy: Today? Why it’s Christmas Day, sir!
Scrooge: I haven't missed it! The Spirits have done it all in one night. Of course they can-they can do anything they like! I bet they could even get Kikuko Inoue to one of our conventions. Lad, do you know that turkey in the butcher’s window?
Little Boy: You mean the one that’s as big as me?
Scrooge: That’s the one. Oh, what a smart fellow you are. Well, don’t get that one, get the smaller one…
Director: Ahem…
Scrooge: Oh OK! Go ahead and supersize it my boy. And deliver it to the home of Bob Cratchit.
Narrator: Scrooge dressed quickly and made his way to the Cratchit home
Scrooge: Cratchit! Cratchit are you in there!
Bob Cratchit: Mr. Scrooge?
Scrooge: Cratchit…why weren’t you in the office this morning.
Bob Cratchit: But Mr. Scrooge we agreed that today being Christmas…
Scrooge: Ah…that we did my boy. A Merry Christmas to you Bob, and from this day forth I am going to double your salary.
Bob Cratchit: But I’m a volunteer…
Scrooge: And free Convention T Shirts for the whole family.
Narrator: Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more. And to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old world knew. In later days, it was said of Ebenezer Scrooge, that he knew how to keep Christmas in his heart all year round. May that be truly said of all of us. And so, as Tiny Tim observed…
Scrooge and Tiny Tim: God Bless Us, Everyone!
Have A Merry Christmas!
