) and there is really nothing else in my life that I sense I'm lacking.
Some people have said I need to just go out and find somebody. I don't want to. If God has somebody, He's in control and I have full confidence we'd find each other in His timing. Interestingly, I don't share the fixiation on girls that almost everybody else I know does. Miss America could literally walk right past me and I would be the only one to not notice.
To me, other women are just other people. Nothing more. I've had some crushes, but most of them were related to me selfishly longing to end my depression. But none of them were ever to be. I do want to find the missing piece to my life.... but I lack the ability to see 99% of the female population as anything other than aquaintances, while most guys my age gawk at anything with breasts that moves. The ones I did crush on never were love. The feelings fizzled with time, and nothing ever happened anyways.
Why do I want so desperately to find the missing piece yet have no desire to actively seek it out? Could it be that I automatically sense with each person that this is not the one God has chosen? When I finally meet her, will I know immediately, because I'll instantly feel the emotions I've been lacking all my life?
^ I wonder if there are others who have ever experienced this condition before.
As of now, there is really nothing I can do but sit back and wait. And often, the separatedness is brutal.
