Urgent: How to decline a date...

[Esoteric]

I'm twenty five and I've never been asked out on a date before. Yeah, pathetic I know, but it finally happened today, and it's not a good thing. Here's the situation:
As a painter, I go to a paint store 2-4 times a week for supplies. This guy Joe has been working there for about ten months now, maybe more. In that time we've had numerous, albiet brief conversations, with him doing most of the talking, since I'm an introvert.
Today, while helping me load supplies, he suddenly said he'd like to take me out to a coffee shop sometime. I was caught off guard and dumbfounded. Unsure what to say, I neutrally told him I'd think about it and he gave me his number.
Well, through our conversations, I know we have many likes in common, but I've sensed we have very differnt world views, let alone religious convictions. I asked my brother for advice because he knows Joe too. He advised me to say no, because Joe's a nice guy, but a bit wild and definitely not a believer. And I know he's right about that too.

So I need to say no in such way that won't be insulting, but still honest. I mean, I have to see this guy all the time! Short and simple is best too. I get choaked up super easily when I try and talk about how I feel with people, even family. I'm almost inclined to write him a note because of this, so I can avoid the verbal confrontation. But does that seem cowardly? It kinda does to me. Any advice is welcome, I need input.

[LorentzForce]

My motto in life is: Just Do It. And no, I got it from C&C, not Nike.

Just go upto him and say no, and that you're not interested in such a relationship.

[Azier the Swordsman]

A note would definately not work if you still have to see him all the time. There would be no avoiding verbal confrontation whether you like it or not. You have to be honest and let him know the reason why you are declining. Just don't let him push you into anything you don't really want.

[agasfas]

Just say, "I'm glad you feel you may have an interest for me, but sadly I can not return the same feeling you feel for me."

It's okay to be honest with him, it'll hurt a lot less if you aren't. Rejection on any level can be hurtful. I advise not to write a letter of rejection because that would hurt much more in my opinion. That would only cause more of a feeling of "avoidance."

[Rev. Doc]

I'm almost inclined to write him a note because of this, so I can avoid the verbal confrontation. But does that seem cowardly? It kinda does to me. Any advice is welcome, I need input.

A note is not the best answer as you will, as you said, have to see him again eventually. The best approach is the straightforward apporach and he will see right through anything else anyway.

The next time you see him I am sure he will ask, "Well, have you thought about it?"

Just answer, "Yes, I have. I really appreciate your invitation, but I really don't think so."

Don't include anything like "at this time" or "maybe some other time." That just opens the door for him to continue pursuring you. If you are not interested you need to close it off now.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

YOU'RE A GIRL???????

This WHOLE time I thought you we're a guy!!!! I guess I never looked at your gender symbol ^^;;

my advice, no, simply flat out say "im sorry i can't" and say what agasfas mentioned

Just say, "I'm glad you feel you may have an interest for me, but sadly I can not return the same feeling you feel for me."

you so stole that from like Aishteruze Baby! (well the line is pretty much the same in that show)

[Sparrow Writer]

Just tell him you aren't interested in a relantionship with him. I tend to worry a lot too about what I'm going to say to people, but just coming out and saying it is the best way to go. Just tell him to his face. No notes, no blowing him off, etc.

[Ingemar]

All this is well and good, but in case you don't get your point across... punch the guy in the neck.



That's your advice for everything!

Oh, I'm sorry. Well, if I were in Joe's shoes, I would "get the clue" if you showed the slightest dis-interest. But I'm not Joe, nor will I be. But if you have to put him down, please don't say, "I know you're a great guy, but..." To us, that sounds even worse than the part that comes afterwards, "I really don't think I can do this with you (or some variation)." In short, my advice is a simple "No thanks."

Then there's the next challenge: how will we talk to each other once this purely awkward moment has passed? Or should we at all?

[Galant]

Of course, if this guy lacks tact and is very extroverted any plain 'No' may be responded to with a 'Why not?'

All of the above is good, but I might add that either 'you don't date', that 'it would be incompatible with your religious beliefs', or put another way, 'I don't mean any offence, but I don't date guys who aren't strong/devout Christians'.

That should cover it.

Don't be afraid of being definite in your terms. You don't have to 'leave the door partially open' just to be nice. He'll be fine.

[agasfas]

you so stole that from like Aishteruze Baby! (well the line is pretty much the same in that show)

It's similar. But I also heard it from a few other places too. It's just that's the most recent time I've remember hearing sometime simliar to it. But none-the less it's a good saying that conveys thanks, but also that it wouldn't work out.

[GhostPoet]

I'm twenty five and I've never been asked out on a date before. Yeah, pathetic I know, but it finally happened today, and it's not a good thing. Here's the situation:
As a painter, I go to a paint store 2-4 times a week for supplies. This guy Joe has been working there for about ten months now, maybe more. In that time we've had numerous, albiet brief conversations, with him doing most of the talking, since I'm an introvert.
Today, while helping me load supplies, he suddenly said he'd like to take me out to a coffee shop sometime. I was caught off guard and dumbfounded. Unsure what to say, I neutrally told him I'd think about it and he gave me his number.
Well, through our conversations, I know we have many likes in common, but I've sensed we have very differnt world views, let alone religious convictions. I asked my brother for advice because he knows Joe too. He advised me to say no, because Joe's a nice guy, but a bit wild and definitely not a believer. And I know he's right about that too.

So I need to say no in such way that won't be insulting, but still honest. I mean, I have to see this guy all the time! Short and simple is best too. I get choaked up super easily when I try and talk about how I feel with people, even family. I'm almost inclined to write him a note because of this, so I can avoid the verbal confrontation. But does that seem cowardly? It kinda does to me. Any advice is welcome, I need input.

It's good that you are no compromising your beliefs for a date.
Tell him that you are really flattered but you don't think both of your lifestyles would really work out together. But you would still like to be friends.

Nothing more complicated than that.

[Kisa]

Wait for him to bring it up again and just say no, I'm not interested in that type of relationship at the moment. If he has any respect for you he will let it go at that.

[Yojimbo]

Yeah just work up the nerve and tell him. Better that then have it hanging on your shoulders while working with him. Be corteous but straightforward in that you have no interest in him and that you won't go out with him.

[Esoteric]

[quote="Mr. SmartyPants"]YOU'RE A GIRL???????

This WHOLE time I thought you we're a guy!!!! I guess I never looked at your gender symbol ^^]

hehehe, you're not the first, or the second...*stops to count on fingers*...well, I get that a lot, actually. ^^;; I guess my last avatar was confusing.

Thanks a lot for the advice guys. It really helps.

[shooraijin]

How did it turn out?

[the_lizardqueen]

Ack! I'm sorry I didn't find this sooner! I hope it worked out well for ya. I can kinda understand how you must be feeling. I have absolutely no dating experience as well. Unfortunately, that kinda means I probably couldn't have really given terribly good advice

I would tend to think that if you were to go for coffee it would have to be under the premise that you are not interested in that way. But that could get messy and complicated really quick. Sometimes it's so hard being a Christian, and not being able to lie in your right conscience. But I guess people can usually see through the lies anyways, if your not interested, he really should pick up on it pretty soon, I hope.

I also really admire the fact that your sticking to your beliefs like that. I'm not sure I'd be able to do the same, though I hope I would.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I don't know anything about this sort of stuff. But I would just like to apologise to Eosteric, I also thought you were a guy! Sorry!

[Banana-chan]

Just explain to him that you are merely not interested in having a romantic relationship with him but you would like to be good friends. ^^

[Sonic_13]

kick him in the nads.

second thought dont take my advice.... ever

[Banana-chan]

kick him in the nads.

second thought dont take my advice.... ever

i cant stop laughing.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Don't take Sonic's advice unless you can go without paint for a life time! (lol)

[shooraijin]

kick him in the nads.

second thought dont take my advice.... ever

I don't think that's particularly appropriate in this thread.

[Doubleshadow]

Have you spoke to him again, Esoteric?

[Destroyer2000]

I also thought Esoteric was a guy, and talking about dating advice. when she said Joe, I was like O_O, but, lol.

I can't give an advice, as I tend to be cold-hearted towards people alot. Like last year, this girl kept dogging me, and I just flat out told her NO. No nice words, no politeness, just NO.

[Sonic_13]

I don't think that's particularly appropriate in this thread.

I'm sorry =( I was really half asleep when i wrote that