CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

okay, so it seems the only time i come here is for prayer, but i know you're all warriors, so okay here it goes...

so i think, 'hey, i'm at bible college, my spiritual walk should be great, right?' WRONG i have hit rock bottom i want to quit i'm going home in august, and im not sure if im coming back to southern california and ccbc. all i do is fight with the people here and i am going through so many trials i cant think straight.

i know that God is trying to break me, but i'm like, 'God, i'm broken! what more do you want from me?' and then He throws something else in my face. i'm so confused i don't know whats going on.

i look around me at all the people who are here on campus and they all seem so happy and content with God, and all i can think is that it must be fake or somehting. there's no way they can be so at peace with God, but then i rememeber that i used to be at peace with God and have that joy, and now i can't seem to find it anywehre. my head tells me that this is a trial and that i'm going to get stronger and my faith will be more deep when i get through this, but im not seeing how i'm going to get through this without going stir crazy.

i know that God has called me to go to bible college for a full two years, but right now i want to quit... and it's only been six months. i don't want to be on this campus and i'm fighting with God about it... i don't want to be here, and He keeps telling me that i have to stay. my head knows the answer... God has called me to be here, so i'm going to be here (weather i want to or not) but my heart hurts because i hate it so much down here.

so yeah, my life is falling apart around me and i feel like God's not there, and if He is, He doesn't care.

so.... now that you've all been subject to my ranting, anyone want to pray for me over the next few days?

thanks guys, i always know i can count on you.

love you all!

:\ Sorry to hear that.

I can't help but wonder what the heck God is trying to show you...o.o

I'll pray for you.

ill be praying

God will not throw stuff at you and He will not let you be overwhelmed! don't think that he's throwing all this at you. Indeed, maybe God is allowing you to be tested. If so, then you should stand firm in your possition. Stop fighting with people and try to restore the relationships with them. If you felt called to do 2 years at that college, then you should stick through it. God may have a huge reward awaiting for you on the other side!

I will pray. Being a Christian is not always easy, and sometimes I feel like quitting it all, but God is always there. And knowing He won't let me quit now that He has me is comforting too--rely on His strength, because it's so much greater than our own.

majanthehun wrote:so i think, 'hey, i'm at bible college, my spiritual walk should be great, right?'

This isn't always the case. Satan can attack you no matter where you are.

majanthehun wrote:all i do is fight with the people here and i am going through so many trials i cant think straight.

I have to ask, is the fighting due to theological differences or personal differences?

majanthehun wrote:i know that God is trying to break me,

You break a horse, God asks us to pour out our lives as an offering to Him. That is an act of obedience. If this is not the case you are acting in disobedience. It is only then that God has to step in to give His child direction or disipline. As you feel that you are giving your all to God, recognize again Satan can be at work to discourage.

majanthehun wrote:i look around me at all the people who are here on campus and they all seem so happy and content with God, and all i can think is that it must be fake or somehting. there's no way they can be so at peace with God,

In John 21:20 it says:
Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord who is goin to beray you?") When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord what about him?" Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

In essence, Jesus was telling Peter (and us) not to worry about what He is doing in the lives of others. Our focus is to be on what He is doing in our lives.

majanthehun wrote:but then i rememeber that i used to be at peace with God and have that joy, and now i can't seem to find it anywehre. my head tells me that this is a trial and that i'm going to get stronger and my faith will be more deep when i get through this, but im not seeing how i'm going to get through this without going stir crazy.

We tend to let emotions govern our lives, even as Christians. We are, after all, emotional beings. However, rather than let emotions govern us, we must govern our emotions.

majanthehun wrote:i know that God has called me to go to bible college for a full two years, but right now i want to quit... and it's only been six months. i don't want to be on this campus and i'm fighting with God about it... i don't want to be here, and He keeps telling me that i have to stay. my head knows the answer... God has called me to be here, so i'm going to be here (weather i want to or not) but my heart hurts because i hate it so much down here.

so yeah, my life is falling apart around me and i feel like God's not there, and if He is, He doesn't care.

God is not a God of chaos, in the universe or our lives. You have a great deal of sorting out to do here with many questions that need to be answered.
At this point I would not make a decision about dropping out of this Bible School. I would instead make plans as if you will be returning. Then allow yourself to do some indepth soul searching while you are on break. This will, after all, give you a chance to step back and evaluate what God is doing in your life. If during that period you feel God is leading you in a different direction you can then chart the course accordingly. However, if you know without a doubt He leads you back, you will not have burnt your bridges. We tend to make rash decisions without praying things through. You have an opportunity right now to do that so take full advantage of it. If you have questions feel free to PM me. I'll be happy to talk with you.

I'll definitely keep you in prayer, Majan -- especially since you're not very far away! I think the Reverend addressed most of your points far better than I ever could.

I'll pray for you.

thanks for the prayers, guys...

to answer your questions, yes the fighting is due to personal issues, not doctrine, and i'm fully willing to accept part of the blame for the 'falling out' that has happened between me and a few people on campus. what i won't accept blame for is the people who are being lied to about me and how they are now turned against me also (this person i'm fighting with is spreading lies about me such as i cheated on the genesis final and i've started smoking again and i'm dating a 17 year old... all not true).

i would be fully willing to sit back on my break and rethink this whole dropping out issue, but unfortunately, i've got a job on campus so leaving campus is not an option... i'm here until august, which is when my next semester starts, so technically i'm here until december when my second term ends. it's hard to seperate yourself from the issues at hand when i can't even seperate myself from the campus.

i don't plan on telling anyone on campus about my... hatred (for lack of a better word) of this place so that i don't burn bridges because i know that i'm supposed to be here for the next two years. the question is, can God give me enough grace to make it through the next two years? i think i know the answer to that question already.

so when i really look at all that's going on, here's the conclusions i draw: i'm staying on campus for the next two years. it's only my flesh that is making this experience miserable. God has given me the grace and patience i need to make it through the next two years, so if i were to drop out, it would be spitting in the face of God. This is His plan for me and i have to trust that He will make the fruit grow, because we all know i can't make fruit grow by myself.

anyways, thanks for letting me vent, and i really do appreciate the prayers. i'll try to keep in touch.

In His Love,
Majan

I'll pray.

Three verses that encourage me when I'm overwhelmed with uncertainty regarding my future are:

1) Proverbs 3:5, 6 -- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

2) Matthew 6:33 -- Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added onto you.

3) Isaiah 40:30, 31 -- My signature.

I also attend a Bible college (Biola) and will be continuing onto my second year. Although I do not have first-hand experience of what you've gone through, I have college friends who have. One was feeling sick while in the restroom and a few girls who were in there at the same time were mocking her and gave her strange looks. Another had an uncaring roommate and cried each night due to loneliness, but she stuck through the school year and continues to stay. A graduate shared that when she initially came to Biola, she was a born again believer and got out of a bad relationship. Her roommate had it all (looks, money, a fiance) and treated her poorly, saying she was a "bad" Christian. Throughout a few years of hard, hard times God provided her with spiritual companions and times of healing.

I hope what I shared comforts you. My prayer for you is that you will be surrounded by spiritual companions and find strength in the Lord. ^_^

well, an update... a few days after i posted this thread, the Lord totoally came through for me (imagine that!). i basically reached the point where i threw my hands in the air and gave everything over to Him, and not even an hour later i got some good news about a friend and things have been looking up ever since.

i guess the Lord just wanted to teach me that even though i don't feel Him or see Him working in my life, i need to hold on to the promises that He has given me... He will never leave me nor forsake me etc.

So as an encouragement, always remember that even if you can't feel the Lord by your side, He's there. Let Him handle it. remember, you're not in charge of the universe. He is.

So i'm going to stay at CCBC for the next two years like God wants me to; i've never been one to quit. thanks for the prayers and the encouragement, guys.

In His Love,
the majan

I'm glad to hear it, Majan ... I hope God does great things in that time! ^_^

no problem, prayin that all gos well from here on in