Goodbye forever

[Never thirsty!]

Being constantly cut down and being essentially thankless, my self-loathing and responses from my posts that prove how worthless and dumb I am as well as being bullied 15/7/365(when I go to school, when I work even at my youth group(and you guys aren't helping)have only fueled my suicidal thoughts and have pushed me over the edge and as soon as I'm completely alone I will cease to exist to Okami : thank you for being so willing to help me in my struggle with self-harm and your encouragement that always made me feel better.
and to you Gigavine: thanks for being such a great friend goodbye.
sorry this sounded so much like a suicide note but that's kinda what it was like you guys even care enough to pray for me

[Xeno]

Bye

[Mullet Death]

It goes without saying that I hope you don't mean that! Internet stuff isn't worth ending it all over. Get help, dude! I'll pray for you, even though I'm not good at that stuff. I genuinely and sincerely hope you don't do anything to harm yourself. I'm not sure how to respond to this, especially since I don't know the situation, but seriously. Get help somewhere and don't do this over stupid Internet ****.

[TheAlbinoMoose]

Sorry you're miserable... but don't give up! I'll pray that things get better for you. *hug*
Keep on trucking it

[Panda4christ:3]

I seriously doubt most people here just want to cut you down and make fun of you.
Your life is worth way more than a few internet arguments, don't give up yet.

[Never thirsty!]

It's not just the internet stuff it's the stuff that happens beyond the screen at school I get bullied at my sunday night youth group I get bullied but I am reconsidering my decision for two reasons the first one is a dream I had last night one of those dreams where you actually feel the emotions and physical sensations I was just about to end it and just before I fatally wounded myself my momentum was stopped by something supernatural I look to my right and see my visualization of Gabriel at first I was startled then he told me to look up and I saw the skies where extremely stormy with thunder and lightening and colored with a grey so dark I don't even know why I don't call it black but it wasn't quite black either anyway the angel said to me “This is what it feels like now but this is what your future will be like if you keep going,” and he showed me a beautiful sunrise with every beautiful bird imaginable there were deer and frogs and turtles and I saw me and my best friend and I in a place we both always wanted to see but we never had the time: that place is Israel touring the sights where Christ spent his last few days before crucifixion and the sight of his rising then I saw the alternate future the one where I'm dead and my mother, best friend, godmother 8 godbrothers, godsister, counselor, homeroom teacher and the entire ccf organization(obviously my dad isn't there because he hates me )standing around my grave weeping as I was lowered into the earth

reason 2 is that today my my godsister hugged me and she has never hugged me before ever and then something inside me said “someone does care about you and would miss you, is it really worth it?

[ClaecElric4God]

Well, I'm glad you found a reason to live. Yes, there are people that care about you and would miss you. I won't pretend that most of the people on CAA care about you; they probably don't, because they've never had the time to get to know you in person, and they only get to see a little bit of you on the interent; it's not because you're worthless or stupid. Now, some of us do care about you, whether we know you or not, simply because we hurt for you and hate to see you hurting, and because the love of God is in us. Whether you believe it or not, I'm praying for you, and even if you deny it, I'll keep on praying for you. I don't usually put a lot of stock in dreams, but whether that dream was something real or not, it's got truth in it. If you keep on, trusting God, things will get better. But not just pushing on, trying to survive on your own. That's what this whole world is trying to do, and it's not going very well for a lot of people. The only way to truly make it through is under the blood of Jesus Christ. Keep trusting Him, and don't just determine not to give up, decide not to give up on Him. He'll pull you through this and make your life so much more wonderful.
Don't forget, that even if not a single person on this planet cared about you (which obviously isn't true), the most important person in the universe does. God will never, ever stop loving you. And He loves you more than you could ever imagine. Trust his love.
I'm praying for you, NT. I hope God does awesome things in your life.

[Okami]

Hey friend, you're cared for. It goes without saying even in your opening post. That's not to lift myself or Gigavine up, but to say you yourself, in the darkness, saw some light; "your encouragement that always made me feel better." You are a cherished child of God. Please believe that from someone whose scars speak words louder than words - a few in particular of failed attempts on my life. These same stripes and marks now also represent healing, recovery, dedication, LIFE.

I'm glad to hear by your second post things are picking up. It is resurrection Sunday after all, and as He is risen, so too may you rise to new life.

Rise beyond the bullying (even if it lingers - it gets better after high school; I went from the high school outcast to incredibly blessed come college.)

I know what it's like to be bullied everywhere at that age. School, youth group! It was HELL! But the one thing I know is that drama dies. Those people that taunted me? Those people that treated me horrible? I don't speak to them anymore. Haven't seen them in at least five years. Some I couldn't tell you their names. And to the church bullies, they are no representation of the Christ we serve; rather, they are mere dust of the earth as you and I who need a Savior to redeem them just as much and prayfully open their blind eyes.

God speaks in dreams. Rise, brother. Take up your cross, and follow Him. Bear your scars in remembrance of His healing! Chase Him with your life. You are worth it. He is worthy. Praise the Lord with His Church and bride; be in longing waiting for the day He comes or calls you home. Be patiently persistent in this life.
You are loved, Never Thirsty!

Grace and peace to you,
Okami

[Sheenar]

I just wanted to let you know that, even if people may not respond to posts asking for prayer, it doesn't mean they aren't praying. Sometimes I read without posting and pray for people.

Your life matters! You are loved. Hang on to life --cling to it. It WILL get better!! God is faithful. He is with us in the trenches and He carries us and sustains us.

I echo Okami in that the bullying I went through in high school and before that --it does get better. Hang in there. Cling to hope. Because Christ is alive, there is hope!

In Christ,
Sheenar

[Never thirsty!]

the only good thing that's happened to me in the past few days is that I actually tried answering an algebra 2 question on the board and actually did something correctly in math and it only took me 12 years to get that xbox live achievement yay. first and very possibly last time ever

[faithb4sight]

Just wanted to chime in and echo that you are being prayed for, even if you're not aware of it.
Adding that the world can be tough - the Bible never says life is going to be all roses and daisies. But we are told that God loves us - despite our hurts, scars, pasts, etc. He literally chose you (specifically!) to be of His flock, and He is calling you to accept His saving grace.
There will likely always be people/circumstances against you. But don't give into that nagging doubt in the back of your mind that wonders if there is a point in going on. There is - for the glory of God. So that you can stand up and proclaim that life is hard, but it's worth it if it brings God even a speck of glory. That's why we were created, after all. You have a higher purpose - claim it.

[Never thirsty!]

I have decided that even if I were going to commit suicide there are three things I'd have to do before I ended it 1. make an mmorpg that is exactly like OASIS but no sixers or suxorz(if anyone has ever read the book Ready Player One. great book) which will take probably another 40 years for to get tech that futuristic

2. play at spiritsong
3. throw a 540 tornado kick immediately followed by a spinning hook kick.
and by then I should either be feeling better because there would be something very seriously wrong if these suicidal thoughts didn't relent by my late 50s

[goldenspines]

I'm happy you've found a renewed hope, Never Thirsty. Please do know that there will be jerks out there (on the internet and real life), but they shouldn't be the ones to decide whether or not you are worth something. God decides that and I firmly believe you are worth A LOT to Him and to many others and that's what matters the most.

That being said, I hope you do accomplish your 540 tornado kick followed by a spinning hook kick (and capture it on video so the masses can see! =D ), but I hope that will only encourage you to live life to the fullest.

You have received many encouraging comments in this thread and I pray you will take them to heart whenever you are feeling discouraged. Though, as hard as it may be, please avoid making threats of suicide to the public forum. I know you are struggling, but posting your frustrations for everyone to see (a lot of CAA can be seen by non-members, even the prayer forum), you may regret it later. So, in the future, please refrain from posting threads like this for your own sake. Asking for prayer is fine, though, naturally.

So instead, since you mentioned some members who had supported you in the past, I don't think they would mind if you private messaged them whenever you need to talk to someone. Or heck, I know I've been the strict, grumpy mod to you in the past, but message me anytime when you're feeling upset or frustrated about life, I won't get mad. I probably can't fix your problems, but I can listen.

For now, I'm going to close this thread since it seems like while your issues are not resolved, you have regained hope, which is the most important. Hold onto it as tightly as you can.