CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

OR SOMETHING.
Because we have a younger gal who just moved in with us a month ago...
and from DAY ONE she and I have clashed on very small things, to very large things.

This morning things almost went down: I woke up to the sound of her banging in the kitchen... at 5 AM...and when I went to see what was going on, pain shot thru my leg as I felt my muscles tighten... Charlie Horse...anyone ever had those?

I couldn't walk, or move my leg and in desperation all I could do was beg her for a glass of water (As a charlie horse is the muscles saying they hadn't had enough)

She was like standing in the doorway all cocky, and angry..."Why can't you get it yourself?"

I whimpred, "I can barely walk, please... I need water."

She returns with water and sets it roughly beside me and then goes back to bed.

I'm seriously not dramatizing this. My mind is reeling, this girl is really terrible, and doesn't respect me at all. (Although she respects my other roomie just freaking dandy)

Ugh... I never wanted this chica to move in...but well I felt bad that she didn't have anywhere to go, but I never thought she'd be this awful. I have even paid her share of the rent until she found a job and she treats me like dirt.

I guess I just really really really really really need to remember to be patient and loving with her. But it is seriously hard when I feel like I'm being stomped on and judged every time she walks through the door... So prayers for that would help me so much. @_@; I can't even sit this girl down and have a chat with her, she has this really volatile personality around me...

And I don't want to bother my other roomie about this, but oh my gosh I feel like I'm living in the Twilight Zone. I thought I left high school behind 6 years ago. -_-

I'll say some prayers for you and the new girl. Who knows, maybe things will work out.

Praying.

Reminds me of this, so good luck!

Praying for you.

Praying! Remember that she probably have her own problems which is the basis for her behaviour, I think the best you can do is to keep patient and kind, and hope she'll change one day! Though I can't even imagine how tough it must be. x_x

Since you didn't lay out the exact circumstances of this girls being there I can't expand on that, and aside from just knowing she's younger I don't know how much younger, but I know people who tend to constantly get themselves into situations like this. The girl sounds trashy from the way you're talking. If she legitimately had nowhere to go and has been relying on you to pay her way then she is a user and will continue to leech off you and treat you like scum for as long as you allow it. To people like this they see kindness from others as a weakness to be exploited. You didn't want her there, yet you're helping out anyway.

I used to have a friend who was like this, she continually moved from house to house living with different groups of people. She would always call me and cry on the phone about how terrible her life was, and how noone really cared for her. I would try to encourage her and give her proper advice, but she would only continue the cycle. After a few years of dealing with this I cut off contact with her because I was sick of dealing with her cycle of abuse.

This girl may hate you for it, but establish some ground rules in the house. Show you're more in charge than some freeloader. So what if she doesn't like you? There are tons of people who hate me, not because I've slighted them but because I didn't bend over backwards to their wishes then they were in no position to dictate commands to me. If people hate you then you're probably doing something right.

Aw, praying!

I'll be praying.

I'm also in favor of Xeno's idea for "tough love". Truly, if a person wants to stay in a house, they need to follow the rules. Lay down reasonable ground rules (like, if someone gets up super early, they need to be quiet and like having everyone clean up after themselves and of course paying their share of the rent, etc.), then if she can't follow them, you simply say, "Sorry, these are the only requirements to live here and if you can't follow them, you need to go elsewhere." and send her packing (forcibly by calling the landlord if you have to).
It sounds like you live with other room mates along with this girl, talk to them about the issue and organize some ground rules for you all to follow if you don't have them already. If you do have them, tell them to the new girl and set out consequences of breaking the rules. I doubt any of your have time or money to support a freeloader who won't make the effort to not cause you any trouble, thus you need to be firm about this.

But, obviously, don't be mean about it (although, I can't imagine you being mean about anything, Kitchan XD). Try to get along the best you can, like showing her how to do things according the the ground rules if she does it wrong the first few times. Be patient with her (since she's still young), but also earn her respect by not buckling under pressure.


Side tip: I find that if I sit down (on the floor/whatever is closest) and massage the charlie horse'd muscle for a while, it will even out so I can walk. Not sure if that will work for you, but since I usually get them in the middle of the night, the massaging thing is fairly quick. It beats stumbling around at least. XD;

Thanks guys...
I really wish I could just sit down and have a nice chat with this girl. But as I said she's pretty volatile and the smallest criticism causes her to erupt... So It's tough.

For now though I have decided to just...let it go. After thinking about it, there could have been a few factors that in my hurt and confusion (physical xD) I may have overlooked. She may have been half asleep herself... may not have heard me when I said I was hurting...etc...

I'll just treat her as a body in the house and stay out of her way for now. She has a job so hopefully she'll be paying rent this month. :/

I don't have to like it, but I may have to live with it...who knows? Maybe she'll find somewhere else to live in time.

Don't sit her down. You'll only add sparks to a powder keg.

So what you're saying is you're going to lie down and let her walk all over you? CK, I can't possibly see how that is going to make things get better.

I'm with Xeno on this one. If she knows she can get away with disrespecting you, then she will. It's been a month - four very long weeks - and if it was going to get better, it would have by now. Plus, you can't pay her rent forever. You set down that it was just to help her out until she found a job. She has a job, and that means all responsibility for your coverage has ended.

Xeno gave some good advice earlier. You all - every person in this place - need to set down ground rules about behaviour and what goes on when. Round table it.

Time for her to pull her own weight, within set limits that will not be compromised, and see that she does so without making things worse for herself or anyone else in the house.

Well no. I don't want her to just walk all over me,and you guys gave amazing advice but this girl has this personality that can explode at any minute. Maybe I just don't have the guts to deal with her. She freaks me out...

If she doesn't pay rent by the end of the month, then I will tell her to find somewhere else to live. If she disrespects me again then I will talk to her because then I'll have a more updated reason to do so.

But I just don't want to cause a war with her @_@;

She hasn't really broken any house rules... so I can't really discuss that with her because honestly, she comes home she goes straight up to her room... Its really her attitude that needs adjusting.

I guess its just weird to live with a person 5 years your junior XD; She has a lot to learn about dealing with people...and maybe so do I. (apparently)

I just pray that God has a purpose for this...

EDIT: Ah, after trying to talk with her,and it ending up in disaster...(basically she started yelling at me to the point where I started nearly hyperventilating and shaking) I told her to find another place to live...because we just can't live together...

I feel awful... I hope she finds somewhere to go... ._.;

You did your best, and that's all that matters. I'm sure God understands.

If the girl can't handle her own emotions enough to talk civilly and calmly to another human being without yelling, she's going to have a hard time in life.
She's still young, yet it seems more than that is putting up a barrier between you getting along (19 year-olds are not that far off from people in their 20s). It could be that your personalities just clash (which happens occasionally) and she would probably be happier elsewhere as well.

I suggest figuring out something for your hyperventilating/shaking though. You may get yelled at more in life (especially if you pursue a serious art career where clients can be mean and unfeeling) and if it affects your health negatively, you may want to find ways to stay calm and be able to deal with it. Getting all nervous wreck-like only makes a situation like that worse for both parties. But the calmer you can stay, the more the other party will be affected by it and chill out as well.

She does sound kind of like the person that's out to hurt those around her and perhaps even herself. But there's very little a person can do if charity is rewarded with scorn, no doubt this scorn has a core, but I am guessing that predates you knowing her.

I've dealt with a few troubled people myself over in England. Dealing with them is rather tricky as they speak a different emotional language, and can get rather spiteful in their replies. In truth, they only hurt themselves by doing so, so one has to stand above that and unaffected by it, or in my case, humorous of such scorn, to be even remotely able to get them to see what they are doing, and even then it is tricky to reach an understanding with them. Some stand very comparable to a frightened cat. Where 'positive' attempts end up useless and often leaves a scratch. All wounds leave a scar, yet some wounds, and subsequently scars, are larger than others, and can very well define a person. I think all such people, to a certain degree, can be helped, but if God's trying to teach a lesson, I am guessing it is that certain types of goodwill, or attempts to help others, will stand ineffective simply due to the person one is. For example, I am pretty good when it comes to talking God with atheists, people of other faiths, or even those broken and scornful. I am absolutely a horrible when it comes to talking God to those who sees purity as the be all-end all. I'd only end up distancing said people from myself and often from God. Purity is all good and well, but it can quickly become one that alienates all other virtues.

I am guessing right now all you can do is pray and pray hard. But you cannot react such to negative comments without giving them consent. You may have done a very charitable and good thing, as in paying her rent, helping her stay on her feet, and giving her every opportunity so don't feel bad. The help she needs is just likely one you're not capable of handling yourself as it stands.

ChristianKitsune (post: 1587932) wrote:EDIT: Ah, after trying to talk with her,and it ending up in disaster...(basically she started yelling at me to the point where I started nearly hyperventilating and shaking) I told her to find another place to live...because we just can't live together...

Good that she left, things will level out for you now.

goldenspines wrote:I suggest figuring out something for your hyperventilating/shaking though. You may get yelled at more in life (especially if you pursue a serious art career where clients can be mean and unfeeling) and if it affects your health negatively, you may want to find ways to stay calm and be able to deal with it. Getting all nervous wreck-like only makes a situation like that worse for both parties. But the calmer you can stay, the more the other party will be affected by it and chill out as well.

Also, this^^

I'm sorry things came to a head like that. I have lived in stressful roommate situations and it is no fun at all.

I second Xeno's and goldenspines' suggestion. Speak with a counselor about how to better handle conflict/tense situations. The calmer you can remain, the better chance of things not escalating as highly due to emotions on both sides. I struggle in this same area and it is something I am still working through. Deep breathing exercises have helped some.

I hope you're okay CK, but I'm glad this girl is gone now (I do hope she finds a new place to live but she had no right to treat you that way.) Anyway, I'm glad you stood up to her...living with volatile people can be a rollar coaster sometimes *knows from experience*. :/
Anyway, I'll be praying for you. Okay?