Wow. Where to begin. Ill try to keep this short. This just hurt me a lot.
Let me begin by saying I'm not a person that easily believes rumors. I don't fall for "Did you hear about so and so?". If I hear something, I look to see how trustworthy the source is, or even to the person in question, and go from there.
That being said...
Ive had my eye on this girl at work, whom Ive always seen as a very conservative girl. Ive seen how she acts and lives (and from what we've talked about), and she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, unlike most girls Ive seen. Very mature for her age, if you will. Heck, from what Ive seen, she may even like me back..something that's never happened before. I was actually kinda giddy inside for once, haha.
Well, I have a friend who is very close to her, knows her better than I do, and he knows I like her.
We were just talking about HIS girl, and how things are going, etc, and I pried a little about THIS girl. Asked how she is..if she ever mentioned me, that kinda thing. Mainly thinking, non-private stuff. I trust this man. From the first few real conversations we had, hes admitted a few things about himself to me (without even asking), things that no sane person would tell someone they wouldn't trust. And seeing how close THEY are, I really have no reason to not believe him.
Being completely honest, he told me about some harmless funny quirks..and eventually some things I wasn't prepared to hear. Not to be malicious to her, but almost for my sake (cause he knew how much he liked her), he told me some things she does that no Christian person would do. Morally suicidal things.
Ive never known her to be how he described her..almost like we were talking about a different girl. I felt sick.
I kept running it over in my head. It doesn't add up. I know he wouldn't lie to me (and wish he was), but she doesn't seem like that kinda girl...but I know I'm naive and too hopeful.
And its not so much WHAT she did (will not give specifics). I have no problem forgiving her, cause everyone has a past, just like me...but if this is how she REALLY is NOW, it does not reflect Christ living in her, which is what I thought I saw. A different kind of girl with strong convictions. If this is true, then I feel like my emotions have been toyed with. Again.
If I ask her about this, wether its true or not, shes going want to know who told me, therefore breaking the trust she has with her friend. And I don't want that either.
Sorry if that was too long. I'm quite shaken up by this. It felt like at least one thing was finally going right in my life for once.
Please pray (wether she ever looked my way or not), that if she has ANY spiritual convictions left in her from the Holy Spirit, that it would just SCREAM at her when shes given another opportunity to do these damaging things in question. I know what its like to be spiritually dead, doing what feels good, and then one day its like every fiber of your being feels repulsed by your old ways.
I pray that if given the chance, unselfishly, to convict her, and help her back on track.
Also for healing for my own heart, and wisdom for the future.