CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Yes, I know people are gonna talk about how selfish I am, or how I'm looking for pity, or how I can't be helped or I'm not worth helping, or whatever. I know in my last thread, a lot of people made baseless accusations about me, and when I tried to clear up the misunderstandings, they just thought I was making excuses for how I was being. It was all a really confusing subject. To be blunt, I"m losing interest in trying to clear anything up, because it feels like most people on this iste are just gonna twist everything I sya and do and condemn and judge me and assume lots of bad, untrue things about me, without trying to understand a thing about me. So I'm letting that go. I don't believe anymore this is the place to find understanding or support, at least from most of you. Some of you still seem cool though.

I post this, because it's the only Christian site I post on right now. The past few days, I've started to realize I think I'm developing a drug problem. Not an addiction, but a dependency. If you don't know what the difference is, look it up on wikipedia, cause I'm not fully sure what the difference is either. I feel hopeless, alone, suicidal, like everyone I trust will turn on me. I feel like everyone's gonna get sick of me and abandon me. And in my last thread (and on yahoo) it turned out people I thought were nice, who I could trust and talk to, it basically turns out I can't talk to them. I'd explain why that is, and how it affects me, but it's cleawr most people here don't want explanations or reasons or to understand, they mainly just want to judge and condemn. So explanantion done.

Basically, I'm developing a drug problem. I won't say why, or how, or what caused it, but there ya go.

Aedin... I'm sorry, buddy. I'm not going to pretend to have any idea what it feels like to go through what you're going through, or pretend that I know anything about your life, other than what you've already said about it. That wouldn't help you at all. But I want you to know that I'll pray for you, and I'd like to encourage you to let bygones be bygones with that other thread. I read a lot of it, but didn't say anything. But it seems to me that if you stew about it and take it as a sign that you can't trust anyone, it'll be difficult for you to get anywhere. So please, before you give up, consider forgiveness. It can be incredibly healing to let go of the anger and hurt that you feel.

As someone who has struggled with depression myself, I know that it's easy to get into a rut of constantly putting yourself down and believing that nobody would ever care what you're going through, and that if you just disappeared nobody would notice. From what you've posted, I can see that that's the rut you're in right now. But that's not true. One thing that I've been saying to myself a lot lately is, "You may feel lonely, but you'd be lying if you told yourself you were alone." I say that to myself because it's a sword of truth that cuts right through all the lies I tell myself.

If you want, you can PM me. I don't mind. I'll pray about the drug thing. It can be scary to feel like you're losing control. Especially if you feel like you never had it to begin with.

One last word of advice, though: if you want people to stop accusing you of trying to get attention, it might be a good idea not to post in new threads about how people are going to accuse you of trying to get attention. One thing I've noticed about people is that if you make it clear to them that you expect bad things of them, they usually don't disappoint. I know it's difficult, but allow yourself some room to be surprised. Sometimes all I can pray is, "God, surprise me today, because I really need it."

You should mayhaps look for a good treatment program that suited to your particular needs. A good friend of mine had a drug addiction (or dependency, if you will) due to a chronic pain condition. One of the universities nearby offered pain management therapy and it changed her life. There's probably something out there that's suited to what you're going through.

I'll be praying!!!
And good job at keeping it simple this time ^_^

Praying for you Aedin. I'm a recovering addict and yes their is a difference between dependency and addiction. Addiction requires more and more of the drug, while dependency is where you body is chemically needing to to remain at its current state.

In any case, Aedin if you are trying to get off the medication, its best to do so with a doc so they can monitor your vitals because toxicity can become an issue. Will keep praying for you on this hun!

I'm praying for you Aedin. ^^ Like always.

I've been praying for you, Aedin, and will continue to do so!

As always, praying!

I've just prayed for you.

Exactly what kind of drugs are we talking about here, if I might ask? 'Cause, I mean, "drugs" encompasses a heck of a lot. Crack? Nyquil? Flintstones vitamins? Oxycontin? I'm praying for you nonetheless, of course.

I knwo it doesn't matter that much, and I know this isn't the place to go for understanding. But basically, I've been talking to someone all day, and they've just been making me feel worse, about everything. I've taken eight pills today. So basically, for what it's worth, if I don't come back on tomorrow, or at all, chances are I'm in a coma or worse. Everytime I try to explain things or be open, I feel demonized and attacked, so take all of this for what you will.

And for what it's worth, I know most people won't believe me, but I am sorry. There's so many misunderstandings here that when I try to clear them up, things get worse. MAybe it's a generalization, maybe it's unfair, I don't know. But I feel so demonized here. I feel so judged and condemned. And it feels like when I try to explain why I am the way, people use that as more reasons to dislike me. People keep acting like I want to be babied, or coddled, or like I make excuses for things. I've never meant to make excuses (and if I have, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way) I only meant to help people understand why I am the way I am. Just seems like everything I do or say makes things worse. And it hurts, because I can't explain anything to anyone, I can't help anyone understand. All I wanted from this site, was people to share details about our lives with. To talk about games with, books with, anime with. People to help support me on my walk with Christ, and people I could help support on their walk with Christ. But everything about me has been misunderstood, everything's been taken the wrong way. And I can't change that. I can't fix anymore.

Please pray God will forgive me for what I have to do, and if things get bad, please pray the Doctors and hospital and all, will be compassionate, and that things won't charge too much. Please pray that if it is in fact God's will I survive, that he'll help me find the right friends, and the right community, whether it's online or offline. Please pray that if I succeed, he'll let me into Heaven anyway. because I am truly sorry about everything. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done in my life. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done wrong, everyone I've ever hurt. I hope God will forgive me for what I have to do.

And I know I've bothered, or upset, or frustrated a lot of people, and I'm really sorry. I never meant to.

If you're worried about overdosing, you really should just put the pills away. I know you said you've developed a dependency, but you should probably just get rid of them if you think there's the possibility that you'll put yourself in a coma or die.

Also, we get that you think we're all judgmental, accusing, and not understanding. There's no need to restate that in each post.

Cloud500 (post: 1425058) wrote:Also, we get that you think we're all judgmental, accusing, and not understanding. There's no need to restate that in each post.

That attitude is why I think those things, and it doesn't help anything. I get it, I messed up, a lot of misunderstandings happened, I developed views of people, based either on how they acted, or how I think they acted. You don't have to try to make me feel bad or guilty, for what other people showed me, right after I said I'm gonna try to kill myself tonight.

I wasn't trying to make you feel bad or guilty. I was just saying we all know how you feel about us and it doesn't exactly make anyone feel good when you talk about everyone here like that.

We're trying to understand you, but we're not doctors, we're not miracle workers, we can't do everything. We're people just like you. And it's often difficult to translate emotions through the internet.

You have to just keep trying. Killing yourself won't solve anything.

Honestly I don't know what you want us to say. "Aedin, bro, don't kill yourself?" That's in the forefront of everyone's mind, I assure you.

All's I know is if you want social inteaction, you gotta interact. I'm somewhat introverted, so real life interaction doesn't come natural for me, either, but I can manage sometimes. And apart from that, there's social networking sites like this one. I noticed you posted a few times in a thread you started, and that's cool. That's a good start. So try throwing in some comments here and there in other threads, joining in the conversation. I guarantee you, no one's gonna run you down, ignore you or kick you out. They'll acknowledge and accept you.

Most importantly, dispose of those pills, whatever they are. Dump 'em out the window, flush 'em down the toilet, empty them into the garbage disposal, whatever.

God loves you and, believe it or not, so do we.

Praying for you mate.

Still praying for you, and Htom's right. Throw the pills out if they're that big of a risk.

Do you see any of us as real people, individuals who genuinely care about you, or are we all lumped into your "people who judge me" category? I've never said anything judgmental or mean to you at all.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad or guilty, but I think it might be beneficial for you to reconsider before you paint everybody with the same "you'll all judge me and demonize me" brush. You're not being fair to anybody, least of all yourself, because you're dismissing people who might be able to help you.

Aedin, I've swallowed my share of pills; the end results are never pretty.

Do you realize there is hope for you? Do you realize you are not alone? Do you see that we as a group are trying to help you in every way possible below professional care?

Jesus loves you, and He's not going to give up on you so easily.

If you're having trouble with pills, you NEED to seek help from a doctor or some other professional. Nobody here can help you with that.

18 pills and I'm still here. Clearly I'm Superman.

[quote="Okami (post: 1425141)"]Aedin, I've swallowed my share of pills]

I want to believe all of that. I really do. Unfortunately, there were lots of miscommunications along the way, and it feels like there's nothing I can do to clear them up. Yesterdyay I spent most of the day talking to someone from this site (who won't be named) and for a while it went well. Then it started to feel again like everything Ido is wrong, everything ils my fault and responsibility, and I tried to clear it all up, and that didn't go so well. Just feels like everything I do try to get hope, or clear up misunderstandings just makes things worse, so I've just given up pretty much. Hence the attitude of my first post here.

And just to clarify, I'm not looking for help here on the pills. I honestly feel like I can't say anymore, because it feels like everything I do or say makes things worse.

And for Cloud's post, I took eighteen pills last night. I'm clearly not in a coma, or dead. I think I'll be ok. Doctor says there's a low chance of dependence anyway. It's more my emotional dependence on them. Guess I just need to work on stuff with God more. Got books about stuff I'm dealing with, guess I should focus more on them, I don't feel really feel comfortable saying anything anymore, at least for now.

You really need to need to get rid of those pills. Listen to us. Contact a doctor.

You can't have that "Well, nothing happened to me this time" attitude. You don't know if something will happen the next time.

Why don't you go read up on what trying to OD on pills can do to you?

Have you go to the doctor? You really should.

I don't know how is it to have drug problems but I'll give you some advices.

First of all, it's a good first step you ask for help, that means you are interested in changing and what God wants is a willing heart, so I'm happy you actually came here to ask for prayer, even if you weren't welcomed as you deserved, if not from much of us, you have my respect.

Well, this is my advice, I'm not saying you are doing it but don't try to make any kind of excuses for you, again I'm not saying you are, but we need to humble ourselves to God, and accept our sins, and accept our blame, then ask from our hearts For God's mercy.

You need to know God is always with you, He loves you and you are his special treasure no matter what, if you start to twist your respect for God, remember, Not for anything he died for you, if you are begining to question his existence, remember that if he were a normal person, or just a myth, then all of the scriptures wouldn't be coming to reality by now. and just think... is it any good to live without hopes? without the faith to be in heaven? I don't think so,

let's take it this way, if atheist are right, and life ends, there is no God. they won't be able to say anything about cuz it all ends there, but we won't know we are wrong either cuz we would cease to exist.

On the other hand if We Christians are right, and we are, God exists, we commited our lives to him, and we earn heaven, but what happens to the Atheist and Sinners who didn't search for God's Love?... you get the picture of the winning side.

Returning to the subject...

Try beyond your best to get better, God likes a true warrior, someone who is willing to fight even to himself, you've got to free yourself from yourself so God can heal you, there is no worst blind than he who doesn't wants to see, neither there is a worst Deaf than he who doesn't want to listen nor a sick who doesn't want to be healed.

Open your heart to the Lord, cry your soul to him expressing your pain, even men can cry at the presence of God, Men can Cry, even Jesus himself Cried.

Seek God, Read his words, it's a sword for the Strong and a shelter for the weak, It has the power to destroy the world, but is used to save the world, let the Lord wash your sins with his Blood, and let his hand fall on your shoulder to aid you in your hardships.

That's All I got to say now, teehe I hope it helps man, I'm gonna be praying for you ^^


Edit// AND ONE MORE THING.


Remember, if he has drug problems, he's most likely to take much things as an offense because of his tension, got to watch our words.

I feel you are projecting these negative feelings onto the people and the situations around you. All I see is people praying and supporting you but you make it sound as if people are out to get you. That's the depression talking (I know, I experienced depression for a number of years, just not to your level). Instead of just reiterating everything you've been saying, find professional help. It's necessary. God gives us help in more ways than one. Counsellors, psychologists - all of these are equipped to help. I'll be praying for you but you should also learn to take people's advice.

"We either act our of Love or out of Fear". Our thought processes are either out of our past, belief systems, avoidance of reality, or lack willingness to acceptance. We refuse to give grace to ourselves, therefore the cycle continues. We refuse the grace God gives us and therefore refuse to give it to others. Therefore, we act, think, and feel (ultimately) out of Love or out of Fear.

praying.

Yeshua (post: 1426975) wrote: Edit// AND ONE MORE THING.

I don't really have the time to read all the comments but here goes, to everyone who attacked Aedin.
SHESH, guys be more caring with what you say, Don't you see you are doing anything but helping him?, yeah, we need to put someone right in front to his sin so he can accept it and beg for God's mercy, we have to be strong and talk with authority, But we must NEVER be harsh, who we are to codemn others? who we are to be harsh with someone? we are no more than dust, the only one who can judge is God, but he judges with Love, Care and Justice, do you really think God would be happy to see you're only making it worse? I beg to everyone to think 2 or more times before talking, this is a serius matter, and beign rude won't solve anything, Remember Christ was merciful, even with Demons, he was merciful towards Prostitutes, Demon Possesed, Sinners and was caring even to lepers, now that our brother is sick you can only condemn him? is that right? we do we live? You've got to build, not destroy, I see people tell him to go to the Doctor... but who's the best Doctor? isn't it God?, the one who took adam's rib and closed the wound with no pain or scar?, he who can even Heal AIDS? don't we live by his mouth, and die for by mouth? isn't he the one who decides whether we are going to heave or to hell? Rise the path to him, not to earthly men. lead him to God, not to simple human beigns

I didn't read much comments, but I'm speaking for what I read of Aedin and some comments I read.

Remember, if he has drug problems, he's most likely to take much things as an offense because of his tension, got to watch our words.

For Aedin's sake, I did not want to cause anymore stress for him by posting in his thread, but I feel like this type and tone of post needs to be addressed in a prayer thread.

Now, Yeshua, I understand from your post before your edit (which I quoted) that you do care about Aedin and you are offering him advice. That's wonderful.

Though, what I would like you to not do is condemn and judge others in this thread, please. While I understand your concern for Aedin, I find it clear you have not read all the encouraging posts people have said to Aedin in his many prayer threads (as well as this one). I suggest you do so now before you make any other assumptions about people and their intentions.

Personally, I can say openly and honestly that the edited part of your post was extremely rude and that type of post should be avoided in the future if at all possible. No doubt it offended many other people as well as myself who have been trying from even before you became a member of the site to point Aedin to God and trying our best to encourage him in his Walk with Christ. It may have even offended Aedin (though, of that, I can't be too sure).

I suggest you look at both sides of the story (as well as the big picture of all that's been going on) before you make rash accusations again.



Now, back on topic. I hope you are doing well, Aedin. You are always in my prayers.

goldenspines (post: 1427013) wrote:For Aedin's sake, I did not want to cause anymore stress for him by posting in his thread, but I feel like this type and tone of post needs to be addressed in a prayer thread.

Now, Yeshua, I understand from your post before your edit (which I quoted) that you do care about Aedin and you are offering him advice. That's wonderful.

Though, what I would like you to not do is condemn and judge others in this thread, please. While I understand your concern for Aedin, I find it clear you have not read all the encouraging posts people have said to Aedin in his many prayer threads (as well as this one). I suggest you do so now before you make any other assumptions about people and their intentions.

Personally, I can say openly and honestly that the edited part of your post was extremely rude and that type of post should be avoided in the future if at all possible. No doubt it offended many other people as well as myself who have been trying from even before you became a member of the site to point Aedin to God and trying our best to encourage him in his Walk with Christ. It may have even offended Aedin (though, of that, I can't be too sure).

I suggest you look at both sides of the story (as well as the big picture of all that's been going on) before you make rash accusations again.



Now, back on topic. I hope you are doing well, Aedin. You are always in my prayers.

Now that you mention it, I understand, and I now I rushed myself too much by not reading most comments, this was a really bad mistake of my part, Now that I read my edited post I find it offensive too, I read the comments and it's true, people here are beign kind to Aedin, and you guys are not making it worse.

Guys, to all of you. I'M SORRY! I'll never rush myself into commenting a thread again, next time I'm really going to take my time and review all the sides of the story, sorry but well. my only and not really powerful excuse is that It was 3 in the morning or so here hehe, not really trying to say that what I did was good, it was bad, I'm kind of ashamed xD.

I'll delete my edited post, as I said even now I find it pretty offesive.

One more thing as I said, we gotta watch our speech when we talk to someone with drug problems, they tension might make them take offense on what we say (I'm gonna keep this on my post)

Again, My apoligies guys, hope I wasn't a Nuisance.

I think I'm gonna go ahead and close this one to prevent any further confusion. If any of you would like to continue correspondence, please use our private messaging system.