CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

The same thing I've been whining about for a long time.

Today.. I could have gotten up for work (for the piddly little job I have at the newspaper), but didn't. So... I'm here... at home. I went out job applying a bit on Saturday... plan to this week... feeling kind of scared and ill of confidence to get out of the house today, but I think I will in a bit...

Hmmm... on that job... I've just... been looking for another job for a long time. There have been a lot of problems with it from the beginning, most caused by me, and a tax-status issue not caused by me.

But, seriously, I feel like I've already *failed* on that job... irredemably. The only reason why I'm being kept around *at all* on it is because I happen to know more about Photoshop and file formats than the people at the newspaper do. Their ads have never looked better since I've been there and they don't want to go back to the way they used to do things, maybe. What they want is to not deal with my crud and to be able to do it themselves, they just don't know how yet. But... yeah, I feel like... I'm pretty much *failed* there, so I'm in a mentality of why try? I never got enough working hours (scheduled) to pay the bills, anyway.

Anyway... I do actually *need* something else, and pretty quick. I need a new venue, I guess... some job where my mind will convince me not to stay in bed because I *need* to make a good impression. The newspaper job... I've already given up. In my mind, I feel like I'm irredemebly a looser in my boss' eyes. If I have a new and more steady job... I think I'll want to get up and go to it, to make a good impression - to start over.


I'm kind of hoping that I'll get that dog-bather position at Petsmart I applied for. I did that once before for my sister's business and liked it, and... unlike the job I have now, I tend to be better about being on time for work when there are animals in need of my care involved. (or children... when I babysit my sister's kids... I show up). When it's just me... adults...clients... it seems like I *don't* care about being on time, even if they *depend* on me. If my job involves something that is possibly going to get physically hurt or phyiscally hurt itself if I am not there at a set time to take care of it, I tend to be better about being on time. (I was somewhat punctual when I worked for the zoo... a job I've been trying to get back ever since, but it's hard because it's seasonal). It seems like, if there are animals involved, in need of my care, I'm better about being there for a job.


Or, I'm thinking that *somewhere*, I'd like to get a night shift. I'm very night-owlish. I tend to have a lot of trouble sleeping at night because at night, I seem to "come alive", wheras, in the morning, I dont' want to get up.. even if I'm not sleepy still... I don't want to get up to face reality or something. By nighttime, I've accepted that I'm awake and alive and deal with it. I'm thinking that maybe my problems with the working world is that I've just not found my niche yet... maybe my niche would be a night shift. I've always had problems on jobs, but - I've never had a night shift job.


I do need work... I don't want to go on Welfare. I don't think I can *get* disability... I do want to work... I just want a job that I can be confident at and show up on time.

The punctuality and abesenteeism is a constant problem with me. It was a problem when I was in school... it's a problem now. It seems like I can't get over the hump with it. I need to get a job where this does not become a problem... where I actually *succeed* about getting there, and feel comfortable enough in it that I'll *want* to get up and go to work, that I'll *want* to not hide from reality, a job where I'll *want* to make a good impression and *keep* it.

Just pray for me to get a job pretty soon... and one where I'll fit into a niche, at least for a little while. I... need to pay my parents rent... I need.. to survive.

I'm praying.

Likewise.

I will pray.

Will do.

Hello Shadsie. I've read your earlier posts on this, and even sent you a pm about it, for which I never heard back. I don't know if you didn't get it, or thought I was some sort of weird stalkerish person for writing you a big long letter out of the blue like that. I really hope the latter is not the case, because, well, Bob is the resident stalker around here, and he might take offense if he thought I was after his job or something like that
But speaking of your job situation, I realize that right now you just want something to pay the bills, but what are your considerations for the longer term. I mean, what do you actually WANT to do? I'm not talking about what is "practical" or "feasible", but what do you really want to spend your time doing? You mentioned that you want a job where you can feel successful; my question is, what kind of job do you think would make you happy?

Ammaranth