CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Okay...essentially, I'm asking you to pray for me. That's what I need right now.

Lately, I've been feeling spiritually drained. I feel like I'm being attacked with doubts more often than I used to be. And...that scares me, because I want to know and love God more deeply and truly. I...hm...how should I put this...well, basically, I've had the feeling of distance from Him. That alone scares me. And to add to that the knowledge of demons doing what they can to pull me away from Abba Father...I want to cry.

I know God loves me. I know He died in such a brutal way for me. I know that all the Bible says is true. I know all these things in my heart. I just...gagghhh, I have a hard time explaining how I'm feeling. I want to be pulled closer to Him. I've been praying for it a lot lately, but I felt I should bring that request here.

Maybe what I'm looking for is a sign? I know and accept small things as little messages from God, but I think that something bigger would probably hit home for me. Truthfully, I want to go out somewhere I can be alone, fall on my knees, and cry while praying to Him. Gosh, I want to be pulled tight by Father, so that I know that He is here with me. That's what I'm asking prayers for. Please, help me.

You might think I'm contradicting myself. Saying that I'm feeling far away from God, but still accepting everything as true? I'm confused, and I'm unsure of what to do with myself...I look at my upcoming baptism as a turning point in my life, where I can firmly become strong...but I don't want to wait until then. And I shouldn't have to, because God's arms are open wide at all times.

We watched a video tonight at youth. It's called 'Indescribable'...I've seen it before, but honestly, I got a little teary-eyed at points, and shivers went down my spine...I felt God around me...and that's what I want. I yearn for his presence.

Alright. I've gone on for a while. I know, I've posted some stuff about having a really close relationship with the Father, and I still think that I'm closer to Him than many people...all I'm asking for is that you pray for me. Because right now, I know I need it.

He's telling me right now...'I love you.' Lord, I'm crying.

I'll be praying.

I'll be praying as well ^__^

May I ask how you feel so distant o.o?

Thanks, goldy and Tsuku...

I'll answer your question as best I can...The feeling is sort of like...my mind is finding it hard to believe that He's always there, with me, a single person in a vast world of everything...and that even I, a normal, everyday person, can be cared for intimately by Him...I've sorta felt like, while I'm here, He's somewhere up above me, and there's that separation...

Every believer feels that way at some point in their walk with Christ, it's a part of growing. But it's quite a challenge and not always pleasant. I'll be praying for you mate.

I know how you feel about the doubts.
It's like, I almost have it too good to where I've become apathetic, you know?
When I was single, I thought about God more because I thought about everything more because I had time to think.
Except I was afraid I'd never get married and stuff like that, and I'm a person who needs to get married so that I won't "burn with passion" as Paul put it XD
But, now that I have a boyfriend, it's harder to get that "I'm single, I think a lot" mindset anymore, and I feel distant from God too.

I want a sign, too, just something so concrete that I'll never think of turning away. I almost want to see a spirit, ANY kind of spirit, so that I won't have an excuse to doubt. But... I am terrified, and I feel like even thinking that is like inviting bad spirits to come, so I try to never think like that. But at the same time, I want to be reassured, you know?

Anyway, I know how you feel.
I'll try to remember you in prayer.

There are signs everywhere of HIs presence. You just have to know where to look. It's in the sunlight, the various colors of your world, it's everywhere you see beauty.
Anyway, just remember what St. Augustine once said: "Our hearts are restless, Lord, until they rest in you."
And I'll be praying.

I will be praying Any.

W4J: Yes, I know that, but it's still hard at times...Thank you for your prayers.

Sapphi: I get what you're saying about wanting to see a spirit. But I also know that they're there, even when we can't see them...still, it's a little difficult or irritating at times when I can't actually see what I know is there...thank you very much, Sapphi

rock: ^.^ Yes, I've often felt how wonderful He is when looking at the beautiful world around me. As for wanting a sign though, it's more than that...I suppose I'd probably want something like that dream I had back in February...but perhaps more...I know it's selfish of me, and I know I shouldn't need it...but anyways, thank you ^^

Gelka: Thank you for your prayers, Gelka. It means a lot to me <3

Wow I'll be praying hard for you any as I have the same thing going on

praying for you

Am praying.

This too shall pass.

I'm praying for you, and like Roz, I can guarentee that it will pass, for I felt the same thing right up until camp a couple weeks ago.

You guys make me feel so loved <3 It's truly a blessing to have you all here.

TMOC: Thanks so much, and I'll pray for you as well.

Althaia: Honestly, really, these prayers mean a lot for me, so thanks!

Roz: I've missed you! Thank you so much!

Mr. Hat'n'Clogs: Thank you . I'm glad that you were able to get over the feeling. I'm going to Bible Camp in August, and I'm getting baptized this summer, and...I know God will help me through this.

I imagine getting baptized would help. I wouldn't know though, because I was baptized in 5th grade, before I started having issues with my faith at all.

It'll probably help to know how to pronouce your name though. It's a good thing God will know who I'm talking about.

Yes, I know my baptism will be very special for me, after going through a lot in my walk with God, despite my not being very old...yes. Thank you again.

Are you talking about pronouncing my username? (which is not my real name ^^) you can pronounce it like 'Anastasia' You know, like that princess chick in the movie? (That's not where I got the inspiration for the name from, but still, it works enough) ^^

I know it isn't your name(or at least I thought not) but I wasn't going to act like a stalker and ask for your real name. And by the way where do you live?

lol okay, okay.

The people here on CAA really cheer me up and make me happy ^^

You're not the only one who goes through these kinds of things. I deal with this sort of thing myself. Just remember that even though our feelings change, God's Word is never changing and is more powerful than our feelings. His love for you will never change, even when you don't feel His love like you want to or even when you don't feel that you love Him like you should. We love Him because He first loved us (see 1 John 4:10 & 19). And even if our faith isn't what it ought to be, He remains faithful; He cannot deny or disown Himself (2 Timothy 2:13).

Lifting you up in prayer, my sister. Be encouraged.

You basically described what I've been feeling the past week - so we're in the same boat. There's one thing that's really helping right now though, outside of this distance I feel from God - everything in my life is going pretty good. I've always loved "Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds" because I its an opportunity for God to be more real for us, especially when everythings sucking, its like we have no choice but to cry out to God. So the way I see it, while everything is going so well and I don't see a need for God but know how much I do need him - I'm going to dig deeper and deeper.

Its really funny that I read your post today, only because in my book two chapters really stood out to me and "Waiting" was one of them. Stay hungering for God through whatever season (which seems for us both to feel like a spiritual drought). I really like Job 28:28. That verse is what I'm going to practice.

Hopefully I haven't rambled on. I'm trying to not type as many responses to people only because I feel like it'd be better to pray and not toss in my two sense unless I seriously feel God's put it on my heart. If you want me to type out the passage on waiting let me know (its short and by Ron Mehl). The other thing I've noticed is that I've been prideful lately and the visiting pastor at our church brought up the verse on God resisting the proud. So while I'm practicing Job 28:28 I'll also be practicing humility (which is really tough for me sometimes).

God bless Anystazya - Your seriously a blessing in my life by just being on Christian Anime.

freerock1: Thanks so much. what you said really came through to me, and lifted me up. I was also surprised to see you mention 2 Timothy 2:13, because we were going through 2 Timothy 2 at our youth group devotional the week before last Friday and that was one of the verses we talked about...Seriously, your post made me feel so happy, and thankful.

Reon: What you said also hit home for me. It really made me think, and I'm so glad you posted what you did. I wouldn't mind reading the waiting passage, if you're okay with typing it all out.....it would probably help me, I think. I wish you luck with what you're going through, and I'll be praying for God to help you.

God bless Anystazya - Your seriously a blessing in my life by just being on Christian Anime

That made my heart feel really happy. Thank you <3

And not just that. You guys, agh, all you guys are so awesome. I thank God for being here with me, and that I was able to find CAA. If I didn't know Him, I wouldn't be here meeting all you guys. Thank you so much to everyone <3

Anystazya (post: 1324514) wrote:freerock1: Thanks so much. what
And not just that. You guys, agh, all you guys are so awesome. I thank God for being here with me, and that I was able to find CAA. If I didn't know Him, I wouldn't be here meeting all you guys. Thank you so much to everyone <3

Isn't that just amazing, how God can use Japanese cartoons to help people spiritually. It's just crazy

Yes, He's quite amazing. But that doesn't even begin to describe His awesomeness

Yeah, well, with our tiny human brains, we can't begin to describe it.

Yes, and thank you, Mr.Hat'n'Clogs

I think I should also share something that happened today while driving. We had stopped at a Tim Horton's, and well, I suppose one of my sister's papers fell out while there, and we didn't pick it up. So, we drove about 20 km...maybe a little less, when she realized it was gone, and made a fuss. We had to turn around and get this one piece of paper that she had a special drawing on. (Please note that she has both aspergers and ADD/ADHD...) I was a little annoyed that we were doing this, because, well, I didn't expect it to be there. I seriously thought that we would never find it. We drove for a little over ten minutes before turning around, and then another ten minutes back to the Tim Horton's. I never thought that it would still be there in the parking lot. I thought they'd take up a whole bunch of time looking for it. Well, we went back, drove into the parking lot, and well, my dad stopped the car, my mom got out, and picked up this lost piece of paper. I was completely surprised. and then I remembered the book I'm reading, called The Yada-Yada Prayer Group. The part I'd read just the night before talked about how the woman felt like she really needed to start putting her trust in God...believing what she prayed to be true, not just asking for it to be...putting complete faith in the Father. Well, I thought about how that could be applied to something so simple as finding a piece of paper. How I was so sure that it couldn't possibly still be there, and yet, there it was, hardly moved at all! Lord, that was wonderful, and I'll be sure to remember this

Anystazya (post: 1324514) wrote:I wouldn't mind reading the waiting passage

God's Waiting Room
Wait on the Lord][SIZE="2"]Psalm 27:14[/SIZE][/font]

Waiting isn't likely to make anyone's list of favorite things. Yet the further you venture into adulthood, the more you'll realize that waiting is a rather large and mostly unavoidable chunk of life.

We wait for service in restaurants, counting the holes in the top of the salt shaker. We wait for the traffic to edge forward an inch or two on the way home. We show up fifteen minutes early for our doctor's appointment and end up waiting forty-five minutes - just to get into one of those chilly little examining rooms where we wait for another half hour in our underwear.

God has a waiting room, too, you know.
You might not find those exact words in Scripture, but it's there all right. From one end of the Book to the other, God has brought people into the waiting room of delayed dreams.

Can you picture it...that great, celestial waiting room? Can you see it in your mind's eye? One very large room stretching out both ways farther than you can see. Shining floors, marble walls, white-shaded lamps...and countless people sitting in chairs, glancing now and again at the clock on the wall, clearing their throats, drumming their fingers, chewing their lips...and waiting.

Waiting for God to respond.
Waiting for God to keep His promise.
Waiting for God to speak.
Waiting for God to answer.
Waiting for God to heal.
Waiting for God to act.

Can you imagine yourself sitting there...in God's waiting room? You look over to your left and there's Noah, calmly thumbing through a boating magazine. He's waiting for something called "rain". He's never seen it before, but God had said it would come - a lot of it.

Over on your right is Abraham. He's been there a very long time, waiting for a little son whose name would be "Laughter." He's become an old man in that waiting room, but he'll stick it out. He has a promise in his pocket with God's signature on it.

Job is there, too, so weak and doubled over with pain and sorrow he can barely stay in his chair. He's waiting for healing, waiting for a few encouraging words, waiting for someone to help him make sense of a life shattered into a thousand jagged pieces.

Ruth's there, too, waiting for a husband - and a redeemer.

David is there, of course, waiting for a promised kingdom. If you listen carefully you can hear him pray...

In the morning, O LORD,
you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
(Psalm 5:3, NIV)

One striking young man sits with his hands folded in his lap, his expression alternating between intense longing and sturdy, determined patience. His name is Joseph, and he has spent some of the prime years of his life in God's waiting room.

You probably remember Joseph's story from the book of Genesis. He was sold by jealous brothers into Egyptian slavery, falsely accused by his master's wife, and thrown into the subbasement of an Egyptian prison. He was probably sixteen or seventeen when he was captured, and possibly thirty before he was released.

That's a long time to spend in a waiting room.
That's a lot of dreams put on hold.
But while Joseph's dreams were on hold, God was working.

He was working in Israel. He was working in the courts of Egypt. He was working with the weather patterns encircling the globe. He was working in the hearts of Joseph's brothers. And He was working in Joseph's heart, too, refining the young man's faith, drawing him ever closer to the heart of God.

Ever though Joseph's plans, hopes, and dreams were waiting, God was not waiting. He was working ceaselessly on His servant's behalf.

At the end of many years, after he had become ruler of Egypt, Joseph could reflect on those long days and years of waiting and hardship his brothers had put him through, look into their eyes, and say from the heart, "You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good...to save many people alive" (Genesis 50:20). Joseph had held on tight to the promises of God and emerged victorious.

Sometimes I have become so tired of waiting I have wanted to throw in the towel. I suspect you get to that point too. You may come to the point where you find yourself saying, "I can't carry on anymore. I can't believe on trust anymore. In my own strength and in my own wisdom I have nothing left to hope."

But listen: It's at that point, Son - while clinging with all your strength to God - that you are ready to move to another dimension of faith, beyond what seems logical, beyond what makes sense. You are being invited to trust God at a new level. More than ever, He can become your hope.

When you're sitting in God's waiting room, remember that you can rely on His love and His promises. Noah did. Abraham did. So did Job, Ruth, David, and Joseph. When He saw that the time was right, God came through for each of them.

You can be sure He'll also come through for you.

Thank you so much, Reon. I'll keep this in mind. It spoke to me, that's for sure. ^^ I really needed it at this point.You're a blessing to have as a friend on here

Hello there, Miss Anystazya. I wanted to check up on you and your situation. As so many others before me mentioned, many people experience the same feeling. Sometimes I believe that is part of the Christian walk. Whoever said being a Christian was easy was wrong.
Things I suggest trying are:
-Keeping a prayer journal. Sometimes it is hard to say what you are feeling.
-G&Me. It's something I started a few years ago. Hop in the car, drive off somewhere where you are alone, and start crying, singing, dancing, yelling....whatever you need to to get your feelings for God out there.
-Laugh. Laughter is the best and cheapest medicine. Listen to a few Christian comedians. It gets the blood and the faith pumping. Try youtubing Mark Lowry.
-Walk. Walking is not only good exercise, but it gives you time to see all that God has created.

God speed, dear.

Thank you so much Soran! <3 Goodness, I can't believe how awesome you guys have been to me! I'll definitely try the things you mentioned, Soran. Well, I can't drive, but I'll definitely get out and do that...I live in practically the middle of nowhere already, so I won't have to go very far! XD The only thing is finding time to do that, and making sure my parents know that I'm alright....And I love walking! :3 It's wonderful, plus the reasons you mentioned are perfect.

You're all such awesome friends.

Glad to hear that you're hanging in there. I second the things Phantom_Sorano said, good stuff.

God Bless!!!